


Happy Circumstance

by deanislife



Series: Happy Circumstances [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Engineer Jared, M/M, Physical Therapist Jensen, college not Hollywood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-18 04:29:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 112,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14205099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanislife/pseuds/deanislife
Summary: Jared goes to UT in Austin, studies Engineering, and finds himself working in D.C. There he meets Jensen who got his Physical Therapy degree from Texas Tech. Each man has a painful history that they tried to leave behind. What happens when Jared need to travel back home for his brother's wedding?





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I never know what tags to include. I'll probably have to add more of them as I go.  
> There are situations that may be uncomfortable for some folks.  
> This work was inspired in part by "The Wedding Date." One of my favorite movies!!

Prologue

 

The young man began to toss and turn in his large bed. He grunted softly in his sleep as he floundered through a nightmare.

In the dream, he was running from some unseen force that felt like it kept getting closer. It was chasing him through a scene that was familiar to him, but he couldn’t seem to place it. The young man struggled forward, fighting to get away from whatever that thing was behind him. As he continued to move forward he could sense peace and comfort in front of him. He looked ahead trying to find the source and couldn’t see anything but light. He moved toward the light and fought against the force that kept pulling him backwards.

When he finally crossed the invisible line between what was behind him and what was in front of him, he took a deep breath and noticed a soft, warm woodsy scent mixed with hints of vanilla, amber and a subtle spicy undertone. He instantly felt safe. He started to turn back toward the thing behind him, but he felt a strong hand on his arm. He looked toward where the hand was coming from instead and found the most beautiful green eyes he had ever seen. He heard a deep, rich voice saying, “That’s done now. Time to let it go.” He noticed freckles and felt like he had come home at last.

Then he was waking up to his alarm.

 

 

Washington, D.C. area, April 18, 2007, Wednesday

 

Chapter 1

 

Jared popped his collar up against the cold, wet wind and stepped out into the Alexandria evening. One thing he missed about San Antonio was the fact that winter left in February. Here it was, April 18th, and the wind still cut through him like a knife. Northern Virginia was beautiful and a change for his battered soul, but it was cold. And that didn’t only apply to the weather.

He kept his eyes down and made his way to the parking garage to grab his truck. He could feel the hum of the people around him as they moved to their evening activities. There was always something to do around here, and that was a positive for Jared. It meant he could always find a distraction to pull himself out of his head. Tonight though, he needed to keep his mind focused on the problem that was looming in the near future. What the hell was he going to do about it?

Making his way home through city traffic was always a challenge, but it was something he had gotten used to in the three years he had been living here. Quite a change from what his plans had originally been. _Not yet._ He told himself. _Time for that later tonight._

As he made the hour long drive to his apartment outside the beltway, he asked himself again why he didn’t just take the train every day. He still couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea of not relying on himself to get back and forth. Texans and their vehicles. Not easy to sever that bond. He smiled to himself and shook his hair out of his face. If Gen would only consent to moving closer, this wouldn’t be an issue. Jared wanted to move south of the beltway. But Gen loved Fairfax. She wouldn’t move easily. Especially not now.

He let his mind drift a bit as he continued his trek. He loved Gen. He really did. But he also understood that their time together was going to end sooner than he was really comfortable with. He knew he should just get on with it, but she was such a comfortable presence in his otherwise uncomfortable life. He loved his job, but he just never felt like he fit here in Northern Virginia. Decisions would have to be made in the very near future, and he could feel the walls closing in on him.

He finally pulled into the apartment complex and into his favorite parking spot. He took a deep breath and slowly let it out before reaching for the door handle. As he gathered his things from the back seat of his extended cab, he wondered if he would be alone this evening. The wind gusted suddenly causing him to shiver and hurry his steps up to the third floor of their building. That wet wind was something he would never get used to.

“Honey, I’m home!” he called out as he opened the door. He put his bag down on the table by the door and looked around. “Are you here?”

“Yeah!” Gen called from the kitchen. “Have a seat on the couch! I’ll be right there. You want a drink or something while I’m in here?”

“We got any Dr. Pepper?”

“Yep! I’m on my way!”

Jared flopped onto the couch and tilted his head back onto the high-back cushions. He kicked his shoes off and allowed his body to take up as much space as it wanted. He felt like this was the only place he could really sprawl. Everywhere else in this area known as NOVA kept him so tightly wound all the time. He just wanted space and a place to breathe.

“Oh sweetheart!” Gen said as she walked in from the kitchen, hands full of glassware. She put both drinks on the coffee table and climbed into Jared’s lap. She snuggled into his chest, placing the top of her head just below his chin. “You look beat.”

Jared closed his arms around the tiny woman in his lap. He turned his face so he could rest his cheek on the top of her head and heaved a sigh. “I’m okay.”

“No you aren’t. You need snuggles.” She wiggled as if she could possibly move any closer to him, and then she sighed, too. “This place is slowly killing you isn’t it?”

“Well, it feels like it sometimes, I won’t disagree. But it is nice to have a human teddy bear to come home to in the evenings.” He kissed the top of her head and then let go. “What’s on your schedule tonight?”

“Scott is on his way over. The girls cancelled on me, so he and I are going to do dinner and then probably a movie or something. We’ll probably end up over at his place after. If you’re gonna be okay, that is.” She moved onto the couch beside him and looked up at him with a sad look in her eyes.

“I’ll be okay, Gen.” Jared huffed. He sat up a little straighter and leaned forward to grab his drink. “Thank you! Nothing like a cold DP at the end of a long day.”

Gen smiled and patted his thigh. “Glad I could help.”

“You always do.” Jared smiled a sad smile and then took a deep drink. “Gen?”

“Yes, love.”

“Is this thing with Scott the real deal? I mean for you?”

“I think so.” Gen gave a smile, her face glowing a bit. “I think it might be.”

“Good.” Jared stated firmly. “Good. I’m glad for you. I hope things go your way with this. I’ll miss you, but I’m happy for you.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Jared. I’ll always be here for you, you know that.”

“Yeah,” Jared nodded. “I know that, but things change when an ‘I’ becomes a ‘we’. You know that, too. And I don’t want you to hold back and miss something because you’re worried about me. I’ll be good, I promise.”

“Jared!” Gen grabbed his face with both hands, and looked him straight in the eyes. “You are in a much better place now than you were a couple of years ago, and I know you will be okay. But I love you. I truly do. And _that_ means I will always worry about you and be there when you need me. You came first. And that doesn’t change just because I have Scott now. Do you understand me?”

“Yes. I do.” Jared nodded, smiling between her hands. “I just want you to know that I’m a big boy now, and I can deal with my own shit.”

“I know that.” Gen placed a sweet kiss on the upturned tip of Jared’s nose. “Doesn’t mean I can’t help when you need it.”

Jared tipped his head down, hiding his eyes. He blinked to clear them of the tears that he was on the verge of spilling. “Thank you.”

Gen tipped his chin back up and smiled at him. “Anytime, Texas.” She leaned in and gave him a big hug. As she settled back onto the couch, she asked, “So have you figured out a solution to your upcoming problem?”

“Ah!” Jared slumped back on the couch. “Nope.”

“Jared you need to figure something out quickly. You can’t go back there without support, sweetie.”

“I know.” He rubbed his forehead in frustration. “I just can’t seem to wrap my head around this whole thing. I mean. Come on! How does shit like this happen anyway? And why to me?”

“You’ll figure something out. I know you will. You have a few weeks still. I just don’t understand why Jeff still keeps that jerkwad around after what he did to you.”

“Jeff doesn’t know?” Jared shrugged. “I sure didn’t tell him what happened. That’s not something you tell your big brother about his best friend, I guess.”

“What?” Gen said, indignant. “You didn’t tell him? That son-of-a-bitch cheated on you! Not once, but multiple times!”

“Thank you for the reminder.”

“Not to mention all the other shit he put you through! And you didn’t tell Jeff?” Gen continued. “Jared! Why the hell not?”

“I don’t know. It didn’t seem like the right thing to do. That was between me and Nathan, y’know? I didn’t want to get between the two of them.” When he noticed her staring at him, he shrugged. “They’d been friends for ages, Gen! I didn’t have the right to break that up!”

Gen’s eyes filled with tears, and she turned her face away. She stood up and moved away from Jared. When she neared the windows that looked out over the city, she put her hands on her hips and took a deep breath. She lifted her chin and looked out over the skyline. After a minute, she lifted a hand and wiped the tears off her cheeks, took another deep breath, and turned to face Jared.

“I’m only gonna say this one time, Jared Padalecki. So you better listen to me with everything you’ve got. Your ears. Your mind. Your heart. Your soul. You get me?” She paused and waited for him to nod in acquiescence. She looked him straight in the eyes and said, “You are worth more than most of the people I have ever met. No one has the right to treat you the way that asshole did. No one! And anyone in your life who would choose to side with Nathan over you doesn’t deserve to be in your life anymore. Even if that someone is family. Family sticks with family! People who love you don’t get to treat you that way! And anyone who would pick a cheating, manipulative, abusive bastard over their own brother needs to be smacked. Do you hear me?”

Jared nodded, looking a little gob-smacked.

“You better understand what I’m saying to you! You have the purest heart, the kindest, most giving temperament, the best…soul of anyone I’ve ever been privileged to call a friend. And if it weren’t for the pesky little fact that you are gay, I’d be making a play for you myself. So don’t let the assholes treat you like dirt, Jared. Stand up for yourself and wipe them out of your life.” Gen rubbed her nose with the back of her hand. “Now get over here and give me hug. We will figure this out.”

Jared stood up and quickly moved to Gen, sweeping her up in an embrace that lifted her from the floor. He gently swung her back and forth for a minute and then set her back down.

“Thank you, Gen,” he whispered into her ear. “Thank you for being my friend.”

“You betcha, big guy!” She smiled into his shoulder before letting him go. “Now go make yourself some dinner before you eat me whole.”

“Yes, ma’am!” He smiled back. “Will do.”

 

Later that night, after seeing Gen and Scott out the door for their date, Jared sat in front of his laptop at the dining room table. He was idly scrolling through Facebook, not really paying attention to what he was looking at. His brain was foggy trying to figure out what to do about his upcoming trip back to San Antonio. Jeff was getting married. Jared was going to be a groomsman. Nathan was going to be the best man. Shit.

He was going to have to spend four days with the man who had single-handedly destroyed Jared’s self-worth, sense of peace, and entire life with one fell swoop. And no one back home knew the truth behind what had happened. According to the going story, Jared and Nathan had parted mutually and consensually. Jared’s freshly minted Engineering degree from UT and subsequent job offer in D.C. had convinced them that they needed to let each other go. Sounds very grown-up and mature.

The truth of the matter was quite different. Four weeks before graduation, Jared had walked into his apartment and found Nathan on the couch with Jared’s roommate. That, in and of itself, was not a bad thing. The fact that they were both completely naked and that Stacey was riding Nathan was a bit more troublesome. Add to that the fact that neither one of them even noticed that Jared had entered the room, and it was even more troubling. Then throw in the idea that Nathan had always claimed to be strictly gay with no interest whatsoever in women, and you have a recipe for total emotional meltdown on Jared’s part.

Jared remembered turning the corner to see them and being so shell-shocked that he stood there with his eyes bulging and his mouth hanging open until both parties had reached their individual climaxes. As Stacey laid her head down on Nathan’s chest with a sigh, Nathan wrapped his arms around her and said, “God! It’s always so good with you, Stacey. The way you move is so amazing.”

 

_Jared flung his keys at the couple and stormed off to his bedroom. He could hear Nathan muttering “Shit, shit, shit!” from the living room. Stacey began to cry and then slammed her bedroom door. The last three and a half years flashed through Jared’s mind, and his legs gave out from underneath him. Mixed emotions washed over him, one of the biggest being a sense of relief. He sat heavily on the end of his bed. The very same bed that he and Nathan had shared just last night. He heard feet moving in his direction and closed his eyes._

_“Jared.” Nathan said from the doorway._

_“Stay there.” Jared held his hand up in front of him. “Don’t come any closer to me.”_

_“Jared, I’m so sorry.”_

_“Save it. Just, please, don’t say it.” Jared replied, head hanging down._

_“I don’t know what to say.” Nathan whispered. “I really don’t know what to say to you. I didn’t want you to find out like this.”_

_“Then why the hell were you on my couch with my roommate?” Jared asked firmly, eyes flying open to pin Nathan in place where he stood. “On_ my _couch, Nathan? In plain view? What did you expect was going to happen? That you could continue your little liaison right under my nose and not have me eventually walk in on you? What the fuck, Nathan?”_

_“I guess we got careless.” Nathan answered quietly._

_“Ha!” Jared laughed humorlessly._

_Nathan continued, “I’m so sorry, Jared. I know how you feel about waiting. I know how your mama is about these things. I guess I just couldn’t wait anymore. Stacey was more than willing and made herself very available.”_

_“Oh, so this is my fault? Because I wanted to wait?”_

_“No! Jared! That’s not what I’m saying!”_

_“Isn’t it?” Jared responded, still looking up at Nathan’s face. “We’ve been together for over three years. I love you, Nathan. Do you get that? I love you! But I guess you needed sex more than you needed me. Even after all of this time and all of your ‘training’ of me. And with a girl? I thought you were gay!”_

_“I am! I was! I thought I was.” Nathan threw his hands up in the air. “I don’t know what happened.”_

_“I do! You stuck your dick in her. And it sounds like it has happened multiple times!”_

_“Yeah, okay. That’s true.” Nathan admitted._

_“Shit.” Jared slowly wiped his hand over his mouth, once again looking away from Nathan. Then a new thought struck him. “Was she the only one?”_

_“What?” Nathan asked. He ran a hand down his still naked, still somewhat sweaty, chest._

_“It’s not a hard question, Nathan.” Jared responded, staring Nathan down. “Was she the only one?”_

_“Um…”_

_“Shit!” Jared slumped. “How many and for how long?”_

_“Well, you know, before we got together, I dated a bit.”_

_“I know that. I don’t care about that. We already covered that, Nathan. I’m talking about during the time that we have been together.”_

_“Well, at first, it was because you were so young. I didn’t want to force myself on you. We were just getting started, and I was used to a bit more physical intimacy than you were ready for, y’know? So I would occasionally hook up with one or two of the guys from before we got together. Then you were so standoffish about things for such a long time. I wanted to be with you, but you kept telling me no. So I went to a bar a few times and picked up a guy. Then it was so easy to keep doing that. You didn’t seem to notice. Then you were starting to open up to me about things, but I wanted more. An occasional hand job, or later the sloppy not-very-good blowjob, from you just wasn’t cutting it for me, Jared. And you still didn’t want to move that fast. So I kept going out. Then this thing with Stacey started up a few months ago. I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just sort of…did. I was here one night waiting for you. You were at the library or something. She and I were in the kitchen talking, and then the next thing I know, she was kissing me and pulling me into her room. Then I just kept going. I don’t know really how we got there. But, oh my God, she’s just so good at it. Jared, man! Her blowjobs alone will make your hair curl!”_

_“Stop!” Jared strangled out. “Please, stop!”_

_“Jared, honey!” Nathan moved closer to Jared and put his hand on Jared’s shoulder._

_“No! No, Nathan.” Jared stood up and pushed Nathan away from him. “No more! Get out!”_

_“What? Jared, no. Don’t do this!” Nathan began to plead, beginning to sound panicked. “Don’t kick me out! What will Jeff think? What will he say?”_

_“Really?” Jared startled. “You’re worried about what Jeff will say?”_

_Nathan was quiet for a second and then he swallowed. “Jared, no. I’m worried about you. What will Jeff think about you? I’m his best friend. He’ll think you couldn’t keep me satisfied. That you are a cold fish, man.” He shrugged. “You don’t want him to think that you wouldn’t give me what I need, right? He’s your big brother, Jared. You don’t want him to think badly of you, do you? I mean, I think he would want you to take care of his best friend, right?”_

_Jared was stunned. This was getting twisted and confusing. Would Jeff be disappointed in him for not sleeping with Nathan? Was that even possible?_

_“What will your family say? You know they love us together. They tell you all the time how happy they are that you are happy. How will they feel about you chasing me out of the family because you wouldn’t give me what I need? Think about it, Jared. What’s more important here? The truth? Or hurting your entire family because you are so bad at this?”_

_Even though Jared felt lost and confused, he kept his shoulders back and his eyes locked on Nathan. He wasn’t going to give an inch here._

_“I’ll go, Jared.” Nathan said. “But think about what I’ve said. You don’t want to let Jeff and the rest of your family down.”_

_With that, Nathan gathered his things and headed toward the front door. As soon as he was sure that Nathan was gone, Jared fell back onto his bed and began to cry. How had his life turned into this? He felt like such a waste of skin. He felt worthless and pathetic. He heard a door open and then heard soft footsteps moving in his direction._

_“Jared?” Stacey was at his bedroom door. He wasn’t ready for this, too. “Jared, I’m sorry.”_

_“Just go away, Stacey.” Jared responded quietly. “I can’t do this.”_

_“Jared, I know this probably won’t help.” Stacey sighed quietly. “He told me that he loved me, and I thought he was telling me the truth. He told me he couldn’t break it off with you yet because he and Jeff were best friends and he didn’t know what to tell him. That once you graduated, he was going to call it quits. But I heard what he told you just now.” She sighed and hung her head. “He’s a callous bastard. He started this thing with me. I wasn’t the one. I promise. Don’t let him get the upper hand on this. Go tell your brother the truth.”_

_Jared wiped the tears from his face, but refused to look in her direction._

_“I know you can’t trust me right now. I can’t blame you for that. And I’m so, so sorry. But don’t let that stop you from taking your control back.” She was quiet for a second and then said, “Jared?”_

_When Jared made no response and continued to lie motionless on his bed, Stacey backed away from his door. For the next three weeks, she made herself scarce whenever Jared was around. When the semester ended, she picked a weekend that he was gone to move out. Jared never saw her again._

 

If only Nathan had gone the same route, Jared would have been a happy camper. Unfortunately, that didn’t work out the way he had hoped.

Nathan called the next day to see what Jared had decided. Jared hung up on him. He continued to call over the next few weeks until Jared caved. He told Nathan to tell Jeff whatever he wanted. Just to please stop bugging him about it. In the meantime, Jared finished his classes, continued the process of applying for jobs and sending out resumes, and received a number of job offers. He chose the one that would be the furthest away from the whole mess. It didn’t hurt that it was also the one with the best benefits package and paycheck, but its main attraction was the fact that it was halfway across the country.

Jared came back to himself with that thought. While thoughtlessly clicking around, he had somehow ended up on Nathan’s Facebook page without intending to be there. He scrolled through what had been posted and the available pictures. There was Nathan, front and center, surrounded by a large group of people. He hadn’t changed much, Jared thought. Same brown hair, cut neatly, parted on the side. Same brilliant white smile. Same swarthy skin and brown eyes. And Jared still wanted absolutely nothing to do with him.

Jared let his eyes wander through the information Nathan had posted. He claimed to be in a relationship with someone named Ken. Jared clicked on Ken’s name to bring up his profile. Ken’s page would only show his profile pictures and very scarce information. The picture he could see was of Nathan and Ken together. Nathan had his arm around Ken’s shoulders and Ken was looking at Nathan. Jared noticed that Ken had brown hair that he wore a little bit long. Jared couldn’t see much else except that Ken was slightly taller than Nathan but a bit on the thin side. Disturbed by the look on Ken’s face, Jared shut down the page and wandered off to bed. He’d deal with the rest of it tomorrow.

 

When Jared woke up the next morning, he realized that he had been dreaming pretty vividly of green eyes. He closed his eyes again to try and recall what else the dream had shown him. All he could remember was a feeling of comfort, apple-green eyes, freckles, and a beautiful smile. He smiled to himself and hoped that this dream showed itself in real life sometime soon. He could use the comfort, and green eyes had always been his favorite. The dream quickly faded as he made his way through the day. By the time he got to work, he had forgotten everything but the color of the eyes.

Later that afternoon, Jared was called into his boss’s office. As he walked in, Mr. Douglas was on the phone. He held up one finger toward Jared to ask him to wait and then pointed to a chair on the other side of his desk to indicate that Jared should sit. Jared sat. He waited patiently and tried not to listen in to the conversation that was happening on the other side of the desk.

“Alright, babe.” Mr. Douglas said. “I know. I have my eye on someone for that spot.” Jared looked at his hands laying clasped in his lap. After a pause, Mr. Douglas said, “Yes. I love you. Talk to you in a little while. Bye, babe.” Mr. Douglas had a smile on his face as he hung up. He took a deep breath and looked at Jared. “Sorry about that.”

“No problem, sir. I could have waited outside.”

“No, of course not.” Mr. Douglas waved a hand. He turned his brown eyes toward Jared and smiled. “I saw that you have put in for some time off. I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay.”

“Um… I’m fine, sir.” Jared looked a bit worried.

“It’s just that you haven’t taken a day off in the three years that you’ve worked here. I’m just making sure everything is alright.” Mr. Douglas had a twinkle in his eye.

“Oh!” Jared looked a bit uncomfortable. He smiled a bit self-deprecatingly and said, “I um… I have to go home for my brother’s wedding.”

“Where’s home for you?”

“Texas, sir.”

“Ah! That’s right. It’s been awhile since I’ve had occasion to remember that. You don’t talk about home much.” Mr. Douglas smiled again, but his eyes held a question this time. “Have you been home much since you moved here?”

“No, I haven’t.” Jared looked away. “Things are difficult there, so I have been staying away. I need to be there this time though. I’m one of the groomsmen.”

“I see.” Mr. Douglas nodded. “Forgive me, Jared.”

Jared looked at his boss with a worried look. “What’s up?”

“If I’m being too personal, please let me know.”

“Okay?”

“Are your parents receptive to your sexuality?”

Jared gulped. “Um…”

“Too much.” Mr. Douglas looked apologetic. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.” Jared said softly. He took a deep breath and then said, “My parents are fine with who I am. They have always been very accepting. They haven’t had a whole lot to do with me or my upbringing though. And there are some other issues involving an ex-boyfriend and family dynamics that have kept me away. I’m really nervous about this trip.”

“I’m very sorry that you have such a distance in your family. I hope that it will go well for you. That’s in just few days, huh?”

“Yes, sir. Not long now.” Jared answered.

“Okay, and you’ll be there for five days?”

“Well, I guess that will be the total. I’m leaving on the Wednesday afternoon, and I’ll be back on the Monday night.”

“Is that enough time?”

“More than enough.” Jared let out a heavy breath.

Mr. Douglas laughed and said, “If you need more, let me know. How are things going with the Michelson project?”

For the next fifteen minutes, Jared discussed the projects he was working on, giving his boss a good idea of where he was with each of them. When he left work that day, he was ready to focus on what he had left to do before his trip.

 

Saturday rolled around, and Jared woke slowly and moved even more slowly. He tried to pull the covers back over his head and just stay in bed, but he knew it wouldn’t work. He finally stretched and moved to his feet. After a quick glass of water and a nice run to clear his head, he jumped in the shower. He then decided that today was a day for a big, delicious breakfast. He headed out the door again in search of bacon and eggs.

He ended up at the diner on the edge of campus. It was full of college students and tourists. There wasn’t a whole lot of room, but he was determined. The hostess asked if he would be willing to share a table with another single eater. He said “sure” and found himself seated across from a gorgeous guy with the most exquisite green eyes he had ever seen. As Jared picked up his menu to have a look, the other guy’s breakfast was placed in front of him. When the waitress made eye contact and asked if he knew what he wanted, Jared gestured at the other guy’s omelet with a side of bacon and said, “That looks good. I’ll take one of those.”

The waitress said, “Honey, if I could have one of those, I’d be a very happy woman.” Then she winked and walked away.

Jared caught the other guy’s eye for a second, and they both burst out laughing.

“I think you have a fan.” Jared said after a minute.

“Yeah, that was a bit weird.” The owner of the green eyes said in return. His voice was just as exquisite as his eyes. Jared shifted a bit in his chair.

“I’m Jared.” He stated reaching his hand toward the other man.

“Jensen.” He returned, shaking Jared’s hand. He then settled in to eat his breakfast. “Hope you don’t mind. I’m pretty hungry this morning.”

“Of course not. Go for it.” Jared said. “You didn’t expect to have to entertain.”

Jensen smiled back and began to eat. He hummed in obvious delight after his first bite. “This is really tasty.”

“Yes, sir. One of the best omelets in town.” Jared smiled.

“I’m sorry. Where are you from?” Jensen asked seriously.

“Huh?”

“I think I hear traces of home in your voice, so I’m just curious. Are you from Texas?”

“Oh! Yeah. San Antonio. And you?”

“Dallas area. Richardson specifically.” The man’s face split into a huge smile. Jared’s heart jumped a bit.

“Wow!” Jared laughed. “Small world.”

The two men continued talking over the rest of their respective breakfasts, and Jared felt like he had never had a more congenial breakfast with a stranger. He was well pleased with things, but then Jensen paid his bill and was making moves to leave.

“So hey!” Jared said as Jensen stood up. “We should do this again sometime. I really enjoyed myself. It isn’t too often I meet another Texan around here.”

“Um.” Jensen paused. “That sounds really nice, but I’m pretty busy right now. I’m sorry.”

“Oh!” Jared’s face fell, and he looked away, embarrassed. He could see a brush off when he got one. “That’s…uh, that’s fine. Take care of yourself. Nice to meet you.”

“Um. Yeah, okay. Sorry again, Jared. It was really nice to meet you.” Jensen shifted from foot to foot.

“Yep.” Jared clipped off without looking up.

“Okay.” Jensen mumbled. “Take care.”

Jared’s happy balloon was burst. He finished his breakfast quickly and got out of there. He walked back home slowly, lost in thought. What was wrong with him? He was reasonably good-looking, wasn’t he? Maybe a little odd looking with the weird eyes and the moles, but nothing tragic. He was smart. Some people thought he was funny. Gen thought he was a real catch. He was athletic, in good shape. Jared just didn’t understand. What was wrong? Could people immediately tell that he was broken?

He stopped by a quickie market on the way home to pick up a Dr. Pepper. As he was heading out the door, he noticed the stacks of freebie magazines by the door. He grabbed a couple just to see what was going on in the “off-beat” world around him and made his way home, trying to hold his emotions in until he was safe.

 

“Jared, honey?” Genevieve called from the living room.

“Yeah?” Jared responded as he moved out of his bedroom.

“Have you been looking through these magazine-thingies you brought home?”

“Haven’t had a chance yet. Took a nap when I got home today.” Jared flopped down beside her on the couch. “Why? What’s up?”

“Well,” she started. “This one is an LGBT publication and this one isn’t.”

“Okay, so…” Jared tried to smile. “One for you and one for me.”

“Not my point.” Genevieve smiled. She opened each magazine to a page near the middle where Jared could see the exact same advertisement. “Notice anything?”

“Same ad. It happens. Gays and straights buy some of the same things, y’know?”

Genevieve smacked his thigh and pointed at the ad. “Look closer.”

Jared leaned forward and really noticed what the ad was selling. “Escorts? It’s for an escort service?”

“Yeah!” Genevieve laughed. “This could be your answer!”

“What are you talking about, Gen?”

“You need to go to your brother’s wedding. You don’t want to go alone. You need someone who can be with you there and lend you some support. Unfortunately, I can’t go with you which totally sucks! But you also need to make the shithead realize what he has done! This could be your answer!”

“What?” Jared’s eyes bugged out a little bit. “What are you talking about?”

“Play along for a minute.” Gen said and then cleared her throat. “Imagine, if you will, the night of the rehearsal dinner. Everyone is seated at the table. You are running just a little bit late. Through no fault of your own, mind you. You are always so punctual. Anyway! Everyone else is seated. There’s Nathan sitting there close to your brother. They are nattering away as I’m sure they do. The doors open. Everyone turns in that direction. There you are with your gorgeous, well-dressed date. No, wait! Your boyfriend! He’s absolute style and grace. And he only has eyes for you! He hangs on your every word and flirts with you constantly. Even though he knows that he already has you. He can converse with everyone. He knows a lot about a lot. He is perfection! Within minutes, he has them all won over, and Nathan begins to realize what it was he threw away. He understands that he is an asshole, and that he can’t be there anymore because he is the biggest loser in the world! He gets up, throws his napkin on the table and says, in front of everyone, ‘Jared, I’m such a fool for ever cheating on you and treating you the way I did. I know you will never forgive me, but I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I’m an idiot! And a loser! I’m so sorry!’ And then he runs out, never to be seen again.”

“Nice story, bro!” Jared laughed. “But how does that come about from an escort service?”

“Jared, these people are paid to create illusions. They interact with diplomats and visitors of state. They go to fancy parties and theatre openings and art shows and all of that kind of thing. They create a story with you at the center and then move the world around _you_. If they can do that for other people, they can certainly find someone to play your boyfriend for the weekend.”

“Yeah, and that’s the only way I’ll ever get someone to date me, huh? To pay them?” Jared huffed.

“No! That’s not what I’m saying, babe!” Genevieve stated quietly.

“Well, it sure as hell sounded like that to me. God! I’m so pathetic!” Jared stood up abruptly and moved toward the windows overlooking the skyline. He hung his head down and took a deep breath.

“Jared, sweetheart. I didn’t mean it that way.” Genevieve moved toward Jared and began to rub his back in little circles. “I was just trying to find a quick way for you to have some emotional back-up. Someone who would know what you are trying to accomplish and would be there to help you out. That’s what these guys do!”

Jared lifted his head and looked out toward the world.

“Gen, I met someone today.” He sniffled.

“You did? That’s awesome!”

“Ha! Not really.” Jared shook his head and brushed his hair away from his face with both hands. “I went to that little diner off campus, the one with the really fantastic pancakes?” Gen nodded and Jared continued. “You know how they will sometimes sit you with other singles to get more people through? Well, they sat me down with this beautiful man. The most amazing green eyes I have ever seen. We chatted for a good forty-five minutes while we ate. I mean, there was no lull in the conversation. At all! He’s from Texas. We have lots in common. He was funny and snarky and so smart. So when he got up to leave, I said let’s do this again. And you know I don’t do that kind of thing. Not after everything. I just don’t.” Jared sniffled again. “He brushed me off, Gen. Crash and burn. What the hell is wrong with me? What am I doing or not doing? Am I deformed or something? Am I offensive?”

“Oh, Jared!” Genevieve sighed. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. If people can’t see how amazing you are, it’s their problem not yours.”

“I’m just so tired of being scared and alone. I hate that I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I hate that I can’t let my guard down. And then when I finally feel comfortable enough to do it, I get shot down. And it wasn’t like I asked him out or anything. I mean I didn’t make it sound romantic or anything. I tried to make it sound like buddies getting together. And he still shot me down. I’m a reject! And I can’t face my family so broken like this, Gen! I just can’t do it. I’m not going! I’d rather miss my brother’s wedding than face Nathan and my family like this.”

“Jared. Don’t give up yet, please! Let’s just go and talk to these folks at the agency. I’ll go with you. Let’s just talk to them and see what would be involved. It would give you someone to lean on while you’re with your family.”

“Okay. Fine.” Jared huffed. “We’ll go talk to them. But no promises! I’ve got two weeks left to figure this out or I’m staying here.”

Genevieve wrapped her arms around her best friend and just held on.


	2. Chapter Two

Washington, D.C. area, April 21, 2007, Saturday

 

Chapter 2

 

Jensen got up that morning with the idea that he would begin his final tour of some of his favorite restaurants before his month was up. He had turned in notice to his apartment manager two days ago, alerting him to Jensen’s intended move-out date. Things were good here, but he needed to get back home. He missed his family. He knew he’d have good opportunities back in the Dallas area. Physical therapists were needed everywhere after all. Sure, he’d miss his friends here, but they could always visit back and forth. Fairfax and D.C. were awesome, but nothing beats Texas when you’re a Texan.

Jensen decided to go get his omelet and bacon from that cool little diner on the edge of campus. Stop number one on the farewell tour. He got himself situated, made his order and then settled in to wait. As he began his usual people-watching, the hostess approached his table.

“Sir? Would it be okay for us to seat another single diner at your table? We’d like to get everyone fed, and this way you each would have someone to talk to.” She asked politely.

“Sure. That sounds fine.” He responded. Little did he know that his world was about to change.

“Here you are, sir.” The hostess said as she sat a long, tall drink of water down at his table. Jensen’s eyes just seemed to keep going up the frame of this guy. Finally, he found the man’s eyes, and he was very happy to stop right there. What color were they? Blue with gold? Or were they green? They were mesmerizing. And that adorable little mole to the left side of his aristocratic nose. Jensen was dumbstruck.

As the man looked at his menu, his longish mahogany hair swinging forward, the waitress delivered Jensen’s plate. The other man glanced at it and said, “That looks good. I’ll have one of those.”

The waitress, who looked to be in her mid-forties, said, “If I could have one of those, I’d be a happy woman.” Then she casually walked away.

Jensen’s eyes latched on to the other man’s eyes and both of them cracked up. After laughing for a bit, the other man said, “I think you have a fan.”

Jensen felt a little out of his element, but laughed and said, “Yeah, that was a bit weird.”

“I’m Jared.” The other man stated while holding out his hand to Jensen.

“Jensen.” They shook hands and began to chat. The time flew by for Jensen. He’d never had a more enjoyable breakfast. Jared was smart, funny and really handsome. He also had a great laugh. Jensen spent most of the time trying to figure out what color his eyes were. Jared’s hair was so soft and flowy. Jensen kept wanting to reach out and touch it.

When the waitress brought his credit card and receipt back to him for a signature, Jensen was momentarily thrown. It was that time already? He signed and began to pack up his stuff to make his way out.

“So hey!” Jared said as Jensen got to his feet. “We should do this again sometime. I really enjoyed myself. It’s not often I meet someone from Texas around here.”

“Um.” Jensen paused. A million thoughts flooded his brain. But the one that came to the forefront was ‘I’m leaving in a month. That’s not fair.’ So he looked at Jared and said, “That sounds really nice, but I’m pretty busy right now. I’m sorry.”

“Oh!” Jared said softly as he looked away. Jensen felt his own heart break at the look on Jared’s face. But honestly, what could he do? Jared spoke again. “That’s…uh, that’s fine. Take care of yourself. Nice to meet you.”

“Um. Yeah, okay.” Jensen suddenly wanted to take back what he had said. All the light and joy of the last hour had just deserted Jared’s eyes. “Sorry again, Jared. It was really nice to meet you.”

“Yep.” Jared said without looking at Jensen again.

“Okay.” Jensen mumbled. “Take care.”

Jensen hustled through the restaurant and made his way outside. Once he got through the doors, he fell onto the nearest bench and put his head in his hands. “Damnit!” After months of living here with nothing, he finally meets an amazing guy when he has one month left on his ticket. If he hadn’t already made up his mind to leave, he would have wanted to stay. “Shit!”

Jensen smacked his hand down on the bench and looked up to the sky. “Why now?” He stood up and began his trek back to his apartment. Half of him wanted to go back into the diner and tell Jared he had changed his mind. But that wouldn’t be fair to either one of them really. Would it?

 

On Monday, Jensen called his mother. She was excited to hear from him, as usual.

“When are you coming home, baby?”

“I should be there one month from today, Mama. I think that’s Memorial Day. I’ll have the moving van packed on the Saturday morning and will roll out of here right after inspection is finished. Are you sure you don’t mind me moving back in for a little while?”

“Of course not, Jens.” His mama cooed. “It’ll be nice to have you back under my roof for a bit.”

“Thanks, Mama. I appreciate it.”

“Something wrong, baby? You don’t sound like yourself today.”

Jensen laughed to himself. He couldn’t fool his mama for nothing. “I’m a little down, Mama. I feel like a quitter.”

“Jensen Ross Ackles! You stop talking like that.” His mama said sternly. “You tried it. It just wasn’t for you. And that’s okay. That’s a whole different atmosphere over there on the coast. It don’t mean you’re a quitter. It just means that you aren’t cut out for the East Coast. And that’s just fine.”

“Okay, Mama. I hear you.” Jensen sighed. In an attempt to move on to other topics, Jensen asked, “How are things at the Foundation?”

Donna launched into a description of all of the events they had been involved in and how much money they had raised for the Foundation that she ran with Jensen’s father and brother. She spent ten minutes talking about the most recent gala that they had held. The money they raised was used to buy three more therapy horses for the ranch that his brother ran. Jensen thought he was making all of the right noises and asking the right questions, but he must not have been.

“Something else is bothering you.” Donna said softly. “I can tell. Just spill. Maybe talking about it will make it better.”

“I swear I can’t hide nothing from you.” Jensen replied.

“No, sir. And you never could. Now talk!”

“I met a guy.” Jensen held the phone away from his ear as his mama squealed into it.

“Jensen! That’s fantastic!” Then she realized that he wasn’t happy about it. “Then what’s the trouble?”

“I messed it up. We ended up sitting together for breakfast at that little diner I took you to last time you were up. We talked the whole time, Mama. It was awesome!” Jensen’s voice was full of pleasure at the memory, then he quieted. “Then when I got up to go, he asked if we could do it again. Mama, I blew him off. I didn’t get his last name. I didn’t get his number. I’ll never see him again. But I can’t stop thinking about him.”

“Oh, baby! I’m so sorry. What happened? Why didn’t you at least get his number?”

“All I could think about was that I was leaving. I only have a month left. That isn’t fair to either one of us, is it? I mean, should I start something knowing that I’m leaving?”

“No, I guess not. That’s just bad timing, Jens. I’m sorry, honey.”

“If I hadn’t already made my decision and started making my preparations, I think I might have changed my mind. He is so incredible! And we have so much in common.” Jensen continued in a vibrant voice. “Mama, he’s from San Antonio.”

“My goodness! That’s certainly an interesting coincidence. You have to go all that way to meet someone from home.”

“I know. Weird, huh?”

“Yes, that’s strange.” Donna paused, and then said, “Well, sweetie! All I can tell you is that if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen. You’ll find him again. If not… Well, I guess it’ll be a good memory and a good decision to let it go.”

“You’re right, Mama. Thank you for listening. If anything changes, I’ll let you know.”

“Okay, baby. I love you! Keep your chin up and look for a happy circumstance.”

“I will. Love you too. Bye.”

“Bye!”

 

A little over a week later and Jensen was still moping. He was finishing up with his current clients, making sure all of them were passed on to the best possible therapist for their needs. Wednesday was going to be his last day. That would give him a couple of weeks to get himself sorted and packed. The Tuesday night prior to his last day was supposed to be the going away Happy Hour for him at the local pub. All of his friends and co-workers were supposed to be there. It should be a good time.

As Jensen made his way down to the pub, his phone buzzed. When he checked the display, he saw that Daneel had texted him. He opened up the message to see what she needed.

 

_Daneel: I have a business proposition for you._

_Jensen: What do you have up your sleeve?_

_Daneel: Last minute cancellation for a weekend getaway. Interested?_

_Jensen: I don’t know. What are the specs?_

_Daneel: Will talk to you tonight. Need an answer ASAP. He’s desperate!_

_Jensen: Oh boy! I don’t like the sound of that._ _L_

_Daneel: No, it’s not like that. I’ll explain. Don’t worry!_

_Jensen: Okay. See you soon!_

 

Jensen shook his head and continued walking. What did Daneel have now? She ran an escort service here in the D.C. area. It was completely above board. No hanky-panky. As a matter of fact, when Jensen first moved to the area and needed a little extra money, he would pick up a job or two. He had been very popular with the clients, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do that job all the time. The outings were usually very posh, so that was nice. He just couldn’t completely reconcile spending time with someone for money.

Daneel explained it all really well though. “These people are not paying for you, Jensen. They are paying for an illusion. If you look at it as an acting job, it won’t feel so strange.”

Jensen agreed with that philosophy to a point. The people he had worked with in the past were usually pretty nice, and they didn’t expect anything too strange. Just a little company for an evening of entertainment. Nothing physical except maybe some hand holding or a hug or two. Nothing too demanding. He'd just have to wait and see what a weekend getaway would mean.

 

Daneel arrived when Jensen had almost finished his second beer of the night. She rushed over to him and plopped down beside him. His other friends had already had their opportunity to harass him, and some of them had already begun to head for the door. They all had to get up tomorrow and go to work.

“Okay, are you ready to hear the pitch?” Daneel said.

“Sure. What’s the deal?” Jensen answered.

“He is going home to his brother’s wedding. His brother’s best friend is the best man. My client is a groomsman. He used to date the best friend. It ended ugly. The family doesn’t know the truth of the story, so they never kicked the guy to the curb. Apparently, my client has not been able to trust anyone since the break-up. He doesn’t want the guy to know he is still messed up. He doesn’t want the family to know that anything ugly happened in the break-up. He needs to present himself as a happy, successful, put-together young man. I had him lined up with Tom for this, but Tom had to back out. His mother is ill, and he needed to go spend some time helping her. Do you think you can take this one?”

“You want me to take over for Mr. Wholesome?”

“Yes. You’re pretty wholesome yourself, y’know?” Daneel grinned.

“When would I leave? When would I get back? Where would I be going?”

“You leave tomorrow after work. You’ll get back Monday evening. And this is the best part! You’re going to Texas.”

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah! This guy is from Texas! He has to go home for the wedding. So you’ll get an all-expenses-paid trip to Texas for the weekend.” Daneel was very excited at being able to offer this opportunity to her best friend.

“Okay.” Jensen laughed at her excitement. “But Texas is a big place. Where in Texas?”

“San Antonio.”

Jensen’s eyes got a little bit larger. This was getting interesting. But a wedding? People’s emotions could quickly get out of hand during a wedding weekend. Especially with all of this other drama going on in the background. And the guy was going to be directly involved with all of the festivities during the weekend. It was going to be a tough one.

“What’s he paying?”

“Airfare, hotel stay, food and drink. And! A thousand dollars a day for four days. Those are the days that you would actually be interacting with the family. So that is the rehearsal dinner, the stag party, the family dinner, the wedding and reception, and then probably the family breakfast on the day after the wedding. And the guy’s best friend is throwing in another thousand dollars if everything goes smoothly. So you’d be making $5,000 for, roughly, about 12-15 hours of work.”

“I don’t know Daneel. There would be a lot of emotional crap involved. I mean, what’s wrong with this guy? He’s apparently got a decent amount of money if he’s willing to spend that much for an illusion. Somebody must be interested in him. Why does he need to pay somebody?”

“Jensen, look.” Daneel looked sad. “I promised I wouldn’t tell you everything. The client doesn’t even know that I know everything. His best friend told me the whole story after I spoke with the client directly. It wasn’t pretty. It’s been three years, and the guy is still feeling the effects of what happened. He’s a really great guy, but he has trouble believing it about himself. Like I said. Things with the ex were pretty brutal.” Daneel sighed. “However! I can tell you that he is gorgeous! He’s almost 25. He’s an engineer, so he’s smart. He’s sweet, friendly, kind. He’s just been dealt a rough hand by this asshole he used to date. From what I understand, the guy is about four years older than my client, they started dating when my client was 18. The guy is the older brother’s best friend, and my client didn’t want to disappoint anyone. He is a bit broken, but not in a way that could cause you trouble. He just needs someone on his side. Someone in his corner that is there just for him. A support system. That’s really all. You’ll just have to act like you guys enjoy being around each other. Make him look good. You’ve done it before! And I really don’t think it will be a hardship for you. He is extremely attractive. And built. And tall. Like, really tall.”

Jensen swallowed. “What’s his name?”

“Jared. Jared Padalecki.”

“I’ll do it.”


	3. Chapter Three

Washington, D.C. area, May 2, 2007, Wednesday

 

Chapter 3

 

“Genevieve! What the hell am I doing?” Jared bellowed from his bedroom. He tossed the shirt he was trying to fold onto his bed and then flopped across it. His bag bounced once and then tumbled to the floor. Some of what he had already packed fell out. He groaned and rolled onto his back.

“C’mon, man! Where’s your backbone? You were doing so well there for a few minutes.” Genevieve giggled as she ran into his room to help him stay motivated. “It’s going to be fine, Jared.”

“No, it isn’t. What if someone finds out that I paid this guy to be there with me? What if he isn’t one of the above board escorts, but one of the sex ones? What if I hate him and have to fake it the whole weekend? Why didn’t I get to meet him beforehand?”

“Whoa!” Gen held up her hand to get him to stop for a second. “One question at a time! No one will find out that you paid him unless you tell them. He is under contractual obligations not to reveal himself. If he tells someone, he doesn’t get paid. If it turns out that he’s one of the sex escorts, then you pay him a little extra and get that check in the done column that you’ve been moaning about.”

“Gen!” Jared shouted and tossed a pillow at her head.

“I’m kidding!” Gen giggled as she caught the pillow and threw it back. “I don’t think you’ll hate him anyway. It’s his job to get everyone to like him. If he screws up, he doesn’t get the bonus I put up.”

“I still can’t believe you did that!” Jared says holding out his hand to his best friend. Genevieve caught his hand in her own and climbed up on the bed to sit beside Jared. “You really didn’t have to do that! I can’t believe I’m about to pay a stranger $4,000 to hang out with me at my brother’s wedding. I’m such a loser!”

“Jared, it’s going to be fine. He’ll be there for _you_. By _your_ side the whole time. My little extra incentive was to keep him focused. He’s going to do a great job. Please, stay positive about this! Be your bubbly, irrepressible, natural self. The one you only let out on special occasions.” Genevieve gave Jared’s hand a little shake. “Don’t let Nathan win! Don’t give that bastard the satisfaction!”

“Yeah, okay.” Jared mumbled. “When do I have to leave?”

“You still have two hours before you need to be at the airport. You’ll meet Tom there at the gate. And the reason that you didn’t get to meet him ahead of time is because you couldn’t make up your mind until the last minute. Now you have to deal with the consequences.”

Jared’s phone chirped from where he was charging it on the bedside table. Then it chirped three more times in rapid succession. Jared and Genevieve looked at each other for a second before Jared reached over to grab it off the table. When he checked the screen, he saw that the messages were all from the lady at the escort service. He looked at Genevieve nervously. “They’re all from Daneel. What’s going on? Is he backing out on me? Did I do something wrong again? Shit!”

“Calm down! Just read them.”

“Ugh!” Jared moaned. Then he scrolled to the earliest message and opened it up. He began to read them out loud to Genevieve.

 

_Daneel: Slight problem. Tom’s mother is ill. He won’t be able to go because he’s got to be with her._

_Daneel: Don’t worry, Jared. I have a back-up plan._

            “She sent those two last night.” Jared said. “There are two more.”

 

_Daneel: Spoke to Alex last night. He said he’d take it. Don’t worry! He’s good._

_Daneel: He’ll meet you at the airport gate. He’ll be wearing a Dallas Cowboys baseball cap, a grey Henley and blue jeans._

Just as Jared finished reading the last text, a new one came in.

 

_Daneel: I hope you’ve gotten these texts. Airplane ticket has been changed to reflect Alex’s info._

Jared quickly sent a text to Daneel letting her know he had gotten the messages. Then he looked at Genevieve. She saw the panic in his face and grabbed his hand, threading her fingers with his own.

“It’s going to work, Jared. I promise.”

“God! I hope so!”

 

Genevieve walked with Jared until he got to the security gates. She reached up to give him a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek. As she pulled away, she squeezed his hand and looked him straight in the eye.

“Remember what I told you two weeks ago?”

Jared nodded his head.

“No one has the right to treat you like crap! Take the power back. If they want to treat you poorly, wipe them out of your life. You deserve nothing but the best.” Genevieve squeezed his hand again and then let go. “Now go meet your wonderful boyfriend, and let him help you.”

“Thanks, Gen!” Jared breathed. “You’ve been a rock.”

“Don’t you forget it, Texas! Knock ‘em dead!”

Jared smiled and then turned to walk away. After making it through the security gates, he headed to his flight. It was going to be a direct flight, so no layovers. That gave him and Alex about three and a half hours on the flight to get their stories in alignment. Of course, once they got to San Antonio, they would have a few hours at the hotel after they checked in. Most people weren’t arriving until the next day. Hopefully, they wouldn’t run into anyone before Jared was ready. This was such a gamble. He shook his head to clear it and made his way toward his gate.

As he got closer, he began to look around for someone wearing the outfit Daneel had described to him. He didn’t see anyone straight away, so he found a less-than-comfortable chair to sit in until his “boyfriend” showed up. He pulled out his book and began to read. He had to do something to keep from freaking out. The book wasn’t really helping, but at least it made him look normal.

“I got you a coffee,” said a voice beside him. He looked over at the hand stretched out toward him holding a Starbucks’ cup. His eyes moved quickly from the hand to the face of the person it belonged to and his eyes bugged out.

“Jensen?” he spluttered.

“Yeah, hi.” Jensen answered. “Do you want the coffee?”

“Um, what are you doing here? I mean, yes, I’ll take the coffee.” Only then did Jared notice that Jensen was wearing a grey Henley and a Dallas Cowboys baseball cap. “Wait! You’re Alex?”

“Oh, uh. Yes. Yes, that’s the name I use when I do a job for Daneel. I forgot to tell her to use my real name with you. My apologies.” Jensen waved the coffee at Jared again. “It’s a little creamer with two sugars. That’s how you like it, right?”

“What?” Jared asked, then shook his head. “Yes, if it isn’t too strong.” He reached out and took the cup. He motioned at the chair beside him. “Have a seat?”

“Okay. Thanks!” Jensen said, sitting.

“So,” Jared started. “You’re an escort? No wonder you were too busy to hang out with me.”

“No, not usually. An escort, I mean.” Jensen replied. He rubbed his hands together nervously. “I, uh, I’m friends with Daneel from way back. As a matter of fact, it was because of her that I moved up here. I thought she was crazy when she started this business. But, uh, she’s doing great with it.”

“So if you’re not usually an escort, how did you end up here with me then?” Jared asked.

“Oh, uh. I’m moving back to Texas in two weeks. Daneel knows all about it. I used to take jobs from her when I needed some extra cash for something specific. She offered this one to me when Tom had to cancel last minute. She wanted to get me a little bit more spending money before I leave D.C.”

“Yeah,” Jared laughed self-deprecatingly. “A little more spending money indeed.”

Jensen ducked his head and his face flushed briefly. “Yeah.” He paused before proceeding. “I, uh, I need to apologize to you.”

“For what?” Jared looked at his coffee cup before taking a sip. He nodded his approval and turned back toward Jensen.

“For brushing you off the other day. I, uh, didn’t want to start something that I couldn’t finish. I knew I was leaving town, you see? And I didn’t know what to do. I should have just been honest with you.”

“Yeah, that would have been nice.” Jared responded quietly. “And now you’re here, getting paid to be my ‘boyfriend’ for the weekend. That’s cool. Nothing like being honest, huh?”

“Oh boy! This isn’t going very well.”

“You can say that again.” Jared shifted in his chair and looked at the ground.

“I guess I didn’t think this through.” Jensen stated. “She offered, I thought it might be you, and I jumped at the chance to see you again. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision, and I thought I could help.”

“Well, that’s nice. I guess it isn’t like we can do a whole lot about it now.” Jared looked sad and distant as he continued. “If I send you away, I will be breaking the contract. That would be quite a bit of money down the drain with no benefit. And I’m assuming there would be no way to get someone else to take your place. I’m sort of stuck with this choice I made.” He paused again and looked at Jensen. “So! Let’s just push through and see how things go, okay?”

“Yeah,” Jensen answered quietly. “I’m sorry this is so awkward, Jared.”

“Whatever, dude.” Jared responded, taking another sip of coffee. “Let’s just start fresh. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Thanks for the coffee.”

“You bet.”

 

“So obviously, I’m gay.” Jared starts once the plane is in the air. “I came out to my parents when I was fourteen. Got my first boyfriend during my Senior year of high school. That didn’t last long. His name was Jonah. He was still closeted, so it didn’t work out very well. My next boyfriend was Nathan. You’ll meet him tomorrow. He’s the best man and my brother’s best friend. We started dating when I was eighteen and he was twenty-two. I was just starting college; he was just finishing. We dated for almost three and a half years. We split up. He kept my family, and I moved to D.C.”

“Wait!” Jensen held up a hand and looked confused. “What do you mean he kept your family?”

Jared looked out of the window at the clouds moving past them. He took a deep breath, let it out slowly and then turned back to Jensen.

“Things between us went sour. He wanted to keep what happened between us, well, between us. My brother and my family didn’t need to know all of that, so I let Nathan choose what story to tell everyone. At his urging, we said that we split amicably so that I could go to D.C. for my career. I needed to get as far away from him as I could at that point, so I didn’t argue. And I haven’t been home since. He’s been right by my brother’s side every day. He knows everything about my brother’s fiancé. I’ve never met her. He eats from my parents’ table. I haven’t even been home for holidays. He goes to my sister’s events. I get pictures on Facebook. Basically, he has taken over my life, and I’ve been kicked out of it. That’s what I mean by he kept my family.”

“Jesus, Jared!” Jensen rubbed a hand over his face and looked at the man beside him. “What the hell, man?”

“I feel that you needed to know that much of things, so that you will know something of what to expect. They think I chose this life because I wanted to follow my dreams of being an engineer. They think that D.C. was the best place for me to achieve my goals. They think that I’ve been so busy with my job that I don’t get time to travel.” Jared heaved a heavy sigh and looked straight at Jensen again. “The truth is, although I love my actual job, I’m miserable. I hate living where I do. I haven’t dated anyone since Nathan and I split. I spend holidays by myself. And I’ve been homesick for Texas since I first left the state. I just can’t look at them knowing that they believed that this is what I wanted. Knowing that they thought I wanted to leave them behind like this. I didn’t want this. I just can’t be in the same place as him.”

“What did he do to you, Jared?” Jensen asked softly.

“I’m not comfortable talking about this anymore.” Jared answered. “I think we need to talk about something else.”

“Okay. Whatever you need.” Jensen replied. He took a deep breath and then said, “So where did we meet?”

Jared smiled and met Jensen’s eyes again. “I think we can keep the meet-cute that we were naturally given. We’ll just change the timing and the ending a bit. What do you think?”

“Meet-cute? You mean like in the movies?”

“Yeah. It would certainly qualify don’t you think? Well, except for the fact that we didn’t ride off into the sunset together.” Jensen winced, but Jared kept rolling. “The whole random being seated together at the diner, talking non-stop for the entirety of breakfast. It felt like a romantic comedy for a bit there. At least from my perspective.”

“Jared.” Jensen started. Jared held up his hand.

“I’m not looking for another apology or an explanation. We covered that.” Jared stated firmly. “I just wanted to iterate that if life was a rom-com, that would have been a great way to kick it off. So far, rom-com is not something that has applied to my life. I haven’t had great luck in that department. I guess that goes without saying since I had to pay you to be here with me.”

“Jared! Just stop, okay.” Jensen held his hand up at Jared. “Stop.”

“Stop what?” Jared laughed bitterly. “Stop being honest with myself? Stop facing the truth of what’s happening here? You’re _here_ because I can’t function properly in the world of romance and relationships. I’m broken, and no one wants me. I’m a reject. Obviously. Just help me get through the weekend with minimal damage, and then you can be rid of me, too. No long term contracts or obligations. Just help me.”

“Jared, that’s what I’m here for. I’m here to help you. I’m not here because you can’t function properly or because you’re broken. I’m _here_ because you need someone who will be on your side during a difficult time. I’m _here_ to give you the support you need to face an awful situation. You are not a reject. You just need to face this and put it behind you. You haven’t given yourself an opportunity to do that yet. I’ll be by your side every step of the way. No one will know anything that you don’t want them to know. I’ve got your back.”

“Thank you.” Jared said softly. “I appreciate that.”

“So…” Jensen said after a minute or so. “We met at the diner. How long ago?”

 

 

By the time the plane touched down, Jensen had a good understanding of the cover story they would be using to explain their relationship. Jensen also understood that Jared had been deeply hurt and uncommonly affected by whatever it was that Nathan had done to him. Jensen also understood that Jared was rapidly carving out a hole in his heart that only Jared would be able to fill. Jared was so strong to be facing this the way that he was. He was sweet and kind and determined and wounded. Even though this Nathan guy had utterly destroyed him, Jared wouldn’t even dream of outing him to the family. Jensen wasn’t sure what kind of hold Nathan had on Jared, but he was determined to get to the bottom of it. He wanted Jared to be whole again.

They continued talking about their individual lives on the way to get their rental car in order to be able to share things with Jared’s family when they needed to. It was 9:30, local time, and Jensen was starving.

“Can we stop somewhere and grab a bite? I haven’t eaten anything substantial since lunch. I’ll pick up the tab.” Jensen offered.

“Um, you don’t have to do that.” Jared said a bit sheepishly. “Food and drink are part of the contract.”

“They are for the four days that you are paying me for. I still have…” he stopped walking to check his watch pointedly, “Two and half hours on my own bill before your time begins.”

“Okay.” Jared let a small smile brighten his face. “Sounds good. What would you prefer? Something light or something you haven’t had in a while?”

“What would that be?”

“Barbeque?”

“You are on!” Jensen laughed. “Texas barbeque? Oh my God! We can’t get there fast enough!”

Jared laughed a real laugh. Jensen watched, mesmerized, as Jared’s eyes lit up and his dimples carved their way onto his cheeks. _Oh boy!_ Jensen thought. _I’m a goner!_

 

In the car ride to the restaurant, Jared began to get answers to some of his questions for Jensen. Jensen noticed a cooling off of the warmth that he had experienced back in the airport. He had a suspicion that this would continue to happen as long as Jared kept reminding himself that he was paying Jensen to be here.

“So are you gay or bi or straight? Or what?” Jared asked calmly, as he pulled out of the airport parking lot.

“Gay.” Jensen replied succinctly. “No question, whatsoever.”

“Have you ever been with a woman?” Jared asked bluntly.

“Nope.” Jensen answered immediately. “I have no interest whatsoever in the softer gender.”

“Have you come out to your parents?”

“Yes. My mom has known since I was fourteen. It took me a little longer to tell my dad. But he knew before I left for college.”

“Where did you go to school?”

“Texas Tech. I got a degree in sports medicine and became a Physical Therapist. I’ve been working in D.C. for the last six years. I moved there to help Daneel with housing costs when she decided she needed to start her business.”

“How do you know Daneel?” Jared asked, looking at Jensen from the corner of his eye.

“We met in college. She was studying business. We were both part of an extra-curricular theatre troupe, and she knew the guy I was seeing at the time. She and I hit it off. Me and the guy didn’t fare as well. I kicked him to the curb, she stayed, and the rest is history.”

“I see.” Jared said quietly. “What happened with the guy? Why didn’t it work?”

Jensen paused and looked away for a second. “Um… He was a bit too controlling for me. He always wanted to know where I was, who I was with. If I didn’t give him his way, he would twist things around to where I looked like the bad guy for not giving in to him. I didn’t like it, so I told him to leave me alone. He dropped out of the troupe after that.”

“Hmm.” Jared was quiet for a little bit. “Do you want to go on downtown for food or stop on the way? We’re staying in a Hilton on the River Walk.”

“Um…Let’s go on to the River Walk. It shouldn’t take too long to get there at this time of night, right?”

“Nah. We’ll be there in no time.” Jared responded.

As they continued down the highway, Jared asked his next question. “So do you want to go by Jensen or Alex this weekend?”

“Jensen, of course.” He answered, confused. “Why?”

“Just making sure. If you’re working, I want you to use the name that is most comfortable for you.”

“Jared, please.” Jensen was suddenly uncomfortable. He knew Jared was feeling exposed, but he needed Jared to let the walls down in order for this to work. “Don’t do that.”

“What am I doing?” Jared asked innocently.

“Distancing yourself from me because of this weird situation we have found ourselves in. You can trust me.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear you admit that it’s weird.” Jared met Jensen’s eyes quickly and then looked back at the highway.

“Of course it’s weird. I’m honestly just glad I got a chance to talk with you again.” Jensen’s voice demonstrated his truthfulness. “The fact that I can help you out with this just makes me feel even better. I’d like to move forward as comfortably as we can.” Jensen paused and looked at Jared. “You first met me without money between us. I’d like for you to continue to treat me that way.”

“Well, I can’t now, Jensen. There _is_ money between us.” Jared was irritated. He felt angry. “There is a contract and an obligation. Let’s face it. You wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for my little predicament. You turned me down when I asked. So... Let’s just get through this the best way we can. You are my pretend boyfriend for the weekend. I need to keep that plain between us. If Tom were here instead of you, I’d do the same thing.”

“Yeah,” Jensen agreed. “I guess you’re right.”

“Thank you.” Jared nodded. “I’m not trying to be mean here. I just think it would be best for us to not lose sight of what’s real and what’s the illusion, okay?”

“Yep.” Jensen stated sadly. “Got it!”

 

They pulled into a parking garage just down the road from the Alamo and found a parking spot. They had been quiet for the rest of the ride into town. Jensen was lost in thoughts of how to ease things forward with Jared. Jared was lost in thoughts of how in the world he was going to make this work at all. He was undoubtedly attracted to Jensen. He still felt the pull that he had that day in the diner. Everything was completely changed though. This was a business transaction. Nothing more, nothing less.

As they moved out of the rented vehicle and made their way to street level, Jensen gently bumped his shoulder into Jared.

“What?” Jared replied to the physical statement.

“Want to practice a little bit? The acting like a couple thing? We need to be comfortable around each other starting tomorrow, right?” Jensen asked. When Jared stayed quiet, Jensen asked. “May I hold your hand?”

Jared barked out a quick laugh, shook his head, and then held his hand out for Jensen to take. He looked Jensen straight in the eyes and said, “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

“Trust me. We need to be comfortable with each other’s bodies and need to know what kind of space we are comfortable with. This is part of the illusion, right?” Jensen said reasonably.

“Of course.” Jared stated. Then pointedly shook the hand he was holding out toward Jensen. “Come on then!”

Jensen reached out and twined his fingers with Jared’s. He felt a jolt move up his arm from the contact. He smiled serenely and tugged at Jared’s hand. “You need to walk closer to me.”

“You’ll have to forgive me. I’m out of practice.” Jared smiled. “It’s been a while.”

“Exactly! That’s why we’re practicing now.” Jensen bumped his hip against Jared’s. “Where are we going?”

“See those stairs?” Jared said, pointing with his free hand. “Down those and to the left. Some of the best barbeque on the River Walk. Let’s go.”

“Alright, then.”

They began their descent to the narrow walkway that lined both sides of the San Antonio River. Jared led the way, always keeping his hand firmly planted within Jensen’s. Jensen was surprised at how natural Jared was with the physical contact. Jared seemed to be right at home with someone else’s hand in his. It was extremely comfortable for Jensen as well. He felt right holding Jared’s hand. He was going to have to tell Daneel what was going on. This wasn’t good.

Jensen was also surprised at the number of people on the River Walk at 10:00 on a Wednesday night in early May. It was a school night for goodness’ sake. He smiled to himself and thought that something like this would never happen in Alexandria or Fairfax at this time of year. People went inside when the sun went down at this time of year.

Jared’s hand tightened on his own as he stopped abruptly in front of him. Jensen stopped himself from running straight into Jared’s back. Which, come to think of it, was a very nice back with broad shoulders and a narrow waist. Jensen smiled to himself.

“Mom! Dad!” he heard Jared say. “What a surprise to see you here!”

“Jared!” he heard Mrs. Padalecki squeal. “It’s so good to see you, boy! It’s been way too long! Get over here and give me a hug!” Jared leaned forward and wrapped her in an awkward one-armed hug never letting go of Jensen’s hand. “Oh my God! Are you still growing?”

Jared laughed and cast a glance at Jensen over his shoulder. He cocked an eyebrow as if to say ‘Ready?’ and then moved slightly to the side. This allowed Jensen to see Jared’s parents for the first time. At first glance, they looked like a normal, upper-middle-class couple from Texas. They were comfortably, but nicely dressed and tall.

“Mom! Dad! There’s someone I’d like you to meet.” He paused and looked at Jensen again who nodded his head just a slight bit without taking his eyes off of Jared’s. “This is Jensen Ackles. My boyfriend.”

“Well! Jared! You should tell people stuff like this. We didn’t know you were bringing someone. We didn’t know you had a someone to bring.” Mrs. Padalecki stated with a slightly hurt inflection in her voice. “Jensen, it’s lovely to meet you.”

“Thank you, ma’am. It’s a pleasure to meet you as well. Jared has told me so much about you and Mr. Padalecki.” Jensen tilted his head toward Jared’s father. “Sir.”

“Well, he has lovely manners!” Mrs. Padalecki said smiling. Mr. Padalecki smiled softly at his wife’s statement. “When did you guys get here?”

“Just now actually.” Jared answered. “We were heading to get some dinner. We’re both starving. We landed about an hour ago.”

“Oh! Well, okay! We just finished getting our dessert. We were taking a quick walk and then heading back to the hotel to buckle down for the night.” Mr. Padalecki stated. “We decided to come in this evening instead of waiting until tomorrow. We didn’t have to get up so early that way, you know?”

“Yes, sir.” Jared agreed. “Well, don’t let us stop you. Y’all go ahead. We’ll talk to you later.”

“Are you kidding me?” Mrs. Padalecki grabbed Jared’s arm and squeezed. “We haven’t seen you in almost three years to-the-day, and you want us to leave you? That’s not happening, kiddo!”

“Yes, ma’am!” Jared blushed. Jared turned back to Jensen and shrugged. “Ready?”

“Of course! I’d be happy to get to know your parents a little bit more before meeting everyone else.” Jensen served up one of his most brilliant smiles. “Lead on!”

The small group continued on the path that Jared set for them and finally made it to the restaurant in just a few more feet. After asking for a table for four and getting themselves situated in the rapidly emptying building, Mrs. Padalecki turned to Jensen and said, “So what do you do for a living, Jason?”

“Mom! His name is Jensen!” Jared spluttered.

“Oh, sorry! Jensen. I guess I’m just so surprised that you brought someone with you, his name just sort-of passed me by. We didn’t think you were dating anyone.”

“Well, ma’am.” Jensen started. “We’ve been seeing each other for about a month. It was a last minute decision for me to come with Jared. I just happened to get some time off from work where I felt comfortable making the trip with him. Hope you don’t mind that I tagged along?”

“Of course not! Jensen we’re so happy to have you here. We were afraid that our boy would never date again. We were beginning to think that he had forgotten all about love. After Nathan…”

“Sherri!” Mr. Padalecki broke in. “Not now, dear.”

When Jensen chanced a glance at Jared, he saw Jared looking between his parents with a confused expression on face. Jensen smiled a little then took Jared’s hand where it was lying on the table and gave it a little squeeze.

“Anyway. I figured it was a good time for me to meet his family and get to see San Antonio. I haven’t been here since I was a child. Hopefully, we’ll have some time to do some sight-seeing while we’re here.”

“I think that’s a great idea, Jensen.” Mr. Padalecki stated. “Although it is nice to spend time with family, I’m sure Jared will need the occasional break as well. He’s always been easily overwhelmed by too many people.”

“Me, too!” Jensen agreed honestly. “But to answer your question from earlier, Mrs. Padalecki, I’m a physical therapist. I have been working in the field for the last, uh, almost seven years. The last six I’ve spent in the D.C. area.”

“That’s lovely!” Mrs. Padalecki smiled at Jensen. “So you are a few years older than Jared. That’s nice!”

Jared’s eyes dropped to the table and his hand tensed below Jensen’s. Jensen looked over at him and saw that Jared’s mouth was tight. He squeezed Jared’s hand again and then ran his thumb over the back of it until Jared relaxed a little.

“I’m originally from Richardson.” Jensen stated. “Graduated from Texas Tech with a sports medicine degree and then decided to fine tune the degree to be a physical therapist. I wanted to help more types of people, so I decided to go that route instead of staying with sports medicine. I enjoyed the program, but I wanted to do more than just work with athletes, you know? I wanted to work with post-operative patients and ordinary folks who wanted to come back from injuries.”

“Are your parents still in the Dallas area?” Mr. Padalecki asked.

“Yes, sir. They still maintain the family home in Richardson. I think my dad still helps out on my grandad’s ranch on occasion as well. Although that has passed on to my older brother. He’s running a special project up there right now.”

“Well, Jensen. If things continue to go well for you and Jared, I hope to get a chance to get up there to see that part of Texas.” Mr. Padalecki commented.

“Well, sir. I think that would be a lot of fun.” Jensen responded.

Jared felt like a bystander in the conversation so far. Jensen was completely blowing his mind. He was so natural at this meet-the-parents thing that Jared was wondering why he ever worried. He was beginning to feel as though Jensen was really trying to impress them. As if he wanted to stick around or something. Jared needed to keep reminding himself that this was just Jensen’s job and nothing more. Jared shook his head slightly and picked up the neglected menu. When the waitress approached to get their orders, he was ready. Jensen made his order and then stood up.

“Please excuse me for a moment.” He then leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Jared’s cheek. He whispered directly into Jared’s ear, “I need to go make a quick phone call. That will give you some time with your folks. I should be back before the food gets here.” He pulled back to look Jared in the eyes, ran his hand along Jared’s cheek, and moved away from the table.

As he moved through the restaurant, he was quickly typing up a text to Daneel.

 

_Jensen: I need to talk to you, STAT! Are you available?_

_Daneel: What’s wrong? Call me!_

 

As he stepped outside the restaurant, he dialed her number. Daneel answered on the first ring.

“Please tell me that everything is okay! Please don’t tell me that you can’t make this work for that poor guy!” She stated without even saying hello.

“Everything is fine. Stop worrying.” Jensen responded.

“Then what the hell is so important?” she screeched.

“I need you to refund his payment.”

After a moment of complete quiet, Daneel said, “What?”

“I need you to refund his money. As soon as the banks open tomorrow. Please, Dani! Do this for me! I want to do this one for free. Keep it off the books. Pretend he never set foot in your office.”

“Jensen, I don’t understand. What’s going on?” Daneel babbled. “You need to explain this to me.”

“I don’t want this weekend to be a job. I want to be here because I want to be here. Does that make sense?” Jensen questioned.

“No! It doesn’t! That’s $5,000! Jensen, that would allow you to make a down payment on your own facility once you get to Dallas. You could be your own boss! Or find a partner to go in with you! You wouldn’t have to work for anyone else. Jensen, what are you doing?”

“Dani, please. Let this one go! Let me handle things on this end. Just please issue the refund to both Jared and his friend first thing in the morning. As soon as the banks open, okay? Please, Dani! Don’t do this for a business deal, do this because we’ve been friends forever, and I want you to do this.”

The other end of the phone was dead quiet. Jensen held his breath and waited. He had said his piece and now he had to wait for Daneel’s decision. Finally, he heard Daneel clear her throat.

“Okay, Jensen.” She said quietly. He let his breath out noisily. “But you owe me a huge explanation!”

“Yes, ma’am! As soon as I can. I gotta go!” Jensen hung up without waiting for a goodbye and then quickly chose his first speed dial number.

“Jensen, baby! It’s 10:30 at night! What’s wrong?” Jensen’s mom answered.

“Oh crap! I’m sorry, Mama. I lost track of time. I won’t keep you, everything is fine. I just wanted you to know that I found him! I’m in San Antonio with him right now. I can’t explain everything right now, but his name is Jared, we’re down here for his brother’s wedding, and I need your love and prayers more than ever before. Please, Mama!”

“You got ‘em, Jens! Nothing but the best! Did you find your happy circumstance?”

“Well, Mama. I think I might be on the right track.”

“That’s my boy! Love you! Call me soon!”

“I will. Love you too! Good night!”

Jensen hung up quickly and made his way back to the table. Jared’s eyes found his from across the room. Jensen smiled at Jared and gave him a quick wink. Jared looked confused and then blushed. Just then, the waitress showed up with their plates. Jensen sat down and immediately apologized for keeping the Padalecki’s waiting.

“No problem, dear!” Mrs. Padalecki smiled at him.

The rest of the meal was pleasantly spent chatting about the upcoming events and some of the family members that Jensen might meet. Once dinner was finished, they said their goodbyes and Jared led the way back to the car. He reached for Jensen’s hand before they left the restaurant and didn’t let go until they got back to the car. Jensen’s smile didn’t leave his face once.

 

“You have been placed in a King Suite, sir.” The man behind the counter said pleasantly. Jared swallowed and turned to look at Jensen. Jensen smiled and shrugged. Jared turned back to the man behind the counter who was sliding the room cards across the desk toward him. “Here are your keys. The internet log-in information is on the envelope. Welcome to San Antonio! We hope you enjoy your stay. If there is anything we can do to make your stay more pleasurable, don’t hesitate to ask.”

“Um…” Jared was struggling. “So you don’t have a room with two beds?”

“Is that what you requested, sir? I show your request as being for one King, sir. Let me just double-check.” The man began to rapidly enter data into the computer. He paused, read and then said, “Yes, sir. I show that the request was made a month ago by Mrs. Sherri Padalecki. You, Mr. _Jared_ Padalecki, were to be given a King Suite with extra towels.”

“Carlos?” Jensen stepped forward. “The King Suite is perfect. Thank you for checking!”

“Jen, uh, Jensen?” Jared stammered. Jensen moved forward, taking the keys from the desktop, and nodding at Carlos.

“Come on, Jared.” Jensen laughed. “I’m looking forward to a nice shower and then some much-deserved rest. How about you?”

“Um…” Jared looked after Jensen’s retreating back. He shuffled his feet a few times, picked up his bag, and made his way toward the elevator bank. “Okay.”

Once they were in the elevator on their way up to the twenty-second floor, Jared finally found his voice again.

“Jensen. I’m so sorry, man! Once we get up there, we’ll figure something out. I don’t expect you to sleep with me. I know that isn’t part of the deal. I know that’s not what you signed up for and it isn’t what Daneel provides. I don’t expect anything, I swear!” Jared rushed to get all the words out.

“Take it easy. We have to keep up the act, right? It would look odd if you and your boyfriend had separate beds wouldn’t it? I’m okay with it. It’s a King-sized bed. We should both fit just fine. If you’re okay with that. If not, we’ll figure something else out.”

“Oh God! Jensen.” Jared looked like he was about to shatter. Jensen reached out to touch his arm.

“Jared. Look at me!” Jared raised his eyes to meet Jensen’s but he looked completely freaked out. His breathing was all funny and his eyes looked weird. “Jared. Come on, man! Breathe for me! Come on, man! Hold on!”

The door dinged open just then. Jensen grabbed Jared by both arms and dragged him out of the elevator. By keeping one foot in the doorway, he managed to keep the elevator from shutting. He leaned back in to grab their bags and then slid out just as the doors started to close. Jared was in the same spot Jensen had left him. He was hyperventilating and Jensen’s training kicked in. _Panic attack!_ Jensen’s brain supplied.

Luckily, there was a decorative bench nearby. _That’ll do!_ Jensen thought while scrambling to move their stuff to the side to get everything out of the way. He moved Jared to the bench, speaking calmly and telling Jared what he was doing every step of the way.

“Okay, Jared. I’m gonna help you sit down right here. I’m gonna sit behind you. It’s just me. It’s Jensen. You’re okay. You’re okay.” Jensen maneuvered himself so that his chest was directly behind Jared’s back. He loosely wrapped both arms around Jared’s chest and spoke directly into Jared’s ear. “Jared, I need you to slow your breathing down. I need you to follow me here, buddy. Feel my breath? Jay, can you feel my breath? I need you to slow yours down to match mine. In, and then out. Slower, slower. Come on, Jay. Breath with me. That’s it, Jay. Bring it down. There we go. Relax.”

This continued for several minutes until Jared was able to breath comfortably on his own. Jensen thankfully slumped against the wall behind him, taking Jared’s large body with him.

“Okay, Jared.” Jensen breathed out. “When you’re ready, you need to tell me what the hell is going on here. My imagination is running wild, but nothing is making sense.”

“I’m sorry, Jensen.” Jared squeaked. He leaned forward to remove himself from Jensen’s chest. “I’m sorry you are stuck here with me like this. I just…”

“Nope. We’re not doing that.” Jensen said firmly. “No apologies for something you can’t control. You’re not giving them, and I’m not accepting them. What we will do, though, is get to our room, get you through the shower and in the bed. I’ll figure something out after we get you taken care of. Tomorrow after breakfast, we will talk. I mean really talk. I need to know what’s going on, so I can help you in the best way possible. You got me?”

“Jensen. I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. You can trust me. I’m here for you. Just you. Nobody else matters. It’s you and me against whatever it is that you are afraid to face.” Jensen ran a hand down Jared’s back. He felt Jared shiver the slightest bit. “We will get you through this weekend, Jared. I promise!”

“Well, you are the second person to promise me that I will survive this. Y’all seem sure. I just need to believe it.” Jared ran a hand through his hair and then dropped it in fist form onto Jensen’s thigh.

“You ready to move this circus to the room?” Jensen asked, lightly resting his own hand over Jared’s.

“Yep. Need to move before we get any more surprises.”

“Let’s go!” Jensen waited for Jared to stand before he moved to pick up their bags. They moved down the hall to find their assigned room and found it at the furthest point, tucked around a corner. “Well, at least we’ll be hard to find if we want to be.”

Jared smiled half-heartedly and opened the door. He took two steps in and stopped. Jensen moved in beside him and looked at the room. It was elegant without being over-the-top. There was a separate seating area with a large television that had a door that led into the area where the enormous over-sized King bed was waiting for them. To the right of the seating area was a small kitchenette, complete with a small refrigerator, full sink, full-sized coffee pot and some snacks. Jensen whistled. Jared shuffled over to the bathroom and shut the door.

Jensen shook his head and moved their bags into the bedroom. He quickly found two suitcase stands and got everything situated. When he walked over to the far wall, he discovered that there was a small balcony with a sliding glass door that overlooked the River Walk. He made short work of the locking system on the door and made his way out onto the porch. The wind rustled through his hair softly as he looked out over the city. He let out a soft sigh and leaned against the railing. He could hear laughter drifting up from somewhere in the night.

“Nice view.” Jared said from behind him. He moved to stand beside Jensen and leaned against the balcony. His elbow brushed Jensen’s lightly as he slid into place. “The bathroom’s nice, too. I think if things go well, I’ll just move in.”

Jensen laughed and turned his eyes toward Jared. Jared’s eyes held a twinkle that Jensen hadn’t seen there before. Jensen patted Jared on the back and stood up to go back into their room.

“Jensen, wait.” Jared caught Jensen loosely by the wrist before he could get too far away. “I need to apologize to you.”

“What?” Jensen replied. “No you don’t. You can’t help having a panic attack.”

“No. Not for that.” Jared said, looking away. “I apologize for being so prickly with you today. You have been nothing but gracious and helpful and sweet. I mean, Jesus! I think my parents would be willing to adopt you if you wanted them to. You didn’t have to do all of that when I’ve been giving you so much grief. I need to apologize to you for the way I’ve been acting. I know that you are here to help me. I know that we have to be a team to get through this. I just… I don’t have a very high opinion of myself on the best of days. And this hasn’t been the best of days. In case you haven’t noticed.” Jared stopped and looked up at Jensen from under his bangs. “When you turned me down, before, I was hurt. I don’t often put myself out there like that. I thought we had hit it off really well, and… Well, I felt really crappy that you didn’t want to hang out with me. I realize that it didn’t really have anything to do with me. It was more about your situation than anything else. During dinner tonight I kept thinking about the fact that you knew how I liked my coffee. That spoke volumes about the fact that you were paying attention. And you cared enough to remember that for like, what? Two weeks? So there you go. I apologize for being a jerk.”

“Accepted.” Jensen smiled. “Now go get in the shower! You need to rest. You’ve had a very stressful and emotional day.”

“Yes, sir.” Jared laughed.

 

As Jared took his time in the bathroom, he let his mind wander through the day. This morning had been so hectic trying to finish up the last dregs of business before he left at noon to get himself ready for the trip. Then the packing process, and the text messages from Daneel. Roller coaster of emotions for sure. Gen had been so sweet to help him calm down and take things in stride. He’d have to find something uniquely San Antonio to take back for her. She was an amazing friend to him.

Then getting to the airport all nervous to finally meet whoever it was who was going to play the role of ‘boyfriend’ for the weekend. And then the miracle of Jensen. He was just there and ready to take care of Jared. All day Jensen had done little things to help Jared get through his moments. The coffee, the apology and the explanation, being so kind about the part of the story Jared had been willing to share, being so amazing with his parents over their dinner, the hand holding, the sweet little kiss on the cheek.

Even tonight during the return of the panic attacks, which he hadn’t had in two years, Jensen had been right there. Talking him down, helping him breathe. Giving him something to focus on. _Wait a second!_ Jared’s mind screamed at him. _Jensen called you Jay!_ Jared’s heart sped up a notch or two with that realization. No one has called him that since his grandfather passed. In his initial panic, Jared hadn’t even recognized the nickname. Well, at least not consciously. He had immediately begun to calm after hearing it though. That was a strange coincidence. But when he examined his feelings about the nickname, he found that he liked the way it sounded in Jensen’s mouth.

Upon re-entering the bedroom area, Jared could see Jensen was on the balcony again. He knocked softly on the glass to get Jensen’s attention. Jensen jumped. Jared smiled and waved Jensen inside.

“Your turn.”

“Hey, man! Thanks! It’s really beautiful out there.”

“Yeah, it is. I’ve always loved the River Walk. Even with all of its touristy crap. It still has its own heartbeat. Its own way of welcoming you in. You know?”

“Wow! Yeah!” Jensen smiled. “I don’t think I could’ve said that better. I didn’t know you were a poet.”

“Ha! Yeah, that’s me!” Jared scoffed. “Go! Get clean! I’d like to get some sleep tonight.”

When Jensen exited the bathroom twenty minutes later, Jared was sound asleep on the right side of the bed. The light on the left side, the one closest to the balcony, was on and there was a piece of hotel stationary propped up against it.

_You’re welcome to sleep in the bed._

_The left side is yours._

_No one has called me Jay in a long time._

_Keep it up! I like it!_

_J._

 

Jensen smiled a private smile, fluffed up a couple of pillows, and joined Jared for some well-deserved sleep.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared begins to tell his story.

Chapter 4

 

The next morning, Jensen woke up to the sound of soft, rhythmic grunts. At first he tried to make them fade into the background, but there was just no way to ignore them. He rubbed a hand over his face and opened his eyes. He was facing the balcony and couldn’t see where the grunts were coming from. He sat up and stretched quietly. When he opened his eyes for the second time, he saw Jared on the floor on his own side of the bed doing push-ups. Jensen untangled himself from the sheets and crawled over to have a look.

Jared was wearing basketball shorts. That’s it. _There is a God!_ Jensen thought. He took a moment to appreciate the glory of a half-naked Jared before clearing his throat.

“Shit!” Jared squeaked. “Jensen! You startled me.”

“Did you forget I was here?” Jensen asked in his sleep rough voice. He thought he saw Jared’s eyes twitch.

“No! Of course not!” Jared laughed and moved into a cross-legged sitting position on the floor. “I was hoping that I wouldn’t disturb you though. So if it’s my fault you woke up, I apologize.”

“No harm done. It’s a nice view.” Jensen said waving a hand in Jared’s direction. Jared shot up off the floor and retrieved his t-shirt from his side of the bed. Jensen could see a warm blush moving across Jared’s chest before the shirt came down to hide it. He scratched his head and moved back to his own side of the bed.

“I, uh, try to do some sort of exercise every morning. Usually, I take a run, do some yoga, or do some sit-ups and push-ups every day. I, uh, try to keep healthy.” Jared rattled.

“That’s cool. I usually hit the gym at least three times a week. I do the Nautilus equipment and the elliptical more often than not. That’s awesome that you are staying healthy.” Jensen yawned again and scratched his chest through his sleep shirt. “Where are we going for breakfast?”

“Dude!” Jared laughed. “You just woke up.”

“Yep!” Jensen smiled and wiggled his eyebrows. “Sometimes I wake up hungry.”

“Get moving then!” Jared laughed again. “We need to go and get back. You said you wanted to talk before we run into anyone, right?”

“Yes, sir!” Jensen climbed out of the bed and made his way to the bathroom. “Give me ten minutes!”

While Jensen was getting ready for the day, Jared put on a pair of jeans and a different t-shirt. He knew the perfect spot to take Jensen for breakfast tacos. Just thinking about them made his mouth water. He dreaded the conversation that he would have to have afterward, but he felt like Jensen needed to know. Especially now that Jensen had witnessed one of his epic panic attacks. He really needed to explain some of the history that had led to who he had become.

 

“Dude! Those were awesome!” Jensen said as they came back through the door to the room. They had shared a highly enjoyable, worry free breakfast, and then a ride through the downtown area of the city. Jared made sure to include the Alamodome in case Jensen was a basketball fan. They both allowed themselves to just exist within the space they had, not to overthink anything, and to just enjoy each other’s company. Jared had smiled more within the last hour and a half than he had in months.

“Glad you enjoyed. That’s been my favorite place for breakfast tacos since I was about… I don’t know, eight? My grandad used to take me there every other Saturday. I don’t think I’ve been back there since I left for UT. Thanks for indulging me.”

“Thank you for sharing.” Jensen flopped onto the freshly made bed. “I am so full though.”

“Tell me about it.” Jared laughed. “Scooch over. Give me some room.”

Jensen moved more to the left side of the bed to allow Jared some space. Jared sprawled out on the right side of the bed and then began to wiggle around until he found a comfortable spot. Jensen began to chuckle as the movement of the mattress made him bounce around. Jared smiled while listening to the sounds Jensen was making. Jensen looked at Jared’s face and began to laugh even harder.

“What?” Jared laughed.

“I cannot figure out what color your eyes are, man!” Jensen giggled. “And those dimples are epic, Jay!”

“What?” Jared sobered a bit, an unreadable look in his eyes.

“You have the most amazing eyes I have ever seen.” Jensen looked into Jared’s eyes, growing serious. Jensen reached out to move Jared’s hair. “May I?”

“Sure.” Jared whispered. Jensen gently moved Jared’s hair and tucked it behind his ear. He ran a fingertip softly along Jared’s cheekbone. “They’re hazel.”

“Ah!” Jensen sighed. “Hazel. But they seem to change with your moods. Like, right now, they are this incredible aqua blue with gold highlights. They look like sunflowers against the sky on a beautiful summer afternoon. But yesterday, when you were upset, they were almost brown. They got so…chocolaty. I just want to watch them and see what they can do.” Jensen smiled. “I know they were a crystal blue when we first met, but then I thought they were green for a minute, too. God! They are absolutely gorgeous.”

“I always thought they were weird.” Jared said softly.

“No!” Jensen immediately responded. He moved up onto one elbow to be able to look down at Jared. “They are incredible! I mean… I have never seen eyes like yours before in my life. Jay, my God! I’m astounded.”

Jared couldn’t look away. He had fallen into Jensen’s eyes just as fully as Jensen was lost in his. There was something tugging at the back of Jared’s mind, but he was too lost to try and figure it out just then. Jensen ran his thumb over Jared’s cheekbone again. Jared opened his mouth to return the compliment when Jensen’s phone beeped. The spell was broken and Jensen blinked. He moved his hand away from Jared’s face and turned away. “I should probably check that. I’m waiting for a message from a friend.”

“Yeah, okay.” Jared breathed out. Once Jensen turned away from him, Jared put a hand over his heart and whispered _Oh my God!_ Jensen wriggled his phone out of his pocket to check his message.

 

_Daneel: Mission accomplished. I hope you know what ur doing. I still need an explanation._

_Jensen: Don’t worry. You’ll get one. Thanks!_

 

“Sorry about that.” Jensen said turning back to Jared.

“Uh, no worries.” Jared responded, his breathing still a little rapid. “I think we were supposed to talk anyway, right?”

“Yeah,” Jensen cleared his throat. “Yeah, do you feel ready to talk?”

“Sure. Uh, let me grab a water real quick.” Jared got up and headed to the fridge, trying to give his heart a chance to slow down.

When Jared returned, he chose to sit with his back against the headboard of the bed. He grabbed a couple of pillows to brace against and settled in with his legs stretched out in front of him. Jensen sat sideways turned toward Jared with his legs folded in front of him.

“Where do you want me to start?” Jared asked looking at the bedspread.

“What do you feel comfortable sharing? What’s most important in your opinion?” Jensen countered.

“It’s embarrassing, so you’ll have to bear with me, okay? No one except for Gen knows all of this.”

“Gen is?”

“My best friend. She went with me to the escort service.” Jared explained. “I met her a week after I got to D.C. and we live together out in Fairfax.”

“Ah! Got it!” Jensen held up a finger. “Before you start, I’m gonna go put the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the door. We have a few hours before we need to be anywhere, but I want you to be able to talk freely. Maybe people will leave us alone. Be right back.” Jensen patted Jared on the lower part of his leg and then bounded away. He grabbed a bottle of water for himself on the way back, and then took up his same position on the bed, ready to listen.

“Okay.” Jared released a big breath. “Here goes… There have been three highly influential people in my life. My grandad, my brother Jeff, and Nathan. Jeff and I were very close until he started junior high school. He was a great brother who always included me in stuff and always took me seriously. We seriously did everything together. During his seventh grade year, he started running with a different crowd, and he dropped his fourth grade brother like a hot potato. Mom and Dad were busy with Megan. She’s six years younger than me, so they needed to focus a lot of their time and energy on her. I was kind of floundering.

“Well, grandad noticed. He started showing up every other Saturday to take me out for breakfast tacos. He only ever did that for me. No one else was invited. He said that it was our special time together.” Jared smiled a small crooked smile. “I felt like someone cared again. And we would have the best conversations, too. About all kinds of topics.

“So one evening during the second half of Jeff’s eighth grade year, he got brought home by a policeman. I never was clear on what had happened, but boy did Jeff get it for whatever it was he had done. I don’t remember much of the argument that happened after the officer left, but I do remember that being the first time I ever heard Nathan’s name.

“The Saturday after that, grandad took me to a park right after we left Lucky’s. We were walking along watching all the dogs and families, and grandad decided we needed to have a man-to-man talk, so we had to sit down. He found a park bench, and we had a nice long talk about responsibility and choosing friends wisely.

“I remember the way his eyes looked when he said, ‘Jay, I want you to remember this. If you hang around with trouble, it’ll follow you home.’ He was so serious when he said it.” Jared looked off for a minute just lost in the memory. “I promised I would always remember it. I didn’t fully understand it at the time, but I certainly never forgot it.

“After that incident, Jeff spent more time at home again. We hung out more, and I felt like we were becoming more than brothers again. More like best friends. Grandad kept coming around every other Saturday, too. Just like clockwork. Mom and Dad were still busy. I think they were pleased that someone else had taken such an interest in me. That left them free to concentrate on other things.” Jensen grunted softly.

“Jeff and Nathan stayed friends, too. I began to understand that Nathan’s home life was rough. Jeff was trying to help him out by giving him a stable environment to be in. He told me that he wanted me to stay clear of Nathan though. He didn’t think Nathan would be a good influence on me or something.

“Well, during this same time I was learning some important things about myself as well. By the end of my eighth grade year, I knew that girls weren’t my thing at all. Boys definitely had my attention. Over the summer between eighth and ninth grade, I came out to my parents. It wasn’t a really big deal. They both hugged me and said they had sort of suspected it. They both said that they loved me and were there if I needed them for anything. Now I just had to get up the courage to tell Grandad.

“The very next Saturday, I asked him if we could go to the park after breakfast. Grandad said he’d love to. I found the exact same park bench and sat Grandad down. I explained that I was gay and that my parents already knew. I told him that I would understand if he might be uncomfortable around me for a while, but I hoped that in time he would be okay with things.” Jared got a far-away look in his eyes as he remembered.

“He put his hand on my arm, right above my elbow,” Jared placed his own hand on Jensen’s arm in that same spot and demonstrated. “And he shook it. He looked me straight in the eye again, just like before, and he said to me, ‘I don’t care who you love or who loves you back, Jay. But you make sure that whoever it is loves you for everything that you are. Make sure that they treat you right. And don’t give up what you have inside for someone else.’ I cried. Right there on that park bench. Grandad just gave me a big hug and told me that he loved me. That I was his special boy and always would be. His acceptance meant more to me than my own parents’. And he still loved me.”

“He sounds amazing!” Jensen whispered.

“He was.” Jared swallowed and grabbed his water bottle. After taking a big swallow and wiping his mouth, he continued. “Three months later, Grandad was diagnosed with Stage IV liver cancer and was gone within a year.” Jensen gasped. “After that I felt so devastated. I was lost and I felt so alone. The one person in my life who had always been right where he said he would be was gone. The only person in my life who always put me first.”

Jensen reached out and put his hand on Jared’s leg. “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.” Jared acknowledged. “After that I drifted. I lost interest in things. My parents were worried, but didn’t know what to do. Jeff tried to help me. He started hanging out with me even more and blowing off his friends. He tried to get me interested in the things I used to love. I appreciated what he was doing, and I could really see the sacrifice he was making. I just couldn’t seem to pull myself together.

“One day, I was home alone when the doorbell rang. It was Nathan. I told him that Jeff wasn’t home, but that he could check back later. He said he was there to give me a wake-up call. He told me that if I didn’t snap out of it soon, Jeff was going to get fed up altogether. He said that Jeff was sick and tired of babying me all of the time and trying to get me to get a life again. He was only hanging around me because he felt sorry for me. That he pitied me and my pathetic existence. He also said that just because I was gay, it didn’t give me the right to be such a pansy ass. Then he left.”

“What a dick!” Jensen said, shocked that this was the guy Jared ended up dating.

“Yeah! Pretty much.” Jared took a breath and shifted his position a bit on the bed. As he did, he realized that Jensen’s hand still rested on his shin. It felt nice there, comforting and warm. He huffed out a breath and continued. “I was devastated though. I was, what, fifteen at the time. I still depended on the opinion of others for what I thought about myself. My best friend had just died, and I had just been told that my second best friend, the only person I felt I could depend on, couldn’t stand me. That he thought I was pathetic.

“When Jeff got home that night, he knew that something was wrong. I wouldn’t look at him or talk to him. As soon as dinner was over, I went straight to my room. Jeff followed me and sat at my desk. I told him to go, but he didn’t say anything. He just sat there and waited until I started talking.

“I told him he should just go hang out with his friends. He didn’t need to waste any more time with me. That I was a pathetic excuse for a human, and he should just write me off as one. I could see Jeff getting upset. He asked me where this was coming from. It took some prodding on his part, but I finally told him what had happened that day with Nathan.

“Jeff was pissed. He told me that he didn’t feel that way, and that Nathan had no right to say those things to me. He told me that he had been enjoying our time together recently. He said he didn’t know fully what Nathan’s problem was, but that Nathan was also gay and was maybe jealous of me. When I asked why in the world he would be jealous of me, Jeff explained that when Nathan came out to his parents, they kicked him out. Nathan was told that if he wanted to be gay, then he couldn’t be their child. According to Jeff, Nathan didn’t have anyone else at home who cared about him. He still lived there, but he kept to his room when he was there. Nathan made sure that he was home as infrequently as possible. I felt bad for him. I guess I started seeing him as a tragic character. I still didn’t want to have anything to do with him, but I started seeing him with sympathetic eyes.

“It took me a while, but I started to pull back out of my funk, feeling more like myself again. I still hadn’t come out at school. A few people knew, but I was afraid that with my already odd looks and skinny physique, people would treat me poorly.”

“You were skinny? Hard to believe!” Jensen interjected.

“Oh yeah! I was growing really quickly. My body mass couldn’t keep up. I was uncoordinated and couldn’t figure out what to do with my arms half the time.”

“Sounds adorable.” Jensen said, then blushed. “Sorry, keep going.”

“Um, okay.” Jared thought for a second, and then began again. “Jeff actually gave me the courage to just let it go. He was home from college over a holiday break. I think it was Spring Break. We were at an ice cream place. He saw me watching one of the guys behind the counter, and he looked at me and said, ‘You should ask him out.’ I blanched, choked on my ice cream. I said, ‘Are you crazy?’ He laughed and said that I was becoming a young man and needed to accept who I was. There was nothing wrong with me. If other people had a problem with it then it was their problem. Not mine. I laughed him off, but started thinking about what he had said. Not long after that, I came out. And again, it was no big deal.

“Then in senior year, I met Jonah. We started seeing each other, but his parents didn’t know that he was gay, so we had to be careful. He came over to my house a lot, and we would watch movies or play video games. We held hands, sat leaning up against each other, but that was pretty much as far as it went.

“Well, one night when Jonah was over, Jeff and Nathan showed up. They had decided, spur of the moment, to head home for the weekend. Jeff was at St. Ed’s in Austin and Nathan was at Texas State. Anyway!” Jared paused for a moment and heaved out a sigh. “So Jonah and I were cuddled up on the couch watching a movie. I was holding Jonah’s hand, resting my head on his shoulder. After the two of them moved through, I got up to get a drink and some snacks for Jonah and me. When I got to the kitchen, Nathan was there alone. I asked where Jeff was and Nathan motioned in the direction of the bathroom. I started moving around the kitchen getting our snacks when I heard Nathan clear his throat.”

Jensen could feel some of the tension returning to Jared’s body and knew that this was going to be an important point to the story. He whispered, “What happened, Jay?”

“I turned to look at him and he said, ‘You are looking really good, little brother.’ I shrugged it off and laughed. He said, ‘No, seriously. When did you get so tall?’ He moved behind me and put his hand on my back. I moved away from him and tried to keep moving. He kept sort of following me and making comments about my body and my looks. It went on like that for a few minutes. Him making comments and me just trying to get out of there. Finally, as I was heading out, he said, ‘Let me know if you ever want a real man.’

“I practically sprinted back to Jonah. Nathan had truly scared the bejesus out of me.”

“I bet.” Jensen answered. “Geez! Talk about a creeper!”

“I know, right?” Jared rolled his eyes. “So! Nathan stayed away from me after that. He and Jeff had some sort of argument, so they took a break from each other for a while.” Jared shrugged, then said, “Jonah finally admitted that he needed to figure himself out before he could continue any sort of healthy relationship. Senior year ended and I headed to UT.” Jared paused here and looked at Jensen. “I, um, I’m really uncomfortable about this next part, okay? I have never sat down and told anyone all of this in one go. Like I said before, Gen is the only one who knows all of this, but she learned about it in fits and starts over many cry fests and nights with alcohol.”

“I understand. You take your time, and if you need a break, just take one. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.” Jensen fidgeted with his water bottle for a minute.

“I guess you didn’t know you were signing on to be my therapist as well as my ‘boyfriend’ for the weekend, huh?” Jared looked away and quickly moved to sit on the edge of the bed with his back toward Jensen. Jensen quickly scooted to sit beside Jared.

Slinging one arm over Jared’s shoulders, Jensen said, “I’m with you all the way this weekend. Whatever you need.”

Jared grunted and shook his head. “Why in the world would you want to? I’m not paying you enough to have to put up with all of this whining.”

“Um… About that.” Jensen started.

Jared’s phone chirped from the bedside table where he had tossed it when they first got back to the room. He picked it up to see who could possibly be texting him. “It’s Jeff. Hang on a sec.”

As Jared checked his message, Jensen looked up at the ceiling in supplication and fell backwards on the bed. He had been ready to tell Jared about the refund. He knew he needed to take care of that soon, but he wasn’t sure how to begin that conversation.

“Jeff said, and I quote, ‘Put your clothes on and come down to the lobby. I wanna meet your man.’” Jared laughed uncomfortably. He turned to look at Jensen lying flat on the bed beside him. “It’s close to lunchtime. If you want to go meet him, we can grab lunch and then we’ll still have time to finish talking before tonight. I could probably use a break before this next part anyway.”

“Whatever you want to do, Jay.” Jensen groaned as he sat back up. He caught the small smile on Jared’s face as he used the nickname. “So your Grandad called you that, huh?”

“Yep.” Jared’s smile grew a little. “He is the only one who ever has. The family has a bunch of other names that they use, but no one ever took that one. Until you did last night. I know that this sounds weird because I really don’t know anything about you, but it sounds right coming from you for some reason.”

“Cool.” Jensen nodded. “I won’t overuse it, I promise.”

Jared’s smile grew even bigger. He slapped his thighs with his hands and stood up. “Let’s go meet Jeff.”

 

Jared wasn’t sure what to expect when he walked through the lobby looking for Jeff. He hadn’t spoken to Jeff in several months. Time just seemed to slip by without there being any communication there. Add to that the fact that he had to seriously censor himself whenever he did talk to Jeff, and it made sense that Jared avoided conversations most of the time. Jensen was following dutifully along behind him when Jared stopped. Jensen looked at him with a question in his eyes.

“Can I hold your hand?” Jared asked quietly. “I’m feeling nervous about this.”

“Sure.” Jensen reached out and took Jared’s hand in his and then held Jared’s forearm gently with his other hand. “Remember, I’m your boyfriend. You can hold my hand whenever you need it.”

“Thanks!” Jared whispered.

“JT!” came a loud voice from the other side of the lobby. Jared’s head whipped in that direction to see Jeff walking quickly in his direction.

“JT?” Jensen whispered.

“Jared Tristan.” Jared whispered back while smiling and waving at his brother.

“Got it!” Jensen returned.

Jared had to let go of Jensen as his brother wrapped both arms around him and tugged him forward. He hugged Jeff back a little hesitantly and patted his brother on the back. Jeff moved back to look at Jared and smiled a huge smile.

“God, Jare!” Jeff gushed. “It’s so good to see you! Let me look at you!” He moved backwards a bit and looked Jared up and down. Jared made a face.

“You want me to turn around so you can see me from all angles or what?” He joked.

“You look good, Jare.” Jeff said solemnly. “I’ve been worried about you, man.”

“What?” Jared swallowed. “Why?”

“I don’t know. We haven’t talked much since you moved.” Jeff responded. “I guess I just missed you.”

“Uh, thanks?” Jared replied awkwardly. Jensen cleared his throat. “Oh! Yeah! Jeff this is Jensen. Jensen meet my older and slightly taller brother Jeff.”

Jeff turned toward Jensen and reached out a hand. Jensen shook it and smiled at Jeff.

“Good to meet you, Jensen.” Jeff stated. “Didn’t know you existed until this morning, but I’m glad to make your acquaintance.”

“Nice to meet you too.” Jensen returned. “Didn’t know you were that damn tall until just now, but I’m glad to finally put a face with a name.”

Jeff laughed openly at Jensen’s jibe and bumped his fist against Jared’s shoulder. “I guess the height thing is still a sore spot for the Jaybird here. He always dreamed of being taller than me. Alas! It just isn’t in the cards, little bro’.”

“Guess not.” Jared smiled back. He reached over and took Jensen’s hand back in his own and felt his heartbeat slow down a bit when Jensen gave it a gentle squeeze. “Is Amanda here?”

“She is with her parents at their hotel. It seems as if we have divvied up the River Walk for the weekend. Padaleckis at one end and Taylors at the other.” Jeff laughed again. “I’m footloose and fancy free until the family dinner tonight.”

“Oh, that’s good.” Jared answered. “What’s on your agenda?”

“I was hoping to get a chance to catch up with you for a bit and get to know Jensen here a bit better if that’s good with you guys.”

“That’s sounds nice, Jeff.” Jensen answered for Jared. “We got breakfast tacos this morning, but I think mine are wearing off.”

“Aw man!” Jeff grumped. “You went to Lucky’s without me? Again?”

“I will always go to Lucky’s without you, Jeff.” Jared said seriously. “That’s my place.”

“Oops!” Jensen said. “Did I step in something?”

Jeff laughed with good humor but his eyes seemed sad as he answered. “No, not at all. That place is really special to Jared. The fact that he took anyone with him is unheard of. You should feel privileged, Jensen.”

Jensen looked toward Jared who was avoiding his gaze. He gave Jared a gentle elbow, and Jared looked over at him. Jensen raised an eyebrow and Jared gave a subtle shake of his head.

“Anyway!” Jeff continued. “I’m game for whatever. You guys want to hit the River Walk?”

“Sure,” Jared answered. “Let’s go!”

The three men headed out to the stairway that led down to the river, and Jeff began chatting about the festivities and how everything was falling so easily into place. Amanda’s idea of a simple ceremony had grown into something more elaborate. Jeff laughed as he regaled them with stories of how the guest list kept growing when their respective mothers got their hands on it. Jared began to relax a bit and started to take a more active role in the conversation. He was still nervous about this time with Jeff. It was if he was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. Jensen was doing a great job of winning Jeff over. His calm presence at Jared’s side and his abundant knowledge of a wide variety of subjects helped keep Jared focused and present.

When the conversation slid into sports, Jared knew things were going to be okay.

“So Jensen.” Jeff started. “Who is your team?”

“For which sport, dude? You gotta be more specific.” Jensen replied.

“Football, man! Of course!” Jeff laughed. They had reached their restaurant of choice and were waiting to be seated. They had taken up residence on a short wall that looked over the river.

“Well, considering that I grew up in the Dallas area, it seems obvious that my team is the Cowboys.” Jensen snarked. Jared laughed and his eyes twinkled. “What about you, Jeff?”

“Yeah, man! Dallas all the way!” Jeff answered. “And basketball?”

“Mav’s man! I’m a home team boy all the way!”

“Ah, there is where we differ. I’m a Spurs fan.”

“I can respect that.” Jensen nodded. “Spurs are a phenomenal team. And as long as you don’t go around telling people this,” Jensen whispered conspiratorially, “I’ve been known to root for them just as hard as the Mav’s on occasion.”

Jeff threw his head back and laughed. “Jare, I like him. He can stay!”

Jared grinned and nudged Jensen gently with his elbow. Jensen’s smile lit up, and he nodded to himself.

 

Later when their meals were finished and they were waiting for the bill, the mood seemed to grow a bit more somber. Jensen looked between the brothers and sensed some sort of upcoming reckoning between them. He braced himself for impact. He had a feeling this wasn’t going to go well.

“It’s really good to talk to you again, Jared.” Jeff started. “I know I said it earlier, but I really have missed you, man. Ever since your graduation day, I felt like you have been shutting me out. Like you don’t want anything to do with me, and I gotta say… It hasn’t felt very good. We used to be so close. I don’t know what happened, but it’s so good to be able to just joke and play around again.”

Jared’s tension seemed to mount even higher as Jeff spoke. Jensen leaned toward him and put his hand over Jared’s arm.

“Listen,” Jeff continued. “I know something happened between you and Nathan.” Jared’s hands fisted on the table. Jensen draped his free arm over Jared’s back and rubbed his hand lightly over Jared’s arm. “I don’t know what it was. But I get the sense that it was bad. I feel like I’m missing something. He won’t talk about it. At all. He just keeps telling me that your split was amicable. No fault on either side. I just want the truth, Jared. I want to know what happened.”

“Well, Jeff. Since you clearly think I’m the one to blame for the situation, and your precious Nathan doesn’t want to talk about it, maybe you should let it go.” Jared spit out.

“No, Jared!” Jeff spluttered. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Whatever!” Jared stood up abruptly, shaking Jensen’s hands off of himself. “Jensen, I’m heading back to the hotel. Do you want to stay here?”

“Um, no?” Jensen stated, shocked and confused. “I’ll go with you.”

Jared held his hand out for Jensen to grab, which he did after standing up beside Jared.

“Jared, please. Don’t do this.” Jeff’s voice was sad. “I just want my brother back.”

“See you at dinner tonight.” Jared replied and stormed off back to the hotel, dragging Jensen behind him.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time Jared talks about what Nathan did. It isn't pretty, so be forewarned.

Chapter 5

 

As soon as the door closed behind them, Jared slumped to the floor with his arms wrapped around his knees and his head on his arms. Jensen had never seen someone so big become so small. He felt tears well up in his eyes as he took in the obvious pain in Jared’s body. He sat on the floor beside Jared and began to rub small circles on his back.

“You can go if you want.” Jared murmured.

“What?” Jensen asked, confused.

“If you want to leave, you can go.” Jared restated.

“Why would I do that?”

“Because I’m a mess and you didn’t sign on for this. I didn’t know it was going to be this difficult.” Jared’s voice failed.

“Jared, look.” Jensen spoke softly and tried to convey his acceptance and willingness to support. “We’ve been over this. I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere. I want to help you get through this. I still don’t know what this asshole did to you, but I don’t care.” Jensen paused and held on to Jared as he said, “You are a strong, caring, amazing person. I want to help you prove to everyone that you are strong enough to overcome anything in your life that tries to get you down. I believe you can do it.” Jensen paused again. “I believe in _you._ ”

“Ha!” Jared scoffed, lifting his face but keeping his eyes closed. “I’m pathetic. And broken. I’m a sad, lonely, desperate excuse for a human. I mean, I had to _pay_ somebody to come down here with me. For my own brother’s wedding! A brother I haven’t spoken to in months. Why? Because he chose the man who mentally, emotionally and sexually abused me for years instead of me!”

“What?” Jensen asked quietly, a rage building in his chest. “He did what?”

Jared looked stunned. His eyes flashed open and he looked at Jensen. “Shit!”

“What happened, Jared?” Jensen asked softly, trying desperately to keep the anger in his chest from coming through. “What did he do?”

“Oh God!” Jared whispered and then he broke down. Tears flowed from his eyes, and his shoulders shook with the sobs that were pouring out of him. Jensen wrapped both arms around Jared and just held on. Jared wound himself around Jensen and let go of all of the pent up emotions. It was the first time in his life he had actually said those words out loud. He had always made excuses and blamed himself. Now, he had finally faced the truth of what had happened to him for over three years of his life. He had allowed someone else to take control, and Nathan had twisted it cruelly back on him. His grandad would be so disappointed in him.

“Jay? Jay, come on. You’re scaring the shit out of me right now.” Jensen whispered, while stroking Jared’s hair. “Jay?”

Jared sniffled and tried to get himself under control. “I’m sorry. Jensen, I’m sorry.”

“No, no. What did I say about apologies?”

“I’ve spent my life apologizing. It’s a hard habit to break.”

“What do you mean?” Jensen asked quietly.

“I’ve always been too much of something or not enough of something else. I’m always apologizing. I’ve never felt I truly fit in anywhere or that I’m welcome anywhere.” Jared’s tears were rolling down his face and making a wet spot on Jensen’s shirt.

“Jared, I want you to be yourself around me. All the time. I accept you just as you are with no apologies and no exceptions to that rule. You got me?” Jared shrugged in response. Jensen caught his chin and raised his face to look into his eyes. Firmly, Jensen said, “Don’t shrug me off. Either you got me or you don’t.”

“Okay, yeah. I got you, Jensen.” Jared said sniffling.

“I’ve spent a great deal of time apologizing, too. You aren’t alone in that, okay?” Jensen continued. He let go of Jared’s chin, but Jared kept looking at him. “I wasn’t accepted by my extended family. Raised in a family that believed in God and Holy Redemption! Gays were unnatural and would ‘Burn in Hell!’ Texas Bible Belt, man! You gotta love it!”

“Yeah,” Jared laughed. “I know what you mean.”

“But one day, I guess I was about 17, my mom called me into her bedroom and sat me down on the bed. She told me that there was a reason why we got to pick our friends and our loved ones from elsewhere in the world. We aren’t locked in to only being with family members for the rest of our lives. We are given a base from which to make our own way into the world. She told me that she loved me, but she expected me to do just that, to make my own way in the world. She told me to always keep my chin up and look for my happy circumstance. She said that no matter what else happened in the world, we always have to live with ourselves and the choices we make. From that day on, I stopped apologizing for who I was. Do I make mistakes? Yes. Do I regret some of the things I do? Yes, absolutely. But I don’t let that drag me down. I deal with it and I try to move on.”

Jared nodded his head. “I got it.”

“Now. Let’s talk about the things that you need to deal with, so _you_ can try to move on. Okay?” Jensen gave Jared his biggest smile. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Okay. Damn, man! You should have been a shrink instead of a Physical Therapist.”

Jensen laughed a full rich laugh, pulling Jared’s head back into his chest and tucking his own chin over it. “It was one of things I considered, actually. But it took too much school.”

Jared giggled thickly, and Jensen’s heart stuttered.

“Let’s move back to the bed. More comfortable.” Jared said getting to his feet. “Floors are too hard.”

Jared stopped by the bathroom on the way and took a good, hard look at himself in the mirror. He knew this was gonna kick his ass, but he had been skirting the subject for far too long. It was time to face facts. He realized that he trusted Jensen more than he had anyone else in a long time. He was ready to get through it. He quickly wiped his face off with a cold cloth and moved back to the bedroom.

Jensen was stretched out on the left side of the bed, arms crossed behind his head. Jared’s footsteps faltered a bit on his way over. Jensen recognized Jared’s nervousness and quickly sat up with his legs crossed and patted the bed in front of him.

“Okay.” Jared said gathering his thoughts as he settled down to face Jensen. “So I guess I need to start where I left off. Jeff and Nathan had an argument and had been taking a break from one another. I went to UT to start on my Engineering program. Jeff stayed in Austin to go to Med School at UT. He had an apartment on the south side. I didn’t know where Nathan was until one night I saw him at a club in West Campus. They were having an 18 and up event. Some sort of dance competition and my freshman roommate wanted company, so I went.

“I was sitting at a booth at the back. I think it was early October. I looked up and I saw Nathan from across the room. I immediately wanted to leave, but he saw me and made his way over. I was pinned in and couldn’t get out. He stopped at our table and said hi. I said hi back. He asked if he could speak to me for a minute. I said that wasn’t a good idea. He said he wanted to apologize to me. He said it right there in front of like four or five of my new friends. I thought that was pretty ballsy, so I told him he could continue if he wanted to, but I wasn’t going anywhere with him. He smiled and looked down, then he started talking about how he had been a real dick to me the last time he had seen me and that he was very sorry about the whole thing. He wanted to start over if that was okay with me. He’d done a lot of thinking over the past six months, and he’d realized that he needed to make some changes in his life. The first of which was cutting his family out of his life completely. He said they were a huge ball of negativity, and he had allowed it to color his perception of the world for too long. He said he hoped that I could accept his apology and maybe give him a second chance. Then he said ‘See you around’ and walked off.”

“Wow!” Jensen said. He rubbed his hand over his forehead and looked at Jared. “Had he been talking to Jeff at all?”

“No.” Jared said.

“So Jeff had basically kicked him out of his life and Nathan saw you as a way back in.”

Jared sat back, stunned. He tried to speak a few times and then cleared his throat. “What?”

“Nathan.” Jensen said. “He wanted to get back into Jeff’s circle. He saw you and saw a way to get back where he was. I bet you the argument they had was over the way Nathan had spoken to you the last time he saw you. I bet Jeff basically told him to get stuffed and leave you alone. Nathan figured he could smooth things over with you and get right back into Jeff’s good graces.”

“Wow!” Jared said in a shaky voice. “I can’t believe you just did that.”

“What?” Jensen asked.

“It took me forever to figure that out.” Jared smiled, bewildered, at Jensen.

“That’s because you were wrapped up in your own story, Jay. Nothing wrong with that. I’m getting it from a fresh perspective and all in one go. And I’ve always been good at puzzles.” Jensen reached out and took Jared’s hands in his own. “So how long did it take him to maneuver himself back into your life?”

“Embarrassingly, not very long. I have to admit I was flattered. No one else had shown any interest in me, and I was afraid that I was just too funny looking and gawky.”

“As if.” Jensen muttered.

“He started showing up in places where I would be on campus. He would always smile and speak cordially and then leave. Not allowing too much tension to build. Then one day, I was at Starbucks working on a paper and a coffee. He sat down across from me and said, ‘Please don’t be upset with me.’ And when I asked what was going on, he said that he felt the need to be honest with me about something that had been bugging him. I told him to go ahead. He said that he had been attracted to me for quite some time, but he wasn’t sure what to do about it. That was part of the reason he had acted like an ass before. He saw me with Jonah, and it had made him jealous. He’d responded in a horrible way, but he was wondering if we could possibly go out and see how it went. I turned him down. He asked again three days later. Then again three days after that. I finally relented and went out with him. And that was that.”

“He’s good.” Jensen responded. “I’ll give him that.” Jared tilted his head and gave Jensen a questioning look. “A master manipulator, let’s say.”

“Anyway! Things were okay at the beginning. He was sweet and thoughtful. He didn’t pressure me to do anything I didn’t want to do. Then gradually things began to change. He would make comments about my age and the fact that we couldn’t go out to the places he liked because I was too young. Or that he didn’t want to hang around with a bunch of college kids all the time. He knew that I was serious about my studies, so he began to use that as an excuse to keep me from doing anything socially. Whenever I’d say something about a party I wanted to attend or some kind of event, he’d ask if that was a good idea since I had a test coming up or a paper due or whatever. Granted, I made awesome grades, but it also served to isolate me from my peers.

“It continued like that for a few more months, and then he started to suggest that since we were exclusive, we should let Jeff know that we were together. I was still reluctant because I knew that Jeff had never wanted me to interact with Nathan to begin with. And I still wanted Jeff to be proud of me. I wasn’t sure how he would feel about this relationship. At first Nathan was okay with my suggestion that we wait a bit longer. Then eventually Nathan told me it was fine. It was up to me to decide when and how we let my family know. Then he started to drop hints all the time. So I figured I’d talk to Jeff on my own and see what he said.”

“That’s exactly what he wanted you to do.” Jensen said softly, rubbing his thumbs over Jared’s wrists.

“Yeah. Yeah, I figured that out too. Much later.” Jared looked away from Jensen and then down at the bed. Jensen let go with one hand to bring Jared’s chin back up.

“Chin up, Jay.” Jensen said, softly. “Keep going.”

“So I went to Jeff’s one day. I told him that I had seen Nathan recently. Told him that he had been different than he used to be. Jeff asked for details, and we got to talking. I finally told him that Nathan and I had gone out once or twice. Jeff wasn’t happy about it. I explained that it wasn’t anything serious even though he and I had been dating for about four months at that point. I found myself convincing Jeff to give Nathan a second chance. So it was at my urging that Jeff let Nathan back into his life.”

“Nice.” Jensen said.

“Yeah, well.” Jared shook his head. “I know. Master manipulator.” Jensen nodded. “So Jeff knew that Nathan and I were dating, but didn’t know how seriously I felt about it. I still didn’t want Jeff to be disappointed in me. Nathan figured that out and started using that to his advantage. Saying things like Jeff would love it if we met him at so-and-sos. Or you should let Jeff know about your last grade on this or that. I’m sure he would want you to work harder on x. Still manipulating me to get me to do what he wanted. Disregarding my requests to go to certain events. It was so subtle. I didn’t understand what was happening.”

“Of course not. You were young and had led a somewhat sheltered, loving life with a family that cared about you.” Jensen encouraged. “He came from a much harder reality. I’m sure you weren’t cognizant of everything he was using to get you to fall into line.”

“Around the same time, he also started trying to move the physical side of our relationship a bit faster. I didn’t want that. I wasn’t comfortable being physical with him. Mom had always taught us to go slowly and be sure before you took the irrevocable step. Nathan would make comments like ‘I just want to love you and have you love me back.’ I still hadn’t allowed him to get very far with me though. I was protecting myself in that way at least.

“After about a year together, my sophomore year, Jeff invited us over to his apartment for dinner with him and the girl he was dating at the time. During the course of the evening, it came out that Nathan and I had been together quite a bit longer and more seriously than Jeff knew. I could tell that Jeff wanted to say something, but Nathan made it look like I was trying to hide it from Jeff for some reason. That Nathan had wanted to tell Jeff right from the start, but that I was reluctant. In the moment, I was confused and it sounded like the truth. Nathan had asked me to tell Jeff sooner than we had actually told him. Naturally, the end result was that Jeff thought I was lying to him.

“It continued that way for a while to where I was constantly doubting my own interpretation of events. I was still making excellent grades. I thoroughly enjoyed my classes and that became my happiest place. But I had no social life to speak of because Nathan always kept me on lock down. I didn’t even see that was happening. I had friends, but I only ever saw them during class. Nathan wouldn’t even allow me to have study sessions with other people. He became my only study partner. He also very quickly became a conduit for me to Jeff. Everything went through Nathan. He was in charge of what information Jeff received. I thought he was doing it out of love. I thought it was his way to care for me. In reality, what I discovered later, was that he was slowly making me look unreliable and uncaring. He would tell Jeff that I had forgotten about a lunch date that I knew nothing about. He would tell Jeff that something ‘more important’ had come up at the last minute and I couldn’t make it. He got the alone time with Jeff and I looked bad. Meanwhile, I was none the wiser.

“When I finally figured out what he was doing, it was too late. I was well and truly isolated. I still thought he loved me, but I looked around and saw no one in my life that I could trust. He was all I had. Then he began to tell me how stupid I was. How forgetful I was. How lucky I was that I had him in my life. No one else would want a funny-looking, forgetful prude like me. He had me convinced that he had told me about all of the appointments I had somehow ‘missed’. He said I was too involved in my studies and I wasn’t paying enough attention to him and my family. He said that I needed to show him that I loved him.

“That’s when my sexual education began. He said that I was too uptight about sex. He wanted me to realize that sex was just a natural thing that two people who loved each other should share. This was junior year. Up to that point we had only ever kissed and hugged. We held hands when he felt like it. Now he wanted to show me that touching each other was fun. He said the best way for me to learn that was for me to touch him. So for a while he would have me get him off by using my hands. Sometimes he would offer to reciprocate, but I always turned him down. I didn’t want to do things with him, but I was afraid if I didn’t he would leave me and then I would be all alone. I guess my subconscious was trying to tell me that things weren’t good.

“Anyway, after a while of that, he said I needed to give him more. That I was a grown man and if I was going to continue in any sort of sexual relationship, I needed to know what to do with my mouth.”

At this statement, Jensen’s fists clenched. His heart rate shot up. He had a suspicion he knew what was coming. Jared’s body was very tense. Jensen made eye contact with Jared and said, “Take your time. When you’re ready.”

“He had it all planned out.” Jared continued slowly. “We went out to dinner. He was extremely considerate that night. He pulled out my chair, got all my favorite dishes. We went to a movie, and he held my hand, whispered how beautiful I was in the lights from the screen. He kissed my cheek before we got up to leave. He asked if I wanted to go back to his place. I said sure. When we got there, he immediately pushed me up against the door and started kissing me. Hard. Then he started saying the most awful things about me. He called me cold and a prude. Said that I was just waiting to let my inner slut out and that I was going to do it for him. Then he pushed me onto my knees.”

Jensen once again reached out for Jared’s hands. They were cold to the touch, so Jensen held them between his own.

“He said that I owed him for the lovely meal and movie. He said that if I wanted him to not tell Jeff about how cold and distant I was that I needed to give him something to remember. I was crying and scared, but he didn’t care. He undid his pants and held my head in place. He said that in order for me to prove my love I would have to take what he would give me and not complain about it. Then he forced my mouth open and pushed himself inside.”

Tears began to run down Jared’s cheeks, but his voice never changed as he kept going.

“He held my face and pushed all the way in. I couldn’t breathe, and I started gagging. Then he pulled out so I could breathe, but he pushed back in again. He kept a very firm grip on my face. At one point, I tried to push him away, but he smacked my hands. He looked me in the eyes at that point and said ‘If you stop me, it means you don’t love me. It means that everything I’ve done for you has been a lie.’ Then he kept eye contact as he pushed all the way back in to gag me again. This time holding me in place for longer than before. My eyes were running, my nose was running, I felt hopeless. I thought ‘Well, if he kills me, I won’t have to deal with this anymore.’ Finally, he just held my face and shoved himself in and out until he was ready to climax. He pulled out and shot onto my face. Then he smacked me. Hard.

“As I was laying there on the floor, he put himself back together again. He leaned down over me and told me how beautiful I was like this. All used up just for him. He said that even the handprint on my face showed him how much I loved him.”

Jensen was shocked. He was heartbroken for this gentle, sweet man sitting here in front of him. He felt his own tears running down his face and reached up to wipe the tears from Jared’s eyes. He saw just how little light there was in Jared’s eyes. He leaned forward and placed a kiss on Jared’s forehead.

“I’m still here, Jay. I’ve got you.”

Jared shook his head, returning to himself. He looked into Jensen’s eyes again. Sadness leaked out of every pore.

“He told me to get up and get in the bed. I started to head to the bathroom, but he told me not to. He said that he would take care of me. I walked into his room, sat on his bed and waited. He came in a minute later with a cold, wet cloth and a bag of frozen peas. He wiped off my face for me and told me to lay down. Then he wrapped the bag of peas in the cloth and placed it on my cheek. He told me to lay on my side. Then he crawled up behind me and draped his arm around my waist. He started whispering that he loved me and that he was so proud of me. He slid his other arm underneath my head and wrapped it around my neck. He told me that he wanted to make sure I was happy because I had made him so happy. He said that I had proven that I loved him. He was going to make sure that Jeff knew how happy we were together.”

“Jesus!” Jensen whispered.

“I had to lay there all night with that washcloth that smelled like his… on my face. With him holding me down. His arm around my throat.”

Jensen gently stroked a hand over Jared’s head and placed a soft kiss on Jared’s cheek.

“He continued my ‘education’ after that.” Jared continued. “He would be very stingy with his touches, his kisses, etc. But every couple of weeks he would force me to give him a blowjob. It never again got to the same level of violence as that first night though. He never hit me again, but he did use his words and his emotions to make sure I was doing what he wanted me to do. He never forced me to have penetrative sex though. That was one thing he left me control over. Whenever I had pleased him, he would lay with me in the bed holding me in that same position. One arm over my waist and one around my neck. He would tell me how beautiful I was. If I did something wrong, he would talk about it for days and tell me how stupid I was. How cold and unfeeling. How he was amazed that I couldn’t do something so simple and natural. That I wasn’t worthy of anyone’s love. He always threatened me with telling Jeff how inadequate I was.

“At the same time, he and Jeff had become close friends again. They spent quite a bit of time together. Whenever I went home for a holiday or a break, Nathan would come along. He was always so sweet to me during those periods that I felt like I was going insane during the other parts of the year. I couldn’t reconcile the two Nathans at all. All my family ever saw was the sweet, caring Nathan. The one who would pet my hair and ask if there was anything he could get for me. The one who gave me little presents for no reason. I kind of lived for those times. I wanted that Nathan all of the time. I felt like I could live through the awful things if I could just have the moments where he really looked at me with that softness in his eyes.

“My family never noticed anything off. At least they never said anything. They seemed happy that I was doing well in school despite having this with Nathan. Of course, when I was around them, I was happy. Content. Because I had the good Nathan.

“During the summer before Senior year, I lived at home. Nathan came down on the weekends. Whenever we were alone together, he was the bad Nathan. When my family was around, he continued to be the good Nathan. I felt like I was dating Dr. Jekyll or something.” Jared scoffed. Jensen squeezed his hands again trying to encourage him to continue. Jared finally did.

“For senior year, I was sharing an apartment with a girl named Stacey. She was sweet but somewhat vapid. I hadn’t met her before moving in with her. Nathan was the one who helped me find the apartment and the roommate. He said since he was in Austin full-time, he would be able to interview potential roommates and find the perfect spot. It was a great location. I’ll give him that. Close to campus. Nice space. Decent light. Good sized bathroom. Blah, blah, blah. It was on the opposite side of the city from Jeff, though.

“Stacey never really tried to be my friend. She was always pleasant, but not really involved. I was hitting some of the tougher classes, so I spent a lot of time at the library. Because I was so focused on getting through it with the best grade possible, I didn’t notice that I saw Nathan less and less. I heard from Jeff a bit more though. That was good. It seemed that even though the two of them were friends, Jeff was having a few concerns about things. I remember one time that first semester, Jeff wanted me to meet him for coffee. When I got there, Jeff told me that he had seen Nathan out at a club dancing with someone. He asked if everything was okay between us. I asked if he was sure that it was Nathan. He said he thought so, but he saw him from across the room and never got a chance to speak with him. I didn’t know what to say, so I told Jeff everything was fine. Jeff told me to call him if I needed anything. He said he missed hearing from me the way he used to, and he was glad we had the chance to catch up. I felt like he knew something was wrong, but he didn’t pursue it. And I was in no position to reveal anything.

“Then suddenly I was in my last few weeks of senior year. I had sent out a handful of resumes and applications, all local. I knew Nathan wouldn’t let me get too far, so I didn’t raise my hopes too high. I was hoping to just graduate near the top of my class with the possibility of getting out from under everything once I got some money of my own. I never made any firm plans though. Every time I thought about it, something happened that knocked me back down. I was pushing, pushing, pushing. Just trying to get through it.” A tear slipped down Jared’s cheek. Jensen stroked a thumb over his cheekbone to wipe it away.

“So on a random Thursday night, Nathan decided to take me out for dinner. He said I needed a break from school because I deserved it after the great work I had been doing lately. We went to my favorite restaurant. He got all my favorite dishes. He held my chair out for me. You get the picture.”

“Oh God!” Jensen whispered. He lifted Jared’s hands and kissed the back of each one. He looked at Jared and said, “You don’t have to keep going. I get it. If you want to stop, you can stop.”

“No, I’m almost done. I need to get this out. I want to recognize everything for what it is and try to get past it.”

“Okay.” Jensen twined his fingers through Jared’s, amazed at the strength Jared was showing. “I’m right here. I’ve got you.” Jared nodded and then took a deep breath.

“I recognized the signs from before, and I was worried. At the end of the evening, he took me back to my place. I heaved a sigh when he got out of the car. I figured I was safe because I was at my place, not his. When we went in, Stacey wasn’t there. My stomach dropped. I was really worried now. He was a little bit shorter than I was at the time, but he was very, very strong. At the time I was still a bit scrawny. I was still growing, and I hadn’t really started working out or anything yet. He wrapped his arms around me from behind, holding my arms in place, and started kissing my neck. He whispered, ‘I want to give you something special tonight, Jared.’ He then maneuvered me into my bedroom and sat me down on the bed. He undressed and made a neat pile of his clothes on my desk. He reached into the bedside table and pulled out a tube of lube that he kept in there. At this point, my heart was beating so fast. I was trying to keep my breathing slow and regular. He told me to stand up and take off my clothes. I didn’t want to, but I knew things had the potential to get much uglier if I didn’t.

“Once I was undressed, he told me to lay down on my back. He moved up to sit beside me and put some lube on his hand. He began to jack me off. He didn’t ask if I wanted it, he just started to touch me. He told me to spread my legs a bit because he wanted to make it good for me. He put more lube on his hand and started to slather it just behind and on the backside on my balls. He put a bit on my upper thighs as well. He kept moving his hand on me though. I didn’t really want him to touch me, but my body was responding. It felt awful, I didn’t want it, but he kept going. He got me to completion, and I was devastated. Then before I had really recovered from that, y’know, become aware again, he pulled me onto my side and got behind me on the bed. He covered my mouth with his lubed, cum-coated fingers and told me to lay still. He got situated to where he could slide himself between my thighs. With one hand over my mouth and the other one holding my legs the way he wanted them, he began to pump back and forth between my thighs. I could feel him bumping into my balls and occasionally dragging across my hole and I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe, and I started to hyperventilate.” Jared’s voice was flat and the words came quickly. Jensen continued to hold Jared’s hands, but he felt cold just listening to the emotionless voice as Jared continued. “He just kept going. He kept talking to me. Saying all of these awful things to me. I think that was the first time I ever had a panic attack. I just had to lay there until he was finished because I couldn’t move. When he finally came, I felt the warmth of his release hit my scrotum, and I almost puked. I was still not breathing right, so if I had thrown up, more than likely I would have choked on it and not been able to get rid of it.

“He continued holding me in that same position as he came down. I was still hyperventilating and felt like I was close to passing out. When he let me go, I could taste the lube and my own release on my mouth. I could feel his release dripping along my thighs, but I was finally able to get my breathing back under control again. He patted me on the ass and told me to go get a shower. He said he didn’t want to lay with me when I was covered with my own cum. I couldn’t get out of the bed fast enough. I needed to get him off of me.”

Jensen’s breathing had become a bit panicked and irregular, and he needed a moment to find his own equilibrium. He wasn’t sure how aware of his own surroundings Jared was at the moment, but he didn’t want Jared to freak out over Jensen’s response. He took a deep breath and started rubbing his thumbs along Jared’s wrists again to let him know that he wasn’t alone. Jared took a deep breath of his own and looked up at Jensen. When Jared started to speak, he sounded a bit more alive than before.

“I took one of the hottest showers of my life. Once I felt somewhat clean again, I got a drink of water, and brushed my teeth. When I got back to my room, he was still laying in the same position. He lifted his arm, ushering me back into the same location. Once I laid back down, he wrapped me up like he always did. He asked if I had enjoyed myself. I mumbled something, and he said that he knew I would. Then he started whispering what a great job I had done. How amazing I was. How much he loved me. Then he asked, ‘Aren’t you going to say anything?’ I asked what he wanted me to say. He said, ‘Don’t you want to thank me?’ So I said thank you. Then he went to sleep.”

“Jay, may I hug you?” Jensen whispered. When Jared nodded, Jensen leaned forward and wrapped Jared up in his arms. Jensen said, softly, “I know I’m not supposed to say this. But I want to kill him.”

“I’m not done yet.” Jared whispered.

“Oh my God! There’s more?” Jensen groaned. “I need to keep you close to me. If you don’t mind, Jay. I need to be holding you. I need to know you are here and okay.”

“Yeah, that’s okay. Can you lay on your back?” Jared asked. Jensen moved to accommodate him. Once Jensen was in position, Jared laid down beside him with his head on Jensen’s chest. Jensen lifted Jared’s hand and placed it on his own chest with his hand on top. He loosely put his other arm around Jared’s back. Jared asked, “This okay?”

“You tell me. Are you okay like this?” Jensen asked in return.

“Yeah, this is good. Thank you.” Jensen’s eyes filled with tears at the lost sound in Jared’s voice as he continued. “So he stayed over that night, holding me like that. We were both naked, and I was extremely uncomfortable. I couldn’t sleep. I laid there all night. Wide awake. When my alarm went off the next morning, I quietly got up and made my way out the door. I had classes to get to, so I wrote a quick note for Nathan and left it on my pillow. Within the hour, I got a text message asking me where the hell I was. I waited until class was over and sent back the answer. I then got the message asking me why I went to class when he had told me I needed a break. I answered that I only had a few weeks left, and I wanted to finish strong. He said he’d see me later and then didn’t answer any other message I sent him throughout the day.”

Jared paused and shifted on the bed. He seemed stressed again. Jensen was already contemplating ways to pay Nathan back for all of his little lessons about Jared’s sexuality. The one currently at the forefront of his mind involved tight string and Nathan’s balls.

“That night, I went to the library after grabbing a quick bite to eat. When I got there, the area where I usually sat was closed for cleaning. I was so tired anyway from getting no sleep the night before and all of the turmoil prior to that, so I gave up and headed home. When I got there, I unlocked the door and went inside. I could hear an odd sound, so I turned toward it before I really made any noise myself.” Jared stopped and swallowed quite loudly. Jensen gently began to run his hand up and down Jared’s back. “Stacey and Nathan were having sex on the couch. She was riding him, and he was gripping her hips. They were moving together in perfect sync. He was pumping his hips up into her with his eyes closed as she moved back and forth, and he looked so happy. She had her head back and was clutching her breasts. They were both covered in sweat and making all kinds of grunts and groans.” Jensen closed his eyes and counted to ten as he waited for Jared to continue. “They obviously didn’t hear me because they kept going. I was in such a state of shock and confusion that I just stood there.

“It was weird. I just stood there and watched, and it was like I wasn’t really there. Everything was so clear but surreal in that moment. She climaxed first and then watched him as he finished close behind her. He laid there trembling and smiling. She leaned down onto his chest with a sigh. Obviously well pleased with herself and him. Nathan wrapped his arms around her and said, ‘God! It’s always so good with you, Stacey. The way you move is so amazing.’ I was at a loss for what to do or say. I threw my keys at them and headed for my bedroom.

“I sat there on my bed and let the emotions rush over me. I couldn’t even pin one down. I was overwhelmed. I felt fear, relief, vindication, sadness, anger, and then I realized what he had said. He enjoyed the way she moved. He never let me move. He always held me down in some way. He held my head in place or my arms. The night before, he held my legs in place. Me, he used. Her, he enjoyed.” Jensen’s breath hitched as he listened. “It clicked just then. I was a thing to be used and abused. Not to be cherished and loved. I was overcome. I could hear him coming down the hall, so I tried to brace myself.

“He stood in the doorway and tried to talk to me. I told him not to come any closer. He tried to apologize, said something about not wanting me to find out that way, something about getting careless. It deteriorated as I tried to get some sort of explanation out of him. Then he turned it around on me. Said it was my fault because I wouldn’t give him what he wanted, what he needed. He said Stacey was willing and available. My brain was buzzing and I couldn’t seem to grab onto a coherent thought. I told him that I was in love with him, that I couldn’t believe he was giving us up for sex. And sex with a girl especially. I mentioned that it sounded like the two of them had been together more than once. Then I realized something.”

“He’d done it before.” Jensen said, realization flooding his body. “He’d been with multiple partners while he was treating you like shit. Jay.”

“Yeah. He admitted that he’d been screwing around on me the entire time we’d been together. He was apparently pretty active while he was in college, so he’d hooked up with some of his previous partners at first. Then he’d gone out to bars and picked up new partners. Of course, he blamed it on me. He said that I wasn’t giving him what he needed. And what I did give him wasn’t good enough. I remember him saying something about the few ‘not-very-good blowjobs’ he’d gotten from me. He admitted that the thing with Stacey had been going on for months. He even bragged about how good she was.

“He tried to calm me down, like he usually did. Used the pet names he had designated acceptable. I pushed him away and told him to get out. He then began to talk about how disappointed Jeff would be. He actually said that Jeff would be upset that I couldn’t keep him satisfied. He brought up my family. Asking how they would feel when they realized that our relationship was over because I was bad at sex. I was so confused and tired. I just wanted him gone. He finally said he was leaving but wanted me to think about what I was going to tell the family about why we had ended things.

“After he left, Stacey came in and blathered on about something. I wasn’t listening. After that I didn’t see her anymore. She moved out as soon as the semester was over, and I haven’t seen her since. Nathan kept calling me and asking what I was going to tell my family. I finally told him to come up with something. That I didn’t care. I just wanted him to leave me alone. I felt lost, used up, and like a total waste of skin. I didn’t want to be bothered. After years of him twisting me up, I couldn’t think straight any more. I started having panic attacks when I thought about him ever being near me again or if someone came up behind me. And sometimes when I was in tight spaces it would happen. I was a mess. With all of that going on, I put out even more applications and resumes. I was so happy when I got the job in Alexandria. I finally packed my shit, and fled.

“Like I told you on the plane, he took over my family, and I haven’t been back since.”

Jared took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Jensen began to rub Jared’s back.

“And that’s most of it. I’m sure there are other things that will come out as I go, but that’s the bulk of it.” Jared huffed. “Well, aren’t you glad you listened to all of that?”

“I’m glad I was here for you when you were finally ready to face it. How do you feel?” Jensen asked softly.

“Lighter, but tired. And if I’m perfectly honest…fragile.” Jared answered.

“I think that is a pretty reasonable way to feel right now.” Jensen answered softly. “I’m glad you told me all of it.”

“Any idea what time it is?” Jared asked around a huge yawn.

“I think it’s around four. Maybe four thirty.”

“Would you mind if I took a nap?”

“Honestly, I’d be surprised if you didn’t.” Jensen responded. “I’ll set an alarm. We need to be there at seven?”

“Yeah,” Jared yawned. “I’ll need enough time to shower.”

“Okay. Relax, Jay. I’ve got you.” Jensen started to move out from under Jared to reach for his phone. Jared tightened his hold on Jensen’s hand. “I’m just gonna grab my phone. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Okay.” Jared relaxed again and allowed Jensen to move.

After the alarm was set and his phone was close to his head, Jensen settled back in. Jared sniffled and slipped into sleep. Jensen could feel Jared’s body relaxing down into a deep sleep. Jensen began to think back over everything he had heard today. He also filtered in everything he had witnessed since meeting Jared at the airport the day before.

He had told Jared the truth earlier. He loved puzzles, and he tugged at them until they unraveled for him. He knew people like Nathan existed, but he had never heard of a situation that horrible before. As his brain reflected, he found three bright spots. One: Jared had faced all of the ugliness and should be on his way to recovering from it. Two: Jared’s family loved him very much. His mother and his brother have each recognized that something was wrong. They both seemed determined to figure it out. Three: Even though Jared would have to work through some issues with intimacy, he had not had his virginity forcefully taken away from him. Jensen had been so afraid that that was where the story was going. It was bad enough the way it was, and it could certainly be called sexual assault, but Jared still had control over that last bit of intimacy.

It also seemed that Jared didn’t have any trouble with physical closeness in the form of hugs and casual touching. Cuddling was obviously okay since they were doing that right now. The kisses that Jensen had given had been calmly accepted as well. There were some positives in the middle of all of that ugly.

Jensen made a promise to himself that he would stay aware of things around him over the next few days. He wanted to be sure that he could be what Jared needed. He was very hopeful that by Sunday afternoon Jared would be able to put all of this behind him. Jensen would be happy if that was all he got out of the weekend, but he was beginning to understand that walking away from this without Jared in his life would be intolerable.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family dinner

Chapter 6

 

When Jensen’s alarm sounded, he was deeply asleep. Once he had gotten his thoughts in some kind of order, he had reached a deep state of relaxation. Having Jared tucked into his side had certainly been a bonus. Now he felt off-kilter. He reached for his phone to stop the blaring alarm. That’s when he realized that there was no weight on his chest. His eyes flashed open in a panic. His immediate thought was where did Jared go?

He sat up and looked around trying to locate Jared. He heard a giggle from the front room. A giggle? He sat on the bed quietly, trying to hear what was going on. There was a low murmur, but Jensen couldn’t make out any words.  He knew he shouldn’t be eavesdropping on Jared, but he couldn’t help trying.

He rubbed his face with both hands and looked at the time. They had about an hour before they needed to head out to the restaurant for the family dinner. He grabbed his bottle of water from the bedside table and took a swig. Now that he was thinking a little more clearly, he wondered what he should do. Jared would have heard his alarm, so he needed to show his face. With that thought, Jensen ran his hands through his short, brown hair and moved to the edge of the bed. A shower was definitely in order. He rummaged through his suitcase until he found the outfit he had packed for tonight. Gathering everything together he made his way toward the bathroom. As he rounded the doorframe, he caught sight of Jared perched on the tiny couch in the front room with his phone clutched to his ear.

Jensen continued on his way to the bathroom making a vaguely floppy wave in Jared’s direction. Jared smiled and nodded at him and continued his conversation. Fifteen minutes later and with a new attitude, Jensen emerged from the bathroom in his dress pants, and a sharp white t-shirt. He was briskly rubbing his wet hair with his towel.

“Hey, Jared?” he called out.

“Yep!” sounded from the bedroom.

“Do you need to get in here?”

Jared’s head popped through the doorway. “Um,” he started. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I do.”

Jensen stopped drying his hair and looked over to Jared who seemed to be blushing.

“What’s wrong? Did I forget to zip?” Jensen asked checking his outfit.

“Uh, nope. You’re good.” Jared answered and disappeared.

Jensen stepped back into the bathroom to hang up his towel and then made his way to the bedroom to finish getting dressed. Jared nearly ploughed into him on his way past.

“Sorry!” he called over his shoulder and kept moving. “There’s coffee in the kitchen!”

“That was weird.” Jensen muttered to himself as he opened his suitcase.

He had hung up the shirts he was considering before starting his shower. Now he contemplated which one he should wear as he found a pair of dress socks. He grabbed his hair gel and made his way over to the mirror. As he sculpted his hair into the tousled look he preferred, he ran through his plan again. He still felt like he was on the right track. He just needed to carry it out without causing more trouble. When the shower cut off, he still hadn’t decided which shirt to wear. He figured it would be best to see what Jared thought. He sat on the small bench at the end of the bed to put his socks on.

Jared walked back into the room in a similar outfit to the one Jensen was wearing. Jared’s t-shirt was tightly stretched across one of the best chests Jensen had seen in a really long time. Jared had his arms raised while towel drying his hair. Jensen suddenly realized why Jared had reacted the way he had to Jensen performing the exact same maneuver. The bottom of Jared’s t-shirt stopped about three inches above the top of his dress pants. His stomach, complete with a fine line of treasure trail was visible. Jensen’s breath caught in his throat and his stomach gave a happy little twist.

He moved quickly to the two dress shirts and started to look them over. He kept his back turned until he heard the thump of the towel hitting the bench.

“Which shirt do you think?” Jensen asked Jared.

“Well, we want to look like we go together without being too matchy. Know what I mean?”

“Yep.” Jensen answered. He looked at Jared’s pants and was relieved to see that Jared had chosen a navy blue. Jensen’s were a dark grey. That part was fine. “What color are you wearing? And do I need a tie?”

“Ooo! Good question! Let me call, Mom.” Jared rushed toward his phone. “I was planning to wear this aqua colored one.”

Jensen’s stomach twisted again. If Jared wore aqua, chances were very good that his eyes would be that amazing summer sky color again. Jensen looked at his own choices and reached for the teal one. It tended to bring out the green of his own eyes, or at least that’s what Dani was always telling him. He tugged it on and waited for Jared to return with the decision regarding ties. Jensen had just finished buttoning his shirt and was reaching for his shoes, when Jared walked back in.

“Hey! Mom said just dress pants and shirt tonight. Ties tomorrow night for the… rehearsal… dinner.” Jared slowed down when he caught a glimpse of Jensen in his shirt. “Wow! You look amazing!”

“Thanks!” Jensen looked himself over and decided to loosen the top two buttons since they were going no ties. “Do you think your mom will approve?”

“Who cares?” Jared stated dreamily. He shook himself and said, “I mean, yeah. She will definitely approve. That color really brings out your eyes. Which, by the way, are gorgeous.”

“Thanks again!” Jensen said, blushing. “That’s what Dani said.”

“Danny?” Jared asked, face falling. “Who’s Danny? A boyfriend?”

“Daneel. From the agency?” Jensen answered. “She and I go way back, remember?”

“Yes, the agency.” Jared said softly. “Right!”

Jensen felt his smile slip a little. He had just inadvertently reminded Jared that there was a pretense to this arrangement. He mentally smacked his head in exasperation. He really needed to tell Jared about the refund.

“Um, Jared? About the agency.” Jensen started.

“Yeah?” Jared asked as he began to pull on his own shirt. “What’s up?”

“Well, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“Okay. I’m listening.” He finished buttoning his shirt and turned to face Jensen. Jensen had been completely right. Jared’s eyes were stunning. And so trusting and open. Jensen swallowed and tried to get the words out, but he just couldn’t seem to get his mouth to work. Jared tilted his head and waved a hand in front of Jensen’s face. “Jensen? You okay?”

“Um, yeah. I, um, yeah. I’m okay.”

“You were going to tell me something?”

“Uh, what time is it?” Jensen asked instead.

Jared checked his watch and said, “Time to go actually. Can your thing wait until later?”

“Yeah! Yeah, of course. We’ll talk later.”

Jared quickly tucked his shirt in, checked his hair in the mirror and grabbed his socks and shoes. He moved into the front room to sit on the couch and called back to Jensen, “Are you sure? Is there something I need to know?”

Jensen took a deep breath and tried to clear his head. He needed to be honest with Jared, but he was so afraid of what would happen. He was here under false pretenses now. Jared thought Jensen was taking care of him because he was being paid to do it. How would he feel if he knew that Jensen was now here because he cared about Jared? That is a good change, but how would that affect their interactions. Right now, Jared believed that Jensen was pretending to be Jared’s love interest, and Jared still had a lot of emotional leftovers to work through because of the awful things Nathan put him through. Maybe it was safer for Jared to have the buffer in place.

“Jensen?” Jared called from his position in the doorway. “Are you sure that you’re okay? You’re getting weird on me. I mean, I know I just dumped a bunch of info on you…”

“No, Jared. It isn’t that, I promise.”

“You sure you aren’t just now realizing how weak and stupid I am for sticking with Nathan for all of that time, ‘cause if you are? I totally get it.” Jared’s nervousness and lack of self-esteem were pouring out of him. “I mean, I can’t believe I did it either, and if you want to back out of this and leave now because you don’t want to have to deal…”

“Shh!” Jensen said, quickly moving to Jared. He gently took Jared’s face in his hands. He could see how fragile Jared was feeling and needed to help him regain his equilibrium. “Shh! None of that.” Jensen rubbed his thumbs along Jared’s cheekbones and looked him straight in the eye. “You are a strong person for having lived through all of that. You are sweet and caring and gentle even after having gone through what that dick put you through. I’m happy to be here for you. I’m proud to be able to stand by your side. I’m amazed at your ability to be here at all after all of that. You are facing an extremely difficult situation here, and I’m so honored that I have this chance to help you.”

“Pfft!” Jared closed his eyes. “Yeah, right.”

“It’s true!” Jensen stated. “All of it is absolutely true.”

Jared’s chin dropped toward his chest. On the spur of the moment, Jensen leaned forward and kissed Jared’s forehead. He felt Jared lean into it, then Jared’s hands wrapped around Jensen’s wrists.

“Stop being so nice to me, Jensen.” Jared whispered, his voice choked with emotion.

“What? Why?” Jensen responded.

“I’m having trouble keeping the illusion separate from the reality again. I need to be clear. And when you’re this nice to me, the lines blur.” Jared stated while keeping his eyes closed.

Jensen placed another soft kiss on Jared’s forehead then took a step back. Jared’s eyes came back up to meet Jensen’s.

“Follow your heart, Jared.” Jensen whispered. “Keep your chin up and look for your happy circumstance.”

Jared’s mouth twisted into a crooked grin. “Yeah. I’ll do that.”

“We gotta go!” Jensen said and finished putting himself together.

 

“How are we getting there?” Jensen asked as they stepped out of the elevator.

“Mom said there would be a car. Look, they’re over there in the lobby.” Jared said waving at his family. His phone beeped and he pulled it out of his pocket to check it. “Hey! This is from Gen. I need to call her. You go ahead and I’ll be right there.”

“Okay.” Jensen smiled. “Don’t take too long.”

“I won’t. Promise.” Jared smiled back. As Jensen made his way over to the Padaleckis, Jared moved to a quiet corner and dialed Gen.

“Jared!” Gen answered, breathlessly. “I thought things were going well out there.”

“They are. What’s up?”

“Well, when we spoke earlier, you said Alex or Jensen, whoever, was being really cool about everything.”

“He is, Gen. He’s been amazing. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I just got off the phone with Daneel.”

“Okay. And?”

“I called her before I called you earlier to ask why my money had been refunded to me.”

“Refunded? You got a refund? I thought that was only supposed to happen if things didn’t go well.”

“Exactly my point. So what’s wrong down there?”

“Nothing. Start from the beginning and explain it to me.”

“Okay,” Gen huffed out a small breath. “I got an electronic alert earlier that I had gotten a return of funds at around ten this morning. I didn’t get a chance to follow up on it until lunchtime. I saw that it was from Daneel’s company, so I called her and left a message asking about it. Then I spoke to you and everything sounded like it was going well. After we hung up, I got the call from Daneel. She said that she had been directed by Alex, uh Jensen, to refund the money. She wouldn’t tell me why. Sounded all professional and said she had ‘no further information at this time.’ I freaked out. I thought he had done a duck and run on you, but you hadn’t fessed up about it. So I ask again, what’s wrong down there?”

“Okay, that’s weird. Maybe there’s been some kind of mix-up or something. Jensen’s here. There haven’t been any issues, and he’s been fabulous. Really caring and sensitive and so incredibly sweet.” Jared smiled remembering the little kisses from earlier. “He’s surpassing any expectation I had before coming down here. Gen, I don’t understand about the refund, but we’re good here.”

“Jare, be careful. I don’t know what’s going on but this is weird.”

“Yeah, okay.” Jared looked over at his parents. They were happily chatting away with Jensen. All of them had big smiles on their faces. “I’ll be careful, Gen. And thanks for letting me know.”

“Of course. I love you, Texas. Be good to yourself and don’t let them get to you.”

“I won’t. Love you too, Little Bit. Bye.” Jared hung up the phone and watched as his father patted Jensen on the shoulder. Jensen turned just then to look for Jared. When their eyes met, Jared’s stomach made a happy little lurch. Jensen smiled his way and made a “come on” gesture with his head. Jared nodded and shoved his phone back in his pocket. He’d have to figure out what was going on with this refund thing. But he’d have to get through tonight first. He needed to have his game face on for this one.

 

The ride to the restaurant with his parents was somewhat enjoyable. The conversation stayed light. His parents asked about the flight and how they liked the room. They pointed out landmarks for Jensen. Jared kept a smile in place and kept his answers congenial and brief. He felt a bit awkward though. It was as if his parents had become strangers to him. They were never super close, but Jared couldn’t remember there being this much distance between them. Jensen kept checking on Jared during the entire ride. It was really sweet to see him looking over every few minutes, and Jared blushed every single time. At one point, Jensen reached over and took his hand and then rested their joined hands on his own thigh. Jared’s stomach did that little lurch/twist thing again.

Jeff was standing outside the restaurant when they pulled up. He looked a bit uncomfortable about something. Jared’s parents headed straight in his direction as Jared and Jensen got out of the car. Jensen caught Jared’s eye and grinned at him, wiggling his eyebrows to try to lighten the mood. Jared grinned back. Jensen stepped forward and put his arm lightly around Jared’s waist and whispered, “You ready?”

Jared leaned into Jensen, placing his own arm around Jensen and returned, “As I’ll ever be.”

As they approached the other three, Jensen began to get a sense that something was wrong. He looked to where Mr. Padalecki was standing off to the side with Jeff and then back at Jared’s mother who had her arms crossed over her chest with fire in her eyes. Jeff looked shamefaced, but Mr. Padalecki was the picture of calm. The closer they got, the more Jensen could hear.

“Jeff, you need to do as your mother said here, son.” Mr. Padalecki was saying. “We don’t want trouble tonight.”

“I know, Dad. But he won’t listen to me.” Jeff replied.

“Gerald, you get him out of here or, so help me God, I will.” Mrs. Padalecki said, staring daggers at Jeff. Jensen was a bit confused. Mrs. Padalecki wouldn’t be throwing Jeff out of his own dinner party. Then it hit him. Nathan was here. And he was NOT invited. Jensen grinned as another piece of the puzzle slid into place.

“Is there a problem?” Jensen asked. Jared seemed unaware of the issue until Jensen brought it to his attention. His eyes widened as he took in the picture in front of him.

“No, dear.” Mrs. Padalecki said with a gentle smile on her face. “Just give us a minute to take care of something? Why don’t you and Jared head into the bar and grab a drink?”

“Sounds like a good idea.” Jensen returned. He looked at Jared and indicated the way with a wave of his hand. Jared still looked a little shocked, but led Jensen to the door.

Once they got inside, Jensen’s head was on a swivel. He tried desperately to get a glimpse of the asshole who had mistreated Jared on such a massive scale. Unfortunately, he didn’t know what he was looking for, so it didn’t do him any good.

As they enjoyed their beers, Shiner Bock on draft for each, they chatted a bit about nothing in particular. Jensen shared a story from his youth about a fight on the Little League Baseball field over whose job it was to carry the ball bag. Jared found it hilarious and could just imagine a little blonde-haired Jensen getting all frustrated over being told it wasn’t his turn. They were both chuckling and finishing up their drinks when Jared’s eyes turned toward the doorway. Jensen’s heart skipped a beat at the thought that Nathan had found them. He knew Jared wasn’t ready for that yet.

“Jare-bear?” he heard a shaky female voice behind him. His head whipped around to see a tall, slim young woman with long blondish-brown hair looking at Jared.

“Megan?” Jared asked in an equally shaky voice. “Megan, you’ve grown up!”

“Things like that tend to happen when nobody’s watching, huh?”

“Yeah,” Jared laughed, and looked down. “I’m sorry, Meggie.”

“Shut up, asshole!” Megan said. Then before Jensen was sure what would happen next, Megan was in Jared’s arms and both of them were crying. Jensen leaned back against the bar and watched as the siblings continued to hold onto each other.

“Um, should I leave?” Jensen asked.

Jared backed away from Megan laughing as he responded. “No, of course not. Jensen, this is Megan, my little sister. Megan, this is Jensen. My boyfriend.”

Megan dried her eyes with the back of one hand and walked toward Jensen. She held out her other hand and said, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Jensen.”

“Likewise,” Jensen smiled.

“Forgive the display. It’s been a while since I’ve seen this jerk.” She said, punching Jared on his arm.

“No problem.” Jensen stood and took Jared’s hand in his own.

“Mom and Dad sent me in to get you. Everything’s ready for dinner.”

“Uh, we’ll be right there.” Jared said softly. “Just a minute, okay?”

“Sure.” Megan grabbed Jared again and hugged him tightly. “I missed you.”

“Missed you too, Stinkface.”

Megan laughed as she turned around and walked away. She looked back over her shoulder before she left the bar area and smiled at both men.

“We, uh, we got close before I went away to school.” Jared said. He ran his free hand through his hair. “She was twelve when I started UT, sixteen when I left for D.C. She noticed that things weren’t right for me, but that was a story I wasn’t going to tell a fifteen-year-old. She always sent me cards and art that she had drawn to let me know that she was thinking about me. She’s very perceptive.”

“You didn’t mention her that much today.” Jensen stated.

“No. I, uh, feel protective of her in a way that I can’t explain. I don’t talk about her often. I guess, in a way, I’m afraid I’ll jinx it or something. She’s an amazing person. I don’t want to taint her.”

“Oh, Jared.” Jensen pulled Jared into his arms. “There is nothing wrong with you.” Jensen could feel Jared leaning his head into Jensen’s shoulder. “Come on! Let’s get in there. We don’t want to miss anything!”

 

During dinner Jensen kept his eye on Jared’s family and how they interacted with Jared. He already knew that Megan was on Jared’s side. That was obvious from their greeting in the bar. Jared’s mom was aware that something had happened to Jared because of Nathan and was willing to fight for her boy. Jared’s dad was still a difficult read. But Jeff? Jeff was confused. Jensen was certain that Jeff needed some information and quickly.

Jared placed himself as far away from Jeff as he could when they sat down to the table. Jensen made sure that he was right beside Jared. Megan was on Jared’s other side. Jared’s mother was beside Megan, then Jared’s dad and then Jeff. Then Amanda was seated next to Jeff with her family following until it circled back to Amanda’s little brother seated next to Jensen.

“So Jared.” Amanda’s dad started. “It’s nice to finally meet you. When did you arrive?”

“Thank you, sir. It’s nice to meet you and your family as well. Jensen and I got in late last night.”

“I gotta say, son. We were beginning to think Jeff had made you up.” Mr. Taylor laughed. His wife politely joined in.

“Yes, sir. It’s been tough to get home.” Jared returned. Jeff looked over with a concerned look on his face. “I’m just glad I got to make it down for such an important occasion.”

“Hear, hear!” Mr. Padalecki tossed out. “It’s good to have you home, Jare.”

Conversations swirled around the table until the food was brought out. Jensen was aware that Jeff kept stealing glances at Jared throughout the time and didn’t seem to be contributing much to his own end. Amanda kept leaning toward him and speaking softly to him. Jared was speaking softly with Megan and including Jensen in their conversation as often as he could, a perfect gentleman. The two sets of parents were having a pleasant conversation across the table and seemed to be enjoying each other’s company. Jensen felt fairly sure that there would be no in-law drama.

At one point, Amanda’s little brother leaned over to Jensen and whispered, “I hate stuff like this.”

Jensen smiled back at him and said, “Better get used to it. There are sure to be more things like this in your future.”

When the food arrived at the table, conversation became more of an entire table sort of thing with people eating and contributing as they felt moved to do so. Suddenly, Jared and Jensen seemed to be in the spotlight of everyone’s attention.

“So Jared.” Mrs. Taylor said. “How did you and Jensen meet?”

“Oh, uh.” Jared cleared his throat, wiped his mouth with a napkin and held up a finger as he sipped his tea. “It’s a funny story actually.” Jensen smiled into Jared’s eyes as he started his story. “I woke up one morning, took my usual jog around the neighborhood and decided it was an eggs and bacon day. After I got cleaned up, I headed over to one of my favorite little diners right on the edge of campus.”

“What school is that again?” Mrs. Taylor asked.

“George Mason University.” Jensen offered. She nodded in return and turned back to Jared.

“Anyway! So I go to the diner, and it’s packed. They have a policy there that if they are busy, they will try to seat two people who are eating alone at the same table. That way they can serve more people and no one has to eat alone.” Jared smiled at Jensen.

“So, I’m sitting there at my table,” Jensen picks up, “and the hostess comes over and explains the policy to me. She asks if it’s okay to seat another single at my table. I agreed. She leaves and immediately comes back with this gorgeous, extremely tall, man with incredibly beautiful eyes and the softest looking hair I think I’ve ever seen.” Jensen turned to Jared and watched as his face turned the prettiest shade of pink. Jensen bumped shoulders with Jared and got him to look directly into his eyes. Jared’s eyes showed a bit of doubt. Jensen kept eye contact with him as he said, “It’s absolutely true. I swear.”

“So I sit down across from him and the waitress comes over with his plate of food.” Jared grins at the memory. “I point at his plate and say ‘That looks good. I’ll have one of those.’ And the waitress,” Jared cracks up laughing and its Jensen’s turn to turn pink. Jared continues, “The waitress says, ‘If I had one of those, I’d be a very happy woman’ and then winks at me and walks away.” Everyone at the table started to laugh at that, and Jensen shook his head and looked down at the table.

“Jared looked back at me after she walked away and we both cracked up laughing, and then he says ‘I think you have a fan.’” Jensen laid his hand on Jared’s arm at that and Jared caught his eye again. They both felt the jolt that went through them when their eyes caught. “We spent the next hour talking.”

“Then he got up to leave and I said, ‘Let’s do this again sometime.’” Jared continued.

“And like an idiot, I said that I was busy.” Jensen said, rubbing his hand along Jared’s arm. Jared’s chin dropped and his eyes focused on the table. “I got up, went outside, dropped on the closest bench and berated myself for a good ten minutes. I was scared. But then I got up, went back into the restaurant, and walked right up to him.” Jared’s head lifted and their eyes met again. Jensen winked at Jared and said, “I apologized, told him I was being an idiot, and that I would love to hang out with him. We’ve been hanging out ever since.”

Jared’s eyes lit up when Jensen lifted his hand and kissed it. Jared moved Jensen’s hand to his own mouth and placed a gentle kiss on Jensen’s hand as well.

“Aw, Jared!” Mrs. Padalecki sighed. “I’m so happy for you. I’m so glad you found someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, sweetheart. I was so worried about you.” Mr. Padalecki patted his wife’s hand and smiled down at the table. Mrs. Padalecki picked up her napkin and dabbed at her eyes. Jeff abruptly stood up, excused himself and left the table. Jensen’s eyes followed him as he made his way across the room.

After a couple of minutes, Jensen leaned into Jared’s side and whispered, “I’ll be right back.” He placed a quick kiss on Jared’s cheek and followed where Jeff had gone. He found Jeff standing on the back porch of the restaurant, leaning against the railing, and staring out into the wooded area behind it. Jensen moved up to the railing and leaned against it, leaving space between himself and Jeff. Jeff looked over quickly and nodded his head.

“You okay?” Jensen asked. “Not having second thoughts or anything are you?”

The corner of Jeff’s mouth turned up, and he shook his head. “Nope. Amanda’s definitely the right one for me. No doubts. No chance of it falling apart on my side.”

“Good.” Jensen acknowledged. “Anything else bothering you?”

Jeff turned sad eyes to Jensen and nodded once.

“Want to talk to a stranger about it?” Jensen asked.

“Well, you are a stranger to me, but not to the other party concerned. I don’t think I can talk to you about it.” Jeff answered. He tapped his mouth with his thumb a few times and then turned back to Jensen. “Is Jared okay?”

“He’s working on it. But he isn’t quite there yet.” Jensen answered staring off into the trees. Now that he was here, he wasn’t sure what he had the right to discuss. He was going to have to be very careful with this.

“Have you guys talked much about your dating histories?” Jeff asked quietly.

“A bit.” Jensen hedged. “Why do you ask?”

“Has he dated anyone in D.C. that you know of?”

“Nope.” Jensen answered. That, at least, he felt confident sharing with Jeff. “He’s a bit skittish of relationships, I think.”

“I see.” Jeff said. “Did he say why?”

“That’s not for me to say, man.”

“Okay. I get it.” Jeff returned. He tapped his mouth again. “Here’s the thing. And do whatever you want with this.” Jeff started. “Jared had a long relationship here before he left. The guy is a friend of mine. I have recently been having some doubts about his integrity, and it has brought up some memories about the period of time Jared was with him. I’m starting to believe I missed something back then. I’m scared that something happened that I could have done something about. My mom is convinced that Jared left and hasn’t been back because of whatever it was.” Jeff stopped for a minute and just stared out at the trees. Jensen waited, letting Jeff take his time. “I’ve been watching him tonight. With you. He looks like the Jared I knew way back. Before UT. Before everything. He looks happy and relaxed. I’m glad to see that, but it makes me think even more about the guy Jared was with.”

“I hear you.” Jensen said when Jeff paused, hoping Jeff would continue.

“Listen,” Jeff began again. “Whatever happens in the next couple of days… Don’t let go of him? He’s good with you. You’re good with him. Take care of my brother because I’m so afraid that I didn’t when he needed me the most.”

Jensen felt the tears begin to pool in his eyes and tried to blink them away. He looked down at where his arms were leaning on the railing and cleared his throat.

“I’ll do my best.”

“Thanks, man.” Jeff said, patting Jensen on the shoulder. “I, uh, I better get back.”

“Yep.”

Jensen stayed in place as Jeff backed away and headed back inside. His thoughts were running rampant through his head. All of Jared’s family knew that something was wrong, but so far, no one had done anything about it. He shook his head in wonder. Sometimes sins of omission or overlooking facts were worse than just about anything else. He decided then and there that he would make sure to tell Jared the truth before the events of tomorrow night. He wiped his eyes of the tears that were still hovering behind his lids and ran a hand down his pants. The door opened behind him and he turned to see Jared making his way across the porch toward him.

“Hey!” Jared called. “You okay?”

“Yep.” Jensen replied turning around to face Jared fully. “Just had a heart-to-heart with your brother.”

“Shit! Jensen! You didn’t say anything did you?”

“Of course not.” Jensen responded calmly. “I wouldn’t betray your confidence like that.”

Jared huffed out a breath. “I know. Sorry! I panicked just a bit there.”

“No worries.”

“No. I shouldn’t have doubted you. I trust you, Jensen. I do.” Jared huffed out a breath. “This is just a crazy situation we are stuck in here. I’m thankful for you being here for me.”

“Jared, I need to tell you something. I’ve been trying to say something to you all day, but we keep getting interrupted. Do we have a minute here?”

“Depends. They are getting ready to serve the dessert. Someone may be coming out to get us in a second. What’s up?”

“I guess I should wait until we’re back in the room then.” Jensen answered nervously. “I don’t want to be interrupted again. And I want you to be able to talk freely when I tell you. This may not be the best time.”

“Okay. If you think so.” Jared smiled.

“Yeah, just remember that I’ve been trying to tell you for a while, okay?”

“Now you have me worried.” Jared said tilting his head to the side.

“It’s okay. I promise.”

“Alright.” Jared reached out his hand to Jensen. “Shall we go back now?”

Jensen nodded and grinned. He took Jared’s hand, and they walked back to the table together.

 

The rest of the evening passed without incident. Jared relaxed in the company of his family and ended up forgetting about the extenuating circumstances for a little while. He thoroughly enjoyed having Jensen beside him and flirted unabashedly with the green-eyed man. Jensen noticed the difference and took it all in.

It was about ten thirty by the time they got back to the room. Jared stretched and shook his arms out to release the last bit of tension that was residing in his body. He grabbed his sleep clothes and headed to the bathroom. When he looked at himself in the mirror, he saw a different man than the one he had seen earlier in the day. He saw light in his eyes that hadn’t been there for months. Years even. He replayed some of the looks Jensen had given him throughout the night. There was no way Jensen was faking that. He couldn’t be. And moreover, why would he? Jared smiled at himself and began to get ready for bed.

With that thought, his stomach gave another little lurch. He was going to be in the bed with Jensen. Granted, they had slept in the same bed last night, but a lot had changed since then. Now he was nervous.

 _Come on, Jared!_ He thought. _Nothing is going to happen here tonight. Jensen is a very good-looking, probably very experienced man. He’s not going to want a twenty-four-year-old virgin._ Jared shook his head and decided to just relax and be himself. Jensen knew the worst of it now, and he was still here. That was something to focus on right there.

He finished up and headed back out to the bedroom to let Jensen have a turn. They had stopped on the way back to the hotel to grab more water, and Jensen was just finishing up putting it in the fridge when Jared walked back out.

“Hey!” Jensen called. “How ya feeling?”

“Pretty good actually. How about you?” Jared responded.

“I’m good. Do you want to talk or do you want to just go to sleep?”

“If you’re ready to tell me what’s going on, I’m ready to listen.” Jared answered tentatively.

Jensen took a deep breath. “Okay. Let me get ready for bed really quick. Be right back.”

While Jared was waiting, he pulled out his laptop and did some surfing. Then he remembered his conversation with Genevieve and pulled up his bank statement. When he saw a bank transfer for $4,000 returned to his account, he smiled. He now had a pretty good idea what Jensen was going to tell him. He just didn’t know why. When the bathroom door opened, he shut the program quickly and pulled up his Facebook account. He found Nathan’s page and shrunk it down in case he needed to show Jensen what Nathan looked like. He closed the lid down a bit and sat the computer to the side when Jensen emerged from the bathroom ready for bed.

“Want a water?” Jensen called from the kitchenette.

“Sure! Thanks!” Jared called back.

When Jensen walked toward him, Jared could see the tension around Jensen’s eyes.

“You look pretty serious, man. Something wrong? Do you need to leave or something?” Jared asked.

“Uh, no. Nothing like that.” Jensen answered handing Jared his water. “I need to tell you something. I’m not sure how you’re going to take it. I’m nervous.”

“After everything I’ve shared with you, you gotta know that whatever it is can’t be as bad as all of that.” Jensen looked down at the floor and gave a slight nod. “Come on. Sit down over here, and tell me. You’re making _me_ nervous.”

“Okay.” Jensen made his way to what had become his side of the bed. He got situated and looked at Jared. “First things first.” He took a deep breath and let it out. “I like you, Jared. I mean, I really like you. I wish that the story I told over dinner tonight about the way we met had been the absolute truth. After I left that breakfast table, I walked out of that restaurant, and I sat on that bench. I fought with myself. But I made the wrong decision. I should have walked back into that place and told you what an idiot I was. Hell, I never should have walked away from you to begin with. I couldn’t get you out of my mind. I kept seeing your smile and your beautiful eyes. I wanted to find you, but I had absolutely nothing to work with.”

Jared tucked his chin into his chest and grinned. This was going to be okay after all.

“I called my mom two days later and told her what a fool I’d been. I told her all about you and that I was such an idiot, that I didn’t even have a last name. She told me that if it was meant to happen, I’d find you again. I couldn’t do much more than hope at that point. I was really depressed, man!

“About a week later, Daneel texted me asking me to pick up a last minute cancellation for the service. I was on the way to my going-away gathering that night. All of my co-workers and friends had organized a Happy Hour for me. She said she would give me the details when she got there. It was seriously last minute. I have so much to do for the move, and I was gonna turn her down. She told me it was a weekend trip for a family wedding. She was excited about it being in Texas and that the money was good. Then she said two things that made me take the job, and it wasn’t the money. She said San Antonio and that the client’s name was Jared. I jumped at it. I didn’t know it would be you, but it would have been an extreme coincidence if it wasn’t.

“I was so excited at the potential that I hardly slept that night. I finished up work yesterday by noon and rushed home to get packed. I was at the airport for an hour before I needed to be there. When I saw you walk into the gate area, I was stunned. I mean, honestly! What were the chances that I would ever see you again? I was so relieved, but I had seriously underestimated the damage I had done. I was so focused on the fact that I had found you again that I disregarded what you were probably feeling. You were pretty prickly with me.”

Jared grinned his crooked grin. “Sorry about that.”

“No! Please!” Jensen waved his hand. “I deserved it. I was an ass. Then…on the plane…you showed me your vulnerability. But you also showed me your strength. I was hooked.” Jensen shrugged. “Before we even got off the plane, I knew that I wanted to be here for you, but _not_ as a paid companion.” Jensen stopped and cleared his throat. “When we ran into your parents, and they were so excited to see you, I knew I had to do something. Remember when I excused myself at the restaurant last night?” Jared nodded. “I called Dani. I told her to refund the payment to your account. I’m here as your friend and confidante, with a hope that it can be more at some point, but I am not here as your paid companion. I’ve been telling you all along that I’m here for you, Jay. That is the God’s honest truth. I’m here because I want to be. Not because you are paying me.”

“So you gave up $5000 to hang out with me?”

“Yep.” Jensen agreed. “And I’d do it again.”

Jared leaned forward slightly. “You would?”

“Yep.” Jensen agreed. “In a heartbeat. You are an amazing person, Jay. I feel like I have been looking for you my whole life, and now that I’ve found you, I don’t want to mess this up.”

Jared leaned a little more forward. “Even with all my crap and everything that’s bound to go down this weekend. You still want to be here?”

“Yeah, Jay. I do. You wouldn’t be who you are without having gone through what you’ve gone through. You’ve lived through some rough shit, man. And you haven’t gotten twisted by it. You are still gentle and kind. You’re sweet and thoughtful. You still love with your whole heart. That’s amazing!”

“So you don’t regret giving back the money?” Jared asked.

“Nope.”

“Good.” Jared said and leaned in even more, placing his lips against Jensen’s. Jensen gasped and brought his hand up to Jared’s face. Jared moved a bit closer and tilted his head slightly. Jensen returned the pressure but let Jared lead. Jared gave Jensen one more soft kiss and then smiled. “Thank you, Jen.”

Jensen smiled back. “You called me Jen.”

“That a problem?”

“Nope. I think I like it.” Jensen said quietly, dropping his hand back to his lap.

“Good.” Jared smiled again, moving away. “Now, I’m a happy man right now, but I’m also tired. Tomorrow is probably going to be a bit trying. Would you like to talk some more or are you ready to try to sleep?”

“Sleep sounds great.”

Jared moved to get the covers pulled down, so they could get underneath while Jensen tossed a couple of pillows off the bed. When he got situated on his side of the bed, Jared snugged himself up to Jensen’s side and laid his head on Jensen’s chest. When he heard Jensen sigh contentedly, he closed his eyes and got ready to sleep.

“Um, Jared?” Jensen asked sleepily.

“Yeah?”

“You wanna turn off the light?”

Jared’s laughter continued for several minutes after the lights were turned off.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of Jensen's history.  
> And Jensen gets to meet Nathan (finally).

Chapter 7

 

Upon waking the next morning, Jared felt calmer and more settled than he had in years. He didn’t feel the need to jump up and do something. He also didn’t feel frightened having someone else’s arms around him. He snuggled into Jensen’s side a bit more and let out a deep sigh. He let some of the previous night’s conversation run through his head, and his smile just kept getting bigger and bigger. He couldn’t wait to call Genevieve and tell her not to worry about the refund. He realized that he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep, so he cautiously moved Jensen’s arm and sat up.

He sat beside Jensen and watched him sleep. He took in the long lashes as they rested on the freckled cheeks. He followed the strong jawline with his eyes and noticed the slight curve of the otherwise perfect nose. He looked at the delicate swirl that made up Jensen’s ear. He took in the plush lips and remembered the way they had felt against his own. He felt the desire to touch Jensen and had to relocate to stop the urge.

As he slid off the bed to move away from Jensen, he grabbed his laptop from its position on the bedside table. After he started the coffeepot in the kitchenette and got comfortable on the couch with his feet propped on the coffee table, he opened his computer and pulled up Nathan’s Facebook page. He looked at the profile picture again and searched his heart to see what he felt about this man who had been such a looming figure in his mind for so long. He realized that he didn’t feel the fear that he had felt previously when looking at Nathan’s face. He felt anger, but not at the same overwhelming level. It was more of a lingering flicker. He realized that Nathan no longer had power over him or his emotions. He sighed deeply and closed the page.

Jared grabbed his phone and sent a quick text to his mom then walked over to make his coffee while he waited for a response. As he poured his cup, he heard Jensen moving around in the bedroom. He poured a second cup and made his way into the bedroom. When he pushed the door open with his foot, he could see green eyes peeking out from under the duvet but not much more. Jensen had covered his entire body and was snuggled deep in the covers.

“What are you doing?” Jared laughed as he sat the cups down on the bedside table.

“I was cold.” Jensen responded. “All night long I had this amazing lava rock in the bed with me and then suddenly it was gone. I felt its absence acutely.”

“Acutely, huh?” Jared smiled. “I brought you a coffee. Black, right? One sugar?”

“Yep. Thanks!” Jensen moved to sit up but didn’t let go of the covers.

“You really are cold aren’t you?” Jared asked as he found a spot on the bed to sit.

“Yeah, man. You really pump out the heat. When you got up, I got cold.”

“Does that mean you enjoyed the cuddles?”

“Yes. Yes, I did.” Jensen asserted. “Hand me my coffee?”

“Here you go!”

Jared heard his phone ping from the front room. “Oops! Be right back!” He jogged away and back as quickly as possible. “Mom said we have until three-thirty today before we’re needed. That’s when the rehearsal starts. Rehearsal dinner starts at five. The stag party will be immediately after that. It’ll be another busy evening. I vote that we go to the Alamo this morning, grab lunch somewhere and then come back to the room to relax until go time.”

Jensen smiled at Jared’s talkativeness and his assertiveness. “That sounds perfect. I haven’t been to the Alamo since eighth grade or something.”

“And you call yourself a Texan?” Jared sounded shocked. “I’m disappointed in you, Jen.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jensen waved him off. “What’s for breakfast?”

“I don’t know. We can grab something on the walk over, or from the breakfast stuff downstairs.”

“Sounds good. Let me drink my coffee and we’ll get moving.”

“Of course.”

 

“So what questions do you have for me?” Jensen asked as they sat under an enormous tree on the grounds of the old fort.

“Let’s see. Favorite color?”

“Really? Um, blue. Not straight-up blue, but like an aqua color.”

“Pfft.”

“What’s yours?”

“Bright green.”

“Like a lizard?

“No, like your eyes.”

“Pfft.”

“What? It is!” Jared asserted. “Favorite song?”

“No clue.” Jensen answered. “I have too many favorite songs to just pick one. What about you?”

“Same. Do you have a favorite genre of music?”

“I like country, classic rock, rock in general. I listen to just about everything. I’m not a big fan of rap though. How about you?”

“I enjoy some country, classic rock, alternative, some indie. I like 80s music too, but not the popular stuff. I like Depeche Mode and The Smiths. That kind of thing. And please don’t laugh, but I also enjoy dance music on occasion.”

“Okay.” Jensen smiled. “Now that you’ve admitted it. I can admit it too.”

Jared threw his head back with a laugh. “Yeah, we’re not stereotypical gay men at all.”

Jensen laughed along. “Shh! Don’t tell anyone!”

“Okay, okay.” Jared settled again. “Do you have a favorite movie?”

“Um, how about top five in no particular order?” At Jared’s nod, Jensen continued. “ _Die Hard_ , the Bond franchise, _The Good, The Bad and The Ugly_ , _A Knight’s Tale_ , and _The Princess Bride_.”

“Wow! _The Princess Bride_? That’s one of my all-time-favorites, too.” Jared tilted his head and asked, “But why _A Knight’s Tale_?”

“Have you seen it?” Jared nodded. “Then you should know. It’s the story of a man who comes from nothing and becomes something he never could have imagined. He’s willing to throw it all away though in order to be true to himself and to his father. He just wants the chance to greet the world on his own terms. And I love that one line: ‘You have been weighed. You have been measured.’” Jared joined in on the last part. “‘And you have been found wanting.’”

“Yeah,” Jared smiled. “I love that one, too.”

“How about your top five?”

And the questions continued for a while as they joked with each other and learned even more. Jensen enjoyed seeing Jared so relaxed and open with him. And Jared thoroughly enjoyed the time he got to spend with only Jensen, with no concern about having to keep secrets or meet any invisible standards. He knew he could just be himself.

After a couple of hours of wandering around the grounds, they moved off to get lunch on the walk back to the hotel and finally made their way back up to their room. Jensen grabbed a water and headed out to the balcony to sit. Jared joined him within minutes. They sat quietly for a while, enjoying the day and watching the people move through the River Walk below them.

“Tell me something serious about yourself.” Jared said softly.

Jensen glanced over at him and saw the melancholy look on his face. Realizing that Jared had shared a great deal about his own life, Jensen decided to tell him “story number one” about himself.

“Okay.” Jensen replied. “Do you remember me telling you about the day mom sat me down? When I told you I stopped apologizing for who I was?” At Jared’s nod, Jensen continued, “Well that talk came after about three days of absolute hell for me. We were hosting a family reunion. We’d had extended family in and out of the house for days. Mom was in her element. And Dad was so happy to see everyone. We didn’t know we would have such a big turn-out that year. I was overwhelmed and tried to make myself as small as possible. I hadn’t come out to my greater family yet. Didn’t feel there was any need to considering I hardly ever saw them. My older cousins Logan and Mikey had always picked on me. When we were younger, they would call me pretty boy and Jenny, and pinch my cheeks. They loved to make me cry and then say I should model for baby dolls because I was just so pretty. Typical jerks. You know the type, I’m sure.”

“Yeah,” Jared replied. “How much older are they?”

“Couple of years. Just enough to make their opinion important when you are the younger cousin.” Jared nodded at that. “So they were in college but hadn’t yet matured if you know what I mean. I remember I was downstairs helping my mother finish in the kitchen, and I headed upstairs to have a little quiet time before we all sat down together for the last time before everyone headed out. I could hear them in my room, and I got scared. I kept going though. I opened the door, and they had my stuff spread out all over the place. They had been rummaging through all of my things. My books were all over the floor, my magazines… But the worst part was, they had found the stack of stuff I kept under the bed. My more _personal_ collection if you know what I mean. When I walked in, they both looked up at me. There was such anger on their faces, disgust almost. I remember asking them what the hell they thought they were doing going through all of my stuff. Mikey stood up first. He grabbed me by the throat and pushed me into the wall. Then he held me there. He had one hand on my upper arm and the other one across my chest, but he kept his body as far away from me as possible. Like I was diseased or something.

“Logan held up one of my _special_ magazines and said, ‘You’re a fag?’ I didn’t say anything. Mikey pulled me away from the wall and then slammed me back into it. I hit the back of my head, but I was still okay.” Jared reached over and placed his hand gently on the back of Jensen’s head. Jensen looked down into his lap. “Mikey said, ‘Answer him, pretty boy.’ And I said, ‘I’m attracted to men instead of women, but I don’t like the word you used.’ Mikey laughed and looked at Logan. He said, ‘Can you believe this guy? I always knew something was wrong with you, pretty boy.’ Then Logan said, ‘All fags are gonna burn in hell, Jenny. You’re filthy and disgusting.’ Then he stood up and moved right up in my face. He sneered and said, ‘I don’t know where Uncle Alan and Aunt Donna found you, but you’re no relation of mine. Keep your disgusting self as far away from us as possible. Fag!’ He threw the magazine in my face and left. Mikey slammed me against the wall one more time, then he stormed off, too.”

“Jensen, I’m sorry.” Jared whispered. He lifted his hand from Jensen’s head and took one of Jensen’s hands from his lap. He brought Jensen’s hand to his own lap and cradled it between both of his own.

“I remember sliding down the wall and sitting there for a bit, trying to pull myself together. I was so scared. When I got up and moved downstairs, my mom was on her way up to get me. She knew something was wrong by the look on my face. I just shook my head at her, and we went to join the others. Of course, by the time we got down there, the word had spread. Most of them were looking at me with anger in their faces. And this was my family, Jay. My own flesh and blood.

“I got my food and went to find a seat. There was muttering and dirty looks coming from all sides. As I started to walk onto the back porch to eat alone, I saw my Aunt Shelby wave me over. She patted the seat next to her and told me to have a seat. When I did, she put her arm over my shoulder and said, ‘Hang in there. It’s almost over.’ Then we started to eat.

“Next thing I knew, my mother gasped and my father stood up and yelled ‘That’s enough!’ This is so vivid still in my mind.” Jensen smiled a sad little smile. “Dad said, ‘For those of you who don’t already know, my son Jensen is gay. That means he is attracted to men and not women. That is how he was created. It is not something he chose to be. If you don’t like it, you may finish your food and leave. Or you can leave now if you can’t be civil. But hear me on this one. If you choose to be judgmental and cruel, you are not welcome in my home ever again. He’s my son, and I love him. So make your decision.’”

“Wow!” Jared smiled. “That’s incredible!”

“Yeah,” Jensen nodded, turning to face Jared with tears in his eyes. “The old man really impressed me that day.” Jensen reached up with his free hand and wiped his eyes. Jared squeezed his other hand in solidarity. “But then most of my family got up and started yammering away about how indecent it was that my parents allowed me to stay in the house with two other children. How I was gonna burn in the fiery pits of hell and all of that nonsense. I shrank as small as I could possibly get. My Aunt Shelby put her arm around me again, picked up my plate and got me out of there. She took me up to my room and closed the door. Before long, the house had grown quiet.” Jensen scoffed. “I looked outside and saw that there were a lot fewer cars in front of the house by that point. I eventually went back downstairs to view the damage. My mom was standing in the kitchen, and when I walked in, she took me into her arms, kissed me on the cheek and told me she loved me. Aunt Shelby walked in and rubbed my back. She pulled me into the living room with her, and there they were. My champions! Dad, Aunt Shelby and her husband Charlie, my brother Josh and my sister McKenzie, and my grandma Rose. That was all that was left of my huge family. Grandma Rose held her hand out to me, and I walked over to her. She looked me right in the eyes and said, ‘I love you, boy. It don’t matter to me.’ And I started crying. She got me tucked up next to her on the couch and petted me for a bit.

“When I looked at my dad, I could see that he was furious. When I tried to talk to him, he got up and stormed off. After a while, I went back up to my room and started trying to put everything back together again. Everything felt tainted and wrong. I felt tainted and wrong. After I got finished, I went to get a shower and was headed back to my room when mom pulled me in and sat me down. I knew that we were good and that I had her support no matter what. With dad, I was still worried.”

Jared lifted Jensen’s hand and rubbed it against his own cheek. Then he placed a small kiss on the palm. He placed it back in his own lap and waited, giving Jensen the space he needed to gather his thoughts.

“A couple of days later, I found dad outside in his workshop. I knocked on the door to let him know I was there. He waved me in and pointed to a stool he had close by. I sat. He cleared his throat and then apologized to me for walking away from me after everyone left. He told me that he was angry at them not at me. He didn’t want to talk to me at that point because he didn’t want to lose control. I had been through enough, and he didn’t want to add to it. He told me that he loved me no matter what. And that small-minded people should not be allowed to have a large impact. He patted me on the shoulder and asked if I could give him a hand with the lawnmower. And just like that, it was in the past. We never spoke of it again.”

They sat quietly for another few minutes. They listened to the people below them on the River Walk talking and laughing with the occasional honk from a boat or a car on the road.

“I’m sorry that you had to go through that, Jensen.” Jared said softly. “It sounds awful.”

Jensen shrugged. “Mom was awesome, Aunt Shelby had my back. Grandma Rose was a real star for me. And my dad? Wow! I found out who really loved me that day. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“That’s so true.” Jared murmured.

Jensen leaned his head against Jared’s shoulder and shook their joined hands. They sat that way for a bit longer before Jared let out a big sigh.

“Well,” Jared said looking at his watch. “I’m thinking that a nap is in order before the debauchery that is sure to come tonight.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Jensen admitted.

They moved back inside, worked on darkening the room, setting an alarm, and cuddling up together on the bed. Jared placed a small kiss on Jensen’s cheek and then laid his head on Jensen’s chest again. Jensen wrapped his arm around Jared’s shoulder and laid his own cheek against Jared’s head. They both heaved a contented sigh and fell asleep.

 

They woke up about an hour later and started getting ready for the evening’s festivities. Jensen casually asked what Nathan looked like and was surprised to see little to no reaction from Jared when the name came out. Jared pulled up Nathan’s Facebook page and went off to the bathroom to get showered and dressed, leaving Jensen time to investigate.

He looked at Nathan’s picture and tried to remove the anger and hatred from the equation. He looked pretty average: medium brown hair, brown eyes, olive toned skin. He was decent looking, but not anything truly eye-catching. Jensen began to flip through some of the other photos that were accessible to people who weren’t on Nathan’s friends list. As he perused, he began to pick up on a theme. Most of the pictures were of Nathan and a large group of people. It looked like Nathan was trying to ensure that everyone knew just how popular he was. He saw Jeff in a few photos, but there was one person who showed up in almost every picture. Jensen zoomed in closer to get a better look.

The guy was always right beside Nathan. He was slightly taller than Nathan, dark brown hair worn a little long, nice smile with one dimple, gray blue eyes. Jensen laughed. This guy looked like a cheap imitation of Jared. But there was something off about him. He looked haunted. The smile was good, but the eyes were empty. _Shit!_ Jensen thought. _He’s doing it again._ He felt shaken with the realization. He quickly moved to Nathan’s information and found that he was in a ‘relationship’ with a guy named Ken. He clicked Ken’s name and took a look at his profile. Ken didn’t have much info up except that he was in a relationship with Nathan. The only photos he had up were of himself with Nathan, no other friends. Jensen added a new bullet point on his plan for the weekend. He needed to help this guy get away from Nathan.

As he looked at Ken’s profile picture, he got a sick feeling in his stomach.

“Have you really looked at this?” Jensen asked when Jared walked back into the room.

“What’s that?” Jared asked sitting next to Jensen. “Oh yeah! Ken. Not really.”

“We need to help this guy somehow.”

“What do you mean?” Jared asked looking closer. He watched as Jensen drew attention to a few pictures and the lack of information available. Then he got it. “Shit!”

“Yep.” Jensen said, standing up. He patted Jared on the shoulder. “You with me?”

“Absolutely. What are we gonna do?”

“Keep our eyes open and look for an opportunity. If we can’t find one, we create one.”

“Got it!” Jared said, standing up to face Jensen. “And thank you, Jensen.”

“For what?”

“For accepting me and all of my mess. For sticking around.”

“Jay, I told you. I’m in this for you. I want this to work for us. You know?”

“You are amazing!” Jared said, leaning down to brush a soft kiss on the corner of Jensen’s mouth. Jensen reached up to tangle his fingers in Jared’s wet hair. He looked into Jared’s eyes.

“You’re the amazing one!” Jensen leaned back in and kissed Jared in return. He tilted his head and captured Jared’s bottom lip between his own. Jared hummed his approval and kissed Jensen in return. They moved away from one another slowly, and Jensen’s smile lit up the room. He patted Jared on the chest. “I need to jump in the shower. Hold that thought.”

Jared smiled and both dimples popped out. “I can do that!”

 

Before they left the room, Jensen realized that something was bothering him. “Hey Jared? I have a question for you.”

“Sure. Shoot.”

“Don’t think I’m complaining because I’m not. But have you thought about why, or how, you are able to tolerate me touching you? With everything Nathan put you through, I’d think you would be hesitant to have someone that close to you.”

“Oh, uh… yeah.” Jared blushed. “I, uh, I think it has to do with the way you do it."

“Huh?”

“I think it has to do with the _way_ that you touch me. I, uh, haven’t been able to tolerate anyone else touching me though. I haven’t been able to get close to anyone. I tried to date after the first year or so in D.C. The scene there is a bit ‘in your face’ if you know what I mean. Guys there are aggressive, grabby. I couldn’t tolerate that kind of contact. People just putting their hands on me just freak me out. I haven’t been physically close to anyone since Nathan. I mean, except for Gen. And my family this weekend. With Gen though, it’s different. It’s easy. She pets me, sits in my lap, snuggles with me. Things like that. But with her it isn’t sexual. I don’t feel threatened by her. With you… I’ve never felt threatened.” Jared paused looking shyly up at Jensen. “When you touch me, it feels natural. You’re so gentle and respectful. You have always asked permission and given me the option to refuse. But I feel, uh, I feel like I’m supposed to be with you like that. Like this.”

“So… you haven’t been with anyone? Since things ended with Nathan?”

“Nope.” Jared looked away. His hands fidgeted with his phone. “Twenty-four and still a virgin.”

“Hey!” Jensen said softly, running his hand down Jared’s arm. “It’s okay. I’m not judging. I’m just curious. I want to know where your boundaries are. I don’t want to do anything you aren’t comfortable with. You seemed okay with everything so far, but I wanted to be sure.”

“How about this? How about if I hit a point where things aren’t good, where I don’t feel comfortable, I’ll tell you? I haven’t seen any indication that there will be a problem. Like I said, you’ve been very sweet. But if something comes up, I’ll let you know.”

Jensen nodded. He held his hand out for Jared to take with a question in his eyes.

“Of course.” Jared said, taking Jensen’s hand in his own. “Let’s go.”

 

Jeff was pacing when the guys arrived at the venue for rehearsal. Jared looked around and didn’t see any other family members. When he asked Jeff, Jeff explained that the rehearsal was just for people who were actually part of the wedding. Jensen made his apologies and went to wait outside. Jeff called to him as he started walking away.

“Jensen!” When he turned around, Jeff called. “I’d like you to stay. Please.”

Jensen shrugged, confused by the inclusion. “Okay, if that’s what you want.” He made his way to a seat in the middle of the chapel and made himself comfortable. He watched as he saw Jeff speak animatedly to Jared for a few minutes. Jared seemed confused and then he began to smile. Jeff’s shoulders dropped, and he seemed to relax a bit. Then Jared stepped forward and gave Jeff an enormous hug. Jeff looked dazed for a second and then wrapped Jared up in his arms like he didn’t want to let go. Jensen huffed out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

When Jeff and Jared let go of one another, Jared came bounding over to Jensen and slid into the seat next to him. Jared smacked a kiss on Jensen’s cheek and then wrapped his arms around Jensen.

“Wow!” Jensen laughed. “What’s that for?”

“Jeff just told me that he’s switching my job in the wedding. I’m gonna be the best man.”

“Jay! That’s fabulous! Congrats!” Jensen gushed. “But why do I get hugs?”

“Whatever you said to him last night got him to thinking, he talked to Amanda and they both agreed. It’s better to have your brother than a friend.”

“Jeff!” a voice rang out through the chapel. “I’m here!”

Jared’s body instantly tensed against Jensen’s. Jensen knew who that was without looking. He tightened his arms around Jared and whispered, “You’re good, Jay. He has no power over you. I’ve got you.”

He could feel Jared nodding against his shoulder. Jared patted him on the back and then slowly loosened his hold, but didn’t let go. Jensen could see Nathan over Jared’s shoulder, but so far, Nathan had not looked in their direction.

Just like Jensen suspected, Nathan was not that special looking. He was actually a little on the short side, maybe five foot ten, but he carried himself in a way that made him appear bigger than he was. Jensen watched as he walked toward Jeff. He could feel Jeff’s apprehension from where he was.

“Jay, he’s with Jeff up front. He hasn’t looked over here yet. You can turn around. I’m not gonna let go.”

Jared moved a bit away from Jensen but leaned in to put his forehead against Jensen’s. His eyes were closed, but his breathing was normal. He took one of Jensen’s hands in his own and slowly opened his eyes to look directly into Jensen’s.

“I know, Jen. I won’t let you. He just startled me. I’m okay.” He brought their lips together in a sweet kiss that Jensen returned. Keeping hold of Jensen’s hand, Jared turned on the bench but didn’t move from his place beside Jensen. Jensen could feel the slightest tremble in Jared’s hand, but he seemed to be holding it together. “He picked me, Jensen. Jeff picked me.”

“I know, babe.” Jensen kissed Jared’s temple. He wrapped his arm around Jared’s shoulder as his heart swelled at the happiness he could feel radiating from the man beside him. “That’s amazing!”

“What?” Nathan seemed agitated at the front of the chapel, his voice rising in volume. “What are you talking about?”

Jeff grabbed his shoulder and steered him over to the other side of the chapel. Nathan’s head whipped around to look in Jared and Jensen’s direction. Jared turned to look at Jensen with huge eyes.

“I’m right here.” Jensen soothed looking directly into Jared’s panicked eyes. “No worries, right?”

“Right.” Jared breathed.

They could hear footsteps coming in their direction. Jensen placed a small kiss on Jared’s cheek and rubbed his thumb over the back of Jared’s hand.

“Jared!” Nathan called out in a falsely cheery voice as he moved in their direction. Jensen could see the anger behind the smile on Nathan’s face. “I didn’t know you were coming in for this. Long time no see!”

“Nathan.” Jared answered, calmly. He squeezed Jensen’s hand briefly then let go to place his hand on Jensen’s thigh. He snuggled more firmly into Jensen’s side. Jensen’s arm had been laid along the back of the bench behind Jared’s shoulders. He lifted his hand and placed it on Jared’s shoulder, and began to run his thumb along Jared’s collar. He knew he had Jared’s attention when Jared reached up and tangled their fingers together. “Jensen, this is Nathan. Jeff’s friend from junior high and high school.”

“Nathan. Any friend of Jeff’s…” Jensen started and then muttered, “Well, let’s just leave it there.”

Jeff looked between Jared and Jensen briefly, then turned back to Nathan. “So you see with Jared here for sure, I felt it was the best idea to make him the best man and switch you to groomsman. You understand, don’t you?”

“Sure. Of course I do. I wouldn’t dream of taking Jared’s place by your side.” Nathan smiled at Jeff.

“Are we waiting for anyone else?” Jared asked calmly.

“Um,” Jeff looked around hesitantly. “The girls are in the other room with Mr. Taylor. I think we’re just waiting on Jimbo to get here.” The front door opened just then, letting in a rather large man with a friendly face and dimples. “There he is. Be right back!”

Jeff hustled toward Jimbo, leaving Nathan standing there alone facing Jensen and Jared. Jensen smiled pleasantly up at Nathan. He could see Nathan’s eyes looking him over and making decisions about him. Jared tilted his head toward Jensen’s and looked innocently up at Nathan.

“What’s new?” Jared asked.

“Oh, you know.” Nathan responded. “Same ol’ stuff as always.”

“Interesting.” Jensen said.

“Excuse me.” Nathan said stiffly and walked off.

Jared giggled quietly and smiled at Jensen. “That was a bit harsh.”

“Nah! I haven’t even gotten started yet.” Jensen returned. “Give me time.”

Jared gave Jensen another little kiss and started to get up. Jensen held him in place for just a minute and then looked him straight in the eyes and whispered, “You are amazing! I’ve never met anyone else quite like you. Don’t let him get to you. Keep your chin up, okay?”

“You got it!” Jared smiled back at him, released his hand and then got up to be ready.

Jensen’s heart swelled as he watched Jared walk confidently to the front of the chapel and then he settled in to watch for fireworks. As Jared got closer to Nathan, he could see Nathan’s eyes widen. _I guess Jared is a bit bigger than he was the last time Nathan saw him_ Jensen thought. He smiled behind his hand as he saw Jared straighten his spine even more, accentuating his full height and the width of his shoulders.

 

Everything seemed to be going just fine with the rehearsal. It was a fairly simple ceremony from the looks of things. Amanda and her girls seemed to be having a good time. Mr. Taylor got his part down pretty quickly and then bugged out. The only problem Jensen saw was that one of the bridesmaids kept giving Jared the eye. Jensen was quietly gleeful when Jared turned in his direction and winked at him. The bridesmaid cooled off a bit after that.

Once they had the whole thing down pat, everybody made their way to the chosen restaurant for the rehearsal dinner. Those with significant others met them at the restaurant. Both sets of parents were already there waiting for everyone else and introductions were made all around. Jensen immediately looked for Ken. He finally found him standing quietly against the wall off to one side. He nudged Jared and indicated where Ken was standing. They both watched as Nathan ignored him and walked on in to where the dinner was being served. Jeff saw Ken and called out for him to join them. Jensen and Jared shared a look and made their way toward the table.

As they got settled, Jensen placed his arm across the back of Jared’s chair. Jared placed his hand on Jensen’s thigh and smiled when Jensen put his free hand on top. Jensen leaned in to Jared’s ear and said, “If you’re trying to show everyone that we’re a couple, no one can see that.”

Jared smiled enigmatically and said, “But I know it’s there. And you know it’s there. And that’s all I care about right now.”

Jensen nuzzled his nose against Jared’s jaw and said, “Thank you for that.”

Jared pulled away and kissed Jensen on the nose and said, “Any time.”

“You two look so sweet together.” Megan said softly from her place across the table causing both men to blush. “Really. Jared you look happy. I’m so glad.”

“Thanks, Meggie!” Jared answered.

The dinner progressed, and everything seemed to be fine until Jensen noticed that Jared had gone stiff beside him. He tapped Jared’s arm with his finger and raised an eyebrow at him. Jared tilted his head in Nathan’s direction and whispered, “Watch his hand.”

Jensen looked in that direction and tried to catch what Jared had noticed. There was a lively discussion happening at that segment of the table. But every time it looked like Ken wanted to add something to it, Nathan’s fingers would tighten around his wrist. It was very subtle, but Jensen could tell it was a controlling movement. At one point, he even caught a quick grimace of pain flash across Ken’s face.

“Did he do that to you?” Jensen asked.

“Yes, but I had forgotten about that. Ken has probably made some comment that made Nathan sound foolish. He’ll continue to do that until Ken gives up trying to talk. I had small half-moon cuts on the inside of my wrist after one particular night when he allowed me to hang out with his friends.”

“Damn, Jay! I’m so sorry that you got caught up with that asshole.”

“It’s done with now, Jensen. He has no control over me or my life anymore.”

Jensen leaned in and kissed Jared’s cheek then whispered right into his ear, “That’s right.” He felt the tremor that went through Jared’s body. “You have the strength and the power.”

Jared sighed deeply and closed his eyes, tilting his head back a bit. Jensen wanted so badly to run his tongue along Jared’s neck just then. This was neither the time nor the place though. He hummed close to Jared’s ear and said, “You look so hot right now. I want to touch you so bad.”

“I need to go to the restroom. I’ll be back.” Jared said and hastily left the table.

 _Crap!_ Jensen thought. _Now, I’ve messed it up._ He apologized to Megan and excused himself from the table. He tried to find Jared on the way to the restroom, but couldn’t see him anywhere. He looked in the restroom, but couldn’t find him there either. As he moved back through the restaurant, he stopped by the hostess station and described Jared. The young lady working there pointed out the front door. Jensen hustled through it and into the parking lot.

“Jared!” he called, looking around desperately. “Jared! Where are you?”

“Over here!” he heard from around the side of the building.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Want me to leave?” Jensen called.

“No, no I don’t. You can come here. Please?” Jared called back.

Jensen began walking in that direction, afraid of what he would find when he turned the corner. His footsteps slowed as he got closer. With about two paces left to the corner, he stopped walking.

“Are you sure you want me to come over there?” Jensen called nervously. “I’m sorry if I freaked you out.”

Jared’s hand shot around the corner and grabbed Jensen’s arm. When he pulled, Jensen was too shocked to stop the movement, and he flew around the corner. Jared was flushed. He leaned back against the side of the building again and held on to Jensen’s arm. Jared tugged Jensen until he was standing right in front of Jared.

“I want you right here.” Jared said as he stepped even closer to Jensen. Jared put his hands on Jensen’s hips and leaned down. He moved one hand up to Jensen’s chin and lifted it, placing his nose beside Jensen’s, their lips close together. “Right here.”

Jensen swallowed audibly as Jared ran his hand softly down the front of Jensen’s throat. “You sure?”

“Yep.”

“Good.” Jensen answered as he pushed up and caught Jared’s bottom lip between his teeth. Jared’s mouth opened in a moan, and Jensen shifted to run his tongue along Jared’s lip.

“Please Jensen.” Jared whispered. “Kiss me.”

Jensen reached up with both hands and softly grasped Jared’s face. He tilted his own head to the side and then ran his tongue along the seam in Jared’s lips. Jared opened even more and Jensen slid right in. His stomach fluttered and his heartbeat picked up. Then Jared was kissing back. His arms quickly wrapped around Jensen’s sides and pulled him closer than before. Jensen moaned in appreciation for the strength that Jared demonstrated. Jensen’s hands were in Jared’s hair and on his back, and he was holding on for dear life as Jared let loose the passion he had been saving for all these years. Jared’s tongue was in his mouth and his teeth nibbled on Jensen’s lower lip. Jensen’s head began to spin and his knees went weak. He knew he needed to slow this down. It was going too fast to be comfortable for Jared. He pulled away just a little bit and rested his head on Jared’s shoulder.

“Wait!” he said breathless. “Wait!”

“Okay,” Jared breathed in return. “Okay.”

“Wow!” Jensen breathed. He looked up to see Jared leaning back against the wall with his neck on display again. He placed small kisses upwards along Jared’s throat until he reached Jared’s chin. The he reached up and tilted Jared’s chin down a bit until he could get to Jared’s mouth again. Placing small kisses there as well, he felt Jared’s hands land on his hips again. “You okay?”

“Better than.” Jared breathed. He straightened up a bit and wrapped his arms around Jensen again. “I feel strong. I feel capable. I’m really, really turned on and really, really happy about it.”

“Mmmm…” Jensen moaned in return. “You are going to kill me.”

“Not my intention. At all.” Jared laughed.

“What happened?” Jensen asked. He laid his head on Jared’s chest and wrapped his arms around Jared’s waist.

“I realized that Nathan didn’t have any power over me. I was watching what he was doing to Ken, and I knew he would never have that power over me again. Then you whispered those amazing words in my ear, and I felt it run through me like quicksilver. Then you said that you wanted to touch me and, oh my God, I wanted that too.” Jared hesitated for a second and then continued quietly. “A picture of me naked, with you leaning over me on the bed, with your hands running over my chest and your beautiful eyes looking into mine popped into my head. And I had to get out of there. I thought that if I came out here, I could calm down a bit. Then you followed me. I have never wanted someone to touch me like that. I have never wanted anyone to touch me in the same way that I want you to.”

“Jay!” Jensen moaned again. He reached up without looking and gently traced Jared’s lips with his fingers. “I want to touch you and kiss you. I want to take care of you so that no one will ever hurt you again. I want to be yours and have you be mine.” Jensen shook his head. “This is insane!”

“What is?” Jared asked, voice husky and quiet.

“We just met, and I’m in deeper with you than I have ever been with anyone before.”

“Jen.” Jared whispered. “Just hold me, please.”

“I’m right here. I’ve got you.”

Jared kissed Jensen’s fingertip as it traced over his lips one more time. They stayed huddled together for a few more minutes and then Jared laughed.

“What?” Jensen asked.

“They’re probably wondering where we are.”

“Nah! They’ve forgotten we even exist.” Jensen laughed. “There are more than enough people around that table to keep everyone occupied.”

Jared giggled. “You’re probably right.”

“We should probably get back though.” Jensen sighed.

“Yep. But I would love to kiss you again before we do.”

Jensen tilted his face up to look at Jared who was already looking down at him. “I’m right here.”

“Indeed you are.” Jared smiled. As their lips met, Jensen could feel warmth deep inside him. He knew that this was where he was meant to be. This man was who he was supposed to love. He knew this weekend would not be easy, but now he knew that he and Jared would truly work together to get through it.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rehearsal dinner and bachelor night.

Chapter 8

 

As they headed back to the tables, Jared saw Ken heading to the bathroom. He squeezed Jensen’s hand and indicated that he’d be right there. Jensen nodded and headed in. Jared turned and followed Ken. When he entered the bathroom, he could hear water flowing. When he looked to the sinks, he saw Ken standing there. There didn’t seem to be anyone else in the room, so he made his way over to Ken. He cleared his throat, so he wouldn’t startle Ken.

“Hey!” Jared said. “Ken, right?”

“Oh, hey!” Ken answered meeting Jared’s eyes in the mirror. “Yeah. And you’re Jared?”

“Yeah.” Jared looked at where Ken was holding his wrist under the running water. Jared tilted is head in that direction and said, “You okay?”

“Oh!” Ken answered. “This? Yeah, I’m fine.”

“What happened?” Jared moved closer to look. Ken immediately turned his wrist down, but Jared saw multiple red marks that would probably become bruises littering Ken’s pale skin.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Nothing to worry about.” Ken answered. He looked down for a second and then said, “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Really? That’s strange. From whom?”

“From Nathan.” Ken gulped. “He said you guys used to date.”

“Uh, yeah.” Jared answered. “That was a while ago, though. And, to be honest, it isn’t a time I remember fondly. I, uh, had to run my wrist under cold water on occasion, too.”

“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Ken answered quickly. He turned the water off and grabbed a few paper towels. “This has nothing to do with him.” He turned quickly and made his way to the door. Jared sighed sadly and made his way out slowly behind Ken.

As he returned to the others, he wondered what Nathan could possibly have to say about him to Ken. That was strange. He had figured that Nathan would forget that they had ever been involved. He mentally shrugged it off. As he turned into the room, he immediately found Jensen. Megan was sitting with him and the two were happily chatting away. Jensen threw his head back and laughed at something Megan had said, and Jared smiled to himself. This man was so amazing! He was beautiful inside and out. Jared would be an idiot to let anything happen to push them apart. When Jensen had said that he wanted to belong to Jared, Jared’s brain had ceased to work. All he was in that moment was emotion, and he wanted to be Jensen’s too.

At that moment, Jensen turned in his direction. His eyes were twinkling and his smile lit up the room. Their eyes met and Jared felt relaxation flow through him. This man wanted to be with him. Really and truly wanted to be with him. This man gave back $5000 to prove that to him. Jared’s heartbeat sped up a fraction, and he quickly walked through the room, eyes only on Jensen, everything and everyone else forgotten. When he got to Jensen, he placed a hand on Jensen’s chest, right above his heart, and bent down to whisper in his ear. “I want this to work between us, too. I want you in my life.”

Jensen’s hand flew up to grip Jared’s. Jared eased back far enough to see Jensen’s face. Jensen’s eyes were huge and there were tears brimming there. Jensen’s free hand found the back of Jared’s neck, and he gently pulled Jared back down to him. When their lips met this time, Jared felt a promise being made. It was a soft kiss and not a particularly long one, but it said everything that they couldn’t vocalize. When Jared moved away, he felt calm and strong and incredibly happy and content.

Jensen smiled up at him and nodded. Jared walked around to Megan’s chair and refocused on what was happening around him. As he looked around the room, his eyes were caught by Nathan’s. Jared immediately recognized the simmering anger there. But instead of cowering under that gaze, Jared raised his chin a fraction and smiled beatifically in return. Nathan had no power here. Jared immediately dismissed Nathan from his mind and turned back to his sister and his boyfriend and tuned in to their conversation.

 

Once the dinner was over and goodbyes were given, everyone headed out to their rooms to change for the next part of the evening. Jared was looking forward to peeling off his dress clothes for something a little more comfortable. He had to wear a dress shirt and tie four days out of the week, and he hated feeling all cooped up like that.

As they made their way up in the elevator, accompanied by Jared’s parents, they chatted about the dinner and how pleasant everything had been so far. Before they split up on his parents’ floor, Jared gave each of his parents a huge hug. His mom wiped a tear from her face as she said, “I’m so glad to have you home, J.T. We’ve all missed you. It’s nice to see you so happy, too.” She patted his check gently and then exited the elevator.

Jared leaned back against the wall for the final climb with a happy little grin on his face.

“So J.T.?” Jensen asked before the elevator dinged their arrival.

“Yeah… Jensen?” Jared looked at Jensen with a confused look on his face as they exited and began to make their way down the hall. “What’s your middle name?”

“Well, when I was younger, my family called me J.R.”

“Like in J.R. Ewing? And you’re from Dallas?” Jared giggled. “That’s funny!”

“Hey, now! To be fair. I was already born and named before that show ever came on television. Granted it was only a month before, but that show had nothing to do with my name. At least, not that anyone can prove.” Jensen’s eyes twinkled. Jared threw his head back and let out the biggest, most beautiful laugh Jensen had ever heard. He continued to laugh all the way inside their room.

“So wait!” Jared giggled. “Your middle name is Ross? Just like the character?”

“Yep!” Jensen agreed. “Jensen Ross Ackles, known as J.R. to my family and friends until I was nine and put my foot down. Then I wanted to be called Jensen and Jensen only. No more nicknames.”

“Oh!” Jared gulped. “I’ve been calling you Jen.”

“That’s fine. I quite like it actually. No one has ever called me that before. It’s usually Jensen or Jens. I just really object to Jenny. I guess you can figure out why.”

Jared’s laughter died down. “Yeah! Yeah, I think I can figure that out!” As he looked at Jensen, he smiled and tilted his head to the side. “I can’t imagine anyone calling you Jenny.”

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” Jensen answered moving toward the bedroom.

“You are just so… masculine. Jenny doesn’t seem to fit.”

“Wait until you see my pictures from junior high and high school. You might rethink that opinion.” Jensen laughed.

“Ooo! I can’t wait!” Jared moved into the bedroom behind Jensen. He clapped his hands together and began to laugh.

“Okay, okay. Knock it off!” Jensen laughed good-naturedly. “Let’s get a move on!”

After looking over their wardrobe choices and settling on clothes, Jared took his to the bathroom to get changed. Once Jared was dressed, he opened the bathroom door to allow Jensen access if he needed it. He heard Jensen’s voice from the bedroom.

“Yeah, Mama. It’s good.” There was a pause as Jensen listened to his mom speaking. “No, he’s great, Mama. I’m having an amazing time.” Another pause. “Yeah, there’s stuff going on, but I don’t feel comfortable talking about that right now.” Another pause. “I know, Mama, but we’ll figure it out. He’s worth it.”

Jared smiled at himself in the mirror, then made his way toward the bedroom. He knocked softly on the door to let Jensen know he was there. When Jensen turned around, he smiled at Jared and beckoned him over with a little hand wave. Jared moved in his direction and sat beside him on the bed. Jensen covered the mouthpiece and whispered, “It’s my mom.” Jared nodded and grinned. “Wanna say hi?” Jared raised a questioning eyebrow. “Mama? He’s right here beside me. Wanna say ‘hello’?” A pause. “Okay. I’m putting you on speaker. Hang on.” Jensen pulled the phone away from his ear and pushed the necessary buttons. “Okay, Mama! You’re on.”

“Hello? Jared?” Jensen’s mom’s voice drifted into the room.

“Yes, ma’am. I’m here. Hello!” Jared smiled at Jensen.

“Hello, Jared. It’s nice to hear your voice. Jensen has been saying some really sweet things about you.”

“Mama!” Jensen laughed. “I didn’t do this so you could embarrass me!”

“Jensen, honey! You are far too old for your mama to be able to embarrass you!”

Jared laughed. “Mrs. Ackles? I don’t think we’re ever old enough for that.”

“Now, none of that ‘Mrs. Ackles’ stuff, Jared. You call me Donna or Ms. Donna if that makes you feel better.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Jared answered. “It’s really nice to hear your voice, too.”

“Such lovely manners.” Donna cooed. “Well, I need to run, Jens! Your daddy and I are going out to eat with some friends from the group. I’m so glad you called.”

“You guys have fun tonight, Mama! I’ll talk to you soon!”

“Jared, honey? You come visit us when you can. I want to meet you in person. I feel the need to give you a big ol’ hug.”

Jared laughed. “I’d love to, Ms. Donna! Hope to see you soon!”

“Jens? I love you, baby! Keep your chin up! And hold on to your happy circumstance!” Donna called out. Jensen blushed a bright red.

“Okay, Mama! Love you, too! Bye!” As he disconnected the call, Jensen fell back on the bed. “Well, that was fun.”

Jared chuckled. “I thought that went really well.”

“Ugh!” Jensen answered.

“Seriously, Jen. Your mom sounded really sweet. I can tell that she loves you very much.”

“Yeah, she does. She’s an amazing woman!”

“Hey!” Jared said, leaning over Jensen’s prone form on the bed. “Wanna make out?”

Jensen looked at Jared. “Yeah! Yeah, I do. How much time do we have?”

“Ah, damn! Not much.” Jared answered. “Guess we’ll have to save it for later, huh?”

“Not even a little bit of kissy, kissy?”

“Oh my God!” Jared asked laughing heartily. “Did you just say ‘kissy, kissy’?”

Jensen laughed, pulling Jared down to lay his head on Jensen’s chest. They laid there laughing together for a few minutes until Jared noticed that Jensen wasn’t finished changing.

“Dude! Are you wearing this shirt to the clubs tonight?” he asked while playing with the buttons on Jensen’s dress shirt.

“Oh! Nope!” Jensen said starting to sit up. “I remembered I needed to call my mom about halfway through changing. Give me a minute and I’ll be ready.”

He sat up and started unbuttoning his shirt. As he stood up, he let it slide off of his arms, and he tossed it on the bed. He was wearing a white t-shirt underneath which he proceeded to pull off over his head, exposing his back to Jared. This was the first time that Jared had seen any of Jensen’s normally clothed body. He let his eyes roam over Jensen’s pale skin. He could see freckles dotted here and there along Jensen’s back. Then he noticed the scar.

About halfway down his back on the right side was a three-inch-long, raised scar. It looked jagged and like it had been painful when it happened. Jared’s breath caught in his throat.

“Jensen?” Jared choked out. “What happened right there?”

“Right where?” Jensen asked, looking over his shoulder.

Jared sat up and leaned forward to touch the area in question. “Right here.”

“Oh! That was from a bar fight in college. Broken bottle used as a weapon.” Jensen looked away. “Remind me to tell you the story sometime. But right now isn’t the right time.”

“Okay.” Jared answered. “I will. Was it bad?”

“Yeah.” Jensen answered softly. “It was pretty bad.”

“Okay,” Jared said standing up. “I got it. We won’t talk about it now.”

“Thanks, man!” Jensen answered, grabbing his shirt and pulling it over his head. “We need time and we don’t have it.”

“It’s okay. I trust you.” Jared said and Jensen smiled at him. “I really do.”

“That makes me happy.” Jensen responded. He tugged his t-shirt into place and said, “Okay, will this do?”

Jared saw that Jensen was wearing a black Metallica concert shirt and cracked up. “Are we going butch tonight?”

“Nah! It’s just comfortable. And it was a really great show. It’s a conversation piece for a night out with the guys. What about you?” Jensen tossed out waving a hand at Jared’s black Radiohead concert shirt. “Are we going intellectual tonight?”

“Nah! It’s just comfortable. And a really great show.” Jared kissed Jensen on the nose. “And I go intellectual all the time, babe!”

“Oh, is that right?” Jensen said, grabbing hold of Jared’s belt loops, tugging him closer.

Jared draped his arms over Jensen’s shoulders and nodded his head. “Absolutely!”

Jensen shook his head and smiled. “I still can’t get over it.”

“What?” Jared asked looking at Jensen.

“How playful you are. How easy you are with touching me, letting _me_ touch you.”

“I don’t get it either, honestly. The first day we met, I felt completely at ease with you. I had no doubts or hesitations. Then, when you turned me down, I felt rejected and small.” Jensen’s chin dropped. “No, no. Let me finish.” Jared said lifting Jensen’s chin again. “Then when I saw you again, I was angry and hurt, so I wasn’t feeling great about myself, y’know? Because of _everything_ that had happened, I was nervous about you seeing me, touching me. Then, yesterday morning, when I was sitting there without my shirt on? At first, I didn’t even remember I was half-naked until you said something about it. Then I remembered that was supposed to feel ugly and gross. It wasn’t the first thing I thought. After we talked about all of the crap and you accepted me, I lost that nervousness. I let go of it because you knew the biggest part of my weakness, and you didn’t feel disgusted by it. You took care of me and told me that it was alright. I felt completely comfortable with you. And I really do trust you, Jensen. I feel like this was supposed to happen and that I need to be ready for whatever it brings. So I’m opening myself up to it. I’m welcoming whatever comes next.”

“You are so incredible!” Jensen said softly. “I’m a lucky, _lucky_ man!”

“Yes, you are! Don’t forget it!” Jared said in mock seriousness. Then he whispered. “But I’m luckier than you are. Because _you_ want me.”

“Yes, I do.” Jensen whispered. “I really, really do.”

Jared rubbed his nose against Jensen’s and then pulled away. “Come on! We need to move! Those beers won’t drink themselves!”

 

According to the plans Jimbo had made, the night’s festivities were centered around a schedule of bar-hopping. There was a list of bars that Jeff and Jimbo set up for everyone to follow. They were going to move from bar to bar throughout the night and get to experience downtown San Antonio. The bars were within walking distance from each other, so no one needed to drive. They would finish up within walking distance of the hotels. Jensen felt it would be in his best interest to stay reasonably sober. He wanted to keep an eye on things to make sure nothing got out of hand. Along with Jimbo, Jeff, Jared, Jensen, Nathan and Ken, there were three other guys from Jeff’s teenaged years who decided to come along.

Jared stayed close to Jensen as they started off. Things were going pretty well for the first two bars, so Jensen nursed one beer at the second stop. Jared had had a few but seemed to be okay. Nathan and Ken seemed to be getting along pretty well. Or at the very least, Nathan seemed to be in a good mood. Ken was very quiet and kept his eyes averted. Jeff maintained the upbeat feel to the evening by challenging everyone to different games along the way. By the end of the third bar, Nathan was getting a bit more aggressive with Ken. They were sitting in a booth toward the back and Nathan had stuffed Ken into the corner against the wall. Jensen wasn’t sure what had prompted it, but Ken looked miserable.

By the fourth bar, Nathan was ignoring Ken almost completely. At one point, Nathan disappeared completely. Jensen seemed to be the only one other than Ken who’d noticed though. Jared, Jeff and Jimbo were engaged in a pretty serious game of darts at that point. Gabe, Tres, and Manny were playing pool. Ken was sitting at the high top they had claimed as home-base, sipping on a margarita.

“Where’s Nathan?” Jensen asked calmly.

Ken shrugged. “He said he’d be right back.”

“Okay.” Jensen looked around briefly. “You okay?”

“Me?” Ken looked surprised. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Sure?”

“Yeah. Don’t worry about me.”

“Okay, I’m gonna be right back. Too much to drink, y’know?” And with that Jensen got up and headed toward the restroom. The men’s room was at the end of a hallway past the gaming area of the bar. He stopped by the darts game on the way and gave Jared a kiss for good luck. Jeff good-naturedly shooed Jensen away, claiming that Jared had all the luck he needed, thank you very much.

As Jensen pushed the bathroom door open, his heart sank. He heard familiar noises coming from the back corner stall. Small grunts and quiet, little breaths. He checked under the door and saw one high-heeled woman’s shoe and two men’s shoes. Then he heard a high pitched whine followed by Nathan’s voice saying “Yeah, that’s it. Good girl! That’s beautiful! Now, it’s my turn, right?”

Jensen watched as one high-heeled shoe became two. Then he saw those shoes split and heard a zipper being pulled open followed by the sound of a package ripping open. When he heard Nathan say, “Yeah, just like that. Take it all!” He turned and left as quickly as possible. Now what was he supposed to do? Ken was just sitting there while his boyfriend was getting his rocks off in the bathroom with some barfly. He felt ill and wondered if this had ever happened while Jared and Nathan were together. He was pretty sure that it didn’t matter. Jared knew for a fact that Nathan had cheated on him. The logistics of it really didn’t matter. While Jensen dithered back and forth about what to do, Jared turned the corner to make his way to the restroom.

“Don’t go in there, Jay.” Jensen said holding his hand out in the universal “stop” gesture.

“What? Why not?” Jared blinked at him. “By the way, your kiss worked! I won!”

“That’s awesome!” Jensen smiled. “But seriously, don’t go in there right now. Please, just give it a few minutes, okay?”

“Okay, sure.” Jared answered, looking worried. “Wanna go back to the table?”

“Um… You go ahead. I’ll be right there.”

“You sure?” Jared tilted his head looking concerned.

“Yeah, I’ll explain later. Go ahead.”

“Okay.” Jared leaned forward. “Another kiss for luck?”

Jensen smiled and took the offer. “For me too, yeah?” Jared raised an eyebrow, but gave Jensen a kiss in return. Then he turned and headed back to his brother.

Jensen leaned against the wall trying to figure out what to do. He’d finally decided to go back in the bathroom and turned to head in that direction when the bathroom door opened and the woman came out. She was wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and seemed to be a bit wobbly on her feet. She was wearing a tightly fitted black top with a flouncy black and white striped skirt that was a bit rumpled and slightly out of place. Her long, dark hair was a mess, and it looked like Nathan had been running his hands through it. She didn’t seem to be upset, so Jensen figured she knew what she was doing. He hoped she did anyway. As he made his way in her direction, she met his eyes. She smiled in a self-satisfied way and nodded her head.

“You might want to look at that.” Jensen said indicating her hair.

“Oh! Thanks!” she smiled in return. “I guess I should.” She winked at him and leaned against the wall for a second. Then she headed into the ladies’ room.

“Jesus.” Jensen muttered. He made his way into the bathroom.

Nathan was standing by the sinks washing his hands. When he saw Jensen’s reflection in the mirror, he made eye contact and smiled. He looked like the cat that ate the canary.

“Hey, Jason!” He smiled. “Is it time to move to the next bar yet? This one’s pretty boring.” He reached to grab a paper towel out of the dispenser and made his way to the door. “Oh! How’s Jared? I haven’t had much chance to talk to him yet. Everything good?” Without waiting for an answer, Nathan pulled the door open and disappeared.

Jensen hurried back out front and found Jared standing at the pool table watching Gabe and Manny finish off their game. Jeff and Jimbo were back at the table talking to Ken. Nathan and Tres were at the darts board. Jensen’s eyes roamed the bar and found the girl at a table near the front with three other women. They were giggling and looking at Nathan who was looking rather pleased with himself.

Jensen walked over to Jared and tugged on his sleeve. When Jared turned toward him, Jensen held both of his hands and said, “Bathroom’s free now, if you still need it.”

“Thanks, but as soon as Manny sinks this shot, we’re moving to the next place.” Jared leaned in and gave Jensen another kiss. Manny and Gabe both started making kissy noises, and from the corner of his eye, Jensen could see Jared giving them the finger. He couldn’t help but laugh.

Soon they were moving on, but Jensen was having a tough time dealing with what had happened. At the next bar, Ken sat with Jensen for a bit. As they chatted, Jensen noted that almost every sentence out of Ken’s mouth had to do with Nathan. It was a bunch of “Nathan said” or “Nathan thinks” or “When Nathan this or that.” At one point, Jensen said, “Yeah, but what do you think, Ken?”

Unfortunately, Nathan was passing by at that moment and called out, “He gets paid _not_ to think. Right, honey?” Ken kept his mouth shut for the rest of the time Jensen sat with him. Jensen was pissed, but was having a hard time trying to figure out what to do. After all, he had no proof that anything had happened in that bathroom. He did, however, keep a closer eye on what Nathan was up to.

Nathan kept a distance between himself and Jared, so Jensen felt a small sense of relief over that. It didn’t look like he would start anything in that arena. Jensen did notice that although Nathan wasn’t drinking that much, he kept Ken supplied with fruity, mixed drinks that had heavy alcohol content. Jensen really didn’t like the looks of that.

By the eighth bar, Jared was fairly toasted. Jeff was in a similar position, Ken was slurring his words when he spoke at all, and the other guys were feeling no pain. Nathan was sober, and Jensen was worried. He wasn’t sure what Nathan was planning, but he knew something was coming.

Jimbo had included one gay bar on the list, and it just happened to be bar number nine, the last bar on the list. When they walked in, the place was hopping. When Jeff saw where they were, he started laughing. Jimbo threw his arm over Jeff’s shoulder and said, “Last chance Jeff! I’ve ordered you a lap dance, so you’ll know for sure.” Jeff continued to laugh while Manny, Gabe and Tres just looked around with their mouths hanging open. They grabbed Jeff’s arms after a minute and pulled him right in.

Jared leaned into Jensen and said, “Hey, good-lookin’! Wanna dance?” Jensen couldn’t help but laugh at the terrible pick-up line. He nodded at Jared, and they made their way onto the dance floor.

For a while, Jensen forgot about everything else but Jared. They were in their own little orbit, and the two moved and danced like they had been doing this together for years. Jared’s laugh rang out, and Jensen couldn’t stop smiling. They kept looking at each other, taking in every move, every facial expression. When a slow song came on, they moved closer together with Jensen holding Jared by the belt loops and Jared resting his hands on Jensen’s shoulders.

“You wanna know something?” Jared called out.

“What?” Jensen asked.

 “I don’t really want to go back to D.C.” Jared stated. “I’m not happy there. And I really, really, really won’t be happy there if you aren’t gonna be there anymore.”

Jensen felt a chill run through him. He had truly forgotten about the fact that he only had two weeks left in D.C. when they got back.

“It’s gonna suck. And I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to, Jen. I want to stay here, right here, forever. Then you can stay with me. And we can dance, and hold each other. I want the dream to keep going, Jen. I want to dream! Forever!” Jared was swaying a bit too much, and Jensen felt the need to get him off the dance floor.

“That sounds amazing, Jay.” Jensen said truthfully. “But how about we take a little break. Let’s get you a table and some water. Then we can dance again in a minute. What do you think?”

“Yeah, okay.” Jared answered leaning on Jensen. “Let’s do that.”

Jensen worked and maneuvered Jared until he found a table off to the side. He flagged down a waitress and got some water. As he searched the room to see if he could find someone from their group, he saw Jeff two tables away. He was seated in a chair in an open space receiving a lap dance from a very good-looking young man who was wearing nothing but some body oil and an extremely small pair of white shorts. Jimbo was taking pictures just as fast as he could. Tres, Manny and Gabe were having a grand ol’ time watching the spectacle. There was no sign of Nathan and Ken, and Jensen’s stomach dropped.

Once Jared’s water arrived, Jensen made sure he drank at least half of it. Then he gave Jared a kiss, got him back to his feet and moved him to stand with Manny and Gabe who seemed to be the least intoxicated of the group. After making sure that they would keep an eye on Jared and make him finish his water, Jensen went in search of Nathan and Ken. He walked through the crowd looking everywhere. He was beginning to think that maybe they had left. He figured he’d better check the bathroom and the back room just to be sure. When he walked into the bathroom, he was overwhelmed with the number of people in there. He backed out and made his way toward the back room. What he found broke his heart.

Ken and Nathan were there alright. Nathan had Ken pushed face-first against the wall with his head twisted to the side. Nathan’s hand was against the side of Ken’s head, holding it so Ken couldn’t move. Nathan’s other hand was pulling one of Ken’s hands up behind his back, twisting it in a dangerous position.

“You’re so fucking stupid!” Nathan was yelling. “I told you to stay put. I told you to sit there and have your drink. But no! You had to follow me. Why don’t you follow directions?”

Jensen stepped forward. “Let him go, Nathan.”

“Oh look! It’s _Jason_!” Nathan said. “Mind your own business!”

“Let him go.”

“He’s mine to do what I want with. Right, Ken? I own your ass, don’t I?”

Ken attempted to nod but couldn’t move his head that much, so he said, “Yes, that’s right.”

“So when I tell you to do something, you do it. Right, Ken?”

“Yes. I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

“Now, when I let go, you are going to take _Jason_ with you, and you are both going back out front. Right?”

“Yes.”

Jensen spoke up again, “Just let him go, Nathan. You’ve made your point. Let his arm go!”

“Fine!” Nathan yelled as he slammed Ken into the wall and then backed away.

Ken slumped to the floor, and Jensen moved quickly to his side to help him up. He got his arm around Ken to give him some support and started to head to the door. Nathan stepped in front of them and said, “You’ll keep your mouth shut about this, won’t you?”

“Don’t even think about threatening me, Nathan.” Jensen stated, rising to his full height and looking down into Nathan’s eyes. “You will regret it.”

Nathan registered the seriousness of Jensen’s statement and moved to the side. When Jensen heard a noise in the corner, he turned to look. There was another man standing there watching everything. As Jensen made his way forward again, the other man moved to Ken’s other side and helped Jensen get him out. After they cleared the doorway, Jensen could hear Nathan screaming in frustration.

“Ken?” Jensen asked. When Ken looked up at him, Jensen could see that Ken was severely dazed. “I think you need to go to the hospital.”

Ken’s eyes opened in panic and he began to moan, “No, no, no! I can’t do that. He’ll kill me if I do.”

Jensen’s eyes filled with tears, and he looked to the other man for help. The man nodded at Jensen, and they moved Ken to a table that was out of the way. Jensen flagged a bouncer and asked if they could please get an officer in to help them. When the bouncer asked what was going on, the other man took him to the side and began to talk to him. Before long, the bouncer was on his radio. Soon after that, a uniformed officer was walking in their direction. Jensen had managed to get Ken to drink some water, but Ken was still dazed and refusing to go to the hospital.

Another officer arrived and then an EMT walked in. When the first officer was finished speaking with the other man, he walked over and asked to speak to Jensen. The EMT was assessing Ken’s injuries, so Jensen followed the officer to the side.

After giving his statement about what he saw and heard, Jensen moved back to Ken’s side. The EMT was helping Ken to his feet and moving him outside. When Ken saw an ambulance sitting at the curb, he began to hyperventilate. Another EMT quickly approached and helped Ken into the ambulance. The man from the back room was standing beside Jensen.

“Listen,” Jensen said. “Someone needs to go with him, but I can’t do it. I’ve got a group of about seven guys who are depending on me to get them home tonight. I know it’s asking a lot, but could you go with him? I’ll give you my number, so you can let me know what’s going on. I just really need to get back in there and make sure the others are okay.”

“Yeah, yeah. I can go with him. I’m not sure he’ll want me to be there after he realizes that I’m the one who was getting ready to have sex with his boyfriend, but I’ll go.”

“Dude! Trust me! You don’t want to have anything to do with his boyfriend.”

“Yeah, I figured that out all on my own,” the other man answered. “The name’s Austin.” He said holding out his hand. “Give me your phone.”

Jensen handed over his phone, and Austin put his name and number in. He then dialed his own number from Jensen’s phone. When it rang, he opened the info page so Jensen could enter his name.

“Here.” Jensen said handing the phone back. “I’m Jensen. Thanks for helping him out. And keep me posted.”

“I will.” When Jensen turned to head back inside, Austin put a hand on Jensen’s arm to stop him. “I didn’t know that asshole was here with someone. I didn’t think he was attached.”

“I know. That’s exactly what he wanted you to think.” Austin nodded and then walked back over to the EMTs and asked if he could ride along.

Jensen didn’t wait around to see anything else. He moved back into the club to look for the other guys. Once he found them, he told them it was time to call it a night. They reluctantly agreed, and everyone filed out to head back to the hotel for the night. Jensen kept an arm around Jared the whole way back.

After everyone clambered into the elevator, Jeff looked around. “Hey! Where’s Nathan and Ken?”

“I’ll explain tomorrow.” Jensen answered.

“Okay, dude!” Jeff replied. “Sounds good.”

Once the elevator got moving, Jeff wrapped his arms around Jimbo and Manny and said, “Thank you for the absolute best time I’ve ever had. And even though I loved the lap dance, I’m still gonna marry Amanda. She’s still the one for me.” When the doors opened, Jeff gave Jared a big hug, then stumbled off down the hall with his buddies.

Jensen and Jared were alone again on the elevator. Jared nestled his head into the crook of Jensen’s shoulder and closed his eyes. When the door dinged for their floor, both men moved as one off the elevator and down the hall to their room. Jensen opened the door and ushered Jared into the bedroom. He sat Jared on the bed, then grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge.

“Drink.” He said handing Jared an open bottle. Once Jared took a sip, Jensen began to untie the shoes Jared was wearing. He pulled them off and made sure Jared was drinking the water.

“I need to pee.” Jared stated and started to stand up. “Too much water.”

Jensen snickered and helped Jared to the bathroom door. After getting Jared inside, he made sure the door was closed and then quickly changed into his sleep clothes. He drank about half of his own bottle of water, then began rummaging through his suitcase to find pain reliever. He finally found what he needed just as the door cracked open again.

Turning to give Jared a hand, he found Jared leaning against the bathroom door frame in his underwear and Radiohead t-shirt. He was still wearing his socks, and he looked absolutely worn out and adorable. Jensen moved in his direction to try to get him to the bed.

“Hey!” Jensen said softly.

“Hey.” Jared responded. “I’m tired, Jen.”

“Okay. Let’s get you to the bed so you can sleep, okay?”

“Yeah, that sounds good. I couldn’t get my socks off.”

“That’s okay. I’ll help you. Come on, big guy!”

“Yeah. Okay.” Jared said and started to move. When he sat on the bed, he looked up at Jensen. His eyes were sad as he said, “You always help me Jensen. You take care of me.”

“Yep. That’s what I’m here for.” He placed a kiss on Jared’s upturned forehead.

“But you’re going to leave me. The bubble’s gonna pop, and I’ll be on my own again.”

“No. No way, Jay!” Jensen pulled Jared into his chest and began to smooth Jared’s hair. “We’ll figure something out. We will, I promise.”

Jared wrapped his arms around Jensen’s waist and squeezed.

“Ugh!” Jensen laughed. “You don’t know your own strength.”

“Oh, sorry!” Jared said letting go. “I’m sorry, Jen. I don’t want to hurt you. I swear I don’t want to ever hurt you.” Jared’s eyes filled with tears.

“Shh!” Jensen soothed. “Jared, it’s okay. It was a joke. I’m okay.” He reached for the remaining water and the two ibuprofen he had laid on the table. “Hey! No tears. I’m fine. Here. Take these, drink a little more water and lay down, okay? You’ll feel better in a little while.”

“Yeah, okay.” Jared said shifting to get his legs on the bed. He reached out for the water and the pills, when his feet caught his attention. He started laughing and said, “I still have my socks on.”

“Take those, drink your water, and I’ll get your socks.” Jensen watched until the pills were taken and then moved to pull Jared’s socks off. Jensen was struck by how delicate the bones in Jared’s feet were. For such a large man, he had such elegant looking feet. He looked back up to where Jared had finally laid down and watched as a gentle smile curved Jared’s mouth. Jensen’s heart thumped loudly in his chest as Jared turned to his side and curled into himself. He looked so young and innocent.

Jensen moved up the bed to brush the hair back off Jared’s face. Jared’s eyes fluttered shut, but his hand gripped Jensen’s and moved it to his mouth. After placing a soft kiss on Jensen’s palm, he sighed softly and whispered, “I love you, Jen.” Then he was asleep.

Jensen blinked several times before sliding his hand out of Jared’s grip and moving away from the bed. He sat on the couch in the front room and tried to process everything that had happened that day. He’d only been here for two days. Two days! And so much had happened. His life was forever changed by the man lying in the other room. Jensen closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

He picked up his phone and tried to focus on the situation with Ken. That was far more desperate right now than what was going on with Jared. He found two messages from Austin and opened them up.

_Austin: They won’t let me ride in the ambulance, but said I could follow if I wanted._

_Austin: I’m in the waiting room. Haven’t heard anything yet, but they know who I’m here for._

Jensen shot off a quick message and waited for a response.

_Jensen: Did they tell you anything before they left?_

After a few minutes he got a response.

_Austin: Yeah, said probably concussion and sprained wrist. Worried about his shoulder also._

Jensen ran his hand down his face. He replayed what had happened after he’d gotten to the back room to see if there was anything else he could have done to save Ken any further injury. He couldn’t see any other way to handle things than what he had done. If he had been aggressive with Nathan, it might have spurred him to inflict more injury on Ken. All he had to do was yank on that arm, and he would have broken it. Jensen felt like he had done the best he could in that situation.

Jensen shot back another text and waited for a response.

_Jensen: Thanks for going this far. I appreciate your help. You don’t have to stay._

_Austin: No, it’s okay. I feel bad. Wanna be sure he’s okay._

_Jensen: You didn’t know. No reason to feel bad._

_Austin: Yeah there is. Don’t let me off the hook. I wanna help him._

_Jensen: Okay. Keep me posted._

_Austin: Yeah. And thanks for stepping in back there. I was in panic mode and couldn’t think straight._

_Jensen: No problem._

Jensen set his phone down on the coffee table and grabbed his water. After finishing what was left, he made his way to the bathroom to finish getting ready for bed. Jared’s pants were spread, inside out, across the floor. Jensen had to laugh at that. He could just imagine Jared fighting with them to try and get them off. As Jensen picked them up, pulled them right-side out, and folded them, Jared’s phone fell out and hit the floor. After making sure nothing wasncracked, he put the phone and the jeans on the counter and started brushing his teeth. He looked at himself in the mirror and noticed that even after everything, he still had a twinkle in his eyes. Even with all of the drama over the last two days, he was happy. He finished brushing his teeth and made his way back to the bedroom.

Jared was still in the same position on the bed. Jensen turned off the lights and curled up on the other side of the bed, facing Jared’s back. He reached a hand across the space between them and rested his hand against Jared’s back.

“I love you, too.” He whispered and then drifted off.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after...

Chapter 9

 

When Jensen woke up the next morning, Jared was still crashed out beside him. Jared had turned over at some point during the night and was now facing Jensen with his hand on Jensen’s bicep. Jensen was laying on his back, but had somehow moved closer to Jared in his sleep. He tried to ease his way out of Jared’s grip but saw the exact moment Jared’s eyes fluttered open.

“Hey!” Jared grunted.

“Good morning,” Jensen growled in his sleep-roughened voice. “How do you feel?”

“Mmmm,” Jared hummed. “Not sure yet. Mouth doesn’t taste good.”

“There some water on the table beside you.”

“Okay. Thanks!” Jared answered. He realized where his hand was and yanked it away. “Sorry.”

“No, it was nice.” Jensen smiled. Jared smiled back.

“Did I do anything stupid last night that I can’t remember for some reason?”

“Nope. You were a perfect gentleman.” Jensen rolled to his side to face Jared fully. He reached across the short distance between them and took Jared’s hand. “It was nice to see you relaxed and having fun.”

Jared squeezed Jensen’s hand for a second and then said, “Thank you for keeping an eye on things for everyone. You didn’t have to do that.”

“It’s not a problem. Someone needed to.” Jensen smiled sleepily. “You guys needed to be able to have fun without worrying about anything. I’m glad I could help out.”

“Jen. You are truly amazing.”

“Nah!” Jensen moved to get up while Jared rolled to his back and stretched. Jensen sat on the edge of the bed and lifted his arms above his head. He yawned and tilted his head back to ease some of the tension in his neck and shoulders.

“You okay?” Jared asked. “You look like your neck hurts.”

“I’m a little stiff this morning. Nothing to worry about.” He could hear Jared shifting behind him and then he felt Jared’s huge hands on his shoulders.

“Shall I give you a bit of a massage? See if that helps?” Jared asked hopefully.

“If you don’t mind.” Jensen sighed in enjoyment as Jared’s hands worked over the muscles in his neck and shoulders. “That feels incredible! You have amazing hands!”

“Pfft! You’re the physical therapist. I bet you’re the one with the amazing hands.” Jared laughed. “I’m just doing the best I can.”

“Well, your best is pretty outstanding.” Jensen hummed in pleasure.

After a few more minutes, Jared leaned forward and placed a kiss on the nape of Jensen’s neck. “Sorry, man! I need to go to the bathroom!” He scooted off the bed and noticed what he was wearing for the first time. “Um, Jensen?”

“Yeah?”

“Who took my pants off?”

“You did.” Jensen answered looking over his shoulder at Jared. “Apparently, you had a bit of trouble with it though. They were inside-out on the bathroom floor when I found them. I did take your shoes and socks off for you. They were a bit too complicated for you.”

“Oh…my…God!” Jared shook his head. “I can’t believe you had to do that for me. I’m embarrassed.”

“Don’t be!” Jensen stood up and turned around. “You were incredibly adorable.”

Jared covered his face with both hands and stumbled off toward the bathroom. By the time he came back out, Jensen had the coffee brewing and was sitting on the couch looking through his phone messages.

“I’m gonna take a quick shower. Do you need in there first?” Jared asked as he moved to the bedroom to grab his clothes.

“Sure.” Jensen answered.

After they switched places and Jared started the shower, Jensen settled in to reply to the messages Austin had sent while Jensen was sleeping.

 

_Austin: Just heard. Facial lacerations and contusions. Sprained right wrist. Dislocated right shoulder and mild concussion._

_Austin: Just spoke to Ken. He doesn’t want to press charges. Told me not to say anything more to the cops. I already gave my statement though. I’m not rescinding it._

_Austin: Police just came to interview Ken. He wouldn’t say anything negative._

_Austin: Said he couldn’t remember anything. He kept swearing that he must have fallen because he’d had too much to drink._

_Austin: Just got finished talking to the police again. Told them the same thing I said last night at the club. I’m not changing my story._

_Austin: I’m heading home now. Nathan just showed up. He didn’t see me, but he looked pissed._

_Austin: What the hell did I stumble into?_

_Jensen: I’m sorry that you ended up in the middle of it. I’ll have to fill you in on the details at some point._

_Jensen: Thanks for sticking with your story and staying by Ken._

_Jensen: Don’t blame you for leaving when you did. I really appreciate everything. Stay in touch?_

 

Jensen laid his phone face down on the table. He was concerned about Ken. If Ken was refusing to accuse Nathan of wrong-doing, Jensen wasn’t sure what would happen. He was fairly certain that his statement, joined with Austin’s, would be enough for the police to press charges for assault, but he wasn’t sure. Add to that the fact that Nathan had been confronted by Jensen at the time of the incident, and things could get a whole lot more complicated.

When Jared poked his head out of the bathroom, Jensen asked him to come take a seat beside him on the couch. Jared looked concerned, but did as he was asked. Jensen picked up Jared’s hand and held it between both of his own.

“I need to talk with you about something.” Jensen started.

“What’s wrong?” Jared asked. “Is somebody sick?”

“No. Not that I know of, but Jeff might be a little sick this morning.”

“Ha! That might be true.” Jared smiled.

“It’s about Ken and Nathan.” Jensen stated.

Jared looked concerned but didn’t ask any more questions. Jensen explained everything that had happened the previous night starting with the way things began to deteriorate between bar two and bar three. He even described what had happened with the woman in the bathroom.

“So that’s why you wouldn’t let me go in there!” Jared exclaimed.

When Jensen got to the part about what happened in the back room, Jared visibly tensed. He stood up and began to pace back and forth in front of the coffee table. Jensen continued until he got to the part about receiving the texts from Austin overnight. Then he showed the texts to Jared.

“Jensen. This isn’t good.” Jared stated, handing the phone back. “He’s gonna be really pissed.”

“I realize that, Jared, but I’m not backing down. It looks like Austin won’t either. If Ken won’t stand up for himself, I’m going to have to do it for him.” Jensen watched as Jared nodded his head slowly. “I’m just hoping we can get through today first.”

“So Nathan went to the hospital to be with Ken?” Jared asked.

“Yeah, that’s what Austin said.”

“Does Nathan have any idea that Austin made a statement?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think so.” Jensen looked at Jared with a questioning look. “What are you thinking?”

“Well, with your statement and Austin’s statement, the police have enough to pursue the charges if they feel like it’s important enough. However, this is not a situation that police tend to follow through on.”

“Domestic abuse between two men. Yeah, that’s not high on their priority list.”

“And if there has been any sort of rape or sexual abuse involved, Ken’s definitely not going to tell anyone about it. Trust me.”

“Yeah, I know.” Jensen responded quietly and looked away.

Jared sat down beside Jensen suddenly and faced him directly. “I want to tell my side of things to the police.”

“What?” Jensen was shocked.

“I want to step forward and tell my story. If I do that, they will have background information on how Nathan systematically tears people down. They will know that this is not a one-time situation, it’s just the one time he got caught. They might be more willing to investigate the claims if they realize this is part of a pattern. If they can establish that he is a serial abuser, they may want to shut him down.”

Jensen thought for a minute before saying, “How are you going to prove that? They aren’t going to believe you without proof. Are they?”

“Probably not. If I just walk in off the street going on about how I was abused over a period of four years ending three years ago, they will just brush me off. But if I go in and make it clear that I shared my story with someone after I got away, then they can’t ignore it.”

“Okay, can you do that?”

“Yeah!” Jared said certainly. “I told Gen everything!”

“But, Jay! How will that help you?”

“Well, I met her because of her job. She’s a clerk in a law office. Her boss had her going to different support groups trying to get people to come in and give statements about their experiences with abusers. She convinced me to go talk to him. He explained that even though I had no options to press charges for myself, I could still make a difference. If I told them what happened to me, it would help them understand abusers. They would be better able to help other victims in the future. The lawyer that I spoke to asked Gen to work with me to get my complete story recorded. He wanted to have a trail in case something like _this_ happened. He has seen lots of domestic abuse cases get ignored, and he’s trying to establish some way to keep it from continuing to happen.” Jensen blinked. “Remember when I told you that I told her my story over many nights. Some of them were drunken and full of tears? They both worked to help me get as comfortable as I could to tell my story. Part of that included loosening me up and alleviating my inhibitions.”

“That’s sort of genius.” Jensen looked impressed.

“Through that process, Gen and I got really close. She wanted me to move in with her, so I had somewhere I felt safe. I moved in with her six months after I got to D.C. She’s been my best friend for the last two and a half years.”

“I like her already.” Jensen said.

“Yeah,” Jared smiled. “Anyway! She has recordings of me telling my story. They all have date and time stamps on them as if they were going to be used in a trial. They are all legal testimony and can be used in court if needed.”

“Wow.” Jensen said with a look of disbelief on his face. “Wow, Jay!”

Jared looked embarrassed. “Even though I kept making excuses and blaming myself, I knew that I had been stupid for not coming forward while it was happening. I never said anything to anyone during the abuse. There were no medical records of injuries, no statements made to police or any other professionals. Nothing. After I spoke with Andrew, the lawyer, I realized that way too many men were dealing with situations like this, and they wouldn’t speak for themselves. Everyone is so embarrassed by it, y’know? Even though it was too late for me to do anything for myself, I wanted to be able to help someone else.”

Jensen leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Jared. “You continue to amaze me. Just when I think you can’t possibly get any better, you do.” Jared dropped his head onto Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen began to rub Jared’s back. “How do you want to do this?”

With that vote of confidence, Jared moved into action. He called Gen and gave her a brief rundown on what was going on. She immediately contacted Andrew to relay the events. Andrew then went straight to his office to make the necessary phone calls to San Antonio police. Andrew then called Jared back to tell him that the police would like to speak with him as soon as possible and gave Jared the name of the Detective to speak with. Jared and Jensen called Jared’s parents’ room from their hotel phone telling them that they had an errand to run and would be back as soon as they could. Together they made their way to the rented car and on to the police station.

After three hours of giving statements and signing paperwork, the men made their way back to their hotel room totally exhausted. They were hopeful, however, that the police would work on pursuing charges against Nathan for Ken. Jensen and Jared were not able to establish where Ken was or if Nathan had any idea that something was going down. They also didn’t have a timeline of when things might happen going forward. For all they knew, they would be spending the afternoon with a man they had just given testimony against.

The wedding was supposed to start at 5:00. Jared needed to be at the venue for 4:00 at the latest. That gave them roughly an hour and a half to get ready. Jared fell onto the bed and swore he was never going to move again. Jensen put out the “Do Not Disturb” sign and joined him.

“I don’t know how we’re going to pull this off.” Jared moaned.

“We’ll figure it out.” Jensen tried to reassure Jared. “We just need to stay away from him during the ceremony if he’s there.”

“You know. I haven’t talked to Jeff all day today. I’m supposed to be his best man. Isn’t there something I’m supposed to be doing for him?”

“Probably. Why don’t you go call him and see what he needs?”

“Oh crap!” Jared said as he looked for his phone. “I left my phone here when we went to the station. I bet he’s been trying to get me all day. Have you seen it?”

“Wait!” Jensen replied shooting up off the bed to help Jared look. “It was in your jeans pocket last night.”

“I think so.”

“Bathroom counter. It’s with your jeans. I folded them and put them there.”

Jared hurried off to check. “Got it!” He walked back into the bedroom with his phone in his hand and his eyes on his phone. “Okay. Jeff has texted me multiple times. Hang on!” Jared read through the messages and then sat beside Jensen handing him the phone. “You read them. My brain hurts.”

 

_Jeff: Hey! Did Jensen say anything to you about Nathan and Ken?_

_Jeff: Nathan said that Ken didn’t go home last night. They weren’t with us when we got back to the hotel. Do you know what happened?_

_Jeff: Ken’s in the hospital. Nathan’s on his way to pick him up. I guess Ken had a little too much to drink last night. Apparently he fell and hurt himself pretty badly._

_Jeff: Well, Nathan’s coming stag to the wedding. Hospital won’t release Ken until tomorrow. Said he has a concussion and they want to keep him under observation. Weird._

_Jeff: Jared are you getting these text messages? I called the hospital to check on Ken. Tony said there’s something fishy going on and not to say anything._

_Jeff: So, I guess, I wasn’t supposed to tell you that. So don’t say anything._

_Jeff: Jared, where are you? Call me when you get this!_

 

Jensen handed Jared his phone back and said, “You’d better call him.”

“Yep.” Jared gave Jensen a pleading look. “Stay with me?”

“Of course.”

Jared said a quick prayer and then dialed his brother’s number. Jeff answered after the second ring.

“Jared! Where the hell are you?” Jeff’s panicked voice came through the phone.

“In my room at the hotel. Where am I supposed to be?”

“Oh good! I need you to swing by mom’s room and grab our tuxes. Then I need you to bring them to my room. Oh! She also has the rings. We’re a man down, by the way! Nathan is running late and might not make it at all. Something weird is happening with him and Ken, man! I don’t know what the deal is.”

“That’s okay. We’ll make it work!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jeff took an audible breath and let it out slowly. “You’re right. It’s the Padalecki brothers. Nothing keeps us down, right?”

“Right!” Jared assured him. “It’ll be perfect, Jeff. Everything will work out.”

After a few more minutes on the phone, Jared had worked out a plan of action to get Jeff to the venue on time. Jensen was willing to help as much as he could, but he still needed to get ready himself. Jared took a quick shower and headed to his mom and dad’s room. Jensen jumped in the shower as soon as Jared cleared the room to begin getting ready. Once he had gelled and styled his hair, put on his charcoal grey suit with the dove grey shirt and white tie, he made his way down to Jeff’s room to be of help if he could.

Jimbo answered the door when he knocked and then stood to the side to let him in. Manny, who was sitting on the couch, let out a whistle when he saw Jensen.

“Damn, man! Are you a GQ model?” Manny joked. He had a huge smile on his face.

“I wish, man! Those guys get paid the big bucks!” Jensen laughed.

“Seriously, though. You look good.”

“Thanks.” Jensen answered looking around. “Where’s Jared?”

Jimbo pointed toward the closed bedroom door. “With Jeff. Best if you wait out here for a minute.”

“Okay.” Jensen answered. “Something I should know?”

“Private conversation, apparently.” Jimbo answered with a shrug. “I’m sure Jared will fill you in as soon as possible. He never could keep a secret for shit.” Jimbo laughed.

Jensen looked away. Jimbo had no idea what he was talking about.

The door opened a few minutes later and Jeff walked out. He looked solemn and a little bit sick. When he saw Jensen standing there, he hooked a thumb toward the room and said, “Jared’s in there. He might need some help with his vest-thingy.”

“You okay?” Jensen asked, concerned that Jeff was having trouble processing everything.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Just nervous, I guess.”

Jensen made his way to the bedroom and stopped on the threshold when he saw Jared. Standing there in a black tuxedo with a black waistcoat and bowtie, Jared looked like Jensen’s fantasy Prince Charming. Jared was fussing with his pocket square and didn’t hear Jensen enter.

“You clean up nice.” Jensen said. Jared startled and looked his way before giving the biggest smile Jensen had ever seen. Jensen’s breath caught in his throat as he took in Jared’s gorgeous dimples. “Wow!”

“Thanks! You looked pretty damn good yourself.” Jared responded. “Wow back at ya!”

“Jeff said you’re having trouble with your vest?”

“Oh! No, I figured that part out. This stupid pocket square is giving me the business though. Help?”

“Absolutely.” Jensen said moving forward and reaching out for it. As he took the offending material from Jared’s hand, he looked up from under his lashes at Jared. “Everything okay with Jeff?”

“Yeah.” Jared heaved a sigh. “Nathan told him the ‘Ken fell down’ version of the story, and he’s having trouble believing it. Jeff’s an orthopedic surgeon in Austin and has friends who work at the hospital here. His friend Tony told him that Ken’s being kept at the hospital with a guard posted near his room. Not at his room, but near his room. They aren’t supposed to be drawing attention to it. Apparently, with mild concussions like Ken’s, the patient would be released to a friend or family member with instructions to keep an eye on them throughout the day. The fact that Ken is being kept for observation and has a watcher nearby has Tony questioning what happened to Ken. Tony’s not on Ken’s case, so he doesn’t have any other details than that. Jeff is worried that he isn’t getting the whole truth. Which, he isn’t.”

“Did you say anything about what I saw or what’s going on?” Jensen asked.

“No, of course not. I just told Jeff that things would work out. That if something else was going on, it would be okay. I told him not to worry about it and to focus on his wedding day instead. I figured, he needs to be happy today of all days. Let this other crap filter itself out.”

“Sounds good to me.” Jensen reached up and popped Jared’s pocket square right into place with no trouble at all. Then he placed his hand on Jared’s cheek and ran his thumb along Jared’s bottom lip. “You really do clean up nice. I wish you didn’t have somewhere important to be.”

“Oh yeah?” Jared said. He leaned over and put his forehead against Jensen’s. “Why’s that?”

“Because I’m really fighting an urge to mess you up a little bit right now.”

“I guess a little bit wouldn’t hurt.” Jared slid an arm around Jensen’s waist and tugged him closer. They moved together and their lips met. Jared’s tongue slowly glided along Jensen’s lips until Jensen opened the slightest bit. Jared’s tongue slid in and both men hummed their appreciation. Jared’s free hand found Jensen’s jawline, and he ran his fingers gently along it. Jensen stepped closer in and ran his hand up Jared’s arm to the back of Jared’s neck. When his fingers found Jared’s hair, he tugged causing Jared to gasp against his mouth. Jensen’s belly turned to lava at the sound. He remembered where they were and broke the kiss off. He laid his head against Jared’s shoulder and tried to slow his breathing.

“We need to stop.” Jensen breathed.

“Yeah, probably.” Jared agreed, nuzzling Jensen’s head with his own. “Don’t want to though. Just so you know.”

Jensen huffed a laugh. “Just so _you_ know? Me neither.”

“Hey! You two!” Jimbo called from the front room. “We need to go!”

Jared cleared his throat and then called back, “Be right there.”

They separated and checked themselves in the mirror. Their eyes met in the mirror and they both nodded. Jared took Jensen’s hand, laced his fingers with Jensen’s and said, “Let’s do this!”


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding and the reception

Chapter 10

 

The grounds were all aflutter when they arrived at the venue. Jared knew that the ladies were already inside, making their final adjustments and ensuring everything would be perfect on their side of things. The men made their way to the room set aside for them and began to make their last minute adjustments as well. Jared double checked his inside pocket for the rings and then turned to face Jensen.

“First, thank you for everything.” Jared said quietly. “I’m so glad that you decided to make this trip with me. I’m happy that you’re here.” Jensen reached out and squeezed his hand. “Second, thank you especially for giving me the strength and the safe space to tell my story, not just once, but twice this weekend. I feel stronger for letting all of that out. Third, thank you for being so genuine with my family. They all really like you, and they might want to keep you and send me back.” Jensen let out a big laugh and smiled at Jared. “Fourth and last, I want to give this thing that’s been growing between us a chance to make it. Like I said last night, I want to focus on it and make it work. I don’t know how it’s going to work quite yet, but just know that I’m thinking about it. You have been like a miracle for me. I have felt more like my true self these last couple of days, and I’m happy. When we get through the end of this weekend, however all this turns out, I want to sit down and see what we can come up with if that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah. Yeah, Jay.” Jensen gulped. “That sounds amazing! I want to do that, too.”

“Okay then.” Jared smiled squeezing Jensen’s hand. “We have a date!”

Jensen grinned. “Yeah, we do.”

“Be good.” Jared whispered.

“You too.” Jensen whispered back. He gave Jared a flirty smile and said, “Now go do the thing for the guy and get back to me!”

“Yes, sir!” Jared smiled and turned to go. Then he stopped, turned back around, and gave Jensen a quick kiss. “I can do that any time I want.” Then he laughed and walked away.

“Yes, you can.” Jensen whispered to himself. “You most certainly can.”

 

Jared made his way to the groom’s room and checked in with Jeff who seemed much calmer and more laid back than he had been in the hotel. After verifying that everyone was ready and that Jared had the rings, they started to make their way out to the front. As they lined up, Jared checked the room for Jensen. He was unsurprised to find Jensen tucked on the bench between Megan and Aunt Kathy. As he watched, his mom leaned over Megan and took Jensen’s hand. She said something that made Jensen laugh, and Jared’s stomach made a little flip. Jensen looked his way then and winked. Jared smiled back and laughed to himself. Jensen was a natural fit into his family.

Jeff leaned over and said, “Better watch out. Looks like mom’s making plans for the next wedding.”

Jared blushed but smiled and answered. “I think I’m okay with that.”

Jeff grinned back and nodded his head. “Thought you might be.”

Just then, there was a commotion at the back of the church. Jared looked that way and saw Nathan making his way up to the front. Jared’s heart sank. He was really hoping that they could’ve gotten through this without Nathan’s presence. Jeff looked surprised to see him, but indicated that Nathan should take his place at the other end of the line. Jared caught Jensen’s eye, and Jensen just smiled and then he mouthed the words, “We’re okay.” Jared nodded and turned back toward Jeff.

When the music started, everyone looked toward the back of the chapel, except Jared. Jared was watching Jeff’s face instead of looking at Amanda, and he wasn’t disappointed. Jeff’s face lit up like a beacon when he finally laid eyes on his bride as she took her place at the end of the aisle. When Jared turned back to see Amanda, he noticed the same glow on her face. He’d never seen two people look as happy as his own brother and his soon-to-be wife. His eyes flicked toward Jensen before he turned back to the front and noticed that Jensen was looking straight at him. There was a warm glow on Jensen’s face as well. Jared grinned and winked then he turned back to the front.

Everything went smoothly during the ceremony, and before Jared knew it, he had a new sister. He was so happy for Amanda and Jeff, so excited to see what they would do with their life together. When they were pronounced man and wife and gave each other a kiss, the crowd cheered. Jared’s heart was so happy. No matter how this turned out in the end, he was so happy to have been part of this moment for his brother. Jeff turned to him and gave him a huge hug.

“Thanks, J.T. Thank you so much for coming home!” Jeff whispered into his ear.

“I’m so glad I came down. I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.” Jared whispered back.

The two men patted each other on the back and Jeff turned back to his wife. He took her arm and started to walk back down the aisle. Jared moved forward to the young woman across from him, took her arm and followed his brother up the aisle. After the processional was over, the guests began making their way out to attend the reception. The wedding party, and Jensen, stayed behind for pictures. After the large group shots were finished, and all of the wedding party shots were finished, Mrs. Padalecki pulled the photographer off to the side and spoke with him briefly.

The photographer turned back to the group at large and stated that all of the members of the wedding party who were not immediate family members could go ahead to the reception. There would be a few more family pictures and then the family would also head to the reception. Nathan walked to the spot where Jeff and Jared were speaking.

“What poses are we doing next?” he asked.

“Nathan, you can go ahead please.” Mrs. Padalecki smiled. “I’m sure that Jimbo can give you a ride if you need one.” Jensen started to head to the rear of the chapel, expecting to have to find a ride himself. Mrs. Padalecki stopped him. “Jensen? Sweetie? Where are you going? We aren’t done with you yet. Please come over here.”

“What?” Nathan grumbled. “You’re letting him stay? He’s not part of the family!”

“Nathan.” Mrs. Padalecki stated, the picture of southern hospitality and charm. “I’ve already explained this to you once, dear. You may be Jeff’s friend, and you may have been invited to participate in family events in the past, but I’m not happy with the way you have been treating your boyfriend or the way you have been taking advantage of my son. I’m going to ask you again to please make your way to the reception with Jimbo.” She crossed her arms over her chest and lowered her chin, then her eyes flashed as she said, “Or I’ll have someone escort you out.”

The room got deadly quiet. No one dared to look at each other, and Jared was desperately trying to hide his look of shock behind his hand.

Nathan looked at Jeff for help, but Jeff just looked away.

“Jeff?” Nathan said angrily. “Don’t turn away from me and hide behind your mother.”

“Nathan,” Jeff said looking right at him. “I’m not hiding behind my mother. I think it would be in your best interest right now to do as my mother asked and head to the reception. But if you want my honest opinion here, I can’t believe you are here at all. If it were me, and the person I loved was in the hospital, I’d be _there_. I’d be right there by his side, man. It makes me wonder.”

“Ken is fine, Jeff. He’s fine. He just had a little too much to drink last night, and he tripped and fell.”

“Nathan.” Jeff said sternly. “Go. Please.”

“Whatever!” Nathan turned his back and strode up the aisle. As he passed Jensen, he rammed his shoulder into Jensen’s arm. Jensen just chuckled.

After he cleared the building, everyone began to talk again, but no one mentioned Nathan.

It soon became clear that Mrs. Padalecki intended to include Jensen in the family shots as Jared’s boyfriend. Both guys smiled when she stated that she wanted a shot of the two happy couples. They began to giggle when she arranged them into the pose she wanted. She had Jeff and Jared standing on the ends with Jeff standing behind Amanda with his arms around her waist. Amanda was facing Jensen. And Jared was behind Jensen with his arms around Jensen’s waist. It looked like a prom pose gone too far, but Mrs. Padalecki loved it! She squealed with delight when she got them exactly right.

As they were clearing out to head to the reception, Jensen found himself standing beside Jared’s mother. He turned to her and said, “Mrs. Padalecki, I want to thank you for including me in your family with such short notice and under such stressful circumstances. It really means a lot to me that you have welcomed me like this.”

“First of all, call me Sherri, please. You make me feel so old when you call me Mrs. Padalecki.” Jensen grinned at her, his heart singing. “Second, no I didn’t know you were coming. I didn’t even know you existed. But I can see how much you care about my son.” She paused and put her hand on Jensen’s arm. “I know that he has been through something terrible. I saw how broken and hurt he was when he left. But he wouldn’t say anything to us. I’ve seen you two interact, and I suspect that you know what happened to him. If you are helping him heal and you care about him as much as I think you do, you will always be welcome in my family. He’s a very special person, Jensen. I may not have been the most hands-on parent with him, but I’ve always been aware of how incredible he is.” She wiped a tear from her eye and continued. “You are a dear, sweet young man. You bring out the light that he has inside him. I’m so happy that he met you.”

Jensen looked Sherri right in the eyes and said, “I’m happy that I met him, too. And I guarantee you, that you will know at least something about what happened soon.”

“Thank you, Jensen. I think I’m gonna hug you now.”

“I would like nothing better.” Jensen said opening his arms to welcome her in.

 

After everyone had gotten settled at their tables at the reception, Jared sitting up front with the wedding party, Jensen sitting at the table with the Padaleckis, dinner was served. Jared found himself between Jeff and Jimbo. Nathan was on Jimbo’s other side, and Jared could tell that he was seething even though he wore a smile on his face. Jared was determined to keep an eye on him throughout the day.

The food was delicious. Unfortunately, that only served to distract Jared from the fact that he was supposed to toast the happy couple, a fact that Jeff had told Jared only after he’d arrived with the tuxes earlier that day. When the meal was winding down, Jeff elbowed Jared and said, “I hope you’re ready for the speech-giving. You’re on.”

Jared gulped. He was suddenly nervous, but he was determined to do a good job. He took a deep breath, stood up and began to tap his water glass with his knife to get everyone’s attention. The DJ made his way over with a microphone and grinned as he handed it over. Jared cleared his throat and wiped his hands on his napkin before taking the mic. His heart fluttered. He caught Jensen’s eye, and Jensen smiled calmly at him and nodded. Jared nodded back, and he immediately felt better.

“Good evening, everyone! On behalf of my brother, his beautiful new wife and both families, I’d like to thank you for coming to spend this time with us on such an amazing day.” Quiet applause sounded throughout the room. “For those of you who don’t know who I am, I’m Jeff’s little brother Jared. And yes, little is a relative term. We grow ‘em big down here in Texas.” Jared waited as laughter sounded. “First, I want to say that I’m honored to be Jeff’s best man. He was my very first friend. For many, many years, he was also my best friend. He stood by me when things weren’t easy for me, and he made sure I got through an extremely difficult time in my life. And for that I will forever be grateful.” Jared turned toward Jeff and smiled. Jeff nodded in return. “Three years ago, I took it upon myself to go out and explore the world. I did this without looking at the family I had around me because I felt that I needed to get away from the life I was living at the time. I fled to try and find a new beginning. What I didn’t realize, until just recently, is that one of my strongest support systems is here. Right here at this table. And over there at that table.” Jared put a hand on Jeff’s shoulder and then gestured toward his parents, and his sister, and then winked at Jensen. He then turned to Amanda. “Amanda, I’m so happy that you and Jeff found each other. The way you look at each other is a beautiful thing. You are an amazing person, and I’m looking forward to being able to tell you all of the embarrassing things I can remember about Jeff.” Again, he paused for the laughter. “But I’m also very thankful for you. You make Jeff light up like a beacon. And that’s so cool to see. But I’m even more thankful for you because without you and your love for my brother, I wouldn’t be here today. Without you, I wouldn’t have found my way home. Without you and Jeff and this amazing event today, I wouldn’t have realized how very glad I am to be a Padalecki. And now _you_ get to experience that joy for yourself. Welcome to the family!” He raised his glass and said, “Cheers to the happy couple!”

“Hear, hear!” sounded throughout the room amidst applause. Jared handed the microphone off to the next person and returned to his seat. He glanced up and saw both his mom and his dad wiping tears from their cheeks. He looked at Jensen who softly clapped his hands and smiled. Jared shrugged and smiled back.

 

Jared had shared his concerns about Nathan’s mindset with Jensen. Now both of them were keeping an eye on him as he moved through the gathering. Jared noticed that Nathan was paying particular attention to a young man who was part of the bride’s extended family. His eyes also kept returning to the young lady in the wedding party who had been giving Jared the eye during practice. They were both concerned about where this might lead.

They were working hard to keep Jeff’s attention elsewhere. Neither one wanted Nathan’s antics to interfere with Jeff’s special day. When the dancing started, Jared was expected to participate. He was supposed to dance with the woman he escorted, and he wanted to dance with his mother. Jensen stuck close to the wall in order to get a better view of the room. His attention was on Jared though when he caught sight of Nathan by the back doorway. Nathan had the young man against the wall and was leaning into him. Nathan had his charisma turned all the way up, and it seemed as if the young man was receptive.

Jensen caught Jared’s eye and indicated direction with a quick shift of his head. Unfortunately, Jeff also saw Jensen’s motion. When Jared excused himself from the dance floor, Jeff waited just a moment and then followed Jared’s lead. Jeff watched as Jared and Jensen had a quick discussion and then watched as Nathan took the young man by the arm and led him toward the parking lot. Jared turned once more toward the dance floor before beginning his trek after Nathan and saw Jeff’s nostrils flare in anger. He stopped his movement toward the door and moved instead in Jeff’s direction.

“Jeff! Let us handle this!” Jared said, grabbing Jeff’s arm to halt his progress.

“No, Jared. He’s here at _my_ invitation. It’s my responsibility to stop him from hurting anyone.” Jeff replied angrily.

“I get it, man! I do.” Jensen tried. “But this is your party. Let us deal with it. You go back to Amanda, okay?”

“No!” Jeff answered quickly. “I stood by and let him hurt Jared. I’m not gonna let him hurt anyone else.”

Jared’s eyes widened in surprise. “What?”

“Look! We’re wasting time here! We need to get out there and stop him from hurting anyone else. Either you let me go, or I’m just gonna follow after you go out there.” Jeff said quickly.

“You heard the man!” Jensen said and started walking. Jeff immediately fell into step beside him leaving Jared standing there with his mouth open. Jared looked from Jeff’s back to Jensen’s back and then hurried after them.

When they got outside, it took them a minute to figure out where the pair might have gone. They finally saw Nathan’s car on the side of the lot and headed in that direction. By the time they got there, Nathan had the young man pinned to the side of the vehicle and had his hand down the front of the young man’s pants.

“You’ll love this.” They heard him say. They watched as the young man’s eyes took in the three of them coming toward them and saw him start to push Nathan away. Nathan hadn’t yet seen them and took the young man’s actions as a rebuff. “None of that now. You said you were good to go.”

Jeff cleared his throat just then, and Nathan spun around, taking his hands off the young man.

“What the hell is going on out here, Nathan?” Jeff asked with venom in his voice.

“Hey, Jeff!” Nathan responded. “What are you doing out here?”

“I asked you a question, Nathan.” Jeff responded. Jensen and Jared just stood there with their arms crossed, looking at Nathan and letting Jeff do his thing.

“We were just talking.” Nathan said.

Jeff looked at the other man and said, “Travis, right?” When the young man nodded, Jeff continued. “Yeah, you’re Amanda’s cousin, right?” Another nod. “I’d like it if you went back inside and let Amanda know I’ll be right in, okay?” Another nod and then Travis headed back inside.

“Dammit, Jeff!” Nathan said. “I was just talking to the kid. No harm done!”

“Nathan, I want you to leave. Right now.” Jeff responded. “I don’t care where you go, but I don’t want you _here_ any longer.” Nathan’s face showed his shock. Jeff continued. “If I were you, I’d go to the hospital and check on Ken instead of making the moves on someone else. But I guess, I’m not you!”

“Making the moves? What are you talking about?” Nathan spluttered.

“I saw your _hand_ down his _pants_ , Nathan.”

“I think you’re losing it, man! I wasn’t touching him!”

“And I guess you weren’t touching that woman at the bar last night either, huh?” Jensen added from Jeff’s left side.

Jeff’s head whipped that direction and he spluttered, “Wh-what?”

“Last night during the bar crawl, I went into one of the restrooms and saw, and heard, Nathan here making naughty noises with a young woman.”

“Jesus, Nathan!” Jeff was really angry now. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“What are you talking about? I’m not straight. I think Jensen here had too much to drink last night.” Nathan laughed. “I don’t mess with women.”

“The fuck you don’t.” Jared added. Jeff’s head whipped around to the other side. He had a question in his eyes that Jared didn’t want to deal with at that moment, so he focused all his attention back on Nathan. “I think you do it to prove a point, Nathan. That even though you are gay, you’re still a ‘real’ man. That you can still make a woman enjoy herself. And I know for a fact that you get off on it, too. I don’t know what the hell happened to you when you were growing up, but you sure do hate yourself.”

“Don’t turn any of that around on me, Jared! If you hadn’t been such an Ice Princess, things like that never would have happened.” Nathan yelled, and then realized what he had said. “Shit!” He turned to Jensen, stuck a finger in his face, and said, “This is all your fault!”

Jeff’s face showed his utter confusion. “What are you talking about, Nathan? How could any of this be Jensen’s fault? And what the hell did you do to my brother, Nathan? What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything that he didn’t ask for or deserve. He needed help to get out of that little ice castle he built for himself. And I tried, I really tried to help him, but he didn’t warm up.”

“You son of a bitch!” Jensen said, low and angry.

“And you stay out of this, _Jenny_! ‘Cause I know you aren’t gettin’ any either!” Nathan taunted.

Jared stepped forward, grabbed Nathan by the front of his shirt, and slammed him backwards into his car. Then he gripped him even harder and slammed him a couple more times. “No one calls him Jenny! Especially you! You got me?” Nathan whimpered in pain but nodded his head. Jared tightened his grip and leaned forward, towering over Nathan. When Jared spoke again, his voice was quiet, but stern. “Now I want you to listen to me, you little shit. I’m going to let you go. You are going to keep your mouth shut. You are going to get into your car. And you are going to leave.” Jared shook Nathan by his shirt front. “Do you understand me?” Nathan nodded. “Good.”

Jared let go and took a step back. Nathan looked at Jeff, but after noting the anger in Jeff’s eyes, he kept his mouth shut. He walked around to the driver’s side of the car, got in, and started it up. He chanced one more glance out of the side window, but he didn’t stick around long. They watched as his car drove out of the parking lot and down the road.

While looking at the ground, Jeff said, “I’m not going to let this one go, Jared. I need to know what happened.”

“I know.” Jared answered. “But not right now, okay? Let’s go back inside, have some fun if we can, and then we can figure out a time and place to talk.”

“Okay.” Jeff responded. He hung his head even lower as his shoulders fell forward. “I’m so sorry, J.T. I let you down.”

“No way, man!” Jared answered. “Let it go for now. I promise, we’ll talk.”

“Yeah, okay.” Jeff turned and headed back inside.

Jensen, who was now standing behind Jared, reached forward and captured Jared’s hand in his own. “That has gotta be the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.” Jensen confessed. “But if this weren’t such a serious moment, I would have to laugh. ‘No one calls him Jenny!’ Dude, you just flat-out Swayzed me! ‘Nobody puts Baby in a corner!’ Oh my God!”

Jared burst into laughter and turned around to face Jensen who was also laughing hysterically. “Sorry, man! That just came out. I had to do something. He was pissing me off so bad. And when he said that, I saw red. I was so mad!”

“I could tell!” Jensen snickered. “Like I said, sweet!”

Jared sobered and pulled Jensen into his chest. “I wanted to kill him. After everything he put me through. And then he stands there and says that to Jeff? And then speaks to you like that? I couldn’t put up with that. I couldn’t let him do that to you. I just couldn’t do it.”

“Hey!” Jensen whispered, wrapping his arms around Jared and looking up at him. “I’m alright. You’re alright. That bastard is gone. We’ll be okay.”

“I know.” Jared sniffled. “I did totally Swayze you though.” He chuckled and pulled Jensen tighter. “Wanna go dance?”

“Yes, sir, I do!” Jensen responded.

“Can I lift you up over my head after you run toward me?” Jared asked, laughing again.

“I totally want to try that now that you’ve said it.” Jensen said with mock seriousness. “Can you mambo?”

“That’s a very good question. Let’s go find out!” Jared eased his hold on Jensen, but kept one arm around him, and they made their way back into the reception, each with one arm around the other.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story of the scar.

Chapter 11

 

The rest of the reception was relaxed and fun for both Jared and Jensen. They were able to visit with Jared’s family members without the threat of Nathan creeping around. Jeff and Amanda were having a great time, laughing and dancing, chatting with family and friends. And no one wondered or asked about the missing groomsman.

As the evening was winding down and the time was drawing near for the couple to head off to their hotel for the evening, Jared took Jensen’s hand and led him to the dance floor. The DJ was winding the music down as well and was playing soft love songs back-to-back. Jensen grinned as Jared took a proper ball dancing stance and stepped forward to engage Jensen. When Jensen moved to take Jared’s waist, Jared motioned with his arms and said, “This is my dance space, and this is your dance space. You don’t invade mine, and I won’t invade yours.”

“Alright, Swayze! How ‘bout you bring it on in here and just hold me close?” Jensen countered.

“I like the sound of that actually.” Jared smiled, moving closer and wrapping his arms around Jensen and pulling him in tight. “Yep. Much better idea.”

Jensen chuckled and wrapped his arms around Jared, too. They swayed to the music and chatted amiably for a while. Then Jared got quiet and seemed to go somewhere else.

“Hey!” Jensen called softly. “Come back to me!”

“Sorry,” Jared said shaking his head. “I was lost in thought.”

“Wanna share?”

“Umm…I…I feel free.” Jared said softly. “I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.”

“Well, that’s a good thing, right?”

“Yeah, it is.” Jared leaned his forehead down to rest it on Jensen’s. “It’s a very good thing.” He placed a kiss on Jensen’s nose and pulled his head back to look at him. “I’ve let it go, Jen. Talking it out with you. Giving my statement to the police. And then…standing up to Nathan earlier. Showing him that he didn’t have the power anymore. All of that helped me let it go.” Jared paused and tilted his head to the side. “I didn’t do it for myself, though. I don’t know if I would have. I talked with the police for Ken, I know that. But when he went for you? I couldn’t take it. I can take it when it comes at me, but when it’s aimed at you… I really wanted to take him out, man!”

“Trust me. If you hadn’t stepped in front of me, I’d have taken him out myself.” Jensen growled. “The things he said about you really chapped my ass. You are none of the things that he said you are, Jay. You certainly aren’t an Ice Princess. You didn’t ask for or deserve anything that he put you through. You’re so loving and warm. Your touches and kisses come so easily. You have such warmth and strength. I’m not sure who he was talking about, but it wasn’t you.”

“It’s the version of me he wanted. The one he turned me into. I was never that way before he started twisting me into someone else. Like I said before, I really think he hates himself. He has a need to dominate men who are comfortable with their sexuality. I don’t get it.”

“Self-homophobia.” Jensen said flatly.

“Damn! This conversation got deep.” Jared replied, shaking his head. “Let’s put that on the back burner for a bit. I just wanted to dance with you and enjoy your company.”

“I can do that.” Jensen said smiling. He leaned in and gave Jared a kiss. “I can definitely do that.”

“Good!” Jared pulled Jensen closer. “We look too good to be thinking so deeply. We’re supposed to be thinking about fluffy stuff, right? I mean it’s a wedding after all.”

Jensen chuckled and gave Jared another, deeper kiss. He pulled back when he heard a throat being cleared to the side of them. He looked in that direction and saw Jeff leering at them.

“Yes?” Jensen asked.

“Sorry to interrupt. But my lovely bride and I are getting ready to take off. We thought you might want to participate in the sendoff.”

“Nah!” Jared said turning Jensen’s face back to his own. “I’m good.”

“Geez, man!” Jeff said. “I thought I ranked higher than that.”

Jared couldn’t help laughing after that. The guys split apart and followed Jeff toward the side of the room where Amanda waited by herself. When Jared looked around, he saw that everyone else had already made their way outside to see the couple off. He chuckled and looked at Jensen. When Jensen raised an eyebrow at him, Jared gestured to indicate the empty hall. Jensen smiled and shrugged.

“Hey guys!” Jeff said. “Before you go out there. Amanda and I aren’t leaving until Monday afternoon. We planned to spend tonight and tomorrow at a hotel further up the Walk. We were hoping you would be around tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Jared replied. “We fly out Monday morning. What’s up?”

“You staying at mom and dad’s tomorrow night?”

“Hadn’t discussed it.”

“Well,” Jeff started. “Amanda and I would like to spend some time with you guys tomorrow if you are up for it. Mom has offered to make us brunch, so we can catch up as a family without anyone else around. If you guys are up for it, I mean.”

Jared looked at Jensen who nodded subtly. “Yeah, okay.” Jared said. “Sounds good.”

“Cool. I’ll have mom text you the time.” Jeff and Amanda both smiled. “Now go outside and grab some bubbles. We need all the bubbles we can get tonight.”

The guys smiled and headed outside.

 

Upon returning to their room, Jared let out a huge breath and fell onto the king-sized bed in a spread eagle position. Jensen sighed and made a space for himself in what was left of the bed on Jared’s left side. He sighed again and rolled toward Jared, tucking his head into Jared’s shoulder. When he heaved another sigh and threw his top leg over Jared’s left leg, Jared began to laugh.

“What are you doing?” Jared laughed.

“I’m snuggling up with you after a long, hard day.” Jensen responded.

“Okay?” Jared replied. “What’s with all the sighing?”

“Just drawing attention to the fact that I’m snuggling up with you after a long, hard day.” Jensen replied.

“Drama queen!” Jared laughed, rolling onto his side to face Jensen. He threw his arm over Jensen’s waist and placed a kiss on Jensen’s forehead. “What do you say we get changed into something comfortable, order a couple of pizzas, find a couple of beers, and then snuggle up to watch some awful movie on that enormous television over there?”

“I think that sounds like a fabulous idea. And I happen to know that Jimbo has beer in his room.” Jensen said. “And I further know that he told me to stop by and grab a six if I wanted one.”

“Oh! I see!” Jared chuckled. “You’ve been fraternizing with the extended family, haven’t you?”

“Yep!” Jensen nodded.

“I’ll order the pizza if you go get the beer.”

“Deal! I want one with some vegetables on it if you don’t mind.”

“Veggies? Really?”

“Well, I like meat on pizza too, but I love me some peppers and onions.”

“Got it!” Jared laughed as he rolled away from Jensen to begin the process.

“Hey!” Jensen called out.

“What?” Jared turned from the edge of the bed to look over his shoulder.

“You forgot something.”

“What’s that?”

“This!” Jensen scrambled up and landed on Jared’s back. He wrapped his arms around Jared and began to kiss Jared’s cheek and neck.

“Oh my God!” Jared shrieked. “Get off me! You lunatic!”

Both guys tumbled back onto the bed, wrestling and laughing. Jared finally wrapped his arms around Jensen again to hold him in place and tried to catch his breath.

“You know what?” Jared breathed heavily.

“What’s that?” Jensen replied, equally as winded.

“If someone had done that to me a couple of weeks ago, I would have completely freaked out.”

“Oh shit, Jay!” Jensen sobered quickly. “I’m sorry. I forgot!”

“It’s okay, Jensen. Really. I’m fine.” Jared panted. “I told you earlier, I’ve let it go. You somehow flipped a switch in me that I couldn’t find for myself. I just wanted you to know how far I’ve come in just a few days. I don’t mind having you hold me from behind like that.”

“Jay?” Jensen asked. “How can you possibly still continue to amaze me?”

“I don’t know. Just lucky I guess.”

 

They got themselves together and while Jared called for pizza, Jensen went in search of beer. As he was walking back to their room, he got a text message. When he pulled his phone from his pocket, he was surprised to see Austin’s name.

_Austin: You’ll never believe what happened!_

_Jensen: What?_

_Austin: The police just arrested Nathan._

_Jensen: OMG! How do you know?_

_Austin: I’m at the hospital with Ken. The most amazing thing happened! Ken decided to tell the police the truth!_

_Jensen: WHAT?!?_

_Austin: IKR? I came in to talk with him again. Trying to encourage him to tell the truth. I told him that you and I weren’t going to back down with our eye witness accounts._

_Austin: He said that the police had been by and told him that someone else had come forward to give testimony about Nathan. That they were going to pursue charges on their own even if he didn’t remember anything._

_Austin: Then he asked me if I would stay with him if he decided to tell the police everything. I promised him that I would. You wouldn’t believe the things he told the police! This Nathan guy is a horrible, horrible person._

_Austin: I held his hand through the whole thing. What an amazing thing it was to watch!_

_Austin: He got stronger as he went. I couldn’t believe it!_

_Jensen: That’s awesome! I’m glad for him._

_Austin: Yeah, then after the cops left the room, Nathan showed up, and he was pissed! I was out of the room getting something to drink. By the time I got back, the guard from the hall had Nathan up against the wall face first. Ken was standing in the doorway to his room. He kept yelling, Get him out of here!_

_Austin: The cops showed up and put Nathan in handcuffs and hauled him off. He was fighting and screaming the whole way. He kept saying, He wanted it that way!_

_Jensen: Holy crap! That’s awful!_

_Austin: Anyway! I just wanted you to know. I’m gonna take Ken home and help him get some stuff together. He’s gonna stay with a friend until he figures out what’s going on._

_Jensen: Thanks! And tell Ken if he needs anything to let me know. Give him my number, please._

_Austin: Will do!_

 

Jensen did a little dance move in the hallway and then headed off to let Jared know what was going on. Jared was sitting on the bed with his long legs stretched out in front of him, flipping through the channels when Jensen walked back in.

“Hey!” he called out. “Mom sent a text. We’re on for 11:00 tomorrow morning at their house. She wants us to stay tomorrow night, too. I told her I’d ask you first and then let her know.” Jared finally looked over at Jensen and saw his smiling face. “What?”

“Nathan’s been arrested.”

“What?” Jared asked turning to the side of the bed to face Jensen. “What? How do you know?”

Jensen handed Jared his phone to let him read the exchange. Jared’s eyes were huge as he handed the phone back.

“Wow.” Jared said. “Just…wow!”

“I know. Crazy, right?” Jensen said running a hand down Jared’s arm to offer a bit of comfort.

“I can’t…” Jared started, then stalled. Tears began to fill his eyes and run down his face. Jensen quickly set the beer down and ran back to Jared wrapping his arms around him and running a hand through his hair. Jared sniffled. “I’m sorry. I just…I can’t believe it.”

“Shh!” Jensen soothed. After a minute of standing too far away, he climbed up on the bed, straddling Jared’s legs and facing him. He pulled Jared’s head to his own shoulder and kept soothing him. “It’s okay, now. It’s over. Jay, it’s done. Shh!”

“Jen, it’s amazing. He’s been arrested. And I helped that happen.” Jared sniffled, still crying. “After so many years of being too scared to say anything or fight back. And I helped put him behind bars. Oh my God!”

“I know, I know.” Jensen continued to run his hand through Jared’s silky hair, letting his fingers play through the strands. “You done good, big man!”

Jared’s answering laugh was great to hear. Jensen felt Jared’s hands on his back and smiled.

“Feeling better?” Jensen asked.

“Feeling great!” Jared sniffled and then laughed.

“Can you look up at me?” Jensen asked. When Jared lifted his chin and Jensen could see his beautiful hazel eyes, which were now an amazing blend of gold and green, he said, “You’ve done an amazing thing here. Even if Nathan doesn’t get convicted, which I can’t see how he wouldn’t, but even if…You still helped Ken break the cycle. You gave him the courage to tell his own story to the police. You gave him the courage to take a stand for himself. That won’t be forgotten.” Jared gulped and more tears fell from his eyes. “I’m proud of you for doing that.”

“Thank you.” Jared answered, then reached up to wipe some of the tears from his face. “Thanks, Jen.”

“Now, I’m going to get off your lap.” Jensen smiled. “’Cause this is a little awkward.”

“I kinda like having you there.” Jared countered.

“Oh yeah?” Jensen asked, leaning down to nuzzle Jared’s nose with his own. “You like having me in your lap?”

“Yep!” Jared popped his lips.

“Huh!” Jensen said. He pressed his lips against Jared’s, taking Jared’s bottom lip between his own. He tugged on it a bit with his teeth and heard Jared groan is response. “You like that?”

Jared reached up from behind Jensen and placed his hand on the nape of Jensen’s neck. He tilted his head to the side and said, “Yeah, I think I do.” Then he kissed Jensen with a little more intensity. He slid his tongue along Jensen’s lip seeking admittance, which Jensen gave him happily. Jensen had both of his hands in Jared’s hair at this point and was thoroughly enjoying himself. He ran his thumb along Jared’s jawline and felt a thrill when one of Jared’s hands drifted down his back.

Jared’s tongue was doing amazing things, but Jensen was all too eager to get inside Jared’s mouth when Jared opened a bit more to allow him entrance. Jared made a cute little sound when Jensen stroked his tongue along Jared’s. Jensen was instantly addicted to that sound and wanted to hear it again and again. One of Jared’s fingers found its way under the bottom of Jensen’s shirt and began to softly stroke along Jensen’s skin. Jensen may have made a little sound of his own. He was too busy to care.

About that time there was a knock on the door. Jensen pulled away dopily and looked at Jared’s face. He looked thoroughly kissed and quite happy about it. Jensen smiled and kissed Jared’s nose.

“That’ll be the pizza.” Jared said in a soft voice.

“More than likely.” Jensen answered. He didn’t want to move, but the knock came again along with a soft call of “Pizza!” Jensen slid off Jared’s lap and turned toward the door. After quickly adjusting himself to not be so obvious, he grabbed his wallet and headed for the door. After paying the man and getting the pizzas, he called back to Jared from the front room, “You want to eat in here?”

“Yeah,” Jared called back. “I’m coming!”

Jensen set the pizzas on the coffee table and went to grab a couple of beers. As he turned back around toward the bedroom, he could see Jared standing in there with a dopey smile on his face. Jensen felt the same smile on his own face, so he could guess what Jared was thinking because he was thinking it too. He watched as Jared ran a finger over his own lips and then through his hair. He saw Jared say “Wow!” to himself, and then he hurried back to the couch so he wouldn’t get caught spying. He grinned even bigger and thought, _Well done, Jensen!_

“C’mon, Jay!” he called out. “Pizza’s getting cold!”

“Yeah, here I am!” Jared said stepping into the front room. “There’s a re-run of _Fifth Element_ starting in a few minutes if you want to watch that one.”

“Hey, yeah! That’s a Bruce Willis movie, right?”

“Yeah, and Gary Oldman. One of my favorites!”

“Cool, sounds good.”

They each grabbed a slice and settled in. They joked and laughed as they watched the movie, Jared mouthing his favorite lines along with the actors. When they were both full, they took turns washing up in the bathroom during commercial breaks. Finally, they settled into the bedroom. Jensen made a nest of pillows against the headboard and snuggled into them. Jared laid down beside him facing Jensen with his head on Jensen’s chest and his arm over Jensen’s waist. Before long, Jared’s hand had found bare skin again.

 

Jensen had one arm wrapped around Jared’s shoulders and the other was stretched out across the bed. Jared stroked up Jensen’s side. When his fingers hit the scar on Jensen’s side, his hand stopped. He brushed lightly over it a couple of times, and then left his fingers resting softly on top of it. At the next commercial break, he propped his chin on Jensen’s chest and looked at him.

“Is now a good time to tell me that story?” Jared asked.

“I guess so if you are okay with missing the rest of the movie.” Jensen answered slowly.

“I’ve seen it, like, a hundred times. And I know it’ll be on again.”

“Yeah, okay.” Jensen answered. He picked up the remote and muted the sound but left the picture on. He gazed at the television and started telling “story number three” of his life.

“Well, you remember that I told you that after my mom sat me down and gave me that talk, I decided I wasn’t going to apologize for being who I am anymore.” Jared nodded and sat up a little bit more, propping himself on one elbow. “Well, I was in my second year of college. I had already dumped the controlling guy, Dani and I were good friends, and I was out and proud on campus.” Here, Jensen paused and looked to where Jared’s hand was still resting on his scar. “Dani and I decided to hang out together one evening and ended up at a bar just off campus. I don’t know how much you know about Lubbock, but some areas aren’t that great. I guess that’s true of any city though.

“Anyway! We were at a bar, and we were sitting in a booth toward the back. There were some guys off toward the darts board, and they were getting a bit rowdy. Dani and I weren’t paying any attention because we were involved in our own conversation, having a good time. Apparently, they kept looking over at us. I knew a couple of them from school, and they had never been too friendly, but I never thought about it too much.

“Eventually, Dani needed to go to the bathroom. She had to pass by the guys in order to get there. She stood up and made her way over to take care of business. When she walked past, a couple of the guys whistled at her. She ignored them and kept going. I took note.

“They kept playing darts and being obnoxious, but now I was paying attention. I could see them looking over toward me every now and then. I was beginning to suspect that our night out was about to get rough.

“Dani came back out and was heading in my direction when one of the guys stepped in front of her and wouldn’t let her pass. Then another one of his buddies moved behind her and started making comments about the cut of her jeans. I wasn’t going to let that stand. They were being gross, and she didn’t deserve that treatment, so I got up and walked toward them. I told them to lay off. The girl wasn’t interested. The one with his back to me turned around and asked what I thought I was going to do about it. I said that I didn’t want any trouble, I just wanted them to leave the girl alone. The one behind Dani reached up and got a handful of her hair and held her in place.

“Obviously, that pissed me off. I told them to let her go. Another one of the guys walked over to stand between me and Dani. I could see her eyes over his shoulder, and she was hitting full-on panic mode at this point. I knew that I’d have to do something or things were gonna get a lot worse. The third guy, the new one to the party, was one of the ones I knew from school. He looked me dead in the face and said, ‘I don’t know what you think you can do, faggot.’ Then the first one says, ‘Oh! We got us a queer boy, do we?’ The one from school said, ‘Yeah, man. This is Jenny. Remember? I told you about him and his little boyfriend.’ The one holding Dani said, ‘What in the world are you doing with him, girl? You need to be with a real man. He obviously isn’t gonna do you any good.’

“Now, what they didn’t know was that I had had quite a few self-defense lessons at that point. Being who I was, and knowing where I lived, I knew I would more than likely have to defend myself at some point. I waited until I could figure out how many more were going to step forward. It looked like just those three were going to be big shots. I told them again that we didn’t want any trouble. We just wanted them to leave Dani alone. The first one spoke up again and said, ‘Maybe after we’re done with her, we’ll take you for a spin, too, Jenny! Show you what a real man feels like.’”

Jared gasped and his hand tightened against Jensen’s side.

“That was not gonna happen. They were _not_ going to do anything to her. And I certainly wasn’t going to let them get a hand on me either. So I stepped up close to the one who said that and whispered, ‘I bet you’d like that wouldn’t you? I bet you secretly want to do all kinds of nasty things to me, don’t you? You just don’t want your boys here to know that you like guys, too.’”

“You did not!” Jared exclaimed. “Oh my God, Jen! What were you thinking?”

“I was trying to distract him and throw him off balance. And it worked. He started to splutter and get angry. I got both hands into his chest and pushed him backwards to remove him from the immediate area. He flew backwards, and the one I knew from school moved forward with his fists up. I stomped on his foot and then brought my knee up as he bent over, busting his nose. I shoved him out of the way as well. Then I headed toward Dani.

“The guy who had been holding her by the hair was shocked by his two friends being taken out so quickly, and he was just standing there. Before I could do anything though, Dani swung her fist back and got him right in the balls. He dropped like a stone. She started moving toward me and then screamed ‘Look out!’ Then I felt something hit me in the side. It was a burning sharp pain that radiated up and down my side. I dropped to my knees, and I don’t remember much until the hospital.”

“Shit, Jensen!” Jared said. “What happened?”

“Apparently, asshole number one had recovered quicker than I expected and had broken a beer bottle on a nearby table. He then used that bottle to stab me. Dani saw him coming, but wasn’t in a place to do anything except call out a warning. I never saw him. The bartender had already dialed 911 before I got hit. Some bouncers grabbed him right after he got me. They wrestled him to the ground and kept him there until the police showed up. I got shoved into an ambulance and carted off to the hospital.

“Thankfully, there were a few people there who were willing to say that the other guys started it. They all said I was just defending my friend against some drunk assholes, so I didn’t get charged with anything. The guy that attacked me got charged with assault with a deadly weapon. He spent some time in jail. The asshole I knew from school continued to call me names when he walked past me on campus, but he never got too close to me. He came up with some really colorful names, but I never acknowledged his existence. After a while he stopped.

“The bottle punctured my side pretty deep, and I had a few small pieces of glass in there. They had to pack it and irrigate it for a while to make sure it didn’t get infected. He got close to my kidney on that side, but he didn’t hit it. Thankfully. I had to get stitches, and it itched like mad, but there was no lasting damage except for the scar.”

“Jensen! That could have been so much worse!” Jared said, once again stroking the scar. “He could have killed you.”

“At the time, I just wanted them to let go of Dani. I didn’t care about me. I knew if I didn’t show force things would have escalated. I wasn’t sure if anyone else would step forward, y’know?” Jensen said, finally looking Jared in the eye. “I had to do something. I couldn’t let them hurt her.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Jared said. “I’m glad you’re okay. I’m glad that things weren’t worse than they were. And I’m glad that you stood up to them. No wonder you and Daneel are such good friends.”

“Yeah, she was at the hospital every day until I got released. Then she made me dinner once a week for like two months.” Jensen laughed. “She’s not a great cook, but I wasn’t gonna complain.”

Jared laughed. Then he grew serious again. “Jensen, please don’t ever do anything like that again.”

“I won’t, trust me. I was young, stupid and full of myself.”

“You did the right thing by standing up for her and for yourself, but I’m so glad you are still here to tell me about it. It could have been so much worse.”

“Yeah,” Jensen agreed. “I’m glad I’m here too.”

“Thank you for telling me.”

They were quiet for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts.

“Hey!” Jared said softly, moving to lean over Jensen.

“Hey!” Jensen said back smiling a little.

“I’m getting sleepy. You wanna snuggle and see if we can sleep?”

“Oh!” Jensen said. “I thought you were gonna ask a different question.”

“Did it have something to do with kissing?” Jared smiled back as he leaned in even closer to give Jensen a little peck.

“Yeah, as a matter of fact, it did.” Jensen said.

“Well, we can probably do a little of that, too.” Jared returned.

“Well, in that case…” Jensen rolled over away from Jared and switched his lamp off, grabbed the remote, turned the T.V. off and then flung the remote onto the floor. Then he rolled back toward Jared and said, “What are you waiting for?”

Jared laughed as he fixed the covers and turned off his light. He then lay facing Jensen. They worked together to get the pillows just right and then there was a little kissing. Jared eventually yawned and closed his eyes. Jensen whispered, “Night-night!” in Jared’s ear. They rearranged themselves and snuggled in. That night, they fell asleep curled toward each other with Jared’s hand snugged up tight under Jensen’s.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fallout. Jared's family gets the story.

 

The next morning Jensen awoke to the sound of Jared exercising again. He slid to the side of the bed to watch the show. Jared gave him a wink when he saw Jensen’s head pop over the side of the bed. Jared was again working out with no shirt on. This time he didn’t hurry to cover himself. Instead, he finished his sit-ups and then rolled over to start his push-ups. Jensen thanked whatever God was watching over him as he watched Jared’s shoulder and back muscles bunch and move.

Once Jared was done, he stood up and began to stretch out his back and his legs. As he worked, he made faces at Jensen. Before long, Jensen was chuckling. Eventually, Jensen threw a pillow at Jared’s head.

“Hey!” Jared fussed. “You’re messing up my hair, man!”

“As if!” Jensen laughed. “Your hair is always gorgeous!”

“Oh yeah?” Jared laughed. “It feels pretty gross at the moment. I’m gonna hit the shower.”

“Okay.” Jensen caught the pillow when Jared threw it back. “Are we checking out to stay at your parents’ house?”

“Um…the airport is closer to them than the hotel. It would save us time in the morning, but I don’t know if you would be comfortable staying with them.”

“Why not?” Jensen asked.

“Well…you don’t know them all that well? I don’t know yet what this is between us? It just seems awkward.”

“Wait! You don’t know what this is yet?” Jensen asked motioning between them.

“Well, I know what I want it to be. I’m just not sure yet how we’re going to manage it. And I don’t want to speak for you in this thing. You have to state your own case.”

“Come here.” Jensen said, patting the bed beside him. When Jared sat down, Jensen grabbed him by both shoulders and looked him straight in the eye. “I want to be your boyfriend. I want this to continue long after we fly back to D.C. Have I given you a different impression?”

Jared smiled and looked down at the bed. “No. But I didn’t want to make assumptions until we had a chance to make it plain between us.”

“I could have sworn we had already done that. Didn’t I tell you that I wanted to be yours and that I wanted you to be mine? That I was in deeper than I had ever been?”

Jared blushed. “Yeah, but that was in a moment of… I wasn’t sure.”

“Hey! Look at me.” When Jared raised his eyes, Jensen said, “I’m sure. I’ll say it again. I want to be with you. We will make this work, somehow, as long as it’s what _you_ want too. I want to be yours, and I want you to be mine. I want to call you my boyfriend and mean it with my whole heart. If that works for you, then let’s do that.”

“I want that, too.” Jared smiled. “It’s just…so much has happened. The last few days have been a whirlwind of emotion. I didn’t know if you wanted to maybe see what happened when we got away from all this first. Like actually go out on dates and get to know each other away from all of this mess before we claim it. I’ve never had a real relationship before, and I’m still unsure of how things should be, y’know?”

“Jay! You know how things should be! Trust that pull you have in your gut. You know what’s right. Grab it when the time is right.” Jensen said softly. “If you want to wait until we get back, I understand. This has been kind of overwhelming. I mean, I’d love to have the time to take you out on dates and spend time getting to know each other, but I feel like I know who you are already. Right down to your core. The other stuff that we can tell each other now is just…stuff. But…when we get back, I only have eleven days left in D.C. I’m not sure what to do about that. I can’t imagine not having you by my side now. Not after the last few days. I don’t want to imagine it. I want you with me. I want to figure this out together and have you with me the whole way.”

“Yeah,” Jared said. “I want you by me too. It feels right.”

“Okay,” Jensen said kissing Jared on the cheek. “Go grab your shower, man! We can’t solve it all right now. But we will. You were given back to me even after I majorly screwed up, so I know we can get this right.”

“Okay.” Jared answered. He slowly got to his feet and made his way to the shower, stopping just outside the door. “So we got side-tracked there. Are we checking out?”

“I think so. Yeah. I’d love to stay at your folks’ house.”

Jared grinned shyly at Jensen and then grabbed his clothes and went to get clean.

 

After they had collected all of their belongings, they made their way down to the lobby to check out of their room. Jared was reluctant to let go of their oasis from reality. He had really gotten rid of some baggage in that room and together with Jensen had created a haven where he could completely be himself. He knew that they needed to move forward if they were ever going to make it, but he was hesitant to say goodbye to that safe space.

“I’m sort of sad to leave.” He mentioned as they made their way to their rental.

“I know.” Jensen confirmed. “Me too.”

“Oh yeah?” Jared asked. “Why?”

“Because in that room, you let me in and forgave me.”

“There was nothing to forgive, Jen. I completely understand why you walked away from me that day.” Jared answered, grabbing Jensen’s hand and making him stop walking. “You need to forgive yourself for that. I’m just glad I decided I needed some support for the trip down.” Jared looked at the ground for a second and then looked back up at Jensen through his lashes. “I’m also glad that Tom’s mother got sick. Otherwise, I never would have had the chance to get to know you better.”

“Amen to that!” Jensen laughed. “We’ll have to send her a thank you note.” They continued on their way, each laughing a little over that.

As they made their way north, they discussed what they were going to tell Jared’s parents about their relationship. The Padaleckis thought they were a couple, and they each agreed that was what they wanted. They still hadn’t been able to see how that was going to work out though. They both agreed that they would be as honest as they could and see how things played out.

 

When they pulled up out front, Jared noted that Jeff’s car was already there. Jensen climbed out of the car first and waited for Jared to make his way around before heading up the walkway to the house. Before they got halfway up the sidewalk, Jeff came barreling out of the house.

“Jared! What the hell is going on?”

“What?” Jared asked looking dumbstruck. “What are you talking about?”

“Nathan got arrested last night.”

“Okay.” Jared said. “What does that have to do with me?”

“Well, I don’t know, but Ken said that Jensen was involved. He wouldn’t tell me anything other than Nathan got what he deserved and that Jensen had helped.” Jeff said agitatedly.

“Jeff, let’s go in the house. We can sit down and talk about everything, okay?” Jensen tried to move the brothers toward the front door.

“Nathan called me last night from the police station asking me to bail him out.” Jeff started again. “I didn’t answer my phone for obvious reasons. I didn’t get the message until this morning!”

“Jeff, let’s go in the house. Mr. and Mrs. Martes don’t need to know our family concerns.” Jared tried again, nodding toward the house across the street where a couple was standing in their front yard.

“Oh!” Jeff said. He plastered a big smile on his face and then turned toward the house. “Let’s go! Mom’s got brunch almost ready.”

Jared began to walk toward the house. He locked the vehicle and indicated that they would get their stuff out later. Jensen looked concerned and Jared shrugged. He whispered, “We can find another hotel if we need to.”

Once they got in the house, Sherri gave both men a hug and ushered them into the dining room. She brought out the coffee pot and poured them each a cup. Jensen automatically handed Jared the sugar and the cream. Jared smiled at him and mumbled a thank you. After fixing his coffee, Jared dropped his hand below the table and sought out Jensen’s hand. Jensen squeezed once he had Jared’s hand firmly within his grasp.

Sherri continued to fuss about until everything was on the table and everyone was seated around it. When she finally took her seat, she looked harried and upset. She caught Jensen’s eye and smiled at him. Then she took a big breath and let it out slowly.

“There seems to have been some excitement last night and this morning.” She started. “I had hoped that we could get through this meal without mentioning the name of a certain person, but it doesn’t look like that will happen. Let’s just go ahead and get it all out in the open so that we can move on.”

Mr. Padalecki looked at his wife and nodded his head. He reached over and patted her hand softly. “I agree with Mom here. There are a lot of tense faces at this table, and I would rather lance the wound. Who wants to start?”

“I will.” Jeff began. “At around eight last night, Nathan went to visit Ken in the hospital. When he got there, he was arrested. After he was taken to the police station, he tried to call me to bail him out. My phone was off. When I turned it back on before leaving the hotel this morning, I got his message. I called his house, and there was no answer. Then I called Ken to try to figure out what was going on. Ken told me that Nathan had been arrested. He said that Nathan got what he deserved and that Jensen had helped that happen. I would like to know what’s going on. I’m confused.”

“Do you want the long version or the short one?” Jared asked.

“What?” Jeff asked. “What do you mean?”

“Do you want the version that started eight years ago or the version that started two nights ago?”

Jeff sat back in his chair, visibly shaken. He looked at Jared and asked, “How does this involve you, J.T.?”

Jared looked at Jensen. Jensen shrugged and squeezed Jared’s hand. Jensen said softly, “It’s up to you, Jay. Your call.”

Sherri gasped and her hand covered her heart. Jared turned to her as she began to cry. She whispered, “No one’s called you that since Dad died.”

Jared nodded and smiled. “That’s right, Mama. But I’m perfectly comfortable having Jensen call me that. He’s the only one other than grandad who has ever called me that.”

Jared brought their clasped hands out from under the table. He kissed Jensen’s hand and laid it on the table, continuing to hold it in his own. He looked into Jensen’s eyes, and Jensen could see the emotion there. He leaned his head toward Jared’s ear and whispered, “I’m not going anywhere. Follow your gut.”

Jared nodded in return and then turned back toward his family.

“I have a couple of confessions to make to you guys. So get ready.” Jared began. All eyes were on him now. They all looked confused. He cleared his throat and continued. “This isn’t easy for me, so please let me get some of it out before you ask any questions.” He looked for confirmation and got it.

“Well, for starters. I… I couldn’t face coming home. That’s why I haven’t been back in three years.” He paused to let that sink in. “I felt rejected and embarrassed. I wasn’t sure I could even do it. Even though it was for such an important event. That’s why I didn’t tell you for sure that I was coming until the last minute. I couldn’t face being here again after what I went through. I’ve spent the last three years working through everything and trying to get strong enough to face you guys again. I almost didn’t come this time either.” Jared looked directly at Jeff and Amanda. “I almost missed your beautiful wedding because of fear, self-hatred, and doubt.

“I wouldn’t have come home at all if it weren’t for my friend Gen convincing me that I had to for Jeff’s sake. She also helped me find a solution I could live with. I was trying to figure out how I could face you again.” Jared paused and looked around at his family. They were all silent and were looking at him with questions all over their faces. “She found an advertisement for an above-board escort service and convinced me to go there and hire someone to pose as my boyfriend. So that I could get through the weekend with my own family.” Jared looked down at the table again until Jensen squeezed his hand. “You see… Before I left D.C., I didn’t have a boyfriend or any friends beside Gen really. I haven’t dated anyone in the last three years. Not since Nathan. I haven’t been able to allow anyone to get close to me. And Gen convinced me to hire a support system, so I wouldn’t have to come down here by myself. To hire someone to pretend to be my boyfriend. Someone who would stick by my side, be here for me no matter what, and help me get through something that should have been a joyous occasion for everyone.”

Jared looked around at everyone again. They kept looking between him and Jensen. Jensen leaned into his side, letting him know he wasn’t alone. Jared cleared his throat and continued his story.

“At first, I hired a man named Tom. I never got a chance to meet him, but he was going to spend the weekend with me and pretend to be my boyfriend. He had agreed to come down here with me and help keep me from breaking apart when I was faced with the reality of being here again.” Jared’s mom winced and looked at the table. “Well, his mom got sick, and he had to bail out on me at the last minute. Instead I was offered someone named Alex to be my escort. I was so desperate to be looked upon as whole and acceptable by you guys, that I was perfectly willing to meet a complete stranger at an airport and pass him off to you, my family, as my boyfriend.”

Jared looked at his family seated around the table. They all looked dismayed. His mom was crying softly and holding on to his father’s hand.

“Everyone, this is Alex.” Jared said gesturing to Jensen. “Otherwise known as Jensen Ackles. I guaranteed to pay him $4000 to pretend to be my boyfriend for four days. Gen put up $1000 of her own money as a bonus for him if things went well down here this weekend.” Amanda gasped. Everyone else looked shell-shocked, but Jared only had eyes for Jensen. He turned to Jensen and smiled. He continued talking to his family, but kept looking at Jensen. “Things have gone much better than either of us expected, but Jensen will not be paid any money for this weekend. Before he had known me for very long at all, he canceled the agreement and asked his friend to refund all of the money that Gen and I had put up for him. He made a $5000 investment in the hope of a potential relationship with me, a broken man he had known for less than five hours. This man, Jensen Ackles, bet on _me_. And for that I will forever be grateful.”

Jensen lifted his free hand and wiped his eyes. He leaned in to Jared and kissed him gently on the cheek. Jared leaned into the kiss and closed his eyes briefly. Jensen stroked the side of Jared’s face and then kissed him on the nose.

“I’d do it again in a heartbeat, Jay.” Jensen whispered.

“Thank you,” Jared answered. He turned back to his family. “Now, I know you are all wondering what in the world I’m talking about. Some of you may have a bit of an idea, but I want to be completely honest with all of you. Jensen knows the whole story. We’ve discussed it at length over the last couple of days, and he’s still here.”

“Not going anywhere either.” Jensen said softly. Jared grinned at him.

“I’ll give you guys the PG version first, and then if you have any questions, I’ll fill in the blanks that you want filled in.” Jared took a sip of his coffee, cleared his throat and began to speak. “Eight years ago, I was dating a young man by the name of Jonah.” With that sentence Jared launched into the story of how Nathan had begun to control him, manipulate him, and twist him into someone else. He started with the confrontation in the kitchen the night that Nathan and Jeff had walked in to see Jonah and Jared cuddling on the couch. He continued through the day Nathan found him on campus, through the first year of minor manipulations and the beginning of the isolation process. He told them about the gradually increasing demands on him for more of his time and less outside interaction. He told them about his own concerns about the physical side of any relationship with Nathan. He told them about Nathan’s insults, his lack of reciprocation of emotions, and his demands for more and more physical gratification. He intimated the severity of Nathan’s need for domination in their sexual relationship, but didn’t give too many specifics. He explained that most of their sexual involvement was one way. He did, however, confess to being slapped to the floor and then held in place for the rest of the night. He explained the frequency and ritualistic nature of their sexual interactions and the fact that Nathan never reciprocated until that last night they were together. Before he got to the last revelation regarding Nathan, his family knew what those four years had been like for Jared. They saw how the manipulations, the physical demands and the domination had gradually torn away Jared’s sense of self and his confidence. They saw how the Jared they had known prior to Nathan had ceased to exist and a dependent, afraid, weak Jared had taken over.

“I knew I needed to get out somehow, but I was afraid that if I tried, he would just make my life worse than it already was. I was a victim, and I played the part well.” Jared said self-deprecatingly. “Then I came home one night to find Nathan having sex with my female roommate.” Jeff’s fist hit the table and his mom gasped. Jared continued. “The roommate he found for me by the way. On _my_ couch. In the living room of _my_ apartment. He tried to blame it on me. He said if I weren’t so cold, he wouldn’t have to turn to another person. His explanations and blame went on for a while until I realized that she was only one in a string of infidelities he had had while we were together. He convinced me not to tell you guys that he had been cheating on me. He convinced me that you would be disappointed in me for being ‘frigid’ and not keeping him satisfied. That it was my fault that he was cheating, and that you would all be on his side in the matter.”

“No way, J.T.” Jeff said softly.

Jared nodded and continued. “At this point, I was so beaten down and confused that I wasn’t sure anymore. I had been isolated from you guys for such a long time, and I was only showing you what he wanted you to believe. I just knew that I wanted him gone from my life. I resigned myself to the only way I could think of for doing that. If I let him tell whatever story he wanted, he would be out of my life and I could start over. The only thing I could do was get as far away from him as possible. I had already begun sending out resumes and applications, so I just sent them out to a more wide-spread area. I eventually accepted the job in D.C. When Nathan figured that out, he came up with the story that we told you guys. That we split up amicably, so I could pursue my career in D.C.

“The problem I didn’t see at the time was that this would effectively cut me out of your lives. He moved in when I moved out. He began hanging out with you again, Jeff. He ate dinner here at your house, Mama. He went to all of Megan’s events. He took over my life, and I was no longer allowed to take part in it. And I couldn’t tell anyone about what happened. I felt worthless and stupid. I was ripped from my own life by that bastard, and it was sort of my own fault.”

Mrs. Padalecki sniffled loudly at this point, and Mr. Padalecki reached over to put his arm around her. Jared looked at her apologetically, took a sip of his coffee, and kept going.

“A few weeks after I got to D.C., I ended up in a lawyer’s office telling him and his assistant what had happened to me. Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do for myself against Nathan. Because I hadn’t established any sort of contacts with anyone at the time…hadn’t been to any doctors for injuries, made any complaint against Nathan to the police, talked to any of you about what was happening…there was nothing I could do. The lawyer asked his clerk to work with me to get everything down as if I was giving testimony on a claim. He has been trying to establish a process to help people who are victims of abuse like I was. He told me that not very many people come forward when they have been mentally and emotionally abused like I had been. Men, in particular, hardly ever step forward in those cases. Genevieve, my current roommate, was that clerk and helped me begin to work through what had happened to me.

“After about a year, I attempted to date. I couldn’t do it. Guys in D.C. are a lot more aggressive than I wanted or could handle. Remember, I’ve only ever dated two people. Jonah, who wasn’t out yet, and Nathan. I couldn’t let anyone get that close to me. I couldn’t handle it. Anytime someone approached me from behind or touched me in a certain way, I would freak out. I dealt with panic attacks fairly frequently, so I gave up on trying to have any sort of relationship with anyone. I was broken and sad and alone. And I was getting tired of it! But I couldn’t see a way out of it.

“The time was getting closer to come down here for the wedding, and I hadn’t been able to decide one way or the other if I was going to be able to face it. I was a mess.” Jared looked over at Jensen again here. Jensen’s eyes were red and his nose was running, but he looked at Jared like he was the most amazing thing he’s ever seen. “Then one morning I went into a diner off campus. I was shown to a table with another single eater already sitting at it. He was the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. I felt like myself again for the first time in years. We talked for almost an hour, and I really liked him. I had given up on ever dating again, but this guy felt different. So I asked if I could see him again. He told me sorry but no and left. Then two weeks later he shows up at the airport as my escort and here we are.”

“Jesus Christ, J.T.!” Jeff exploded. He stood up and paced back and forth along the length of the dining room. Amanda sat with her head in her hands, and Megan sat openly crying at the table. Sherri just kept shaking her head and wiping her tears away. Mr. Padalecki got up and left the room.

Jared looked around at everyone and then looked at Jensen. Jensen could see the fear in Jared’s eyes. After all of the progress he had made, Jared was still scared that his family was going to reject him. Jensen leaned into Jared’s space and whispered, “It’s okay. They’re just hurting right now. It’s a lot to take in, babe. They love you, Jay. They won’t reject you. I promise.”

Jared’s eyes began to fill, and he looked around at everyone again and whispered. “Are you sure?”

“Yes!” Jensen whispered back emphatically. “Just give them a minute. Trust me.”

 “I do, Jen.” Jared whispered. “I do trust you.” Jared gripped both of Jensen’s hands in his own and put his head on top of them. Jensen could feel Jared’s tears beginning to drip onto his hands, so he gave Jared’s hands a little squeeze and kissed the back of Jared’s head.

When Jensen looked around the room, he could see a devastated family. Each of them were in their own world of hurt over the revelations Jared had just shared. But what Jared needed right now was some show of acceptance and love. Jensen was hurting for Jared, and he needed to do something about it.

“Hey, guys!” Jensen said softly but firmly. “I know that each of you is dealing with what you heard just now. But I need you to look at Jared, please.” He paused, and could feel Jared making himself even smaller. He pulled one of his hands free and began to stroke it up and down Jared’s back. Jensen looked around the room as four pairs of eyes turned in their direction. “His fear of rejection by you guys is currently being realized. He’s struggling here.”

Sherri was up and around the table in a split second. She was on her knees at Jared’s side and had her arms around him. She began to whisper in his ear. Jensen couldn’t hear exactly what she was saying, but it sounded a lot like, “never meant to hurt you, Jared. Love you so much!” As she continued to pour her love into him, he began to loosen his grip on Jensen and turned in her direction. Before too long he had his long arms around his mother and his face buried in her neck. She was rubbing his back with one hand and had her other one against the back of his head.

Megan was next. She knelt beside her mother and laid her cheek on Jared’s back and began to run her fingers through his hair. Jensen heard her whisper, “I love you, Jare-bear. No matter what. You’re my one and only cuddly bear, right?” Jensen heard a muffled laugh from Jared and then watched as Jared released his mom with one arm and wrapped it awkwardly behind himself to put it around Megan.

Jensen stood up and began to try and extricate himself from the family pile. He saw Jeff in a corner of the room being consoled by Amanda. Once he worked his way free, he headed in their direction.

“Hey,” he said softly. “What’s going on?”

“Jeff?” Amanda asked softly. “You want me to say it?”

“No.” Jeff said, then he looked at Jensen. “It’s my fault. All of it is my fault.”

“No, it isn’t, Jeff.” Jensen stated quickly. “None of it is your fault.”

“Oh, yeah! It is.” Jeff said looking away. “How can he ever forgive me? How can Jared ever want to be my brother again after I basically just offered him up to that sicko?”

“Jeff.” Jensen tried again. “You didn’t do that. If you had known what Nathan was capable of, would you have ever introduced him to your brother?”

“No, but I should have known. I should have protected him better. I should have told him what I knew.”

“What did you know?” Jensen asked quietly. When he got no response from either Jeff or Amanda, he asked again. “Jeff! What did you know?”

“I’ll tell him.” Jeff promised. “I’ll tell him when things calm down a little. I’ll deal with what comes next. It’s my fault, Jensen.”

“I don’t believe that, Jeff. Whatever happened, Nathan is the one at fault here. Not you, okay?” Jensen responded.

“Who are you?” Jeff asked bewildered. “Where did you come from?”

“I thought Jared explained that.” Jensen smiled. Jeff just shook his head, and Jensen moved off to find Mr. Padalecki. Before he left the room, he looked over to find Jared watching him. Jared gave him a sad smile and turned back to his mother.

 

Jensen eventually found Mr. Padalecki on the back porch looking out over the yard. Jensen made his way out to stand beside him. He cleared his throat to make his presence known but decided not to speak. Without looking in Jensen’s direction, Jared’s dad began to speak.

“He used to play out there under that tree, all alone.” Mr. Padalecki said pointing to a tree that sat at the very back of the yard. “He always liked to have time to himself. I used to stand here and watch the games he would create for himself. He was always so smart, so creative and so self-sufficient. Such a strong little boy. So joyful! He didn’t need to have other people around to be happy or comfortable.” Mr. Padalecki looked over at Jensen then. He gave a sad smile. “That’s why I should have known. Sherri and I didn’t do such a great job raising him. We had Megan when Jared was six. He was so self-sufficient even then, and we sort of lost sight of him for a while. We focused on the youngest and gave her most of our attention. Jeff was taking care of Jared, so we let them take care of each other.

“I didn’t even notice that Jeff was pulling away from Jared until Sherri’s dad pointed it out. He’s the one who stepped up for Jared. He began to take a special interest in him, and we let him. We didn’t change anything that we were doing. God! We were so stupid! If we had made an effort, he would have known that he could come to us with anything! He would have turned to us!” He looked away from Jensen and was quiet for a bit. When he started talking again, he had a sad tone to his voice.

“After Sherri’s dad died, Jared fell apart. By that point, we didn’t know what to do. We had let him grow into this stranger. Neither one of us knew how to handle his grief. We didn’t know what he needed. Jeff took care of him and helped him pull himself out of it. Jared cut himself off from us during that period. He stayed in his room and went to school and that was pretty much it.

“After he and Nathan started ‘dating’ or whatever, Jared stayed in Austin most of the time. He only came home occasionally and most of the time Nathan was with him. The summer between junior and senior year though, that was a different story. Jared came home very soon after the end of the year, and he stayed here most of the summer. Now that I think back on it, I realize that something was very, very wrong. He never stayed in his room. He was always out in the living room. He kept his eyes down all the time and stayed so quiet. The joyful, self-sufficient boy he used to be was gone. He was always trying to make himself smaller and was always so apologetic. I didn’t even recognize it at the time. He was asking for reassurance and help in the only way he felt he could at the time. We didn’t see it. There was such a gap between us that we didn’t even see it. And when Nathan came by for the weekend, which he did every weekend, Jared got even more withdrawn. He only spoke when Nathan spoke to him. How did I miss that? How did I not recognize that my boy…” Mr. Padalecki broke off and looked up at the sky. “That _my_ _boy_ was in such pain?”

“Mr. Padalecki?” Jensen started. When Jared’s dad looked at him, Jensen could see the pain in the man’s eyes. “I can’t answer that for you. I wasn’t there. I also can’t offer forgiveness. That’s up to Jared. I do know, however, that he loves you. And I don’t think he blames you for anything.” Jensen stopped and let Mr. Padalecki absorb that information. “I _know_ , that more than anything, what Jared needs right now is your love and support. He has felt like an outsider in this family for many years now. What he needs, right now, is you.”

“Thank you, Jensen.” Mr. Padalecki said quietly. “Thank you for taking care of Jared. Thank you for betting on him when he felt his own family wouldn’t. I’m grateful for you.”

“Jared is worth it. In _so_ many ways. He’s still the strong, creative, self-sufficient boy you watched growing up. He’s also warm and so incredibly loving. He’s gentle and intelligent and funny and forgiving.” Jensen’s face lit up and he smiled. “He’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met.”

“And you’re in love with him.” Jared’s dad stated.

“Yeah,” Jensen laughed. “I am.”

“I don’t know much about you, Jensen. But I know that you loving him is a good thing.”

“Thank you, Mr. Padalecki.” Jensen said. “Thank you very much, sir.”

“Please call me Gerry.” Mr. Padalecki said, and Jensen nodded. Gerry heaved a sigh and said, “Let’s get back in there.”

“You got it!”


	13. Chapter Thirteen

 

When they walked back into the dining room, Jared was sitting with his mom on one side and Megan on the other. Jeff and Amanda were back in their seats on the opposite side of the table. Jared’s eyes quickly found Jensen’s, and Jensen could read the relief there. He smiled at Jared and nodded. Jared smiled back and then his eyes flicked to find his father’s. Mr. Padalecki was already moving around the table toward Jared. Jared stood and turned as his dad got closer, and Mr. Padalecki gripped Jared’s upper arms.

“I’m so sorry, son. I should have seen something was wrong. I knew you weren’t yourself, but I didn’t pursue it. I can’t go back and fix it, but I’m here for you, now. If it isn’t too late?”

“It’s not, dad.” Jared said with tears in his eyes. “It’ll be okay.”

“I love you, Jared. And I’m so proud of you for facing this. I’m sorry you had to do it alone all this time.” Gerry said. He pulled Jared into a hug and patted him on the back. “I’m so sorry!”

“It’s okay, dad. Really.” Jared said softly. “I wasn’t alone. And you guys are here now. I’m good.”

Gerry pulled away and wiped his eyes quickly. He moved back to his seat at the table and sat down. Jared looked at Jensen and motioned for him to come over. Jensen raised an eyebrow.

“Oh!” Megan said jumping up. “You can sit here, Jensen.”

“No, no!” Jensen laughed. “Don’t move on my account. I can sit over here.”

“No, you don’t!” Megan laughed. “I wouldn’t think of getting between you two.” She rushed around the table and grabbed Jensen by the arm. As she pulled him toward Jared, she smiled up at him. “Thank you for taking care of him.”

“It has been my pleasure.” Jensen assured her.

“So Jensen.” Sherri said coyly. “How did you two meet?”

“Well,” Jensen laughed. “The story we told over dinner the other night was absolutely true until the point where I went back into the restaurant to right my wrong. We both went to the diner, we were seated together, and we hit it off. I have never enjoyed breakfast with a stranger as much as I enjoyed that one. Then Jay did something incredibly brave and asked if I would like to get together again. I told him that I couldn’t because I was busy. I knew right away that I had hurt him, but I couldn’t see any other choice at that point. I went outside and beat myself up for about ten minutes. But instead of going back in there, I gave up and went home.”

“Why did you walk away?” Megan asked. “Is it because you’re an escort?”

Jensen barked out a laugh. “Uh, no. I’m not really an escort. I’m really a physical therapist. My friend Daneel owns and operates the escort service. I helped her out when she first got started, but I haven’t worked a job for her in about four and a half years. When she got a last minute cancellation for a trip to Texas, she called me. She knew I needed the money for an upcoming event, she knew I was free, and she knew I’d love a chance to get to Texas sooner rather than later. She asked if I would do it. She told me that the guy needed someone to help him get through a family weekend in San Antonio. Jared had already told me where he was from, so that peaked my interest. She said the guy was a sweetheart but had been through a spell of bad luck. I was wavering, but when she told me the client’s name was Jared, I agreed in a heartbeat. I was hoping that it was the sweet, funny guy I had met in the diner. Thankfully, it was.”

Jared grinned at him and took his hand again.

“So?” Meagan asked again. When Jensen looked confused, she asked again. “Why did you walk away?”

“Oh! Yeah, sorry!” Jensen laughed. He looked at Jared and when Jared nodded, he continued. “We, uh, have a situation we are trying to figure out right now. Uh… before I met Jared, I decided to move back home to Richardson. By the time I met him, I had already turned in my notice to the apartment where I live, I’ve already worked my last day at my job, and once we get back to D.C., I have eleven days to pack the moving van.”

“Oh God!” Sherri exclaimed.

“Yeah.” Jensen said, squeezing Jared’s hand. “So I didn’t want to start something and not be able to finish it. That’s why I walked away. But I couldn’t get Jared out of my head, and I had no way to contact him. I never got his last name or a phone number, so I was stuck with a terrible decision. I called my Mama and told her what had happened. She told me that if it was meant to be, I’d see him again. And… here we are.”

“Wow!” Jeff spoke quietly. “I guess you guys were meant to be here now then.”

“Well,” Jared spoke up again. “I like to think so. Our being here has done quite a bit. I’ve purged an old wound that I didn’t think I would ever get rid of. I’ve also let you guys know about what happened to me and why I left. And even though neither of those things was any fun, I think I’ll be able to move forward now because of them. Y’all are very important to me and the past few years have been really hard without all y’all in my life. Now that I’m not hiding anymore, you can be in my life again.” Jared paused and looked around the room. Then he turned back to Jensen again and said, “Jensen and I are determined to work something out so we can be together.” He looked back toward Jeff again and said, “And we helped Ken get out of his own crappy situation. That’s the part of my story that started two days ago.”

“Please tell me what you’re talking about.” Jeff looked desperate. “I feel horrible. I need to know what’s going on.”

 “Oh, yeah!” Gerry huffed uncomfortably. “I forgot about that part of things.”

 “Well, we got here on Wednesday night.” Jensen started. “We ran into you and Ms. Sherri on the River Walk. Jared and I were still working out the details of our ‘relationship’ and had decided to practice before we ran into anyone. We needed to make our act convincing after all.” He huffed out a laugh. “We were holding hands walking through the crowd and there you both were.”

“I thought Jared looked a bit more shell-shocked than the event warranted.” Sherri laughed.

“Yeah, it was a shock to see you there.” Jared agreed. “I was a bit disgruntled with the situation with Jensen. I was hurt because he’d turned me down, and I was uncomfortable being back in San Antonio not knowing what was going to happen. I knew Nathan was part of the wedding party, so I knew I was going to have to interact with him as well as all of you. I had all of these secrets inside and the pain that went with them. And I was feeling pretty pathetic at having to hire someone to pretend to be my boyfriend. I was a mess.”

“Oh my!” Sherri laughed. “That does put a new spin on things. And then we pretty much demanded to sit with you guys while you ate. So sorry about that, J.T.”

“It’s okay, Mama.” Jared smiled.

“You remember when I got up after we ordered our food?” Jensen asked. When both of Jared’s parents nodded, he continued. “I went outside and called Dani to tell her to refund all of the money to Jared and to Gen. By then I knew I wanted to be there for Jared and only Jared. I didn’t want anything getting in the way of that.” Sherri and Gerry both smiled at Jensen.

“I didn’t find out until a bit later.” Jared laughed. “I was a bit prickly for a while there.”

“No worries!” Jensen laughed. “I deserved it. Anyway! The next day Jared filled me in on everything that had happened with Nathan. And he did _not_ give me the PG version.” Jared blushed and looked away. Jensen jiggled the hand he was holding and got Jared to look at him. “He was absolutely honest with me about everything that happened. I needed to know it, and it made me realize what an incredibly strong person he is.”

“I’ve been completely open with Jensen about everything. He knows all of my crap.” Jared said, looking into Jensen’s eyes. Then he turned back to his family. “And he’s still here. And he has reassured me that he wants to stay by my side. No matter what.”

“I can see that.” Gerry said, smiling at Jensen.

“Me, too.” Sherri said winking at Jensen.

“So on rehearsal day, I got my first dose of Nathan.” Jensen continued. “I kept watch on him, how he interacted with everyone, what he looked like when he thought no one was watching. I wasn’t trying to stir anything up, I just wanted to keep Jay safe. I noticed some things though. He kept trying to ease his way into the middle of things. Like he wanted to be the center of attention. He stayed away from Jay though. Of course, I don’t think Jared was as big as he is now the last time he was home.”

“No, he wasn’t.” Sherri said sadly. “He has grown.”

“You should have seen the look on Nathan’s face when Jared stood up to his full height.” Jensen laughed at the memory. “He was shocked.”

“So we finished up the rehearsal without anything major happening. I stayed attentive when we got to the rehearsal dinner as well.” Jensen went on. “When we got there, Nathan ignored Ken’s presence and made his way into the room without Ken. Jeff was the one who actually invited Ken to join us.”

“Yeah, I remember that.” Jeff said. “Now that I think about it, he does that a lot. Walks off without Ken or forgets to include him.” The color left Jeff’s face. “He’s doing it again.”

Jensen nodded. “We watched him control Ken during dinner.”

“What?” Gerry asked, shocked.

“Nathan does this thing where he grips a person’s wrist in such a way that the bones hurt. He also sometimes leaves bruises or cuts from his fingernails on the inside of your wrist from the way he grips it.” Jared added. “The few times that we went out with his friends, if I did something he didn’t like, he would do it to me. I had bruises and cuts there for a week once because I questioned him about something he said, and he didn’t like it. If you aren’t watching, it looks like he’s just holding the person’s arm.”

“Jay saw it and told me to watch. I even saw Ken grimace a couple of times. Every time Ken looked like he was about to speak, Nathan squeezed.” Jensen explained.

“Oh!” Jeff said. “It must have been about that movie we were talking about.”

“Huh?” Amanda said when he looked at her.

“Remember that night? We were talking about some movie we had all recently seen, I don’t even know which one it was now.” Jeff continued. “But Nathan said something about the plot line and Ken contradicted him. He said something funny about Nathan’s comment, and everyone laughed. It was obviously just in the spirit of the conversation, but Ken didn’t talk much after that.”

“Oh yeah!” Amanda said. “I remember wanting to talk to him some more, but he disappeared.”

“He was in the bathroom.” Jared spoke up. “I saw him leave and I followed him. He was running cold water over his wrist. I could see the red marks and I asked about them. He blew me off, but I said something to him about having to do the same thing when I dated Nathan. He left quickly after that.”

“When we went out later, I decided to stay sober, so the other guys could drink their fill and not have to worry about anything.” Jensen said. “Plus, I wanted to keep an eye on Nathan. I very quickly noticed two things. Nathan wasn’t drinking either, and he kept getting Ken drinks with a very high alcohol content. At the third bar we went to, he ended up shoving Ken into the far back corner of the booth and basically didn’t allow him to interact with anyone. At one point, I tried to draw Ken out a little. Just wanted to get him to talk to me. He kept saying stuff about Nathan. I finally said yeah but what do you think? About that time Nathan was walking by and said ‘He doesn’t get paid to think.’”

“Ouch!” Amanda said.

“Yeah, he was doing that kind of thing most of the evening.” Jared said. “He used to do that to me, too.”

“So at the fourth bar, Nathan went missing. Everyone else seemed to be having fun, so I went looking for him. I found him alright.” Jensen paused and looked over at Jeff. “He was in a bathroom stall with a young woman.”

“What?” Megan squeaked.

“Yep.” Jensen answered. “And trust me, there was no doubt in my mind as to what was happening in there. I left the bathroom as quickly as I could, but then I wasn’t sure what to do. I stayed in the hallway just outside the bathroom. Before I came to any real decision, the woman came out. She seemed to be okay. She had obviously been drinking, but she seemed to be in control of her faculties. She knew what she was doing, so I didn’t keep her. Then I went back in the bathroom. Nathan was washing his hands and made some sort of comment about how boring the bar was.”

“So…” Jeff started, looking a little queasy. “He was in the bathroom with a woman while his boyfriend, the guy he has been with for two years, was sitting in the bar? And he swears he’s gay! Not bi! Gay!”

“Yeah, Jeff.” Jared said with a bit of a bite to his tone. “He did it to me. Multiple times. You evevn saw him out one night, right?”

“Jesus!” Jeff said, then looked at his mom. “Sorry, Mama!”

“So again, I wasn’t sure what to do with this information.” Jensen went on. “Nathan and I were the only two who were completely sober by this point. I didn’t feel like this was a conversation I could have with anyone, and I had no proof other than my own eyes and ears. I was just hoping to get through the rest of the night without anything else happening.

“We were okay for a while. Everyone was having fun, Ken was completely drunk, and Nathan seemed to be behaving himself. Well, he was still being subtly awful to Ken, but I was the only one who noticed.”

“So what happened?” Jeff asked. “Why did he get arrested?”

“So we ended at the gay bar that Jimbo picked out.” Jensen said.

“You went to a gay bar?” Amanda asked.

“Yeah,” Jeff laughed. “Jimbo’s idea. Wanted to give me one last chance to figure out for sure if I was gay or straight. His idea of being funny.”

“It was quite funny.” Jared smirked. “That was one hell of a lap dance!”

“Oh!” Jensen laughed. “You remembered that part, huh?”

“Well, yeah!” Jared smiled. “I also remember dancing with you before that, too. Well, mostly anyway.”

“Wait!” Amanda said. “Who got a lap dance?”

“Moving on!” Jeff responded.

“So Jared and I were dancing, and I lost track of everybody else for a while.” Jensen admitted with a blush. “Jared got a bit wobbly on me, so I got him off the floor and got some water in him. When I found the other guys, I left Jared with Manny and Gabe. I couldn’t see Nathan or Ken anywhere and I got worried. As soon as I thought about Ken, I started looking around for him.

“I checked the bathroom first, but there were way too many people in there. I decided to try the back room and then the bathroom again if I couldn’t find either of them.” Jensen stopped again and looked at Jared’s parents. “This next part is uncomfortable.” Sherri nodded for him to continue. “When I walked in to the back room, Nathan had Ken pushed face first against the wall. He had one hand against Ken’s head keeping him from moving. With his other hand, he had Ken’s arm twisted up behind his back. One wrong move and he could easily have broken Ken’s arm. He was yelling at Ken and holding him in place.

“I tried to talk him down, tried to get him to let Ken go. He finally did, but not before smashing Ken into the wall with quite a bit of force. Once Nathan let go, I got Ken up and started moving toward the doorway. Next thing I knew, another guy was helping me move Ken. He had been in the room the whole time, but I was so focused on Ken and Nathan that I didn’t see him until then. We got Ken back out front, I found a bouncer who found a policeman, who called for an ambulance. Ken was freaking out by this point, but I could tell that he needed medical attention. The other guy helped me get Ken taken care of. He even went to the hospital with him. I stayed with y’all so that I could get everyone else back to the hotel safely.

“The other guy’s name is Austin. He’s been great, by the way. He stayed at the hospital until Ken was situated and kept me updated on everything. Apparently, Ken suffered from a sprained wrist, cuts and bruises on his face, a dislocated shoulder, and a mild concussion.”

“Oh my God!” Gerry said.

“I have all of Austin’s text messages on my phone if anyone is interested in reading them.” Jensen offered. “He has been very helpful for Ken. Talking with him, helping him get somewhere safe once he was released. He even sat with Ken when he was giving his statement to the police. Which, by the way, he refused to do for a while. He kept saying that he drank too much and fell. He swore that was all that he remembered. Austin helped to convince him to tell the police everything.

“You see. Austin and I both made statements to the police about what had happened. There is no way I will ever change my statement either. I reported exactly what I saw that night. Including the incident earlier with the woman. Austin reported what he witnessed as well. We were concerned about the police following through with charges though since Ken didn’t want to talk. Domestic abuse cases between male partners usually get ignored. Especially when one party doesn’t want to make a statement.

“Then a third witness came forward and told the police about a previous case against Nathan.” Jensen stopped and looked at Jared.

“Me.” Jared said. “I told them what I told you guys earlier. I also got in touch with my lawyer friend in D.C., and he’s sending down copies of the testimony I gave to Gen. With my testimony of previous behavior to establish a pattern, the police decided to press charges. When Ken heard that another witness had come forward, he decided to tell the truth of his situation, too.”

“And according to Austin, who sat through the whole thing, Nathan has done some very vile things to Ken.” Jensen explained. “Austin was at the hospital when Nathan showed up there. He watched them arrest him and take him to jail last night.”

“So you guys knew about this.” Jeff started. “For two days. You guys knew about this since the night before last and you didn’t tell me any of it.”

Jared’s face paled, and he reached for Jensen’s hand. “Yeah, Jeff.” He said softly. “We knew about this. I knew about all of this for the last eight years, and I didn’t say anything to you about it.”

“Why?” Jeff said, looking sadly at Jared. “Why didn’t you trust me enough to tell me what was happening?”

“We didn’t tell you about Ken and Nathan because you were getting married. We didn’t want to ruin that for you and Amanda. And we weren’t supposed to say anything anyway. The police asked us not to discuss it until an arrest was made.” Jensen offered.

“I get that. I do.” Jeff said in a flat tone. “But I allowed that man to stand up for me in my wedding. I stood by and did nothing while he hurt Ken. While he hurt you, J.T. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why didn’t I tell you that your _best friend_ was abusing me?” Jared’s voice rose in volume. “Why didn’t I tell you that the man you brought into our home was making me feel useless and stupid, that he was hurting me and twisting me up? Why didn’t I tell you that a man you trusted was sexually assaulting me every couple of weeks and making me do things for him that I didn’t want to do for three years of my life?” Jared’s face was burning red. Jensen began to try to rub his arm to calm him down, but Jared brushed his hands away and stood up. “Because you _chose_ him, Jeff. Me? You were stuck with me. Mom and Dad foisted me off on you when we were kids. You had absolutely no choice in the matter. I was some dumb, useless, pathetic kid who idolized you. Who followed you around hoping for a chance to spend time with you. I had no worth on my own. I was a frigid, ignorant, waste of skin. Nobody wanted me. Not even my own parents. And you chose him. You chose him and didn’t see a damn thing he did to me. None of you saw anything that was going on. None of you noticed that I was dying right in front of you. I was slowly being turned inside out by that bastard, and no one stepped in to help me!” Jared yelled.

As soon as the last words left his mouth, Jared began to hyperventilate. His eyes turned to Jensen panicked and afraid. He tried to reach for Jensen, but he began to lose his balance and fall backwards. Jensen shot out of his chair and grabbed Jared’s forearms. He began speaking in low soothing tones and moving Jared toward the wall. Once he got Jared to the wall, he got right up in Jared’s face.

“I’m right here, Jay. I’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here. You can see me. You can hear me. I need you to breathe with me.” Jensen placed one of Jared’s hands on the middle of his own chest, so Jared could feel the rhythm of Jensen’s breath. “Nice and easy. In and out, Jay. Let’s have a seat, okay?” He slowly lowered Jared to the floor somehow maneuvering himself to be behind Jared, placing his chest against Jared’s back. “I’m still here, Jay. I’m right here. Nice and easy. Steady and slow.”

He continued holding on to Jared and speaking to him in hushed tones until Jared’s breathing began to calm. Once Jared was beginning to calm, Jensen pulled his eyes away from him to notice that the dining room had cleared. They were the only ones left in the room.

“Jay, it’s just you and me. No one else is here. Just you and me. Are you doing okay?” Jensen felt Jared nod slightly. “Do you want me to move?” Jared shook his head. “Okay. I’m gonna stay right here. I’ve got you, Jay.” Jared turned into Jensen’s chest, wrapped his arms around Jensen and began to sob uncontrollably. Jensen started to stroke Jared’s hair and back and whispered, “Let it out, Jay! You don’t have to be strong here. Let it go!”

Jared curled his body around Jensen and continued to cry. Jensen soothed him the best way he could and gave Jared a safe space to release all of that tension and pain.

“What am I doing?” Jared mumbled after he calmed a bit. “What have I done?”

“You finally let go of some of the anger you’ve held in against your family. That’s probably a good and healthy thing to do.” Jensen answered.

“Oh my God, Jen!” Jared moaned. “Now they’re gonna hate me even more!”

“Hey!” Jensen said, lifting Jared’s face so they could look at each other. “You listen to me! They love you! They do! They messed up. That’s true, but Jay, they all love you so much! They don’t hate you, babe! They love you!”

Jared closed his eyes and tears began to run down his face again. “I can’t deal with this, Jen. I’m not strong enough. It’s too much!”

“Hey! Look at me!” Jared opened his eyes again and Jensen could see the pain and fear there. “Your mom and your dad both told me how much they love you. Your dad even admitted to me that he messed up, but that he was glad to see you happy. And Megan? The love she feels for you just glows through her whenever you’re around. She adores you!”

“But Jeff!”

“I want you to listen to me! Jeff is confused and dealing with some heavy shit right now. There is a lot going on in his world. But listen to me. He chose you! He did! When your grandfather died, he chose you. He wanted to help you. When Nathan first made his creepy remarks to you, Jeff chose you. He told Nathan to stay away from you. He also made you his best man, Jay! He chose you then, too! Yes, he messed up maybe worse than anyone, but you still love him. And he loves you too!

“And Jay?” Jensen continued. “Even if they walk away from you, even if they decide they can’t handle this shit that you have to work through, I want you to remember that we aren’t locked in to only being with family members for the rest of our lives. Remember that no matter what else happens in the world, we always have to live with ourselves and the choices we make. We’re supposed to go out into the world and choose the people we want to be our loved ones.” Jensen paused and looked into Jared’s eyes. “And Jay? I choose you, okay? I choose _you_! I want you in my life, and I choose you!”

“Jensen!” Jared whispered, eyes never leaving Jensen’s. “Jensen! I choose you, too.”

“No matter what happens here today, I promise you that I’m not going anywhere, Jay. I choose you.”

Jared laid his head down on Jensen’s chest and whispered, “Thank you.”

 

Jensen convinced Jared to go upstairs to his old room and lie down for a bit. Jared was drained and needed some rest. After helping him get settled and making sure that Jared would actually be able to sleep, Jensen went in search of Jared’s family.

He found them huddled up in the kitchen. When he walked into the room, they all turned to look at him, and he could feel their pain.

“Can I come in? Or should I go back to Jared?” Jensen asked.

“Please! Come in.” Sherri said with a sad smile. “We’re just feeling sorry for ourselves in here. We wanted to give you guys some space.”

“Thank you for that.” Jensen said looking down. “He’s in his old room resting for a little while. He’s a bit worn out.”

“Jensen, we all want to thank you for being there for him.” Gerry said. “We know that we messed up pretty badly. We’d like a chance to apologize, but we’re not sure he wants to hear it. If he wants to leave when he gets up, we’ll understand.”

“Um…” Jensen hesitated. “I can’t speak for him or for how he will be feeling when he wakes up, but I don’t think he’s going to want to leave. From our previous talks, it seemed like he didn’t blame any of you for what had happened to him. I know what he said in there was harsh, but I think he just hit a wall. I think there has simply been too much happening over the last few days, and he was completely overwhelmed. I do know that he is sorry for his outburst, and he’s afraid that you will hate him for what he said.”

“No way!” Sherri called out. “I could never hate him for that. I’m angry with myself, but not him.”

“Let me try to explain something to you guys here.” Jensen started. He thought for a moment to find the right words and said, “Jared is just now coming to some realizations about his abuse. He only actually called it that for the first time a couple of days ago. He has been blaming himself for years. He has also felt shut out and pushed away by this family. Now, I know you have all reached out to him, but I need you to understand that he took your acceptance of Nathan’s story as a rejection of him and an acceptance of Nathan. He told me on the plane ride down here that he had been kicked out of his life and that Nathan had taken over.”

“Shit!” Jeff said softly. Megan began to cry quietly.

“Now, I’m not an expert. But I did volunteer at a facility for abused kids when I was in college, and although what I’m seeing with Jared is fairly standard, he’s actually coping extremely well. I’m sorry that you guys had to see him break down like that. But he’ll be better for it. He’s working through all of his emotions about this really quickly. I don’t think he realized how angry at you guys he was until just then. He’ll be better able to let it go now.”

“Great.” Jeff said, bitterly. “I’m glad he’ll be able to let it go.”

“Jeff!” Sherri scolded. “This isn’t about you!”

“I know that, Mama! Look! I don’t know about you, but I won’t be able to just ‘let it go.’ I should have seen something or done something. I never should have brought that bastard into our house. He never should have been anywhere close to Jared. That’s on me!” Jeff spit out.

“Jeff. Did you know that Nathan was capable of treating people the way that he has?” Jensen asked.

“No!” Jeff spluttered. “Of course not! If I had known, I never would have been friends with him.” Jensen raised his hand in a “well, there you go” gesture. Jeff continued, “But that doesn’t mean I’m not to blame. I brought him here.”

“Listen, Jeff. You’ll have to work through your own guilt, but there was no way you could have anticipated this, right? You didn’t bring him in here knowing that he would hurt Jared someday, did you?” Jensen asked reasonably.

“Who are you?” Jeff said again, getting a little angry. “Seriously, man! Who are you? You walk in here all gorgeous and put together. You get all of us to like you. To trust you. You’ve got all the answers, apparently, to all of our little dramas. And you’ve got Jared head over heels for you. Who the hell are you?”

“I’m who Jared said I am. My name is Jensen Ackles. I’m a physical therapist from Richardson, Texas. I also just happen to have a little training in working with abuse victims. My brother Josh runs a group up in Dallas and has a foundation that promotes abuse awareness and victim assistance.”

“Oh my!” Sherri spluttered. “I should have figured it out myself.” When everyone looked at her, she continued. “Ackles. It’s not a name you would forget, is it? I mean, it’s not a common name. I should have put it together before.”

Jensen looked embarrassed, but everyone else looked confused.

“What are you talking about, Mama?” Megan asked.

“Gerry, do you remember when I was first convinced that something had happened to Jared?” a slightly startled look came over Gerry’s face. “Remember I started looking stuff up on the internet? I started looking at those books and watching those shows to help you figure out if someone you loved was being abused?” Gerry’s face cleared and he nodded, looking sad. “One of the websites that I found most helpful was from the Ackles Foundation. I remember reading some of the information and thinking that it corresponded to Jared’s behavior. I knew something was wrong!”

“Yeah, I remember you reading it out to me.” Gerry looked down at the floor. “I pushed it away. I thought you were being over-reactive to his move.”

“Well, that foundation is the one Jensen was just talking about. His brother and his parents run the thing!” Sherri said.

“Yes, ma’am. They do.” Jensen returned.

“Well, what do we need to do next?” Jeff asked.

“Well, like I said, I’m no expert. I only volunteered there. But I think, we just need to ride this out a little bit. Jared is doing an amazing job of working through everything. I’m astounded by him, honestly.” Jensen said. “He just needs to accept what he’s feeling and let it go. Unfortunately, that means he might lash out again at some point. I guess we need to be ready for that. But mostly what he needs is acceptance and love. Just be honest with him. It’ll help.”

“I knew something was wrong.” Megan said softly. “He never told me details, but he told me he wasn’t happy. When I asked why he didn’t break up with Nathan, he said he couldn’t. He said he was afraid.”

Sherri gasped and stared at her daughter. “You never said.”

“I know.” Megan said softly. “He asked me not to. I was fifteen, Mama. Keeping a confidence was extremely important.”

Sherri nodded while tears rolled down her face. She moved to Megan and hugged her tightly.

“I’ll leave you to it.” Jensen said. “I want to be there when he wakes up.”

With that, Jensen moved out of the room and back upstairs. When he saw that Jared was still sleeping, Jensen climbed into the bed with him and closed his eyes. Sleep came quickly after that.

 

About an hour later, Jared woke up. At first he didn’t know where he was. As he looked around blearily, everything came back to him. He startled causing Jensen’s eyes to pop open.

“Sorry, Jen. I didn’t mean to wake you,” he whispered.

“No worries!” Jensen replied while stretching. “How are you feeling?”

“Like an idiot.” Jared muttered.

“Hey! You’re fine. And highly intelligent if the certificates on the walls in here mean anything.” Jensen smiled. “Or did you fake them?”

“Nope! No fakes. All real.” Jared answered. He reached out and stroked a hand down the side of Jensen’s face. “Thank you. For having my back.”

“Always!” Jensen took Jared’s hand and kissed the palm. “Or at least, as long as you want to keep me around that is.”

“Well, you’d better get used to me then.” Jared smiled. “I hope to keep you for quite a while.”

Jensen paused and then said, “I need to tell you something.” When Jared nodded, Jensen explained about his brother’s foundation and the work that he had done there. He went on to explain that his parents were also directly involved in the running of things. His mother was in charge of charity events and fundraising. His father worked behind the scenes on the business end of things. Josh was a psychiatrist, and he was in charge of the day-to-day operation of the facilities.

“So… you’ve had experience with people dealing with abuse.” Jared said slowly.

“Yes.” Jensen replied, looking straight into Jared’s eyes. “And if that experience is helping you right now, I’m very thankful for it.”

“Yeah,” Jared said. “It’s helping. You’ve been amazing with everything. I couldn’t ask for better.”

“Okay.” Jensen paused. “But here’s the thing. I ran away from everything, too.”

“What?”

“Josh was nearing the end of his bachelor’s degree when all of that crap happened with my cousins. He was already studying Psychology, but he didn’t know what he wanted to do with it. After watching me go through the aftermath of all of that, and learning about all of the years they had tormented me, he figured out that he wanted to help kids who had been through traumatizing events. Not saying that my event was traumatizing, but that’s what spurred him on.”

“Okay, so why did that cause you to run away?”

“Imagine being the catalyst for Josh’s foundation. Imagine him telling people that he started working in the field because of something that happened to his brother. Then imagine waking up in a hospital with a stab wound from a bar fight that was started by some drunk guys who couldn’t keep their hands or their mouths to themselves. Then the trial and the news coverage.”

“Oh geez!” Jared said rolling his face into the covers. “I get it. Too many eyes and prodding fingers.”

“Yeah.” Jensen nodded. “I needed a new start. Just like you. When Dani told me what she was thinking about doing, I hitched my wagon to her horse and off we went. I got a new start, she got a support system and a little financial help. But I missed Texas. I missed my family. It just got to the point, that I felt like I needed to come back home, y’know?”

“Yeah, I understand.” Jared smiled. Then he got a mischievous look in his eyes. “I have a question for you though.”

“Go for it!”

“When you were escorting on a more regular basis… did you work both sides of the fence?” Jared grinned.

“Oh man!” Jensen laughed. “Do you really want to know?” Jared nodded with a little smile on his face. “Yeah, I escorted both men and women to their functions.”

“Wow!” Jared laughed. “That must have been interesting!”

“Not really.” Jensen smiled. “The parties and the galas were interesting. I enjoyed the people watching that I was able to participate in, but I’ve never really been all that comfortable in big crowds like that. And the women were all very nice and knew ahead of time that I was gay, I made sure of that. But they were mostly older than me. It felt very odd. And I really hated it.”

“You were a boy toy!” Jared laughed hysterically. “You were some woman’s boy toy!”

“Oh God!” Jensen laughed. “I’m not living that one down, am I?”

“Nope!” Jared smiled, chuckling a bit more.

Jensen quieted a bit and then smiled at Jared. He reached out with a finger and traced Jared’s smiling mouth with it. “It’s so fantastic when you smile, Jay. I really love your smile.”

Jared reached a hand out to Jensen and placed it on Jensen’s hip. He shyly leaned in and placed his lips against Jensen’s in a soft kiss. Jensen returned it. Then they laid there looking at each other for a while. Finally, Jared patted Jensen’s hip and buzzed a kiss on Jensen’s forehead.

“We’d better get up. I need to go face them.” Jared said soberly and sat up, turning away from Jensen.

“Hey!” Jensen said. When Jared turned around, Jensen said, “They really do love you. They want to understand, and they want to help. I think they all feel guilty about letting you down.”

“I know.” Jared looked away. “I don’t blame them. They couldn’t know if I didn’t tell them. I just…”

“It’s okay. You have the right to be angry with them if that’s how you feel.”

“I’m not.” Jared looked back at Jensen. “I was though. I didn’t realize that until it all came out. That kinda freaked me out.”

“I noticed.” Jensen smiled and brushed over Jared’s hand. “It’s okay, Jay.”

“Are they upset?”

“Maybe a bit. But they are also worried.”

“Okay.”

Jensen sat up and wrapped his arms around Jared. Jared grabbed Jensen by the waist and held on. Jensen whispered a few soothing words into Jared’s ear and then kissed him on the temple. Jared nodded and stood up.

“Let’s go!” he said and ran a hand through his sleep mussed hair.

“You got it, big guy!” Jensen smiled. “I’m right beside you.”

“I love having you there.” Jared said, taking Jensen’s hand in his own and moving toward the door.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared's family talks back and one of Nathan's stories is revealed.

 

“Mama!” Jared called as he entered the living room. “Where are you guys?”

When there was no answer, Jared gave Jensen a questioning glance. Jensen shrugged. “They were in the kitchen when I went upstairs.”

Jared headed that way and took a look. He didn’t find anyone. He turned back to Jensen and shook his head. Then he headed to the front door. The cars were still outside, so they were there somewhere.  

“Let’s check out back.” Jared said and turned that way. When he looked outside, he saw everyone sitting on the back porch. Megan happened to glance over as he was looking out. She said something to the others and jogged over to the French doors.

“Hey!” she called as she opened them. “Come on out!”

As Jared stepped outside, Megan wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed. She looked up at his bewildered face and whispered, “I love you, Jared. Always have. Always will.”

He squeezed her in return and placed a kiss on the top of her head. “You always were my girl.” He whispered back.

She took his hand and led him to the empty seat on the far side of the porch. As he sat down he looked around at his family, and then he looked over to Jensen. Jensen shrugged. Megan walked back over to Jensen and said, “There’s a chair over there if you want to sit with us.” She indicated a chair that sat off to the side. “You can put it wherever you want.”

Jensen nodded and moved to pull the chair next to Jared. As he did so, Megan smiled, looked at her mom and nodded. Once Jensen got situated and reached for Jared’s hand, Jared said, “Okay, guys. What gives?”

“Well,” Gerry said, starting them off. “You’ve had to do a lot of talking today, son. We’ve learned a lot about you that we didn’t know before. We thought it might be a good idea to do some talking of our own. I’m going to start and we will each take a turn. Jeff has elected to go last.” Jeff nodded. “We’d like for you to listen first. If you have any questions, we’ll answer them after we have a chance to talk. If that’s acceptable.”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.” Jared said looking confused.

“Okay. I want you to know that I love you. I don’t say it much, but I mean it. When you were a little boy, I used to watch you play. You might not remember that or even have noticed, but I did. I always saw a joyful, self-sufficient, intelligent person in you. I never felt that I had to worry about you because you seemed to be comfortable with yourself and happy wherever you were. When your sister came along, I took it for granted that you would be okay because you always had been. I watched you and Jeff take care of each other, and I thought that everything would be okay. I lost sight of my job as a parent for you.” When Jared started to say something, Gerry held up his hand. “No. Wait, and let me finish. I took my eye off the ball, Jare. I own that. I know I messed up.

“Your grandad came to us one day and told us that you were getting lost in the cracks. We hadn’t noticed.” Gerry looked embarrassed, but he kept going. “It was about the time that Jeff was in junior high and began to hang out with his friends more. He had made a break with you, and we hadn’t noticed. Of course, when your grandad stepped up and started paying more attention to you, we welcomed it and fell back into our old habits instead of becoming more active in your life. It was during a very crucial period for you, and I failed. I regret that.

“When you came out to us, you did it with certainty and a ‘take no prisoners’ attitude. There was no way we could do anything but accept that was who you were. I was so proud of you that day because you stood up for what you needed. I thought that anyone who could do that was going to be successful and not worry about what others thought. Again, I soothed myself by saying that you were a mature young man who didn’t need his parents hovering over him.

“When you went off to UT, I was so proud again. You were the smartest one in your school here. I thought you had it all together, and you were going to do great things. I believed that whole-heartedly. I didn’t let anything tear down that version of you that I had built in my mind. It made me feel better about myself.

“During your junior year at UT, I started to notice little things. You were withdrawn from us emotionally, but I just figured it was part of the natural process of making your way in the world. You were moving on with your life. I didn’t understand the warning signals you were sending. Because I had let you slip away from me when you were younger, I didn’t get that you needed me then. I didn’t know. I’m so sorry about that. Like I said before, if I could go back and fix it I would. But that isn’t possible. I’m here for you now and moving forward if you want me. I apologize for all of the ways that I failed you as a parent. I love you, Jared, and I want to help you in any way that I can.”

“Thanks, Dad.” Jared said softly. He reached his hand across the gap between them and patted his father’s leg. “That means a lot. We’ll work on it.”

“My turn!” Sherri spoke up. “I agree with everything your father said. I just want to add a couple of things that he left out. We were selfish people, Jared. We wanted everything to be perfect, but only on our terms. We focused all of our energy on Megan when we should have been spreading it out amongst all of our children. We were very wrong to do that. I’m sorry, too. I love you, J.T.”

“I love you both, too.” Jared said with tears in his eyes.

“I’m not done yet.” Sherri said holding up her hand. “But thank you for saying that, sweetheart.” She cleared her throat and then began again. “After you left so abruptly, I began to wonder about some things. The Jared I knew would have talked to somebody about plans to move halfway across the country after graduation, and as far as I could see, you hadn’t done that. Granted, if you would have talked to anyone, it would have been my daddy. But he was gone. I thought maybe you’d talk to Jeff, but no. You just weren’t yourself. So I started wondering about the way you behaved before you left, and then I started reading. I figured out that something had happened with you and Nathan. I couldn’t figure out what, but I knew it was bad.” She paused and took a deep breath. “I tried to draw you out on your very rare phone calls home, but I didn’t know how. Every time I tried, you changed the subject or told me you had to get off the phone. Then you didn’t want to come home. Every holiday, I’d ask. You always told me you were too busy to travel. Now, I know that when you first start a job, things are busy. But three years without a single visit? No, sir.

“So I kept reading and looking for information. I knew I wasn’t going to get definite answers, but I needed to understand. Then I found a website that helped me figure out a few more things. You were showing signs of abuse. I was heartbroken, but I still didn’t know what to do because you wouldn’t let me in. When I found out you were coming home for Jeff’s wedding, I was thrilled. I was hoping that we would finally get some answers. And boy, did we get some answers. You looked so happy at first, that I was doubting myself again, but I didn’t want that Nathan to be anywhere near you. He was there that night at the family dinner. Thinking he was going to be included in that time for just family. I made these two get him out of there. He’s not _my_ family.” Sherri closed her eyes and swallowed the anger that had come to the surface. She huffed a breath and then continued, “I’m not trying to justify myself in any way. I just wanted you to know that I noticed. I just didn’t know what to do with it.”

“Okay,” Jared said. Jensen patted his hand. When Jared looked his way, Jensen smiled at him.

“My turn.” Megan said softly. “You know I love you, Jare. You also know that I knew how unhappy you were. You told me that you were afraid. But I didn’t say anything to anyone. For that I apologize. You told me not to tell anyone, and I didn’t want to betray your confidence, but in this one instance, I should have done it.”

“It’s okay, Meggie.” Jared said. “You were too young to get it. That’s probably why I said something to you. You were safe. So I apologize for doing that to you.”

“Accepted.” Megan smiled. Jared nodded and then turned to Jeff.

“Not yet.” Amanda said. Jared turned his head to her instead. He raised his eyebrows and nodded at her. “I want to thank you.” Jared tilted his head to the side in confusion. “I want to thank you for putting all of that shit to the side and making the trip down here to be with us for the wedding. I know that it was extremely painful for you. I know that it has dredged up all kinds of crap for you. It has caused a lot of grief here in this house, but I think it has been cathartic for you and for your family. They have all been so concerned about you. They never said anything, but I could see it every time your name came up amongst them. You have cleared away the mystery and made it open. So thank you for making this weekend so special for me and for Jeff by being here for us. I’m so sorry that you had to live through all of that awful, awful stuff with that asshole.” Her eyes found Sherri’s and Sherri smiled. “But it has meant so much to Jeff, and therefore me, to have you here. I want to remind you that you said you were glad to be a Padalecki. And after watching you guys go through all of this today, I’m doubly glad to be one, too.”

Jared half stood and leaned toward Amanda, placing a kiss on her cheek. As he sat back down, he laughed and said, “Thank you. I think.”

“No, it’s a good thing.” Amanda said patting Jeff on the arm.

“Well,” Jeff said. “I guess it’s my turn.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I feel so guilty about all of this, Jare. It’s my fault Nathan was ever involved in your life. It’s my fault for bringing him here. I welcomed him into my life. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was doing a good thing.” Jeff shifted in his seat and then said, “I wasn’t, I guess. But I tried.” He stopped and wiped his eyes. “I need to go back even further than you did with your story. I need to tell you things you never knew. Maybe if you had known them, you wouldn’t be where you are now.”

“Jeff?” Jared said. When Jeff looked at him, Jared said, “Despite everything that happened? I really like where I am now. I wouldn’t be the person I am. I wouldn’t have met Jensen. I wouldn’t have my roommate, Gen, in my life if I hadn’t gone through what I went through. And although I’m still working through some stuff, and everything Nathan put me through absolutely sucked! I wouldn’t have these two very important people in my life without all of that. So please. Just tell me what you need to tell me, so we can put it behind us and move on.”

Jensen squeezed Jared’s hand in pleasure at hearing those words. He was so proud of Jared for recognizing that and stating it with certainty for his entire family to hear. He lifted Jared’s hand and kissed it, looking up through his lashes and smiling at him.

“Okay.” Jeff said, glancing at Amanda. She nodded at him with love in her eyes. “When I first met Nathan, I didn’t like him. I thought he was obnoxious and constantly trying to be the center of attention. I tried to stay as far away from him as possible. One night I was out riding bikes with some friends. They had all headed home, so I was on my way too. I started to ride past this one house on Rio Grande and heard a bunch of yelling. I slowed down to see what was going on, and then Nathan came running out of the house and practically ran into me. He was bleeding from a cut above his eyebrow, and he was holding his arm. I told him to get on my bike, and we rode to the park.

“We sat and talked that night for far too long. He told me his dad had been drinking and got mad at him for something stupid. When he tried to get his dad to back off, his dad punched him in the face. Then he grabbed him by the arm and twisted it behind him. He stomped on his dad’s foot and ran out of the house. He said his dad had been angry with him before but had never touched him. We sat there until the police patrol came by. They weren’t too happy with us being there and sent us home.

“After that we started hanging out together more and more. He seemed okay, just lonely. I thought he just needed a friend. Well, things got heated between him and his dad again. This time his dad had found him in his room with another boy. A kid named Tommy. I knew him from school but not very well. He and Nathan had been kissing. His dad went ballistic and Tommy ran off. His dad punched Nathan a few times and then told him he had a choice to make. He could either continue living in his house, or he could be a dirty faggot. Nathan said he was just curious, but he wasn’t a fag. I told him I didn’t care one way or the other.

“About a week later, I was out behind the elementary school on my bike, and I saw Nathan’s bike laying by the old fort thing they had on the playground. So I went over to see what he was up to. I poked my head in, and I saw him and Tommy. Tommy had his hand down Nathan’s pants and was kissing him on the neck. I backed out as quickly as I could, but Nathan saw me. He shoved Tommy off of him and yelled, ‘I told you to get your hands off me, you faggot.’ Tommy came out with tears in his eyes and took off.

“Nathan came out with some story that I didn’t listen to. Then I told him again that I didn’t care about who he liked. It was fine either way. Finally, he told me he was gay, but he didn’t want his dad to know. He said he needed to go find Tommy and apologize. I told him I’d see him later and headed back home.

“Well, Nathan finally admitted to his dad that he was, in fact, gay. His dad freaked out on him. Held him face first against the wall and punched him in the ribs. Then when Nathan was hurting and couldn’t fight back, he pulled Nathan’s pants down and pulled himself out and rubbed himself against Nathan’s backside.” Sherri gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. “Yeah, pretty traumatic. He kept saying to Nathan, ‘Is this what you want?’ and calling him all kinds of awful things. When his dad finally let him go, he ran away. He came and got me, and we went back to the park. Nathan was angry and humiliated. He wanted to take it out on something, and I couldn’t talk him out of it. I wanted him to go to the police and report his dad, but he wouldn’t listen. Instead, he found an old bat somewhere and decide to destroy that old fort. He beat the hell out of that thing. I kept trying to get him to calm down, but he was so angry. Somebody in the neighborhood must have heard what was going on because a patrol car showed up. That’s why I got brought home by the police that night. Even though I never touched the bat or the fort, I was held responsible for part of the damage, destruction of public property. Mom and Dad got me out of it.”

“Wow!” Jared huffed. “I never knew what happened that night.”

“Yeah, I know.” Jeff replied. “So I wanted Nathan to know that not every family was like that. I started bringing him around here. But I told you to stay away from him, Jare. Not because I was embarrassed by you. But because he was a rough kid. I knew he had issues, and I didn’t want him to do anything to you. I wanted him to have access to a nice place, but I didn’t want him to hurt you. You were so kind to everyone. So sweet and loving. I wanted to keep you that way.”

Jared looked down and shook his head a little bit.

“So we went off to college, and you stayed home. He got more reckless and dangerous, and you got taller and even better looking. When we came home and he saw you sitting on the couch with Jonah that night, I was afraid. I saw a look in his eye that was almost predatory. I told him to stay in the kitchen and went to the bathroom. It was just dumb luck that you went into the kitchen while I was back there. I was standing out in the hallway for the last part of that interaction. At first I didn’t realize you were in there because I couldn’t hear you talking. I was confused, but I heard some of the stuff he said to you. I was getting ready to walk back in and put a stop to it when you got out.” Jeff looked at Jared with undisguised anger on his face. “Trust me. I gave him an earful that night. All the way back to school, we argued over what I had heard. I told him to stay away from you. That you were off limits to him. When I dropped him back off at his school, he told me that you weren’t worth wasting our friendship over. I told him to grow up and maybe we would talk again. But until then, to stay away from both of us.

“When you two started dating, I was weirded out. But it seemed like he had changed. He always seemed to pay attention to you, and it looked like you guys were happy together. I guess he was a better actor than I ever gave him credit for. Then you got weird. I mean, it seemed like you got weird. We would make plans and you wouldn’t show. He told me it was because you were so busy with school. He kept telling me that you were changing and that he wasn’t sure how much longer he would be able to handle it. You were spending more time studying with your friends than you were with him. Stuff like that.

“Then I went out with some friends one night, and I saw someone that looked like Nathan. He was dancing with another guy. They looked like they were together. I mean, there wasn’t much space between them at any rate. I asked you about it, and you said it wasn’t him. I let it go. Then you wouldn’t come home without him. Wherever you were, there he was. And he always seemed so in love with you. He was always touching you and getting stuff for you, giving you gifts. But you looked so sad when I would see you alone. I didn’t know what was going on. Then that summer between junior and senior year when you spent most of your time here at the house. You were withdrawn but you stayed in the living room the whole time. You kept watching us with these incredibly sad eyes. I tried a few times to get you to talk to me, but you just said you were fine. It was weird, man.” Jeff stopped and took a deep breath. After he let it go, he looked straight at Jared. “I wanted you to talk to me. And then, it seemed like before I knew it, you were graduating and off to D.C. He told me that you guys made a mutual decision to let things go between you. And you wouldn’t talk to me.” Jeff’s voice hitched. “I thought I had done something wrong. But he said you were fine. That you needed a fresh start and that the two of you would stay friends.

“Not long after you left, I saw him out one night. He had a guy with him and a weird glint in his eye that night. He introduced the guy to me as nobody special. Like literally. He said, ‘This is Jeff. Jeff, this is nobody special.’ Then I didn’t see Nathan for a while after that. Nothing. I heard later that he went on a binge. People who knew both of us were telling me stories about him being with someone new every night. I thought he was hurt by you leaving, and he was dealing with it destructively. I was angry at you for deserting him. I thought he felt betrayed and rejected. I felt guilty.” Jeff shook his head and looked down. “When I caught back up with him again, he seemed like he was doing okay. He had met Ken by that time, and the two of them seemed to be doing well together. I thought he had found another stabilizing force and that he would be okay. We started hanging out again.

“Then one night, he and I had been out to a party. Ken stayed home, so it was just the two of us. We stopped off at a diner for a quick bite to eat on the way home. He told me…” Jeff stopped. He dropped his chin to his chest and tears started rolling down his face. “He told me that he had been in love with me for years. That the first night we rode to the park on my bike was like a Godsend for him. He had been desperate, and I just showed up. He said that he knew we could never be together because I was straight, but that he had always dreamed about the possibility. I told him that it was very sweet of him to say that, but he was right. I just didn’t feel that way about him. He said he understood and that he would never bring it up again. He just thought that I should know. Not long after that, I met Amanda. I still talked to Nathan, but I spent most of my time with her.

“I wondered about Nathan after that though. I started thinking about how he had confessed that he had loved me for years. That I never realized it. Then I thought about the fact that he went after you, Jare. My vulnerable and sweet little brother. I began to doubt his motivations. I tried to bring it up with him a few times. But he wouldn’t talk about it. He just kept saying that you guys had a great relationship and that it just didn’t work out, so I was confused. I had no proof of anything, but I was confused. I tried to talk to Jimbo about it, but he couldn’t fully get what I was trying to say. It turned into a joke about my sexual preferences. That’s why we ended up at that last bar the other night. That was Jimbo picking on me about my ‘gay crush.’ That’s why he wanted to give me one more chance to figure it out.” Jeff huffed a laugh and shook his head. He looked up at Jared with sad eyes. “I knew he was damaged goods, Jare. I should have done more to warn you away. I should have told you the truth about so many things, but I didn’t. I tried to protect you, but I did it wrong. I should have never let him into my life. Especially after that night at the house. So many regrets, and I’m so, so sorry. I let you down so many times.” Jeff began to cry in earnest. “I don’t know what to do! Or how to make it right!”

“Hey!” Jared said reaching for Jeff, tears streaming down his own face. “Hey, we’ll get through it. We’ll be okay. Somehow we’ll get past this. Right? Nothing gets the Padalecki boys down for long, right?”

Jeff looked up at Jared and kept crying. “I’m so sorry, Jared. So, so sorry!”

“Okay. Okay. I hear you.” Jared said and gave Jeff a quick hug. “We’ve got more talking to do about this, but we’re good for now.”

“Yeah, okay.” Jeff said. He wiped his face roughly with the back of his hand. “I think this is probably the worst way to start a honeymoon. I’m sorry, Amanda.”

“Hey, nothing like diving in head first to family drama, right?” she tossed back.

Jensen grinned at her. Jared threw his head back and laughed. That got everyone else laughing and before long they were all wiping tears from their faces. Jared leaned over to Amanda and gave her a quick kiss on top of the head.

“I like you. You can stay.” Jared laughed.

“Thanks! I plan to.” Amanda smiled.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winding down and the trip back to D.C.
> 
> Three more chapter to go after this one. Please stay with me!!

 

After that conversation, things calmed considerably. Jeff and Jared were still walking circles around each other, both of them fighting their own guilt. Jared felt bad for losing his temper and yelling at Jeff. Jeff was feeling guilty for bringing Nathan into Jared’s world.

Jensen and Megan sat together in a corner of the couch and had a wonderful conversation about what plans she had for her future. Jensen was pleased with her. She was a smart girl with a lot of talent. She would be attending UT in the fall to pursue a degree in engineering herself. She also enjoyed art and had some ideas for some children’s books she hoped to write in the future. She was telling Jensen the storyline of one of them when Jeff wandered back in. He saw Jensen and Megan and headed in their direction.

“Sorry to interrupt you guys.” Jeff said as he sat on the ottoman in front of them, looking at Jensen. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Sure.” Jensen answered.

“Want me to leave?” Megan asked.

“No, Meggie.” Jeff patted her leg. “I want you to stay, too.”

“Okay.” She answered and situated herself at Jensen’s side.

“What’s up?” Jensen asked.

“What do you think Jared’s going to do now?”

“Probably get some lunch. We never got around to eating that brunch we were promised.” Jensen said.

“No, dude!” Jeff laughed. “Once he gets back to D.C. I mean, you’re leaving there, right?”

Jensen’s face fell. “Yeah, I’ve got eleven days once we get back.”

“Yeah,” Jeff said softly. “Listen, I can see how much you care about him. I know what that feels like. I wouldn’t want to be that far away from Amanda. I just…” Jeff shrugged. “I want my brother back, man. I feel like I’ll have a better chance of making that happen if he’s local. It’ll give us a better chance of being able to hang out. And I know that you two have something special. If you’re here, I’m hoping that the chances of him coming back here go up.”

“We haven’t had much of a chance to talk it through, Jeff.” Jensen said. “Been a bit busy with everything, y’know?”

“Yeah, I know. But what if I can help?”

“What?”

“I’m a surgeon. I meet a lot of people, hang out in swanky places. I could put out feelers for him to see if there’s something here for him to do.”

“Why don’t you talk to him about this? See what _he_ thinks?” Jensen asked cocking his head to the side.

“I wanted to get your opinion first. See what you think.” Jeff said. “I mean it would be great for both of you, wouldn’t it? If he could come home?”

“Jeff. I’m going to be very honest with you here.” Jensen said quietly. “I would love nothing more than for Jay to come back to Texas. But it has to be his decision. I don’t want him to feel pressured. I don’t want him to be manipulated or to be guilted into it. It has to be him!”

“Yeah. Yeah, I get that.” Jeff said softly. “I really should talk to him about it.”

“Yes, you should.” Jensen was firm about it. “I’m not going to do anything that would make him feel obligated to act or be a certain way. I want him to be who he is. I want him to have his freedom, and I want him to be with me because he wants me. Not because he feels like he has to be. He’s had enough people trying to manipulate him. I’m not going to be that guy.”

“Wow. Okay.” Jeff said, looking away. “I get it. I do. I’ll talk to him. I’m just nervous about it. He was really angry with me earlier.”

“He’s gonna get blindsided by stuff every now and then.” Jensen stated. “That’s the nature of what he’s going through. You just have to let him work through it. He doesn’t hate you or anything. He just needed to let some of his anger out. Jay is amazing. He’ll get there.”

Jeff stared off for a minute and then huffed a laugh. “I still can’t get over the fact that you call him Jay. _And_ he took you to Lucky’s!”

“He took you to Lucky’s?” Megan gasped, shocked. “He’s never taken anyone to Lucky’s! Not even me! That’s weird isn’t it?”

“Why’s that?” Jensen asked.

“Well, Lucky’s was where Grandad took him on their special Saturdays. And because he has never let anyone but grandad call him Jay. It just isn’t done.” Meg answered. “He would get so angry if anyone else said it. He would say ‘that’s not my name.’ I remember him telling mom one time that she named him Jared, so she better call him that.”

“Oh yeah!” Jeff laughed. “I remember that, too. She was _not_ happy. But she never called him Jay again.”

“He’s got a lot of other nicknames, so I never even tried to use that one.” Megan laughed. “It’s like it was a special omen or something. Especially after grandad died.”

They all quieted for a minute, and then they could hear Jared’s laugh ringing out from the kitchen. They all smiled and looked at each other. Megan nodded with tears in her eyes, and Jeff gave her a big hug.

 

As soon as Jeff could, he found Jared alone and asked if they could talk. Jared nodded but wouldn’t meet Jeff’s eyes.

“Listen.” Jeff started. “I don’t know what your plans are right now. I know that you and Jensen haven’t really had much chance to figure things out, but uh… I was wondering if you had thought any about coming home?”

“Um…” Jared looked around the room trying to find something to focus on. “I don’t know, Jeff. I haven’t thought too much about that. I’ve just been trying to get through it, y’know?”

“Yeah, man.” Jeff said. “I’m sorry. I just… I miss you. I’ve been missing you for a long time. And I was hoping you would move back to Texas, so we would have more of a chance to get to know each other again.”

“That would be nice, Jeff. I, uh, I’ve missed you too.”

“So I was thinking, that if you wanted me to, I could start putting some feelers out to see what sort of jobs are available. I can ask around both Austin and San Antonio. But only if you want me to. I don’t want to push you.”

“Let me think about it?” Jared asked.

“Sure, yeah, of course.” Jeff answered. “Just let me know what you want me to do. Okay?”

“Okay.” Jared looked at Jeff. “And I need to apologize for what I said earlier. I didn’t realize how angry I was at you guys, and it just came out like that.”

“Yeah, I probably deserved that. I feel like I do anyway. I’m so sorry that I didn’t see what was happening to you. I feel so guilty, man.”

“Let’s just let it go. Alright? We need to move past it and get on with things.”

“Okay, but if you need to talk about something, let me know.”

“Will do.” Jared smiled. He patted Jeff on the shoulder and moved off.

 

“I think I might see if I can help out with the Foundation when I get back home.” Jensen said later in the evening as he and Jared were on a walk around Jared’s old neighborhood. They needed a break from the family and decided to stretch their legs a bit.

“Really?” Jared asked sounding a bit sad. “That’s probably a good idea. What would you do?”

“Well, Josh has it set up to interact with most of the kids at his office in Richardson. He’s there three days out of the week. Then he has my grandfather’s ranch just outside of the city where he spends the other four days working with the kids who are really struggling. He has horses and stuff for them to work with. He’s got a lot of counselors out there to talk to them or do the animal therapy stuff.

“I used to go out during the summer and work with the kids. Just run special events and campfires and that kind of thing. But I figured, now that I am a certified physical therapist, I can offer that skill to those who have been injured. I’d like to help.”

“Jensen, that sounds amazing.” Jared said smiling. “I guess I’m just surprised that you would want to go help now. I mean you did admit to running away from it all.”

“Yeah,” Jensen huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, I did. I was still raw back then. I didn’t want everyone looking at me. I wasn’t going to apologize for who I am, but I also didn’t like the judgmental stares.” He paused and looked at Jared with a mock serious expression on his face and said, “I’d like to think I’ve matured since then.”

“I’d say you probably have.” Jared laughed. Then he grew serious again. “I think you’d be great at working with the kids, Jensen. You are such a caring person. And you really understand how people feel. I mean you’ve been so wonderful with me over the last few days. You get me. You seem to know what to do at every turn. You’re so smart and warm. I think it would be a great thing for you, and those kids, if you were there to give them a hand.”

“Thank you.” Jensen squeezed the hand he was holding.

“Of course,” Jared started. “Now you’ve opened up the can of worms we’ve been avoiding.” When Jensen raised an eyebrow in his direction, Jared continued. “Eleven days.”

“Yeah.” Jensen said sadly.

“What are we going to do?”

“Is there a place we can sit down for this?” Jensen asked. He began looking around at where they were. The neighborhood had pathways built into it for the residents to walk around. There were benches set up at intervals around most of it. Jensen spied a bench not too far off and headed that way. Jared followed along behind him.

When they reached their destination, Jensen sat and turned to face Jared. Jared looked at him and then sat turned toward Jensen.

“I’m going to be perfectly honest here, okay?” Jensen said.

“We have been since we met at the airport. I don’t want to stop now.” Jared said.

“Good. Okay.” Jensen took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I need to be back home. I miss Texas like an amputated leg. I want to be near my mom again. She has been a touchstone for me my entire life, and I’ve been away from her for far too long. And I miss the warmth of the winters here. I miss the smell in the air. I miss the exact blue the sky has here on warm summer days. I need to be here like I need to breathe.” He paused and Jared nodded. “D.C. was killing me. I enjoyed the people I worked with, and I was happy to be with Dani there. But as you have mentioned, the dating scene there is pretty harsh. The guys there just want to get off and move on. At least all of the ones I ran into were that way. I’m looking for something more. I want love and marriage someday and a family. I want the whole package. I want warmth and respect and kindness and a place full of comfort to come home to at night.”

“Yeah, me too.” Jared said looking down at his lap. Jensen smiled and tapped Jared’s chin. When Jared lifted his chin, he saw warmth in Jensen’s eyes. Jared smiled in response.

“I think you and I can have that together. But you have to make your own decision.”

“Are you sure?” Jared asked. “I mean we have been on a little island here. Yes, we are surrounded by my family and all the drama that entails, but _this_ isn’t reality. This is an oasis from our real lives. And I’m afraid that when we go back to our realities things are gonna be different.”

“Well, of course things will be different, Jay. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing, does it?”

Jared shrugged his shoulders and looked away again. “In my experience over the last eight years…”

“Jay?” Jensen paused. “Look at me, please.” Jared turned back to Jensen and looked directly into his eyes. “I’m not Nathan.” Jared’s breath caught and tears filled his eyes. “I’m not gonna hurt you if I can help it. And I’m also not going to force you to do something that you aren’t ready for or that you don’t want. I’m willing to wait for you.”

“Jen, I…” Jensen stopped Jared’s words with a finger over his lips.

“Just wait a second.” Jensen said softly. “Let me finish.” Jared nodded. “I’ve watched you with your family over the last few days. I know how desperately you want their acceptance and their love. I think you have it, but you need to reassure yourself of that. I understand. I also understand that you have a life back in D.C. But I think I remember you telling me that you hated it there. Then there’s this whole thing with Ken and Nathan’s arrest hanging over your head. Also, there’s the fact that we just met a few days ago. There’s a lot going on. You need time to figure everything out. I understand.

“I don’t want to put any limits on this. I don’t want to pressure you. I’m… I want you to take your time, so that if you decide that you really and truly want me in your life, it’ll be for you and not for anyone else. When we get back to D.C., I’d like to go on a real date with you. I’d like to spend some evenings together, but I also want you to have some time to yourself. You need to think about things, right?” Jared nodded. “So I want you to have that time. I… I feel so much for you, Jay. And I’m not sure what I’m going to do without you, but I’m willing to give you as much time and space as you need.”

“Jensen,” Jared had tears running down his face. “I’m scared.”

“I know.” Jensen said. “That’s why I want you to take your time.”

“No, I mean… I’m scared that you aren’t going to want me after we get back. That because we have been so close over the last few days, you’ve lost your perspective. I’ve been shut down for such a long time, and I don’t know that much about dating or any of that. I don’t want to make you wait and then disappoint you. I don’t want to let you down. I’m so afraid that this is some kind of weird dream world and that the bubble will pop once we touch down in D.C. again. I just… I don’t want to be a failure. Not with you.”

“Jay, hey!” Jensen gently took Jared’s face in his hands. “You are not now, nor have you ever been, a failure. You…are a survivor!” Jared shut his eyes. “Please don’t do that! Jay, don’t shut me out!” Jensen rubbed his thumbs along Jared’s cheekbones. “Come on! Let me in!” Jared shook his head just a bit. “Please, Jay! Let me see those amazing eyes of yours. I need you to let me in.” Jared opened his eyes and looked into Jensen’s. Jensen felt the pain and fear that Jared’s eyes flashed. “Jay? I believe in you. I know that you are a strong, intelligent, warm, loving, beautiful person. You _are_ a survivor and I believe in you. As long as you do what you feel is the best thing for you, you will not let me down. Even if you decide that we can’t be, if it’s what you honestly need or want, I’ll back you. I’m pretty sure it’ll hurt like hell, but I’ll back you. You got me?” Jared nodded. “And I don’t care that you don’t know much about dating and the rest. I’m pretty sure you can figure it out as you go. And I don’t want someone who has been around the block multiple times. I want you to be you. Just like you have been all along. I want Jared. The warm, loving, intelligent Jared that I’ve gotten to know over the past few days. I want _you_ , Jay.”

Jared’s tears slipped down his cheeks and he leaned forward. “Jensen, I don’t know what I’d do if I’d never met you. You have given me so much in the last few days. I can’t even imagine what my life would be like without you in it. I just… I need to figure some stuff out.” Jared wiped his tears off and looked to the side. “I’m worried. I’m scared. I want to stay in our bubble and never leave.”

Jensen reached up again and pulled Jared’s head to his own shoulder. He ran his fingers through Jared’s hair and murmured sweet words to him while Jared let some of his sadness run down his face. Jared wrapped one arm around Jensen’s waist and buried his face in Jensen’s neck.

“You’re just too good to be true.” Jared whispered. “And I don’t deserve you.”

 

Later that evening, Jensen helped Jared bring their things into the house. Jeff and Amanda had already left for their hotel, and Megan was getting ready for bed. She had school the next day and needed to get back into her routine.

“So you both are going to be okay in Jared’s old room?” Sherri asked. “If not, we can put sheets on the guest bed.”

Jensen looked at Jared and said, “Your call, man. I’m good either way.”

“My room will be fine, Mama. Thanks!” Jared said and then made his way upstairs with Jensen right behind him. They pulled their smaller bags into the room, and Jensen sat on the edge of the Queen bed. Jared looked nervous. “If you want to sleep separately, I’m okay with that. This bed has less space than the one at the hotel.”

“No, this is fine. I’d like to be here with you. As long as you’re good with that.” Jensen returned.

“I’m good.” Jared smiled. He rifled through his bag and gathered up his things and headed to the bathroom, calling behind him. “I’m gonna get a quick shower. Then you can have the bathroom.”

 “Okay,” Jensen called. He quickly gathered his things for the bathroom and set them on the bed, then he began to explore the room that had been Jared’s when he was a teenager. Earlier when they were in here, he had been too focused on Jared and sleep. Now he had a chance to investigate.

The posters on the wall were mostly sports related. There was small grouping of framed certificates on one wall that demonstrated Jared’s intelligence. The two sturdy wooden bookshelves were loaded with a wide range of novels. Some were obviously for school assignments, but some were definitely more personal reading. Jensen picked up a few and thumbed through them. On a bottom shelf, he found a spiral notebook that looked like it had been well used. He lifted it and walked over to the student desk by the windows. He sat down and started flipping through the pages.

At first he thought it was a notebook full of poems, but he quickly realized that these were song lyrics. He read a few, turning the pages occasionally, until he found several lyrics from Radiohead. He remembered Jared wearing a concert shirt for them and decided to read these in full. One song in particular, “Fake Plastic Trees,” had been marked with red pen under certain words.

Jensen knew this song but had never really listened to the lyrics. He always had trouble understanding the singer’s delivery. As he read through the lyrics and took note of the underlined words, he grew sad for Jared. He recognized the feelings that were displayed in the song. That feeling of just moving through life, not feeling things. The idea that everything around him was a facsimile of something real. And to keep pretending that he was okay just wore him down and made him very tired.

He left his finger on that page and continued to flip until he heard the shower shut off. Then he flipped the pages back to those lyrics, and grabbed his stuff to head to the shower. Without really thinking about it, he left the notebook open on the desk and headed out the door. As he passed Jared in the hall, he lightly and quickly gripped Jared’s forearm, then he let go, and continued on his way down the hall.

 

When Jared got back to the room, he quickly rearranged his things to make it easier to get everything ready in the morning. They were going to have to get an early start to make their flight. As he thought about returning to D.C., he heart gave a little lurch. He actually dreaded going back to the hustle and bustle. All those people who felt like they were so important. And the bitter cold chewing through his clothes. Granted it was spring and things would begin to warm up, but he still dreaded the weather. He missed Gen though. He needed to talk with her about everything and get her perspective.

He was grabbing a book off one of his shelves to kill some time with when the notebook on his desk caught his eye. He moved over and began to read. He ran his fingers over the words he had written down. The phrases and meaning jumped off of the page at him. The memories of how he had felt when he wrote them down swarmed him. He began to hum the song under his breath as he flipped through some of the other pages of lyrics. There was so much pain on these pages. Jared slammed the book shut and made his way over to the bed. He yanked the covers back and flopped down, staring at the wall.

 

When Jensen joined him ten minutes later, Jared was in his normal spot on the far right side of the bed. He was facing away from Jensen and was curled into a ball. Once again, Jensen was amazed at how small Jared became when he felt like hiding.

Jensen continued putting his things away. Like Jared, he realized that time in the morning was going to be pressed. They needed to be up and out as quickly as they could. He grabbed his clothes for the next day and put them on the desk. It was then that he noticed the notebook had been closed and shoved into a corner on the desk. Jensen quickly looked from it to the giant of a man lying on the bed. _Shit!_ He thought. He looked up to the ceiling and counted to ten. He finished putting his stuff together and moved toward the bed.

“I’m going to turn off the light and climb into bed if that’s okay?” Jensen said softly. When there was no answer, he did exactly that. As he laid down on the side of the bed that had been his since they got here, he made himself as small as he could on his own side, lying on his back. He looked up toward the ceiling and traced the light from a streetlamp as it drifted into the room. He hoped that he hadn’t done something unforgivable by leaving that notebook where he had. As he tried to view that act from Jared’s perspective, he felt Jared shift on his side of the bed. When he looked in that direction, he could see that Jared had turned toward him and was now looking at him in the dark. His face wasn’t clear, but Jensen could see a glint from Jared’s eyes.

“Hey!” Jensen whispered. “What’s up?”

“Nothing.” Jared whispered back. “Just thinking about some things.”

“You okay?” Jensen asked.

“I will be.” Jared answered. He lightly took hold of Jensen’s hand under the covers. “Would it be okay with you if we snuggled for a little bit? I would really like it if you could hold me.”

“Sure. Absolutely!” Jensen answered beginning to wiggle a bit closer to the middle of the bed. “What’s going to work for you?”

“Um…” Jared said. Then he turned away from Jensen again, offering his back. Jensen’s heart skipped a beat. Jared began again, “Could you just hold me like this?”

Jensen slid into position with his chest along Jared’s back. He slid his bottom arm under his own pillow and laid his top arm around Jared with his hand over Jared’s chest. He placed a small kiss on Jared’s head and asked, “Is this alright?”

Jared nodded and snuggled a bit closer. “Yeah, Jen. This is good.”

Jensen smiled to himself. As he felt Jared’s tension release from his body, Jensen also relaxed. Before long, the alarm was going off and both men realized they had slept the entire night without moving. Jared squeezed Jensen’s hand before reaching out to turn off the alarm.

“I hate to move.” Jensen whispered.

“I know, but we have to get back.” Jared responded quietly.

“One more minute, please?” Jensen asked, tucking his nose into Jared’s hair.

“Yeah, okay.” Jared answered. He settled his arm back into position on the bed. “Jensen? When we get back tonight, I’d like to go straight back to my apartment by myself. If that’s okay?”

“Sure.” Jensen answered, sadly. “Whatever you need.”

“We could meet for dinner on Wednesday? Or Thursday if you want.”

“Um… Wednesday would be nice. Or we could leave it open? You could tell me which day works better for you?”

“Okay. Let’s do that. Leave it open.” Jared answered. He rolled his head to somewhat face Jensen. Jensen pulled his head back to be able to see Jared better. “We need to move.”

“I know.” Jensen answered. He tilted his head forward again and nuzzled against Jared’s head. He quickly pressed a kiss to Jared’s temple and then let go. “Let’s move.”

They moved efficiently through the room making sure they had everything. They each got dressed quickly but separately in the bathroom, and they made their way downstairs. They ate a quick breakfast and began to say their goodbyes. Jared made promises of a quick return and hugged all three of the Padaleckis standing in front of him. His mom held onto him for an extra-long time. She made him promise that he would be back for Thanksgiving or Christmas and then she looked at Jensen.

“And as for you, young man,” she said, causing Jensen’s eyes to widen. “You can come back to visit whenever you want. You have an open invitation to this house.”

Jensen’s eyes began to burn, and he blinked quickly. He looked at Gerry who nodded solemnly at him. Megan grabbed his hand and squeezed it. When he looked at her, he could see how happy she was. Jensen cleared his throat and said, “Thank you. That means a lot to me.”

“Well, it means a lot to all of us that you saw who Jared really was and were so willing to help him. We can’t thank you enough for bringing him back to us.” Sherri said. Then she grabbed Jensen in a huge hug and whispered in his ear, “Don’t let him go!”

“I’ll try not to.” Jensen whispered back. As he pulled back, Sherri looked him straight in the eye and nodded with determination. He said again, “Thank you!”

After a handshake from Gerry and a quick hug from Megan, Jensen followed Jared out the door and to the rental car. They quickly loaded their bags and then they were on their way. They were both quiet on the drive into the airport, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. They were each lost in their own thoughts and were perfectly at ease. At one point, Jared reached a hand over and laid it on Jensen’s thigh, and it stayed there the rest of the way. Eventually, Jensen laid his hand on top and began to stroke Jared’s fingers with his thumb.

After returning the car and checking their baggage, they made their way to their terminal and found a place to sit. Jared excused himself and wandered away. Jensen was left alone staring out the vast windows watching the planes land and taxi, taxi and take off.

Jensen was lost in his head when Jared returned and didn’t notice that he was being observed. Jared stood a couple feet away and just watched Jensen. He took in the face that had become so important to him, the cut jawline, the cheekbones, the tiny little curve in the otherwise perfect nose, the eyelashes that just wouldn’t stop, and then the eyes that he knew were the greenest, most beautiful eyes that he had ever had the pleasure to see. Jared had almost come to his decision, but he needed just a little more time. He needed to talk to Gen. He moved forward and held out the cup he held in his right hand.

“Black, one sugar.” He said softly. Jensen looked up, startled, and he smiled at Jared.

“Thank you.” He laughed.

“It’s a big cup, so I brought an extra sugar and a stirrer if you need it.” Jared returned.

Jensen took a sip and nodded, reaching a hand out for the extra sugar. After Jared handed it over, Jensen took the lid off and fixed his coffee. He took another sip and smiled again. “Perfect.”

“So are you.” Jared said tapping Jensen’s nose with his finger.

“Sap.” Jensen laughed in return. Jared shrugged and grinned.

“I call ‘em like I see ‘em.”

“So do I.” Jensen shot back. Jared threw his head back and laughed. Jensen’s heart swelled at the sound, and the vision in front of him caused his throat to catch. How was he ever going to let this man go if that’s what he wanted? Jensen turned to look out of the windows again. Jared folded himself to fit into the seat beside Jensen and knocked their knees together softly.

“Hey!” he said. “What’s up?”

“I’m good.” Jensen said. He faced Jared and smiled sadly. “I’m good.”

“Okay.” Jared leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Jensen’s cheek. “I think my mama likes you.”

Jensen laughed and said, “Yeah, I think she does. That’s never a bad thing.”

“Right?” Jared grinned. He leaned back in his chair and draped an arm across the back of Jensen’s chair. Jensen leaned into him and Jared ran his thumb along Jensen’s shoulder. “I want to thank you for everything you did for me this weekend. You were incredible with my family and with me. I can’t begin to express how important this has been to me. It’s been life changing, and I know I couldn’t have done any of it without you by my side.”

“Well,” Jensen smiled at Jared. “That’s what you paid me for.”

“Ah! But I didn’t pay you after all!”

“What?” Jensen said in mock surprise. “You mean I did all of this for free? What was I thinking?”

Jared huffed a laugh and looked off out of the windows. “That. Is a good question.”

Jensen laid his head on Jared’s shoulder and placed a quick kiss over Jared’s heart. “I’d do it all again in a heartbeat if it meant I got to spend these days with you, getting to know you. I wouldn’t change a single thing.”

Jared laid his head on top of Jensen’s and they grew quiet with each other again. As they waited, they sipped their coffees and tried not to think about what might happen next.

 

The flight home was uneventful. They chatted about some of their likes and dislikes that they hadn’t covered that morning at the Alamo, and they discovered they had even more in common then they knew. They shared inconsequential stories about their lives, things that were fun but not too serious. They kept the conversation light and enjoyable. Before they knew it, they were preparing for landing. Jared clasped Jensen’s hand in his own and didn’t let go until they made it to baggage claim.

Once they had all of their bags sorted and in hand, they made their way to the bottom level of the parking garage. They laughed when they realized they had parked on the same floor. When the elevator doors closed, Jared turned to Jensen and said, “We should do this again sometime. I really enjoyed myself. It isn’t too often I meet another Texan around here.”

Jensen turned to him and smiled, “I’d love to, Jared. How ‘bout you give me your phone number? Then I can give you a call, and we can set something up.”

“I was thinking you could give me yours, and I could call you?” Jared asked shyly. Jensen’s chin dropped and his face fell just a little. “I mean if that’s okay with you?”

“Yeah, Jay.” Jensen said looking up with a plastered-on smile. “That works. Let me know when you’re ready.”

Jared got his phone out and said, “Whenever you’re ready.”

Once they got that done, and the elevator opened, they moved out. Jensen stopped and pointed off in the distance. “I’m this way.”

“I’m over here.” Jared answered pointing in the opposite direction. As they both realized what that meant, they dropped their luggage and quickly grabbed each other in a tight hug. Jared tucked his face into Jensen’s neck while Jensen had to stand on his tip toes to get his arms around Jared’s shoulders. They stood that way for a couple of minutes before breaking apart. Jared gripped Jensen’s biceps and looked at him. “I’ll call you, Jen. I promise that I will.”

“Okay, Jay.” Jensen said. “Whenever you’re ready. You got this. I believe in you. And remember. Whatever you need. For _you_.”

“Thanks again. For everything.” Jared leaned forward and brushed Jensen’s lips with his own.

“My pleasure.” Jensen whispered as Jared pulled away. They turned away from each other and headed off in different directions.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen waiting...

Washington D.C. area, May 8th, Tuesday

 

Chapter 16

 

Jensen felt lost in his apartment. He wandered from room to room looking at everything he had accumulated in the six years he had lived there. He couldn’t understand why he’d kept half of the stuff he had. There was no way he was going to fit it all into the moving van. And he couldn’t concentrate on any of it. The only thing he had accumulated that he didn’t feel like he could live without wasn’t here. And he hadn’t called yet. And Jensen was becoming afraid that he wouldn’t call. That he would cut Jensen loose.

Jensen’s legs gave out under him, and he flopped onto his couch. It was only Tuesday morning. There was no need to panic yet. He still needed to talk to Dani and tell her what had happened. Maybe she would be able to shed some light on things that would make him feel more optimistic.

Jensen dug around on the coffee table until he found his phone. He pulled up Dani’s number and called her. The phone rang once before her voice rang out.

“Where the hell have you been?” she shouted.

“Chill. I got home last night and needed some time.” Jensen replied. “Do you have time to talk today?”

“I have time right now.” She responded. “And you are going to tell me just what the hell happened.”

“Okay, Dani.” Jensen said sadly. “I need to talk to you about it. I’m a bit lost.”

“Oh Jensen.” Her tone softened. “Where and when, hon?”

They made definite plans and hung up. Jensen looked around his living room again and made for the door. He really hoped this was going to be okay.

 

They met at one of Dani’s favorite places not too far away from her office. She was waiting for him when he arrived and waved him over to the table. As he made his way toward her, he took in her concerned brow and knew he would have to tell her everything. As soon as he sat down, she grabbed his hand and looked directly into his eyes.

“Did I make a mistake? Did I do the wrong thing sending you down there?” She asked quickly.

“No.” Jensen said firmly but with a touch of melancholy in his voice. “Not at all. You probably sent me to one of the most wonderful, painful, exhilarating, heartbreaking, amazing weekends of my life.”

Daneel’s face crinkled in confusion. “What?”

Jensen took a deep breath and started to tell his story. He began with the chance meeting in the diner and went on. They were interrupted occasionally by the waitress as they made their orders and got their meals. As he talked, her face moved from excited to heartbroken, thrilled to devastated, mesmerized to distraught. Finally, as he told her about their last interaction in the airport garage, she gasped.

“Jensen?” Dani asked. “Have you heard from him yet?”

Jensen shook his head. “But Dani, he’s been through so much. He’s been hurt so badly in the past. I don’t want to rush him or manipulate him in any way. I want him to decide.”

“Jensen, sweetie.” Dani said while rubbing his hand. “I get that. I do. But what happens if he decides not to be brave enough to go for it?”

“Well,” Jensen said rubbing his eyes. “I guess I have to live with that. Somehow. I told him that I would back him whatever he decides.”

“But what about you?” Dani asked. “When do you get what you want?”

“I don’t know, Dani! But I’m not going to be the guy that forces him into something before he’s ready. I know what that’s like, dammit! And I’m not gonna do it!”

“I know, Jensen. I’m sorry for suggesting it.” Dani backed off. “I know how you feel about things like that. I apologize.”

“I’m sorry. I’m on edge about this, and I’m really struggling here. I can’t focus on anything.” Jensen admitted. “I have eleven days left here, counting today, and then I’m gone. I feel like, if something doesn’t happen before I leave, it won’t happen at all. And I don’t know what to do about it.”

“What do you want to do?”

“I want to call him and tell him again how much he means to me. I want to explain that I won’t hurt him or pressure him. That I just want him to be himself and that we can take our time. I just want him to promise me that he will choose me, too.”

“Oh my God.” Dani suddenly realized and sat back in her chair. “You’re in love with him.”

“Yes, Dani.” Jensen said with an angry edge to his voice. “I’m in love with him, and I can’t do a damn thing about it!”

“But Jensen. Don’t you see?” Dani said smiling with a warm glow in her eyes. “You’ve done everything you can. And I’m so proud of you.”

Jensen looked at her with confusion all over his face. He made a “what” motion with his hand and cocked his head to the side.

“You have finally found the one, and you have committed to him with everything you have. After all of these years of denying that you would ever find someone that you would be able to love completely. You found him!”

“Yeah,” Jensen said sadly. “That’s great. Now, please, help me figure out what to do about it.”

“You said it yourself. There’s nothing you can do about it. You have to wait for him to come to you. And that’s beautiful! You made the Grand Gesture!”

“What?” Jensen asked bewildered. “What are you talking about?”

“You made the Grand Gesture. You went out on a limb and told him that you would wait for him. That you wanted to be with him, but it was his choice. You laid yourself out and made yourself vulnerable for him. Jensen, you haven’t made yourself vulnerable to anyone but me since you broke it off with that guy at school. You’ve kept yourself under lock and key. I mean, you’ve always been nice to people, and you’ve made friends, but you’ve kept yourself wrapped up tight when it comes to emotional ties. But this time, with _this_ guy, you pulled down the walls. And the best part is that you don’t even realize that you did it!”

“Great! I’m vulnerable to someone, and he may or may not want me back.”

“Of course he wants you back. Have you met you? How can anyone resist you when you truly let them in? You are the best person I have ever met. You are kind and thoughtful. Funny and snarky as all hell. Smart and sweet. But ever since that dick treated you the way he did, you have shut yourself off to real connections. This time you opened yourself up, and he crawled right inside. He’s not going anywhere Jensen. You just have to be patient. And that’s the worst part.”

“You’re damn right it is!” Jensen moaned. “What am I going to do?”

“You’re going to go back to your place, put on some sad music, and start packing. You’re going to reduce the clutter in your life and prepare to welcome another person into your world. You are going to get rid of the crap that you don’t need, so that when he comes back to you, he will fill up all that space that has been empty way too long.”

“Ugh!” Jensen grunted. “You sound like a self-help book.”

Dani laughed in return and patted Jensen’s hand. “He wants you, Jensen. He’s just trying to trust himself.”

 

That night as Jensen was working on dividing and conquering the clutter in his living room, his phone rang. His heart dropped into his gut, and he froze for a second. Then he began to search for it. He was tearing through the stacks of papers on the floor when the ringing stopped.

“No!” he screamed and continued to search. He finally found his phone under the coffee table on the other side of the room from where he had been working. He checked the caller ID to see a number that he didn’t recognize. Just as he was about to throw the phone across the room in frustration, he received a text.

_Unknown: Jensen?_

_Jensen: Yeah, please tell me this is Jared._

_Unknown: Why didn’t you answer your phone? Are you busy?_

_Jensen: Is this Jared?_

_Unknown: Yes. Can you talk?_

Jensen quickly rang the number. And let out a relieved sigh when Jared’s voice said. “I guess you can.”

“Oh! Yeah!” Jensen tried to calm his heartbeat. “I couldn’t answer because I couldn’t find my phone.”

“Oh! Are you busy?”

“I’m trying to get some of my stuff sorted out and packed up. You know how that is.”

“Oh, yeah. It’s a nightmare.” Jared paused. Then he cleared his throat. “Um, listen.” Jensen’s heart sank. That was not a good start. “Something’s come up, and I can’t make tomorrow night. Would it be possible to make it Thursday or Friday instead?”

Jensen moved the mouthpiece away from his mouth and huffed a heavy breath. Then he pulled the phone back down and tried to be calm and natural. “Yeah, sure. That’s fine.”

“Okay, how about you pick the place, and I meet you there around 7:00? Will that work?”

“Yeah,” Jensen tried to hide his disappointment. If Jared was planning to drive separately, that meant that he was probably going to let Jensen down easily or something and then leave. He bit his lip and then asked, “Which night works best for you? Friday or Thursday?”

“Um…” there was a rustling of papers in the background and a female-sounding giggle. “I think Thursday would be better. You want to text me and let me know where you’ve chosen?”

“Sure. That’ll work.” Jensen’s heart sank even further. Not only were they going separately, but Jared didn’t even want to speak to him again before they got there. “Yeah, I’ll text you.”

“Hey, Jensen!” Jared said sweetly. “I’m sorry! Work was crazy today and stuff is going on around here. I’ll tell you about it when I see you, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” Jensen said. “I’ll text you the info, and I’ll see you on Thursday.”

“Yeah.” Jared responded sounding suddenly sad and far away. “Yeah, see you Thursday.”

“Alright then.” Jensen prompted.

“Yeah.” Jared mumbled.

“I guess I’ll let you go.” Jensen’s heart sank at the lack of connection he felt.

“Oh yeah!” Jared said suddenly coming back to the conversation. “I’m sorry! Got lost for a second there. I’ll let you go.”

“Yep.”

“And Jensen?”

“Yep.”

“Keep your chin up.”

Jensen smiled in spite of himself. “Yeah, man. You too!”

After they got off the phone, Jensen slumped to the floor. _When did I turn into a lovesick teenaged girl?_ He asked himself. He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. There was no way to fight it. If this didn’t work, he would be devastated. He needed to talk to someone.

He lifted his phone over his face and called his mom. She picked up after three rings, and he could hear laughter in the background. He immediately felt guilty for disturbing her fun.

“Hey, baby!” she said smiling into the phone.

“Hey, Mama!” Jensen said softly. “I’m sorry to disturb you. It sounds like you have people over. I’ll call you back later.”

“No you won’t, Jensen Ross.” His mom said sounding worried. “Let me get somewhere quiet.” Jensen could hear rustling in the background, then a door closing, and then silence from the other end. He could hear a soft thump as his mom flopped on her bed. He didn’t even have to ask to know that’s where she was. That’s where she always went to talk if he needed her. “Okay, I’m listening.”

“Mama, I don’t know what to do.” Jensen started. Tears were welling up in his eyes, but he tried to keep his tone normal. He didn’t want to worry his mom too much.

“Okay, sweetheart. Take a minute and then tell me.”

Jensen took a deep breath and let it out. The tears in his eyes began to spill over to run down his temples and into his ears.

“He’s perfect, Mama. He’s the one. I know he is.”

“Oh Jensen! That’s wonderful!” his mom said quietly. “So what’s wrong?”

“He’s been hurt in the past, Mama. Real bad. And he’s gun shy.” Jensen stopped and wiped his face. “We got back last night and he went one way and I went the other. And I haven’t seen him. I just got off the phone with him, but it was weird and I felt so far away, and I hated it. And it’s killing me because I don’t know how he’s doing and I want to see him.”

“Jensen, take a breath.” Donna smiled into the phone. “Have you told him that you love him?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to pressure him. He knows I’m leaving, and I don’t want to lock him into something that will immediately be a long-distance thing.” Jensen paused. “Oh God! I’m almost thirty and I’m acting like a fourteen-year-old girl!”

His mom laughed softly. “Love will do that to you. Did you let him know how you felt without saying the words?”

“Yes. At least I tried to. He’s working through some stuff, and he’s afraid that I don’t really feel the way I do. I get it, Mama! He went through four years of a horrible relationship, and he just saw the guy over the weekend. It wasn’t good. So it’s all fresh again. But I know he trusts me. And I know that he feels something for me. But he told me he didn’t deserve me. But he’s got that wrong. I don’t deserve him.”

“Oh, baby!” Donna sighed. “You deserve love and warmth. You deserve the right man. You deserve a family and a home and all the things that can bring you. You are the kindest, most loving person, and you deserve someone who will love you back.”

“Thanks, Mama!” Jensen said, wiping his face again and trying to sit up. “This guy he was with before… he messed with Jared’s head. He did things to him that made him feel worthless and stupid. Like he was just something to be used. And the guy cheated on him repeatedly. He also ended up causing Jared to feel like his own family didn’t want him. He was a real piece of work, Mama.”

“Sounds like it.”

“And I saw him assaulting his boyfriend while we were there.” His mom gasped. “I helped the boyfriend, Ken, I helped him get away from the jerk. I gave a statement to the police… and the jerk got arrested, so he’s in jail now, and it’s kinda because of me. I’m gonna have to testify.”

“Jensen!” his mom sounded worried. “Are you alright? Did you get hurt or anything?”

“I’m fine. He never touched me.” Jensen huffed out a breath. “Jared was so brave, Mama. He went to the police and told them what this guy had done to him, too. They can’t prosecute him for what he did to Jared, but it did help to establish a history. They probably wouldn’t have moved on it without his statement. It also encouraged Ken to tell the truth about what happened. Because at first, he just kept saying that he had too much to drink and fell. Mama, the guy shoved him face-first into a wall while he had Ken’s arm pulled up behind his back. Ken ended up with a concussion, a sprained wrist and a dislocated shoulder.”

“Oh my!” Donna startled. “Did he ever treat Jared like that? With the physical violence?”

“He slapped him once. Hard enough to knock him to the floor.” Donna gasped again. “This guy treated Jay so bad. I don’t want to tell you everything, but there was some sexual abuse as well. And I… it brought up a lot for me. I feel so connected to him. I don’t know what I’m going to do if he walks away.”

“Sweetheart! I don’t think he will. You were a rock for him when he needed you. That is so important.” Donna paused. “Did anything happen between you? Did you get close physically?”

“Are you asking me if we had sex?” Jensen asked, shocked.

“Yes. I am.” She answered with a straightforward tone.

“No. We didn’t even get close to that. We kissed and snuggled.” Jensen stopped with a shocked expression on his face. “There was one time when things got especially heated between us. But we were okay after that. No naked skin was touched then. Just some really hot kisses.” Jensen realized what he had just said to his own mother and blushed. “Sorry.”

“No need to apologize. I know you are sexually active. And you’re obviously an adult, so don’t worry about it.” His mom laughed a bit. “But he seemed okay?”

“Yes. After that happened, we got even closer emotionally. There was one more time when the kisses felt different.” Jensen drifted for a moment, reliving those kisses in the hotel room. He saw Jared’s face again. He smiled to himself. “Even with everything he has been through, he is so warm and giving. After the first day together, he was so free with his touches. He never felt stiff or uncomfortable around me. He was very open and loving. He’s so sweet and funny, too.”

“Jensen, dear. You’re gushing.” His mama laughed softly. “You really have it bad, don’t you?”

“Yes.” Jensen answered. “And I’m so afraid. I’m afraid that he’s just gonna walk away from me. I don’t want that to happen.”

“Well, of course you don’t. But I don’t think it will.” Donna said firmly. “Think about how you felt when you were together and then answer some questions for me. Okay?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“When you were together, did you talk easily to one another? Did it feel like you had known each other for much longer than you actually did?”

“Yes. Even when we were sat together at breakfast that very first morning.”

“Did you kiss him first? Or did he kiss you?”

“He kissed me first. But I held his hand first. But that was when he still thought I was on the job. Well, technically, I was still on the job then, but I had already decided not to be any more.”

“Whoa! Breathe!”

“Yeah, sorry.” Jensen took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“Look, I know this is really scary for you. It’s been a while since you felt enough about someone to let the gates down. And I can hear it in your descriptions and in your voice that you let him in.”

“Yeah, I did. I couldn’t help it. He felt right there.”

“Exactly!” Donna said happily. “He felt right. That means something, Jensen. Don’t you see that? You’ve been hurt. You know what you don’t want, and you have been fending it off for years. He’s been hurt, too. I’m thinking he probably knows what he doesn’t want, too. If you let him in, and he let you in, that means something. Do you understand me?”

“I think so, but it’s so hard!” Jensen moaned.

“I know. But I really believe this is your happy circumstance. You need to fight for it. I don’t think you’ll have to fight too hard though. I think he’s gonna be fighting for you as well.”

“I hope so.” Jensen paused. Then he huffed out a breath and said, “We’re meeting at a restaurant tomorrow night for dinner.”

“See? That’s great!”

“Yeah, except he wants to meet there instead of riding together.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that.” Donna answered. “He wants to be sure. You said he was afraid, too.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Okay, chin up, son! I love you and this will work out the way it’s meant to. You’ll see. Remember I said if it was meant to be you’d see him again. And look what happened!”

“Yes, ma’am. You’re right. I love you, too. Imma let you go now.”

“Okay. Bye, baby!”

“Bye, Mama!”

When Jensen got off the phone, he was drained. He gave up on packing anything else and wandered off to bed. He put his phone on the bedside table and got ready for bed. As he laid down, his mind flashed back to Jared lying in the hotel bed after the bachelor party. He remembered Jared saying that he loved him. He smiled a sad smile and hoped that Jared meant it. When he curled up in his bed, he felt small and alone. It’s amazing how quickly a person can get used to having someone else beside them.

 

Wednesday dragged. Jensen tried to focus on his packing and even tried listening to some of his favorite music. Just before lunch, he gave up. He reasoned with himself that he would have to get food anyway, so he cleaned the newsprint smudges off his fingers and face and headed out.

His first stop was at a local music store. He bought three Radiohead CDs, some sheet music, and a few guitar picks for his acoustic guitar. His second stop was a florist where he picked out a nice multi-plant arrangement and was prepared to send it to Jared when he realized he still didn’t have Jared’s address. Frustrated and defeated, he left the shop without purchasing anything. Next, he popped into his favorite deli to grab a sandwich. After fulfilling his appetite, he made his way back to his apartment to continue working on the packing.

Instead of listening to his own music, he opened the Radiohead CDs and played those. After he got through all three, he replayed “The Bends,” the one with “Fake Plastic Trees” on it. And as he packed, he tried again to make out the lyrics. By the middle of “High & Dry” he had tears rolling down his face. This was how he was feeling, right here in a song. Then “Fake Plastic Trees” came on, and Jensen ceased to function. He sat on the floor near the speakers and fell apart. As he listened, he could clearly see the page of lyrics in Jared’s notebook complete with the red underlining. He laid on the floor and let everything wash over him.

As the pain moved through him, he grieved for Jared’s lost innocence. He grieved for his own. He listened to the lyrics and realized that he had mostly been living in a fake plastic world himself. He moved through his days without letting things become too real for him. And he was tired.

Lying there, face drenched in tears, he made the decision that he would tell Jared the last important part of his history. “Story number Two.” Enough of keeping it to himself. All it was doing was keeping him closed off from the world. It was time to let it go, to follow Jared’s brave example and release it to the world. It was going to hurt like a bitch, but he would make it happen.

 

By dinner time, Jensen felt encouraged by the amount of work he had been able to accomplish after his emotional breakdown. He felt stronger now too, having made his decision. Things in his life were suddenly changing and falling into place. If only Jared would trust himself, he would be good to go.

Once dinner was finished, Jensen decided to call Josh to talk to him about working with the Foundation. He needed to make sure that his idea would be helpful and wanted. He sat on his couch with a beer and his phone and made the call.

“Jens! What’s up? How’s it going?” Josh sounded upbeat when he answered the phone.

“Good, good, man. How are things with you?” Jensen returned nervously.

“Really good. I hear you’re coming back to Richardson, man! That’s fabulous! I can’t wait to see you. It has been way too long.” Josh said.

“Yeah, yeah it has.” Jensen said. “I’m, uh, I’m looking forward to being home again.”

“You sure?” Josh picked up on the hesitation in Jensen’s words. “You don’t sound like it. Is there something wrong? Something I can do?”

“No, not really. Just some personal stuff I’m trying to get sorted out.”

“Okay. What can I do for you then?”

“Well, I was wondering if you had any space at the Ranch for a physical therapist. I was hoping to pitch in out there and help out.”

“Really?” Josh sound wary. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, man. Why?”

“It’s just… when you were home… towards the end… you didn’t seem to want anything to do with it. And I get it, I do. But I’m just making sure you’re good now.”

“I’m good.” Jensen said. He paused for a moment to make sure he said this the right way. “I met someone recently who made me rethink some things. He’s been through a lot, and he is still so vibrant. I was able to help him deal with some of it, and it made me think. I’ve always wanted to help other people, Josh. That’s why I became a physical therapist in the first place, but you already know that. I’d like to heal hearts and minds as well as bodies, if I can.”

“That sounds good, Jens.” Josh said softly. “I’d be happy to have you help in any way you are comfortable. I’d love to have you on the Ranch.”

“Thanks. That means a lot to me. You’ve always been so supportive of me, and I want you to know that I really do appreciate it. I just wasn’t comfortable with the attention that it brought me in relation to the Foundation. But I want to help. I can get past it now I think.”

“Excellent!” Josh replied. “So tell me about this guy. Is he someone special or just someone you met and helped? A client?”

“His name is Jared, and believe it or not, he’s from San Antonio.”

“And you met him there? In D.C.?”

“Yep. And he’s someone special, Josh. He’s a really amazing person.” With that, Jensen began to tell Josh about Jared, but just about Jared. He didn’t get into all of the other stuff. There would be time for that later if necessary. He focused on who Jared was. “But we have some stuff to figure out. Like the fact that we just met a month ago, and I’m leaving next week.”

“Aw shit!” Josh moaned. “That sucks!”

“Yeah,” Jensen said softly. “I need this one to work, Josh. I’m struggling.”

“Well, he sounds great. You said he has been through a lot?”

“Yeah, his college boyfriend was a real piece of work. He’s working through it, but I don’t want to pressure him or rush him. It has to be his decision to pursue this with me.”

“That’s good, Jensen.” Josh said. “I think you have the right attitude with this. Look, I know it’s hard. But if he’s been abused, he needs the space. He’s going to need you to be there when he needs you.”

“I know. I told him multiple times that I wasn’t going anywhere. That it was up to him. That I’d wait, y’know? But… Josh! Man! This is so hard to just wait. I’m afraid he’s going to walk away, and… I don’t know how I’ll be able to handle it if he does.”

“Come on, Jensen. You can manage this. You are strong and patient.” Josh said.

“I spent almost every second with him for like five days straight. Now I’ve only spoken to him once since we left each other at the airport. I’m having withdrawals, man! I miss him. Bad!”

“I hear you.” Josh sighed. “Listen, Jensen. You’re going about this the right way. I promise. You’ve let him know how you feel. You’ve been consistent and steady. And now you’re giving him the time he needs to reach his own decision. You just have to stay steady and be patient.”

“Okay.” Jensen sighed.

“If there is anything I can do, just let me know.”

“Will do.”

“When you get local, we’ll figure out how to get you working out here. I’m looking forward to it.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“And try to relax about Jared. I know it’s hard, but you’re doing the right thing. The last thing he needs is to feel like he’s being pressured or that he doesn’t have a choice.”

“Yeah, okay. Thanks.” Jensen answered softly.

They said their goodbyes and hung up, and Jensen turned on the television. As he settled into the cushions, his text alert sounded.

 

_Jared: Have you picked a place yet?_

 

Jensen smiled and decided to call Jared instead of texting. Hopefully, Jared would be okay with that. He gave it a couple of minutes while he decided which place to suggest. He had fallen off of his final restaurant tour of D.C., so he chose one of his favorites from his list.

As he dialed Jared’s number, his heartbeat accelerated. This could go either way, and he was nervous.

“Hey!” Jared said when he picked up. “I didn’t expect you to call.”

“Do you have time?” Jensen asked.

“Yeah, of course. I wasn’t sure if _you_ would. All the packing and everything.” Jared replied.

“Oh! I’m good. Got a lot done today, so I’m just sitting on the couch with a beer.”

“That sounds nice.” Jared replied. “So what did you decide for tomorrow?”

“I was thinking about Tony’s over on Washington. Do you know it?”

“Yes! It’s one of my favorites!” Jared exclaimed excitedly. “That’s like a block from my apartment!”

“Yeah?” Jensen asked. “It’s about three from mine.”

“Wow.” Jared huffed out a breath. “All this time. You were right there. That’s crazy!”

“No kidding.” Jensen said amazed. “So are you in the Heights or the Garden Villas?”

“The Heights.”

Jensen did some quick calculations and realized that Jared had been four blocks away from him for the last two and half years, and they had never even bumped into each other until that morning at the diner. He scratched his head in wonder.

“Jen?” Jared asked. “You still there?”

“Sorry! Yeah!” Jensen answered. “Just a bit amazed I guess. That we were that close for so long and never met.”

“Well, I guess they say things happen for a reason, right?” Jared asked. When Jensen grunted in return, Jared went on, “Maybe I wasn’t ready for you yet.”

“Are you ready for me now?” Jensen asked and then hit his thigh. He was supposed to be keeping this no pressure.

“Let’s wait for dinner to talk about that. I still need just a bit of time here.” Jared said softly. “I don’t want to speak too early.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Jensen answered. “That’s fine.”

“I need to go. It’s great to hear your voice.” Jared said softly. “I’m looking forward to seeing you.”

“Ah!” Jensen sighed. “I’m really looking forward to seeing you too.”

They said their goodbyes and Jensen set his phone down. Overall, he felt like he had handled that pretty well. Just the one little slip up. No big deal! But the fact that they lived four blocks from one another was astounding. For two and half years, Jared had been right there. And without that morning at the diner, they never would have met.

 

The next morning, Jensen woke up excited. He smiled as he opened his eyes. Two things hit him immediately. He would get to see Jared that evening, and Jared was looking forward to it. He rubbed his eyes and decided to go for a run before hitting the packing. He needed to do something with the extra ball of energy bouncing through his body right now. He might as well do something good for himself, and he hadn’t been to the gym in a week.

Without thinking about it consciously, his feet carried him toward Jared’s apartment building. He had no expectation of running into him though. He was pretty sure that Jared would have already headed into work by this time of day. He had an hour drive with good traffic after all. As he jogged around the complex’s gate, he took a look at where Jared lived.

It was just another building like any other. Nothing special. Jensen had passed by it hundreds of times. No reason to stand here in awe of it, but Jensen couldn’t help but feel a special connection to it. He shook his head, called himself silly, and kept jogging. As he rounded the corner, he almost ran over a tiny woman with long brown hair worn swept up into a bun. He managed to knock her attaché case out of her hand though. He stopped and immediately began to apologize for being such a klutz.

As he reached down to pick up her bag, he looked her in the eye. At first she looked irritated, but as she made eye contact, her expression changed to one of wonder. Her mouth fell open just a bit, and she just stood there looking at him. Jensen was thrown off by her reaction and wasn’t sure what to do. He picked her bag up and tried to hand it to her, but she was still just staring at him.

“Um…” he started.

“You’re him.” the woman said. “Wow!”

“What?” Jensen asked, completely confused. “I’m who?”

She seemed to realize what she was doing and blinked. She shook her head and reached her hand out to introduce herself. She laughed just a bit and said, “Sorry, I’m Genevieve. You must be Jensen.”

“What?” Jensen said, taking her hand to shake it. “I mean, yeah. I’m Jensen. How in the world did you know that?” He let go of her hand and continued to look confused.

“The way he went on about you. I was beginning to think he had made you up. There is no way anyone could be as perfect as he described, but here you are.” She slowly shook her head again. “Unbelievable!”

“I’m sorry.” Jensen said. “I’m a bit confused here.”

“Shit! I guess you would be.” Genevieve laughed. “Let’s try this again.” She smiled at Jensen and held her hand out. “Hello. My name is Genevieve Cortese. I’m Jared’s roommate and confidant.”

“Oh!” Jensen laughed, reaching out to shake her hand a second time. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Jensen Ackles. Jared’s… well, I’m not sure yet. Ball’s in his court.”

“Yeah.” Genevieve smiled. “So I understand.” She shifted from foot to foot nervously and then said, “Listen. Whatever happens between you two, you have my undying appreciation and gratitude for what you did for him. There aren’t many people in the world who would have helped him and been right by his side the way you have been for him. I can’t express how amazing that is! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.”

“It was completely my pleasure. And I would do it again in a heartbeat if he wanted me to or if I felt like he needed it again. Regardless of the circumstances. He is an amazing man, and… well, let’s just say I’m thankful to have met him and was able to spend some time getting to know him. He’s made me want to be a better person.”

“Wow. I don’t think you can get much better.” Genevieve laughed. “Geez! Listen to me!” she shook her head again and said, “Well, I’d love to get to know you better, but I need to get to work. Hopefully, I’ll get a chance to chat with you again soon.”

“That would be really nice, Genevieve. And I want to thank you for everything you have done for Jared as well. You have been an amazing friend for him, giving him strength and a safe place to be. I appreciate you, too.” Jensen said and then held out her bag. As she took it from him, a thought occurred to him. “By the way! How in the world did you know who I was?”

“Oh!” Genevieve said, smiling hugely. “Your eyes! Those ‘beautiful, amazing, apple-green eyes’! I’ve heard a lot about them over the last couple of days.” Genevieve smiled again and walked away. Jensen couldn’t be sure but he thought she said, “I was half in love with you myself” as she walked away.

 

Jensen finished his exercise and felt better for it. When he got back to his place, he felt more focused on what was ahead, and he set right to work. He played some of his favorite work out music as he sorted and packed and cleaned. By four thirty, he felt like he had earned a nice rest, so he laid down on the couch for a quick nap.

As he drifted off, he replayed his conversation with Genevieve in his head. She had called him perfect and said that his eyes were beautiful and amazing. Those were not her words. They must have come from Jared. She also thanked him for what he did for Jared. Jensen fell asleep with a smile on his face.

 

He woke up an hour later, took a nice, long shower, and then got ready for his date with Jared. His heart was racing as he put the final touches on his hair. He looked in the mirror one last time and took in his overall appearance. He brushed his hand down his medium blue denim shirt and his black, snug fitting jeans. He turned to the side and thought, _Well, that’s probably the best I can do._ He headed for the front door, grabbed his keys, his phone and his wallet, and began his stroll down the three blocks to the restaurant.

He found himself whistling one of the Radiohead songs as he walked. He began to laugh at himself, and he shook his head. Here he was about to experience one of the most important events of his life so far, and he was whistling Radiohead. Of all things! He chalked it up to the ‘Jared effect’ and kept walking.

He paused as he got to the corner. He looked up at the sky and said a quick prayer. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and let it out slowly. Just as he opened his eyes, his text alert beeped. He whipped his phone out and glanced at the display. Seeing Jared’s name pop up, his heart dropped. All sorts of terrible thoughts rushed through his head, and his heart rate sped up again. He cautiously opened his phone and found the message.

 

 _Jared: I’m already here and have a table in the back._ _Hope you don’t mind._

 

Jensen found a sturdy wall to lean against and tried not to shake it down. He took another deep breath and let it out slowly. Holding one hand up in front of his face, he chuckled as he watched it shaking. For a second there, he thought Jared was going to back out on him. He shook his head and took a second to get himself back under control. Then he quickly sent a response.

 

_Jensen: Don’t mind at all. I’m just outside. Be right in._

 

He took another deep breath and pushed himself off the wall, making his way toward the front door. This should be so much easier than it was. After all, they spent almost every second of almost five straight days together. This should be normal, natural for him. But he understood the importance of the next, he hoped, couple of hours and was reeling from nerves.

He opened the door and stepped inside. When the hostess greeted him, he explained that he was meeting someone who had already been seated. She indicated the back left corner with a smile, and he made his way in that direction. He found Jared seconds before Jared looked up. Jensen watched as Jared noticed him and reacted to his presence. He watched as Jared’s eyes lit up and his beautiful mouth curved into that amazing smile with both dimples curving into his cheeks. Jensen watched hungrily as Jared unfurled himself from his seat and stood beside the table. He watched as all six-foot-five-inches of absolute perfection stretched up and up and up. Jensen felt his own face smiling hugely as he saw Jared open his arms to welcome him in. Jensen found Jared’s eyes again and noted the brightest, clearest blue he had seen yet from those eyes and moved into Jared’s arms. He felt like he had just come home again, and he wanted this to last forever.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared's decision making process. And other stuff.

Washington D.C. area, May 7th, Monday

 

Chapter 17

 

When Jared walked away from Jensen in the airport garage, his mind was in turmoil. Everything felt so right and so natural with Jensen, but Jared was afraid to believe in it. He was afraid to trust that it was real. It seemed that every time something good happened in his life, it quickly turned to shit. He needed a fresh perspective and couldn’t wait to talk to Gen.

He used the drive home as a chance to gather his thoughts and replay some of what had occurred over the weekend. Jensen was definitely right about Jared’s mom though. She really liked Jensen a lot. That was certainly a check in Jensen’s favor. Sherri had never shown any overly positive feelings toward Nathan after he and Jared had gotten together, but Jensen seemed to seamlessly fit right into Jared’s family. Meg loved him!

And Jared had given Jensen everything he had. He had opened up and shown him everything. All the ugly parts of who he was and how he got that way. And Jensen had still said that he wanted Jared. Jared’s mind was blown away by that, but he didn’t know what to do with it.

He flashed back to the night before and remembered how he had felt lying in Jensen’s arms. At first, he had been afraid to attempt that. He had lain there and had tossed the idea back and forth in his mind until he finally went for it. Once they had gotten situated, it had been so comfortable and natural. Jensen had placed himself in such a position that Jared had felt safe instead of threatened. He had felt no fear whatsoever in Jensen’s arms. There was no hint of a panic attack, no flashback, no discomfort whatsoever. As he processed that, he realized what that meant. He fully trusted Jensen. That was huge! He had so much to talk to Gen about. He hoped she was home.

When he opened the front door, he called out, “Honey, I’m home!”

There was a loud squeal from the kitchen and then a whirlwind of arms, legs and hair came barreling into him. He laughed when he caught Gen as she threw herself into the air at him.

“I’m so glad you’re home!” Gen hummed into Jared’s ear. “I missed you, Texas!”

“I missed you, too. I’ve got so much to tell you!” Jared said giving her an extra squeeze. “Come on, let’s go sit on the couch.” Gen wrapped her legs around his waist, and he carried her to the couch and sat with her still attached. “Are we gonna sit like this?”

“No, I’ll move. Just give me a minute.” Gen squeezed him tight and then climbed off and flopped onto the couch beside him. “So spill! I’ve been so worried about you!”

“I’m sorry. I kept meaning to call you and fill you in on what’s going on, but it’s been so crazy and so much has happened, Gen. And I _need_ to talk to you about it all. Do you have time tonight? It’s kinda driving me crazy right now. I need to get it out.”

“Yeah. I’m here. I have no plans for tonight because I knew you were coming home. Scott knows.” Gen reassured Jared. “He won’t call or anything.”

“Well, when I called you from San Antonio the first time, I told you that Jensen was the guy from the diner, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, so. At the diner he told me that he was busy and that’s why he didn’t want to hang out again, right?” At Gen’s nod Jared continued. “Well, I get to the airport and I’m nervous and worried. You know. You dropped me off.” She nodded again. “I walked straight to the terminal, and I couldn’t find anyone dressed the way Daneel had described that ‘Alex’ would be dressed. I sat down and pulled out my book, trying to calm down. Hoping that he either had a description of me, or that I would see him when he got there. Then I hear this voice, and I look up and I see these eyes! The same beautiful, apple-green eyes I remembered from the diner. God, Gen! His eyes!” Jared smiled at her. She took in the look in his eye and smiled back. “Anyway, I notice that he matches Daneel’s description of “Alex”, and he hands me this cup of coffee. Made exactly the way I drink it!” Jared shook his head in amazement. “I was astounded!”

“He had it exactly right?” Gen asked.

“Yeah! After two weeks! So he apologizes to me about the diner. He’s moving at the end of next week and didn’t want to start something that close to leaving. He said it didn’t feel fair to him. To start something and not be able to finish it.” Jared shrugged. “I get it. I forgave him immediately, but it still hurt when it happened.” Gen patted his hand. “He’s moving back home to Texas. He’s from the Dallas area.”

“Well, that makes sense.” Gen said. “It sucks, but it makes sense.”

“Yeah, I know. So we talked about it, and I was completely honest with him. I told him that I was hurt. He accepted it and didn’t turn me away. He stayed. When we talked on the plane, he started to get the idea that I’d been hurt pretty badly in the past. But again, he just swore that he would help me. That he was there for me, no matter what. Gen, by the time we got to the River Walk, he had already made up his mind to return the money. He said he decided on the plane. Of course, he didn’t tell me about it until the next night. After you had already told me you got your money back.”

“Wow! That’s fast!” Gen said. Jared nodded and then continued.

“We ran into my parents, of all people, at the River Walk. He had suggested that if we were going to pass as a couple, we would need to be comfortable with each other. You know, holding hands and stuff like that. It sounded smart to me, so we’re walking through the River Walk, trying to find a place to eat, holding hands, and I bump into my mom and dad. Talk about luck!”

“No joke! What happened?” Gen’s face showed her interest and her shock.

“Jensen was amazing! He fell right into his role. He was the perfect boyfriend meeting the parents unexpectedly for the first time. He was so polite and sweet. My parents were both shocked that I had brought someone. My mom even said something out loud. Jensen rolled with it. He was so supportive, too. He did all of the subtle things that a real partner would do. Gentle touches, hand holding. All of it! He added to the conversation naturally, paid attention to my mom… He was perfect!”

“Wow!” Gen said. “Sounds great!”

“It was! After we made our orders, he excused himself, and I got the brunt of it from my mom. She let me know that I should have told her something before just showing up with a man in tow. That she wasn’t comfortable having some new person showing up like this. That she hadn’t even known that he existed until five minutes ago. Then she said that I was lucky that they could make arrangements with everything to be able to fit him in.”

“Boy! She did let you have it didn’t she?” Gen laughed. “What did you say about why you didn’t tell her beforehand?”

“Well, on the plane on the way down, we had already decided what our story was going to be. We backed our first meeting up a couple of weeks, gave it a slightly different ending, and were just going to keep it as simple as possible. So when she asked, I told her that we hadn’t been together very long, and that there had been some doubt about him coming with me. That it was a last minute decision, and I thought I’d keep him a surprise.”

“Quite the surprise!” Gen smiled.

“Yeah, but she seemed to calm down after that. She asked if I was okay sharing a room with him at the hotel.” Jared gave a crooked grin. “And I said that yes, even though things hadn’t gotten there yet, that we would be fine sharing a room. That won me a few points back.”

“Oh my goodness!” Gen laughed heartily. “That’s classic!”

“Right?” Jared smiled. “So things went from there. He was always so supportive and perfect. He always seemed to know what I needed and gave it to me without me having to ask. He didn’t push about much, but he did insist that I let him know what he needed to know about my history, so he could be prepared for everything.” Jared paused and looked away for a second. “Gen, I told him everything.”

Genevieve gasped and sat back. She put her hand over her mouth and just stared at Jared for a few minutes. Finally, she sat back up and asked, “Everything?” Jared nodded. “Wow. How did he take it?”

“Well, I started with my parents and Jeff. Then I told him about my grandad and how he treated me. And then how none of it changed when I came out to them. I told him about grandad’s death and all of that. The situation then with Jeff. I told him about Jonah.” Jared stopped and bit his lip. “We met Jeff for lunch on our first day there. And Jeff said something about wanting to know what had happened with Nathan because it didn’t make sense to him. I got angry and stormed off.”

“No!”

“Yep! It wasn’t pretty, but Jensen came with me. Then, after we got back to the room, he asked me to tell him what had happened. I spilled out all of it, Gen. In one go. Right down to the last gory details.”

“Jared! Holy shit!”

“I know. I’ve never done that before. Not all at once. I mean, you’re the only one I’ve ever told everything to. But I went through the whole thing. I felt safe there with Jensen. I don’t know why, but I felt protected. Somehow, I knew that he could take it. And I knew that he needed to know because he was going to have to interact with Nathan at some point. Jeff made it clear over lunch that he was still choosing Nathan. At least that’s what it had sounded like to me at the time. And I needed someone who knew it all and believed my side of things.” Jared shrugged. “So I gave Jensen the full story. I thought he might leave, but he didn’t. When I got to that last night that Nathan spent with me, Jensen told me that I could stop if I wanted to. That he didn’t have to know everything. I told him that I needed to get it all out. That I wanted to purge it all at once.” Jared paused again. “He was so amazing! He let me talk. Gen, I even admitted that I was abused. That…” Jared took a breath and looked Gen straight in the eyes, “that Nathan abused me emotionally, mentally and sexually.” Genevieve gasped again and tears filled her eyes. “I even later came to the realization that he physically abused me as well. Not to the same extent, but he used physical cues to manipulate and control me.” A tear ran down Gen’s face, and she squeezed Jared’s hand.

“That’s amazing, Jare!” she whispered.

“But Gen! He didn’t run! He stayed right there. He held me and let me talk it out. He was so patient and so kind. He just kept telling me that he wasn’t going anywhere and that he was there for me. For me! This broken, pathetic person! Gen, I don’t know what to do with that!” Tears began to roll down Jared’s face. “What am I supposed to do with that?”

“Oh Jared!” Gen said softly and pulled Jared to her. She wrapped her arms around him and held him while he sobbed.

“I keep trying to wrap my mind around the fact that he knows all of that, and he still wants to be with me. It doesn’t make sense!” Jared continued to cry. Gen held him and murmured soothing words to him until he began to calm down. She ran her hands up and down his back until his breathing returned to normal.

 

Eventually, she got up and grabbed some tissues. After wiping her own face with one of them, she handed the rest to Jared and gave him some space.

“Hey!” she smiled at him. “Why don’t you get your stuff back to your room, and I’ll put some dinner together? We can finish talking over dinner. I’m starving, so I’m sure you are too. What do you say?”

“Yeah. That sounds good.” Jared sniffled. He got up slowly and grabbed his bags from where he had dropped them by the front door.

When he got to his room, he looked at his phone and had to fight the urge to send Jensen a text to see how he was doing. He desperately wanted to make contact, but he knew that he needed the time and the distance to get himself straightened out. He wanted to be sure this was real before allowing himself to get too much more attached.

As he walked toward the kitchen to see if he could help Gen with something, he could hear the sounds of the pans moving on the stove. Then he caught the sound of a sniffle. When he entered the kitchen and she turned at the sound, he saw tears rolling down her face and moved quickly to give her a hug.

“Gen?” he asked quietly. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m being silly.” She answered. She patted him on the back and softly pushed him away. “I’m so happy for you. You’ve made a lot of progress this weekend. I can see it, and I can feel it. But I can also see that things are changing. And I’m sad that they are. I know it’s for the best, but I can’t help feeling like we won’t be ‘us’ for very much longer.”

“Gen!” Jared said softly, taking Genevieve’s hand in his own. “It doesn’t matter what happens. You will always be special to me. You have been my lifeline and my best friend for the last three years. No matter what happens, there will always be an ‘us’. I’m not going to let you go.”

“I know. I told you I’m just being silly. I want you to be able to grow and heal. I want you to be happy. It’s just… it’s going to be strange not having you with me all the time.” Gen smiled up at Jared. She reached up with one hand and stroked his cheek. “I love you, Jared. I want nothing but the best for you. I’m just feeling sad for myself. And I really shouldn’t. I have news for you, too, but I wanted to wait until you were finished with your story before I shared it.”

“Oh yeah?” Jared said interested. “You wanna tell me now or wait?”

“Let me finish up with this. I’ll tell you when we sit down.”

“Okay,” Jared said moving to get things put out on the table for their meal. Gen was making spaghetti, so he grabbed the parmesan, forks and plates, and poured them each a drink. As he settled himself at the table, he tried to organize his thoughts about what to tell Gen next. She brought over the spaghetti and the serving utensils and settled into her usual chair next to him. He smiled and patted her hand as she rested it on the table. “Want to talk first? Or do you want me to keep going?”

“I’ll tell you. You’re sitting down.” She smiled at him when he looked worried. “No, it’s good news. Saturday night, after Andrew and I got all the paperwork together and sent it down to San Antonio’s finest, Scott came over. He told me he wanted to take me somewhere special, so we went out for dinner and then we went into D.C. down by the Washington Monument. All the cherry blossoms were in bloom and there was a light breeze, so the petals were floating through the air. It was beautiful! We stayed out there walking around until the moon was out. It was a full moon that night, too. Ah Jared! It was so amazing! We were walking along and he stopped. He turned to me and said that everything was so beautiful, but that it couldn’t compare to me. Then he knelt down.”

“Oh. My. God!” Jared shouted. “You’re serious?” Gen nodded and held out her hand. On the ring finger of her left hand was a beautiful marquis cut diamond ring. “How did I not see that?”

“I just put it back on. I wanted to tell you before I showed you. I’ve had it in my pocket.”

“Gen! That’s amazing!” Jared jumped up and pulled Gen into his arms. As he rocked her back and forth, he was saying “I’m so happy for you.”

“Thank you.”

“How did he ask you? What were his exact words?” Jared asked excitedly.

“He said that the last two years have been the best of his life. And that he couldn’t imagine his world without me in it. He said that he wanted to share the rest of my life with me, so he could see what I thought about the world. He said, ‘Please make me the happiest man in the world and allow me to spend the rest of my life at your side.’ Of course, I said yes.”

“Well, duh!” Jared laughed.

 

Throughout the rest of the meal, they focused on Gen and Scott. Jared was almost as excited as Gen about the proposal. But as they were finishing up, they both got quiet again. Jared decided to get back into his weekend of revelations.

“So Jensen isn’t really an escort.” He said. At Gen’s surprised look, Jared explained the relationship between Jensen and Daneel and why Daneel had asked Jensen to fill in. Jared also explained Jensen’s reasons for taking the job, including Jensen’s hope that the client named Jared would be the same guy from the diner.

“So he took the job because he was hoping it would be you?”  Gen asked softly, stroking Jared’s arm.

“Yeah.” Jared answered. “He said he couldn’t get me off his mind after the diner, but we never got around to exchanging last names or phone numbers. He had no way to find me.”

“Jared,” Gen said. “What happened between you?”

“Gen, he’s amazing! If I could pick the perfect guy out of a catalog, it would be him. Right down to his gorgeous green eyes and his adorable freckles. He’s kind and patient and warm and funny. He’s snarky and protective. He’s strong, inside and out. He’s sweet and he is so gentle. And he’s really smart! Like brilliant! He makes connections so fast! And we like so much of the same stuff! And he’s gorgeous! Like drop dead! He was great with my family. Both my parents and my sister love him.” Jared shook his head. “I think Jeff really likes him too, but things got weird there given the circumstances.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” Gen laughed.

“He knows all of my crap, Gen. I told him _everything_. And then he told me that he wants to be with me. He wants _me_. He could have anyone, and he said that he wants me. I don’t know how to handle that.”

“Jared. Look at me.” Gen lifted Jared’s chin and got him to look right at her. “You can’t think about yourself the way that Nathan taught you to. You can’t let him continue to dictate your life. You are an amazing person, and you deserve affection. You deserve someone who loves you and puts you first. You need to look at what has happened between you and Jensen and make your decisions based on that. Has he done anything that would make you doubt him?”

“No. He’s been perfect.”

“Has he hurt you in any way?”

“No! Of course not!” he answered in disbelief. “He’s been nothing but kind and supportive.”

“Sweetie,” Gen said quietly. “He isn’t Nathan.” Jared’s eyes grew larger. “Jensen sounds amazing, and I don’t want you to let something good go because of someone awful that no longer has anything to do with your life. I don’t want you to keep living half a life because you’re afraid.” Jared nodded. “I want you to think about what _you_ want. Is it worth taking a risk? That’s what you have to decide.”

“I know.” Jared said. “But he’s leaving. And what if it was all because we were in each other’s pockets for five days straight?”

“Jared, listen to me here.” Gen grabbed Jared’s hand. “Don’t answer me. Just think about what I’m asking, okay?” Jared nodded. “When did he decide to give back the money? What made him decide to take the job to begin with? Did he ever try to take advantage of you or the situation you were in? And the last thing I want you to think about is… how do you feel when you’re with him? Do you want that feeling to continue?”

“I…”

“No, don’t talk to me about it. Just think about it.” Gen said firmly. “Think about it and decide if it’s worth the risk. Only you can figure this out.” She rubbed her hand along his arm and patted his hand. “Now, I want you to tell me about what happened to the other guy down in San Antonio. The one that Nathan hurt. What happened? You didn’t get a chance to really tell me anything.”

Jared launched into the retelling of the events of the rehearsal, the dinner after it and the night out with the guys. He told Gen about what Nathan was doing to Ken’s wrist during dinner and how he had tried to talk to Ken in the bathroom. Then he began to talk about their night out. After a certain point, he had to switch to Jensen’s perspective on things because his own was a bit fuzzy. When he told her about Jensen finding Nathan in the bathroom with a woman, Genevieve got angry. “That scumbag!” By the time Jared got to the part of the story from the gay bar, Gen was livid. “You’ve got to be kidding me! What an absolute ass!” Then he began to tell her about Jensen’s determination to make sure that Ken was okay and that he got to a hospital for help. He made sure to tell her about Jensen freely giving a statement to the police and never backing down from his version of things.

“Even with me more than a bit tipsy, he managed to not only take care of me, but he took care of all of us. He got us back to the hotel, made sure that Ken had someone with him, and kept checking up on him to be sure that he was going to be okay.” Jared explained. “He even told Ken to let him know if there was anything he could do for him.”

“He sounds incredible!” Gen said.

“He is!” Jared sighed. “Poor Ken though. He didn’t want to tell the real story. He kept saying he got too drunk and fell. It wasn’t until I came forward that he decided to tell the truth. I don’t know his whole story, but it sounded pretty bad.”

He continued telling Gen about the next day and what happened at the wedding and the reception, making sure to include the interaction in the parking lot. When he told Gen about slamming Nathan into his car, her mouth dropped open and her eyes were huge.

“You did that?” she asked, shocked.

“Yeah, I was so angry. He came for me and that was okay. But when he went for Jensen, I was pissed. I wasn’t gonna let that stand.” Gen hid her smile behind her hand. Jared kept going. “I couldn’t believe that he was standing there defending his actions and blaming everything on Jensen. Gen, it was ridiculous!”

“I can imagine.”

“After that, the rest of the reception was awesome. I felt so strong and free. It was amazing to just hang out with my family and have Jensen there beside me. He was still so thoughtful and sweet. Not just to me but to everyone. That night was kinda like a beautiful dream, and I didn’t want to wake up to reality.” Jared paused as he remembered their conversation on the dance floor. “Jensen said something. I forgot about it until just now.”

Gen tilted her head in expectation.

“He said that Nathan was self-homophobic. I said something about his need to dominate men who were comfortable with their sexuality. And Jensen called him self-homophobic. Then later we found out a bit about Nathan’s history. About something his father had done to him. It was part of the story about why the police brought Jeff home that one night.” As Jared filled Gen in on that story as well, including Nathan’s admission to being in love with Jeff, Gen began to put together the pieces.

As soon as Jared finished the story, Gen said, “Oh my God! Don’t you see?”

“What?” Jared asked confused.

“That’s the answer.” Gen said. When Jared continued to look confused, Gen shook her head and explained. “What Nathan did to you had very little to do with you. It was never you, Jared.” When Jared continued to look confused, she added, “He hated himself for being attracted to guys, but he was in love with Jeff who is very straight. His dad sexually attacked him, humiliated him, and rejected him all at the same time causing him to hate himself even more. He must have idolized his dad in some kind of way because he kept wanting to prove that he was still a man that his father would respect. He also wanted to fight against what his father had done to him because he was so angry, so he was almost aggressively gay. Even though he may actually be bisexual, and I believe he is, he rejects the part of himself that his father would most likely accept. He denies that he enjoys having sex with women.” Jared sat back in his chair, overwhelmed with the enormity of the realization. But then Gen kept going. “I think he picked you because you were the closest thing he could get to Jeff. And… bonus! You are actually gay. The fact that you are also comfortable with your identity just added fuel to the fire. He wanted to control you like his father had tried to control him to try to keep his own ‘gayness’ on lock down. I think you represented that to him.”

“Wow!” Jared gaped.

“You said he openly slept with your roommate that day after you did something he didn’t like, right? I mean he gave you the silent treatment for a good portion of the day, right?”

“Yeah. He took the day off to spend it with me, and I went to classes.”

“He did it on purpose. He got caught on purpose. It was supposed to be another way to control you. Plus, he got off on it.”

“Well, it did sort of control me. It made me want to get as far away from him as possible and let him get closer to Jeff again.”

“Well, yeah.” Gen agreed. “But it backfired on him at the same time. I think he wanted you to fall back into line. He wanted you to keep being his punching bag. But you didn’t! You stood up for yourself and told him to get out. That’s why he fought so hard to get you to let him control the situation by telling the story he wanted to tell.”

“Shit!” Jared said in wonder. “This was never about me.”

“No, not really.” Gen answered. “Jared, if you think about it, he never really got to know you at all. He had an idea of what he wanted you to be and that’s what he saw. Then he manipulated you until you fit his configuration. It was a perfect opportunity for him to get back at his dad, act on his own desires, and punish Jeff all at the same time. I bet if you asked those guys he was with, they would tell you that he was very physical with them, forceful, but managed to not have penetrative sex with them. He probably could never allow himself to take that final step with anyone.” She grew contemplative and then said, “I wonder if he and Ken have ever gotten to that point.”

“Ew! That’s a thought I just don’t want to follow.” Jared responded. Then he shot straight up and began to pace across the room. “Gen! You just made me remember something else that Jensen said!” When Gen made a gesture with her hand for him to continue, he did. “He said that Ken looked like a poor man’s version of me. Which, by the way, is incredibly sweet. But I just realized that it’s because he looks more like Jeff minus the height. I mean we look similar, but we have enough differences that I see it now. Ken looks more like Jeff only smaller.”

“He found another version, but one that he could handle better.” Gen said in wonder. “God, that’s sick!”

“Yeah, it is.” Jared said. “But somehow it makes me feel better.”

They continued talking about everything that had happened at Jared’s parents’ house the next day and all of the revelations and breakdowns until they were both too tired to think straight. Then Jared said good night and began to head to his room.

“Hey, Jared!” Gen called. He turned to look at her. “Give everything we talked about tonight some serious consideration. Take Nathan out of it altogether and then really think about what we’ve talked about. Please? Promise me?”

“Yeah, okay.” Jared said. “I’ll give it my best.”

“Okay. Good night.”

“Good night.” Jared continued to his room and quickly got ready for bed. He flopped onto his mattress and tried to think, but his brain just couldn’t handle it. He fell asleep quickly.

 

Work the next day was a trial for Jared. With the long trip, staying up later than he should have, and the swirling thoughts and emotions he was trying to sort through, he had very little brain capacity left to focus on his actual job. People stopped by and said that they were glad he was back and asked about the wedding. He answered and chatted and then almost immediately forgot that they existed as his mind returned to the things swirling in his head. Luckily, the work he was currently doing didn’t need too much concentration. It was one of the easier contracts he was working on at the moment, so he could think about the repercussions of his weekend and the discussions from the night before.

As he worked, he kept a notepad on the table to his left. On it was a list of all of the things that a life with Jensen might bring him. There was also space to list all of the things holding him back. The list for pro-Jensen continued to grow throughout the day. The list of what was holding him back consisted of three things: “it might not be real,” “he’s leaving,” and “fear.”  He figured since he was planning on sharing this list with Genevieve, he might as well be absolutely honest with it. Fear was certainly the biggest factor in all of that. He knew that she would agree with him. The day ground down steadily, and Jared was looking forward to heading home.

Finally, the time came when he could head out without feeling like he was cutting too much time off his day, and he made his way toward the front of the office. His boss caught him in the hall outside. Jared made a quick wave and his boss held up a finger.

“You got a minute, Jared?” Mr. Douglas asked.

“Sure.” Jared answered. His boss made a “follow me” gesture and headed toward his own office.

“Come in. Shut the door.” Mr. Douglas said as he made his way around the desk to his chair. He indicated that Jared should sit, so he did. “I wanted to give you a quick heads-up on something that is coming up soon.”

“Okay. Should I be worried?” Jared asked smiling.

“I don’t think so.” Mr. Douglas replied smoothly. “I was waiting for you to get back before I started this process. You’re the first one I’ve had this conversation with. I, uh, wanted you to be the first to know.” Jared swallowed. “Our company is in the process of being acquired by another engineering firm. The problem with this is two-fold. They already have offices here, so they are looking to consolidate. As you know, that means redundancy in some of the positions. From what I understand, your position is one of those areas. The second problem, as I see it, is that even though you have done remarkable work for us, one of the best we have, your experience level is not the same as some of the others here in this office. When they look at reduction in staff levels, they will be looking at years of service. I’m afraid that you could be one of the first ones let go.

“Now, I’m not saying this to frighten you. I’m telling you because I want you to have ample time to make some decisions on your own rather than have someone else make them for you. If you decide not to wait to see what comes out of this, I’d be happy to give you glowing recommendations. If you decide to stay and wait it out, I’ll do my best to fight to keep you. That is, if I’m not made redundant myself.” Mr. Douglas smiled. “This shouldn’t happen for a few more weeks. The acquisition has to go through all the political and bureaucratic channels, but all indications are that this _will_ happen.”

“I understand.” Jared replied. “Thank you for letting me know about this. I appreciate your confidence in me and your support. I’d like to take a few days to think about it before I make any decisions.”

“Absolutely. I’d be worried if you didn’t.” Mr. Douglas returned. “Just keep me posted on your decisions. I’ll start working on the letters anyway.”

“Thank you, sir.” Jared stood as his boss did. They shook hands, and Jared turned to leave.

“Oh and Jared?” Mr. Douglas said. When Jared turned back in his direction, his boss continued. “This may not be my place. I don’t mean to insult or get too personal, but I feel compelled to say something.” He cleared his throat and shifted from foot to foot. “I, uh, I’ve noticed that you haven’t seemed very happy with the general lifestyle here in the D.C. area. I’ve heard some of the comments you have made regarding the social life around here, and I’ve noticed that you haven’t made a whole lot of good friends. That might be something to consider when you’re thinking over your decisions. You are an amazing talent, and I’d hate to lose you. But I’d also like to know that you were leading a fulfilling life in all areas and not just at work.”

Jared didn’t know what to say. He and Mr. Douglas had always gotten along just fine. They’d never gotten too chummy, but there had always been a mutual respect and comradery. His comments hadn’t come completely out of left field, but they did throw Jared off balance.

“You’re probably thinking that you have no idea where that came from, huh?” Mr. Douglas smiled at Jared.

“Maybe a little bit?” Jared smiled in return.

“Okay, here you go. Get ready.” Mr. Douglas cleared his throat and looked Jared straight in the eye. “When I look at you, I see myself at your age. I see a man who wants more out of life than what life has given you. A man who wants love and a family not a quickie in the back room of a bar.” Jared’s mouth fell open. “Did I shock you?”

“Um, yeah?” Jared questioned.

“Have you met my partner?” Mr. Douglas asked. Jared’s eyes grew larger, and he shook his head. “His name is Franklin. We’ve been together for fifteen years.” Mr. Douglas smiled at the growing look of disbelief on Jared’s face. “I don’t tell a lot of people about my orientation or our relationship because I’m a private person for the most part and it’s none of their business. But the executives know. They have invited us and we have invited them. You know how it goes.” He paused again and then continued. “I have heard… ‘the scene’ around here is not one that lends itself to finding anything long-term. We had a similar situation when we met. I remember going home after a night out before I met him, just feeling dirty and disgusted. I was at the point where I didn’t want to ever set foot in a bar again. I was about to give up completely on finding what I wanted. Then I met Franklin. We were both at a museum and just happened to sit down in front of the same piece of art. At almost exactly the same time. We bumped elbows and the rest is history.

“Each of us is the sort of guy who wants stability and consistency instead of what was on offer out in the scene. We got to talking and it felt right. So we pursued it.”

“That sounds familiar.” Jared smiled. “You’re right. I hate the scene here. And I do want more than that in my life.” He paused. “There’s also a bit of history that I’m trying to get over. I, uh, actually just met someone. But I’m, um… I’m scared to move forward with it.”

“Listen, I don’t know your history. I don’t know this guy.” Mr. Douglas sighed and shook his head. “I don’t even know the future.” He shrugged. “I wish I did. But here’s what I do know. If you let fear run your life, you will never be happy. Don’t run the risk of losing your joy because you are afraid to pursue it. Be brave. If it feels right, trust it.”

“Yes, sir.” Jared said, looking back seriously. “You’re not the first person to tell me that in the last few days. I’m trying to get there.”

“Alright!” Mr. Douglas said. “Get out of here! Do some thinking, follow your heart and your gut. We’ll talk soon, okay?”

“Yes, sir.” Jared moved to the door again and headed out. His hour-long drive was spent running everything through his mind. Now, he had even more to consider. The information that his boss had just given him was certainly thought-provoking.

He realized about halfway home that there was no way he would be able to face Jensen the very next night. He still had too much to consider and work through to be able to sit down across the table from Jensen and try to have a reasonable conversation. He’d have to contact him and let him know it wasn’t going to work for Wednesday. Jared simply needed more time.

 

“Gen, are you home?” Jared asked as he walked through the front door. When he received no answer, he headed for his bedroom to get into more comfortable clothes. With that task completed, he headed for the kitchen to see what he could make for dinner. Gen would be home soon, and he wanted to get dinner done. He found all the elements of a green salad, some apples, and some cheese. So he decided to grill some chicken to make a nice grilled chicken salad for each of them.

As he was working, he heard Gen walk in. She was on the phone with someone, so he kept working. She entered the kitchen and raised her eyebrows at him. He waved a hand over the meal he was making, and she smiled at him. He pointed to the list he had left on the kitchen table. She continued to chat and picked it up. She looked at him over her shoulder and headed toward her room with the list in her hand. He shook his head, smiling.

Picking up his own phone, he figured now was as good a time as any to give Jensen a call. His palms began to sweat as he thought about hearing Jensen’s voice over the phone for the first time. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then he quickly dialed the number he had in his phone. He listened as the phone rang, and rang, and rang. The voicemail came on and Jared panicked. He had no idea what to say to the voicemail! He hung up quickly and set his phone down on the counter.

He stood there looking at the phone and then decided that he’d better do something to follow through on his decision. Maybe this wasn’t even Jensen’s number. He didn’t even let the outgoing message play. He quickly typed a message and pressed send.

_Jared: Jensen?_

_Jensen: Yeah, please tell me this is Jared._

_Jared: Why didn’t you answer your phone? Are you busy?_

_Jensen: Is this Jared?_

_Jared: Yes. Can you talk?_

Before he could even think about setting his phone back down, it rang in his hand. He saw Jensen’s number appear. He let out a small laugh and then answered the call.

“I guess you can.”

“Oh! Yeah!” Jensen said from the other end. He sounded a little out of breath. “I couldn’t answer because I couldn’t find my phone.”

“Oh are you busy?” Jared asked concerned that he had caught Jensen at a bad time.

“I’m trying to get some of my stuff sorted out and packed up. You know how that is.” Jensen grumbled.

“Oh, yeah. It’s a nightmare.” Jared paused. Then he cleared his throat. “Um, listen. Something’s come up, and I can’t make tomorrow night. Would it be possible to make it Thursday or Friday instead?”

There was a bit of a pause on the other end of the phone and then Jensen said, “Yeah, sure. That’s fine.”

“Okay, how about you pick the place, and I meet you there around 7:00? Will that work?” Jared asked with his heart in his throat. He didn’t want to disappoint Jensen or make him wait too long, but he just needed to clear his head.

“Yeah,” Jensen said quietly. There was another pause and then he said, “Which night works best for you? Friday or Thursday?”

As Jensen was speaking, Genevieve walked back into the room with Jared’s list in her hand. “Um…” Jared started, trying to think. Gen rattled the paper in Jared’s face and giggled. Jared took the paper and grimaced at Gen. “I think Thursday would be better. You want to text me and let me know where you’ve chosen?”

“Sure. That’ll work.” Jensen said. “Yeah, I’ll text you.”

“Hey, Jensen!” Jared pleaded. Gen pointed at the paper with a determined look on her face. He looked at the paper that Gen had handed him. She had written two entries on the pro-Jensen side of the paper: “sex” with a big smiley face, and “someone to share clothes with.” He crossed his eyes at her and stuck out his tongue. Then said, “I’m sorry! Work was crazy today and stuff is going on around here. I’ll tell you about it when I see you, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” Jensen said. “I’ll text you the info, and I’ll see you on Thursday.”

“Yeah.” Jared said, noticing something else that Gen had written at the very bottom of the list. He was completely distracted as the meaning of it hit him. Gen had written “he likes you for everything you are – grandad would have loved him.” Jared’s eyes filled with tears. “Yeah, see you Thursday.”

“Alright then.” Jensen prompted.

“Yeah.” Jared mumbled, lost in thought.

“I guess I’ll let you go.”

“Oh yeah!” Jared said suddenly coming back to the conversation. “I’m sorry! Got lost for a second there. I’ll let you go.”

“Yep.” Jensen said abruptly.

“And Jensen?” Jared realized that his distraction may have been misinterpreted.

“Yep.” Jensen clipped off again.

“Keep your chin up.” Jared said, softly, trying to reassure Jensen without saying too much.

When Jensen spoke again, Jared could hear the smile in his voice. “Yeah, man. You too!”

Jared hung up and wiped a hand across his face. He looked at Gen and she immediately said, “And you know I’m right.”

“Yeah. You are.”

 

As they ate, Jared shared what he had learned from his boss at the end of the work day. Gen listened seriously and nodded at the important parts. When Jared finished, Gen smiled sadly.

“It’s all lining up for you, Jared.” She said softly. She looked up at him from under her lashes. “I’m amazed at how simple this could be for you if you want it.”

Jared sat quietly for a few minutes. He thought about how everything was changing. It seemed like everything was pointing decisively in one direction. He still felt cautious for some reason though.

“What is holding me back?” he asked Gen plaintively.

“Only you can answer that. What’s going on in your head?” she responded.

“I think I’m still afraid this is a dream. An illusion. That he was just trying to help me create the perfect boyfriend, and we both believed it.”

“Okay, so when we look at your list, three items really become two items, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“You are afraid that it isn’t real. Those two separate items are then one item.” She said pointing at them. “So you are down to fear and the fact that he is leaving.”

“Right.”

“So what about him leaving? If the other thing works out in your favor, what do you propose to do about the leaving thing?”

“Well,” Jared said and then paused. “Everything is changing, Gen. You’re getting married!” he said happily. “Wow! So I can’t live with you anymore. My job might be ending. And Mr. Douglas is right. I’d rather have the decision in my hands than leave that up for someone else to figure out where and when I’m no longer employed. My family wants me to go home.” Jared stopped and ran a hand over his face.

“Okay, Jare. But what do you want?” Gen asked solemnly.

He looked up at Gen with sad eyes and said, “Gen, I want to go home.”

“I know, Texas.” Gen said, patting his hand. “I knew I only had you on loan. You love your family, and they love you even if they don’t always choose the best way to show you.”

“I miss it so badly.” Jared squeezed the hand that Gen had left on top of his own. “I want to go home.”

“Okay, so that is something you have decided, right?” Gen asked wiping her eyes. She wiped her damp hand on her pants and then continued. “You _are_ going back to Texas somehow.”

“Yeah, I think so.” Jared looked Gen in the eyes, sighed and said, “I _know_ so. Gen… This weekend helped me figure out that I belong there. I felt more like the real me there. I felt more like the real me with _him_.”

“I know.” Gen paused, opened her mouth to say something, stopped, cleared her throat and then tried again, “Jared, you realize that you are in love with him, don’t you?”

“What?” Jared asked, stupefied.

“You’re in love with Jensen.” She said.

“I… I’m…”

“Look at your list, Jared.” Gen said, pushing it in front of him. “Read what you wrote.”

Jared quietly re-read his list. Now that he had taken some time away from what he had written, he could see it with fresh eyes. As he read through it, he began to smile. He thought about Jensen’s smile, the twinkle in his eyes when he was about to say something funny. The warmth in them when he was being kind or when he was looking at Jared. Jared’s breath caught in his throat. He suddenly ached to see Jensen again.

“Gen?” he asked quietly. When she hummed in return, he asked. “When is our lease up?”

“A couple of months, I think.” She returned. “Why?”

“What would happen if I decided to leave before that?”

Gen smiled and kissed Jared on the cheek. “If that happens, I’ll figure something out.”

 

On Wednesday morning before Jared’s eyes opened, he reached across the bed. He had been having a dream about Jensen. And for a moment, he expected to find Jensen lying there beside him. When his fingers met nothing but cold sheets, he slowly opened his eyes and looked at the space in the bed. He felt lonely laying there in the empty bed that had always been warm enough for him before. He tried to remember the dream in detail, but all he could remember was Jensen telling him to jump and promising that he would be there to catch Jared.

Jared brought his hand back in to his chest and sighed. He rolled to his back and stared at the ceiling, trying not to get lost in the bad thoughts that were drifting along the edge. Jared eventually hauled himself out of bed and got ready to head into the office. On the way out, he left a quick note for Gen stating that no decisions had been made.

His day passed much the same as the day before. He kept his mind focused on his job, trying to be sure that his work was correct and up-to-date on deadlines. He took a little time to get rid of some things that he had been meaning to throw away for a while and had just never found the motivation to do so. He sorted through his work email and deleted the old stuff that didn’t mean anything anymore. When the time came to head home, he grabbed the photo of his family that had been sitting on his desk and headed for the door.

On the ride home, he cranked up the radio station that played classic rock and sang along to the songs he recognized. He let his mind drift back to the morning that he and Jensen had spent on the grounds of the Alamo. On that morning, he had been entirely himself. He had felt completely at ease. He ran their conversation through his mind and found himself laughing again at Jensen’s jokes and reliving their common interests as they were realized. His mind then jumped to the night of the reception again. The time that he and Jensen had spent on the dance floor after Nathan left was such an amazing experience. The kisses they shared running through his head again. He remembered how he had felt lying in Jensen’s arms on their last night together in San Antonio. Lying in the bed he had never shared with anyone, Jared had never felt as comfortable and at peace as he had that night. Waking up with Jensen’s arm over him, he had felt protected and safe instead of threatened or scared.

As he parked his truck in the parking lot of his apartment complex, he let out a happy laugh. He felt light. Thinking about Jensen had allowed him to relax. He looked at his eyes in his rearview mirror and smiled at the happiness he saw there. This was going to be okay. Somehow.

He plucked his phone out of his bag and sent a quick text to Jeff asking him to start putting out his feelers, specifically in the Austin and Dallas areas. Not expecting a return text, Jeff was on his honeymoon after all, he was surprised to get a text alert before he even got to his apartment building.

_Jeff: Really?_

_Jared: Why are you texting me? You are on your honeymoon!_

_Jeff: Amanda is taking a nap and I’m playing games on my computer. The phone was right beside me._

_Jared: You nerd!_

_Jeff: Yeah, well. So you want me to ask around for you?_

_Jared: Haven’t made up my mind yet, but things are changing here. Will talk to you soon and let you know the details. But please ask around for me._

_Jeff: You got it! I’m excited!_

Jared got changed and made a quick dinner for himself. Wednesdays were late days for Gen. She usually worked late and then went for drinks with her friends. As he settled in on the couch, he realized that he hadn’t heard anything from Jensen. He turned the T.V. on and then grabbed his phone. As he flipped through channels to find something to watch, he sent a quick text to Jensen.

_Jared: Have you picked a place yet?_

He sat his phone on the coffee table and picked up his plate. He found a baseball game and started eating. Just as he placed a bite in his mouth, his phone rang. He chewed quickly and wiped his mouth while reaching for his phone. He saw it was Jensen and his heart fluttered.

“Hey!” Jared said when he picked up. “I didn’t expect you to call.”

“Do you have time?” Jensen asked.

“Yeah, of course. I wasn’t sure if _you_ would. All the packing and everything.” Jared replied, turning the volume down on the game.

“Oh! I’m good. Got a lot done today, so I’m just sitting on the couch with a beer.” Jensen replied casually.

“That sounds nice.” Jared replied, imagining what it might be like to have Jensen here on his couch watching the game with him. “So what did you decide for tomorrow?”

“I was thinking about Tony’s over on Washington. Do you know it?”

“Yes! It’s one of my favorites!” Jared exclaimed excitedly. “That’s like a block from my apartment!”

“Yeah?” Jensen asked. “It’s about three from mine.”

“Wow.” Jared was shocked. Jensen was so close, and they never realized it. “All this time. You were right there. That’s crazy!”

“No kidding.” Jensen said, sounding amazed. “So are you in the Heights or the Garden Villas?”

“The Heights.”

There was a long silence and Jared began to get worried.

“Jen?” Jared asked. “You still there?”

“Sorry! Yeah!” Jensen huffed. “Just a bit caught off guard I guess. That we were that close for so long and never met.”

“Well, I guess they say things happen for a reason, right?” Jared asked, feeling a little off kilter. When Jensen grunted in return, Jared continued feeling dazed, “Maybe I wasn’t ready for you yet.”

“Are you ready for me now?” Jensen asked in his low growly voice, and Jared’s heartbeat picked up. He felt himself flush. He took a deep breath and fanned himself.

“Let’s wait for dinner to talk about that. I still need just a bit of time here.” Jared said softly, trying to get himself back under control. “I don’t want to speak too early.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Jensen answered. “That’s fine.”

“I need to go. It’s great to hear your voice.” Jared couldn’t help himself saying. “I’m looking forward to seeing you.”

Jensen sighed on the other end. “I’m really looking forward to seeing you too.”

After Jared sat his phone down, he sat back on the couch with his eyes closed. He let the feelings he had been experiencing for the last couple of hours just wash over him. He imagined what it would be like to come home to Jensen after a long day at work. To make dinner for him and to then cuddle up together on the couch while watching a movie or a game or whatever. Jared smiled happily. All he needed was to see Jensen’s reaction when they were in the same place again, and he felt like he would be able to move forward.

 

Jared had been at work for two hours the next day when his text alert sounded. He was in the middle of an important realignment on the plans he was working on, so he ignored it. A couple of minutes later, he pulled the phone toward himself and saw that it was Gen. He tossed the phone to the side deciding to get this piece of the drawing finished up first.

Twenty minutes later, he opened his phone to see what Gen had to say.

_Gen: You’ll never guess who was jogging past our apartment this morning!_

_Jared: Who? Queen of England?_

Jared put his phone to the side and went back to work. He had completely forgotten about the message from Gen twenty minutes later when he got another text. He absent-mindedly reached for his phone as he made some calculations. He opened his phone and saw Gen’s name. He quickly finished what he was doing and read.

_Gen: What are you talking about? Queen of England?_

_Gen: Jensen you idiot!_

_Jared: What?_

_Gen: Jensen was jogging past your home this morning!!_

_Jared: Wait! How do you know?_

_Gen: Can you talk?_

_Jared: Yeah. Office phone._

Before Jared could get his thoughts wrapped around what Gen was telling him, his office phone rang. He eagerly snatched up the handset and brought it to his ear.

“Gen?”

“Yes!” she hissed down the line. “What took you so long to respond to me?”

“I’ve been busy. What are you talking about? How did you know it was him?”

“Because he almost knocked me down!” Gen paused. Jared sat there bewildered for a second.

“Can you please start from the beginning?” he asked softly. “I’m really confused.”

“Yeah.” Gen laughed. “I was heading out to work, I had just walked out the front door of our building, when I was almost mowed down by this gorgeous man. He knocked my bag out of my hands and then immediately started apologizing. He picked it up and tried to hand it to me, and I saw his eyes. Those beautiful apple-green eyes I’ve been hearing about for the last couple of days. I knew it had to be him, and let me tell you. I thought you were exaggerating. You actually didn’t do him justice! He’s absolutely stunning!”

“I told you!” Jared smiled. “What did he say?”

“Well, after I made an idiot out of myself, he thanked me for being such a good friend for you. So thank you for telling him that I have been.” Gen explained.

“Well, you have been.” Jared shrugged. “Why wouldn’t I say so?”

“Still, it’s nice.” Gen answered. “Did you know he’s bow-legged?”

“What?” Jared laughed.

“Jensen. He’s bow-legged. And damn! That’s sexy! I mean he’s standing there in his athletic shorts and tight tank top, headband on, green eyes flashing and he’s got bow-legs! Dude! You have to go there! You have to! He’s something else!”

Jared threw his head back laughing at that comment. “Gen! Stop!”

“He is hot!” Gen laughed. Then the phone got quiet and she said, “Jared, he said that you make him want to be a better man.”

Jared gulped. “What?”

“When I figured out who he was, I introduced myself as your roommate and confidant. He started to introduce himself, but wasn’t sure what label to use. Then he said the ball was in your court. That made me fully realize just what he has done for you, so I thanked him for being there for you.” Gen paused. Jared leaned forward with the phone clutched to his ear. Gen continued, “He said that he would do it again in a heartbeat if you needed it. He said that he thought you were amazing and that he was happy he got a chance to get to know you. Then he said that you make him want to be a better person.”

Jared was suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. He had trouble swallowing and found tears brimming over from his eyes. Gen heard his breath hitching over the phone.

“Jared. He’s a good one.” She said softly. “Be careful here, okay? If you are still thinking about letting him go… well, just be sure before you make that decision. Be sure.”

“Yeah,” Jared gasped, trying to keep from falling apart. “Yeah, I… I’m… Yeah.”

“I have to go, Jare. I love you.” Gen said.

“Love you, too. See ya at home.” Jared said dazed.

He hung up his phone and sat back in his chair. He sat there staring for a few minutes, trying to get his mind to calm down. He laid his head on his desk and closed his eyes. He couldn’t wait to go home and get ready to see Jensen!

 

With about an hour left in his day, Jared packed up his stuff and made his way out the door. He couldn’t take sitting there waiting any longer, so he figured he could make the time up next week if he had to. He just needed to be moving toward his dinner with Jensen, and he felt stagnate sitting at his desk.

The drive home was uneventful. He once again tuned his radio to the classic rock station and sang all the way home. When he walked into the apartment, it was quiet, so he loaded up the disc player and started up some of his happy music. As he danced around the apartment, singing at the top of his lungs, he let everything go. He allowed himself to exist within the moment and not worry or think about anything but the movement of his body and the lyrics and music swirling around him. After working up a sweat, he grabbed a glass of water and headed to the bathroom.

After a shower and a shave, Jared decided to blow dry his hair. He took his time allowing the waves in his hair to show themselves as he finger combed it into place. He wandered into his bedroom with his towel around his waist to choose the perfect outfit for his first date with Jensen. He rummaged through his clothes without finding anything to his liking.

When he heard Gen come in the front door, he called out for help. She hurried back to his room and quickly picked out a heather-green, three-button Henley and a pair of medium blue jeans. As she handed them to Jared, she smiled and patted him on the chest. She quickly left the room and made her way to the kitchen.

He finished getting dressed, making sure that everything was in place. The last thing he did was pull out the watch his grandad had left him and put that on his wrist. If he was going to get through this without losing his shit, he’d need his grandad there to support him.

He quickly slid into a pair of comfortable shoes and made his way out to talk with Gen. She stood leaning against the counter in the kitchen holding a glass of wine in her hand. As he walked in, she looked up at him and smiled.

“Hey!” he said.

“Hey yourself!” she answered.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just concerned about you.”

“Why? What’s on your mind?” Jared asked softly.

“Nothing more than what we’ve already discussed.” She said dismissively. “I want this to work out in the best way possible for you. I’m in your corner on this.”

“I know that.” Jared said moving forward to give her a hug. “I promise you that I’m going into this with a clear mind and a happy heart. I’m open to whatever signals he will be giving me. I’m not looking at him through Nathan-colored glasses.”

“I hope not.” Gen heaved a sigh and then gently pushed Jared away. “He is as far away from Nathan as you can get and still be in the same species.”

“Wow.” Jared said. “You met Jensen once for what, five minutes? And you’re already hooked.” He smiled hugely at her as she grinned back at him.

“He’s an alright kinda guy, Jared.” Gen laughed. “Enjoy yourself!”

“I have a feeling that I will.” Jared smiled back. “I have absolutely no nerves right now. That’s almost unheard of. I’m just so excited that I’ll get to see him soon. How weird is that?”

“I think it says a lot.”

“Yeah, me too.” Jared looked at his watch. “Gotta go! I’m walking over to Tony’s. That’s where we’re meeting. I’ll keep you posted on how things are going, okay?”

“Yep! Scott is coming over here in a bit, so…”

“I’ll let you know when I’m on my way home.” He grinned. Gen smacked him on the chest and shooed him out the door.

As he made his way to the restaurant, Jared whistled one of his happy songs. He was really happy right in this minute. He decided to live in the moment for the rest of the night and not let anything drag him down.

 

When he got to the hostess stand, he realized that he had arrived first. He quickly explained that he was meeting a date and would like to have a little privacy. The hostess nodded and showed him to a fairly quiet corner in the back. The booth there had high back benches and was set away from the kitchen and the bathrooms. It looked perfect.

He thanked her and slid in facing the door. When she asked what the other party looked like so she would be sure to send them to his table, Jared said, “Just look for the most amazing green eyes you’ve ever seen.” The hostess smiled and nodded and returned to her station.

When the waitress stopped by to ask about drinks, Jared ordered two waters and explained that he was waiting for someone. The waitress nodded and scurried off to bring back the drinks.

Jared decided that he’d better let Jensen know he was already there, so he shot off a quick text and waited. After a minute, he got a response and smiled. He noticed there was another text from Jeff, so he opened that one up and read it quickly. It was just an update that said Jeff had already sent out a few emails to some friends and hoped to hear something in the next few days. Jared laughed at the fact that Jeff was doing this from a beachfront resort while on his honeymoon. He figured that just proved how excited Jeff was to potentially have him coming back home.

He shut his phone and looked up. As he surveyed the restaurant, he found those amazing eyes looking back at him, and he felt his own face light up. He was once again astounded by how beautiful Jensen was. His eyes were sparkling, and his mouth was curving into a huge grin. Jared quickly stood up to greet Jensen as he continued to move in Jared’s direction. Jared remembered Gen’s observation about Jensen being bow-legged and quickly made note of the fact that she was absolutely correct. He felt a shivery warmth in his stomach with that thought. He quickly opened his arms in preparation of pulling Jensen into a hug as Jensen got closer. When Jensen was close enough, Jared slid his arms around Jensen shoulders and tugged him close, wrapping both arms around him and snuggling his nose into Jensen’s neck. He felt Jensen’s arms go around his waist and hold on. His heart was doing little flips in his chest, and he felt so good. He knew, for a fact, that he wouldn’t be able to let this man go.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens next?

Chapter 18

 

As they moved apart, they looked into each other’s eyes. Both men were wearing huge smiles on their faces. Jared reached up and put his hand along Jensen’s jaw, running his thumb over Jensen’s cheekbone. Jensen leaned into the touch and briefly closed his eyes.

“I missed you.” Jensen said softly. He looked at Jared’s face and felt his heart thump off kilter.

“I missed you, too.” Jared answered. He smiled softly and indicated the booth. “Shall we sit?”

“Yeah,” Jensen answered. He moved into the booth and looked back at Jared. “How are you?”

“I’m good. It’s been an interesting couple of days. I have a lot to tell you.” Jared said.

“Yeah?” Jensen answered. “Good stuff, I hope.”

“Yeah, I think so. It’s a bit of a mixed bag, but I think it’ll be good stuff in the end.” Jared answered.

“Want to tell me about it?” Jensen asked.

“Of course, but let’s order first.” Jared responded. “And you need to tell me how you are too.”

“Oh! I’m good.” Jensen smiled. “I’ve gotten a lot packed over the last couple of days. Still have more to do, but I’m trying to clear out stuff that I really don’t need. So I’m taking my time and making some hard decisions, y’know? Stuff like, do I really need three coffee cups that feature the Washington Monument on them? I mean I’m a fan of a good phallic symbol, but really?”

Jared threw his head back and laughed. “Man! I know what you mean! I have two of them myself!”

They continued to banter and laugh throughout ordering and eating their shared appetizer of stuffed jalapenos. The waitress, Amy, couldn’t suppress her smile whenever she got close to their table. Their joy was infectious, and she thought they made a beautiful couple.

“Your meals should be right up.” She stated as she cleared the appetizer plates from the table. “If you don’t mind my asking, how long have you two been together?”

“Um…” Jared hummed. “This is our first date.”

“What?” she asked, shocked. “Really?”

“Well,” Jensen added. “I count it as our second, but yes.”

“Wow!” Amy said amazed. “I thought you had been together for a lot longer than that.

“Really?” Jared asked, looking at Jensen. “Our second date?”

“Yeah,” Jensen said, smiling shyly. “I count the Alamo as our first.”

“Oh!” Jared responded smiling widely. He turned to Amy and said proudly, “This is our second date. I took him to the Alamo one morning.”

Amy laughed at the little-boy glee she saw on Jared’s face. She said, “Good for you!” and walked away smiling.

“Yeah, good for me.” Jared said smiling, looking back at Jensen. He reached across the table and placed his hand on top of Jensen’s curling his fingers around and into Jensen’s palm. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Jensen asked softly.

“For everything! For being patient. For taking what I can give you and not asking for more. For being there for me when I needed you.” Jared said seriously. “I could go on and on. You amaze me with your generosity.”

Jensen looked down at the table and blushed, his freckles disappearing into the color spreading over his face. He looked back up at Jared and said, “You’re worth it to me, Jay. I’m just doing what I think you need, because you’re worth it to me.” He paused and looked shyly down at their hands. “And because I want to.”

Jared lifted Jensen’s hand from the table and brought it to his lips. He placed a kiss on Jensen’s hand and held it with both of his own. Jensen looked back up. As he held Jensen’s eyes with his own, he began to talk.

“So one of the things that happened this week that I wanted to tell you about actually happened here while we were in San Antonio.”

“Something good?” Jensen asked.

“Absolutely!” Jared said happily. “Gen and Scott, the guy she’s been dating for the last two years, got engaged!”

“That’s awesome!” Jensen said, smiling at Jared’s excitement.

“Yeah, she’s very excited. I’m so happy for her! He’s a great guy, and he takes excellent care of Gen. I couldn’t wish for anyone better for her. She deserves it.”

“Yeah, she does! Did she tell you that we bumped into each other this morning?”

“Um, yeah, she did.” Jared answered suddenly feeling awkward. He wasn’t going to bring it up given the seriousness of their brief conversation. He wanted Jensen to have that privacy if he needed it. “I wasn’t going to say anything.”

“It’s not a big deal.” Jensen answered. “She was funny and sweet. She really cares about you a lot.”

“I know.” Jared said. “She’s been my best friend for almost three years now. I hadn’t really had that in such a long time. It’s been great having her there to talk things over with. But she’s sad, too.” When Jensen looked confused, Jared went on. “Things are changing. She and I have been an ‘us’ for three years. We’ve been inseparable for most of that time. Obviously, with her engagement and marriage, that will change. She told me that she’s afraid there won’t be an ‘us’ anymore.”

“I guess I can see that, but the two of you will always be friends, right? I mean you aren’t _that_ close to someone for as long as you two have been without maintaining some sort of connection. I’d hate it if you guys lost contact.”

“Yeah, that’s what I told her too.”

Their food arrived and they continued to talk about inconsequential things while they ate. As they neared the end of their meal, Jared began to get nervous. He hadn’t yet shared what he needed to tell Jensen. He didn’t know what Jensen expected to happen next, but he didn’t want the night to end just yet. As they sat back from the table, Jensen solved that problem for Jared.

“If you’d like to, I was hoping you could come back to my place for a little while.” Jensen offered. “I’ve got something I want to talk to you about. If you’re okay with that.”

“I’d like that actually. There’s more I’d like to tell you about. And to be honest, I’m not ready for the evening to be over.” Jared said with a self-aware grin on his face.

“Well, good.” Jensen said, grinning back. “I’m not either.”

Jensen picked up the tab against Jared’s protests. Jensen argued that Jared paid for a great deal in San Antonio and now it was Jensen’s turn to pick up some of the slack. Jared finally agreed, and they left the restaurant walking beside one another. Jensen felt a bit unsure about taking Jared’s hand. He didn’t know exactly how Jared would feel about it, but Jared solved that problem by reaching over and taking Jensen’s hand in his own.

 

They made the three block walk in no time at all. Jared’s stomach was twisting with nerves by the time they got to Jensen’s building. Jensen’s heart was beating just a bit faster than usual. He hoped this would go well.

As he unlocked the door, he turned to Jared. “Remember. I’m down to bare bones in here. A lot of stuff has been taken off the walls and off the shelves. I do have some beers and a comfortable couch though.”

“We should be set then.” Jared laughed. “That’s pretty close to all I need.”

Jensen smiled and pushed the door open to let them both inside. “C’mon in!”

Jared entered the living room and made note of the packed boxes lining one wall. He looked away quickly as the truth of Jensen’s leaving hit him forcefully. He moved a little further in and stood awkwardly trying not to look at the boxes.

Jensen had moved into the kitchen area and called back, “I’ll grab us a couple of beers. Make yourself comfortable.”

Jared wandered toward the stereo and started looking at the CDs laying there. He found some that he expected and some that were a surprise. When he found the Radiohead CDs, he laughed.

“I didn’t know you were a Radiohead fan.” He called out as Jensen made his way back into the living room.

“Those are a recent purchase.” Jensen answered. “This guy I met seems to like them, so I thought I’d give them a try.”

“And?” Jared prodded. “What did you think?”

“Musically interesting. High level of lyricism. But so fucking sad.”

Jared laughed. “Yeah. They are that.” He shifted from foot to foot. “They help purge dark thoughts when you need them though.”

“I can see that.” Jensen allowed. “Want to pick something for us to listen to?”

“Sure.” Jared answered and began to flip back through the choices. He finally settled on something that would blend into the background while they talked. Jensen moved closer to put the disc in the player. “Which one was your favorite?”

“Hmm?” Jensen responded. Jared indicated the Radiohead albums. “Oh! Of the three, I like ‘The Bends’ the best. Then ‘OK Computer’. That one song on there is so weird though.”

“‘Fitter Happier’? The one with the computerized voice talking?” Jared asked. When Jensen made a face in response, Jared laughed. “Yeah, that one is strange, but I still kinda like it.”

They chatted a bit more about music and sipped on their beers. Jared moved toward Jensen’s back patio door and asked if he could look at the view. Jensen moved to open the blinds. As Jared looked out, Jensen stood beside him. They were quiet for a few minutes. Then Jared turned to Jensen and said, “You said you wanted to talk to me about something?”

“Yeah. I guess I’m working up my courage.” Jensen responded causing Jared to look concerned.

“Is it about this?” Jared asked, indicating the two of them.

“No.” Jensen said, then thought better of his response. “Well, not directly, but it could make a difference. One way or another. I’m a bit nervous. I’ve never told anyone about this, so…”

“Jensen, you can tell me anything.” Jared replied sympathetically. “I hope you know that. I want you to rely on me the way that you have allowed me to rely on you. I want to be here for you.”

“Um,” Jensen paused. “Wow. That’s…” he cleared his throat, feeling overwhelmed. “Yeah. I, uh, appreciate that.”

“Hey!” Jared said, taking Jensen’s hand. “I’m right here. Not going anywhere.”

“Okay.” Jensen said. “Let’s sit down.”

They moved to the couch and sat facing each other. Jensen sat with his hands clasped nervously together in his lap. Jared reached over and placed one of his hands on top of them trying to soothe Jensen.

“It’s okay, Jensen.” Jared said softly. “You’re safe with me.”

Jensen huffed out a breath and met Jared’s eyes. “I know. This is going to be difficult for me though. I’ve been holding onto this for years.” Jared nodded and readied himself. “You remember me telling you about the guy I dated in college. The one in the theatre group with me and Dani?” Jared nodded. “His name was Trent. He was a typical, spoiled, self-centered, narcissistic douchebag. But when I met him, I couldn’t see that. To me he seemed confident, smart, put-together.” Jensen shrugged and settled further into the couch. “He was openly gay, a year older than me, and really good looking. And he paid attention to me. I was still rather shy and still figuring out what it meant to not apologize to anyone for being who I am. I was away from my family for the first time.” Jensen choked out a laugh. “I guess I was a bit star-struck. I looked up to him.” When Jared nodded that he understood the sentiment, Jensen continued.

“Well, we started dating and I was thrilled. Out of all of the guys he could have chosen, he chose me. I was flattered and a bit awed. Later, looking back on it, I realized that he was dating me because he liked the way we looked together. We made the right impression. The right picture for his view of himself. He didn’t care about my interests or what I wanted out of life. Who I was. He just wanted to have someone pretty on his arm.” Jensen laughed humorlessly and shook his head. “God, that sounds so cocky, but I’m just saying what he told me. He always told me how gorgeous I was.

“But anytime I tried to give my opinion on something, he shut me down. He never asked me any questions about what I thought about anything. He told me what to wear so that our outfits would look good together. He decided where we went and what we did, so we could be seen by the right people and in the right places. If I ever did something without him, he had to know where I was and who I was with. I guess he didn’t want me seen with someone other than him unless it was a person he approved. It was ridiculous, but I couldn’t see it for what it was at first. Control. Manipulation.

“I was very attracted to him. To what I saw as strength. And like I said, he was very good looking, but I was inexperienced with the physical side of a relationship. Keep in mind that I had never had a boyfriend before. I’d had a few kisses, but that was simple stuff. Quick pecks that really didn’t mean anything. The more intimate stuff was all new to me.

“Well after a few months, things between us started heating up physically, and I was okay with most of it. I didn’t want to move at the pace he was setting, but I tried to keep up, thinking that’s what I was supposed to do. I didn’t feel comfortable telling him ‘no.’” Jensen rubbed his eyes with his left hand, and Jared took it before he could put it back in his lap. Jensen smiled and continued. “He continued to push things with me sexually. Nothing too out of the ordinary for someone in our age bracket, I guess. Hand jobs, eventual blow jobs, that kind of thing. He always initiated it, and he always reciprocated, but he kept pressuring me to go further. Constantly telling me how gorgeous I was. How beautiful I looked.

“I wasn’t ready to go any further than we had. I was somewhat uncomfortable with what we had already done, but I still couldn’t slow him down. I wasn’t strong enough or confident enough to stand up for myself. But I also started to get tired of how he treated me. I was beginning to not have fun with him anymore. I felt constricted. I felt like an accessory and not a real person to him.

“Dani and I were becoming closer friends at this point, and she kept telling me that I needed to break it off with him. That he was being a real shit to me and that I deserved better. I had actually reached the decision that I was going to do just that.

“So that night we went out, and he was being super sweet. It felt out of the ordinary. Special, you know? He was actually talking to me and listening to me. I began to doubt my decision. We had a really good time. I was underage still, and he bought me a couple of mixed drinks. I wasn’t an experienced drinker at that point, so I was tipsy. We went back to his apartment, and he started kissing me.” Jensen cleared his throat and looked down. He felt Jared tense up. “It felt really good, so I went with it. Then he started undressing me. We’d done that before, but for some reason that night I started getting uncomfortable. And because I had been drinking, I wasn’t completely in control of myself. I wasn’t drunk, but I wasn’t myself. I felt… off. Like I didn’t have full control of my body. I was overly warm and kinda slow. I allowed him keep going. I didn’t tell him to stop.” When Jensen paused, Jared reached over and gently lifted Jensen’s chin. Jensen looked up at him for a second and then looked back down. “Well, he kept the pressure up, but he kept asking me if it was okay to keep going. I kept trying to say I wasn’t sure and that I wanted him to slow down, but he just kept going. I remember telling him I wasn’t ready at one point, but he just kept going, coaxing me, touching me, never giving me a chance to get my thoughts together. Not allowing me to breathe. It felt good, and my body wanted it, but mentally, I was fighting it for some reason. I couldn’t figure out why, but I never told him no. I couldn’t get the words out. I let him keep going.” Jensen’s voice gave out. He cleared his throat and said, “He took my virginity that night.”

Jared gasped and squeezed Jensen’s hand. He whispered, “Jensen! I’m sorry.” Jensen’s eyes filled with tears, and he took a deep breath.

“I let my body rule my head and my heart. I gave him what he wanted even though I didn’t want it. Not really anyway. I didn’t trust him, I didn’t love him, and I gave him something that I can’t take back. I felt awful. Cheap. I still do when I think about it.”

“Jensen.” Jared breathed. “You didn’t give it. He took it. Sounds like there may have been more than alcohol in your drink, too.”

Jensen took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He continued, “I thought about that later. I wondered.” He paused for a minute and then said, “Once it was over, I laid there thinking about what had just happened. I felt like I was getting my equilibrium back. I was quiet as I started to process it all, and I was getting really angry. And then he said, ‘That was so good, wasn’t it?’ I said, ‘Not really.’” Jared couldn’t help but laugh. Jensen smiled. “Yeah, snarky even then.”

“I’m sorry.” Jared said quietly. “I’m so sorry that happened to you, but your response was so you.”

“Yeah,” Jensen continued, looking down at his lap. “He was shocked as you might imagine. I turned over from where I was laying on my stomach and looked at him. He hadn’t even gotten the condom off yet, and I let him have it. I told him that he was so egocentric that he couldn’t even see that I wasn’t enjoying myself. I told him that if he wanted to be a good lover, he needed to listen to and respect his partner’s words and body language. He needed to stop thinking about his own self-absorbed ass and think about someone else for a change. I told him that the only reason I couldn’t call it rape was that I hadn’t actually said the word no.”

Jared’s eyes bulged. “You said that?”

“Yeah!” Jensen answered as if there was no other option. Jared realized that for Jensen there hadn’t been. Jensen continued, “I was pissed! More at myself than at him, but I was still pissed at him too. He said that I was full of shit. That I had obviously enjoyed myself. I told him to fuck off. I hadn’t even had an orgasm! I got up, put my clothes on and got out of there. He called me the next day and said that we had plans that night. I told him that I would never have plans with him again and hung up on him. Then I found a nice, quiet, isolated place and had a bit of a breakdown.” Jared rubbed his thumb across Jensen’s hands in sympathy. “I felt so stupid! I still do. I feel so incredibly stupid about it. All of it!”

“Jen, I’m so, so sorry that you had to go through that.” Jared said softly. “But you’re not stupid.” Jensen made a sound of derision, and Jared placed a soft kiss on his temple. “You’re not!” Jared gave Jensen another soft kiss and then continued speaking softly. “You are one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. Things were just seriously stacked against you that night. You said yourself that he was manipulative and controlling. He worked that night just to get you to give him what he wanted. I know what that feels like.”

“Yeah, I know you do. Thank you for saying that.” Jensen replied. He waited a minute, huffed out a breath, and then continued. “From there, I made up my mind that I wouldn’t let anyone take anything from me that I wasn’t willing and eager to give. I’ve met guys in bars and at clubs, and I’ve had fun here and there. But I’ve never gotten into a position like that again. I don’t want quick and dirty, or emotionless. I don’t want someone who just wants to satisfy an itch.” He looked into Jared’s eyes and said, “I want the full package. I want someone who knows me. Wants _me_. All of me, not just the picture I can give them for the outside world. I mean I’ve messed around a bit, sure. But I’ve never let it go beyond a certain point. I refuse to give that part of myself to someone who won’t appreciate it, to someone I don’t trust. To someone I don’t love. I _won’t_ give myself away that easily ever again.”

“I understand.” Jared answered, reaching up to stroke Jensen’s cheekbone with a fingertip. “Jen, I get it. I really do.”

“I know you do.” Jensen ran a hand through Jared’s hair and continued speaking softly. “I know you understand exactly what I mean. I know that you would appreciate a gift like that. That you would listen to and respect your partner.” Jensen paused and looked into Jared’s eyes. He tried to convey everything he was feeling and everything he wanted Jared to understand as he said, “I trust _you_ , Jay.”

Jared’s eyes filled with tears. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jensen’s. He didn’t ask for anything more than a simple kiss, and Jensen returned it. He cupped Jared’s head with his hand and looked into his eyes.

“Jensen, I need to tell you this before anything else is said.” Jared whispered, leaning his forehead down onto Jensen’s. “I need you to know.”

“Yeah,” Jensen said, preparing to listen. “What is it, Jay? What do you need?”

Jared heard Jensen offering to do whatever Jared needed. Even in his own state of vulnerability and frailty, Jensen was offering himself to Jared for whatever was necessary. If Jared hadn’t already made his decision, that would have tipped the scale in Jensen’s favor. He sat up and looked Jensen straight in the eye.

“Jensen, I want to do this.” Jared said sincerely. “I’m tired of being afraid. I’m tired of living in a world of fake plastic trees. I want the real thing. I know _you_ are the real thing. I want to make this work for us. Out here, in the real world, with everything we don’t have any idea about, I choose you, Jen.”

“Jay! I…” Jensen felt a parade of emotions flood through him. He was flush with joy, but there was also a wave of fear. He felt Jared pull away from him a bit. When Jensen looked up again, he saw concern in Jared’s eyes. Jensen shook his head and gave Jared a genuine smile full of warmth. He lifted Jared’s hand and placed a kiss on it.

“Did I say something wrong?” Jared asked. “You look freaked out.”

“No, Jay!” Jensen said. “You said what I wanted to hear.”

When Jensen continued to look slightly upset, Jared asked, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Jensen whispered. “I’m sure.”

“Okay, so what’s wrong? Why are you upset?” Jared began to rub Jensen’s hands. “I’m here, not going anywhere. Talk to me.”

“Everything is so incredible at this moment. I’m thrilled that you want to do this.” Jensen paused and took a deep breath. He let his joy fill him and said, “You are the one for me. I knew it on that plane headed down to San Antonio. You showed me again and again over the weekend, all of the things about you that make you special and make me want to be with you. Being without you for the last couple of days has been absolute torture for me, but I understand what you were doing.” Jensen paused again and squeezed Jared’s hands. “I want you in my life, Jay. I just don’t know how we make this work. I’m leaving in a week.”

Jared leaned his forehead onto Jensen’s shoulder and chuckled.

“What’s funny?” Jensen asked.

“Remember I said that I had a lot to tell you?” Jared raised his head as he spoke and looked at Jensen. Jensen nodded. “Well, Gen and Scott are getting married. That, naturally, brings changes.” Jensen nodded again. Jared could see Jensen trying to figure out where Jared was going with this. “They are discussing their options for living arrangements before the wedding.”

“But why?” Jensen asked. “I mean if you and Gen are sharing now, why wouldn’t you keep doing that?”

“Because our lease is up in two months. We were planning to renew, but I don’t see the sense in it if she’s going to be moving in with him once they’re married. She’s even considering moving in with him beforehand. She already spends half of her time at his place anyway.”

“But that leaves you without a roommate!” Jensen protested. “What are you going to do?”

“Well, that’s where things get even more interesting.” Jared started. “When we first met, I was thrilled that I had met someone from home. I miss Texas.”

Jensen’s heart gave a little leap. He tried to stay calm though. He didn’t want to get his hopes up or cause Jared to change what he was planning to say one way or another.

“No one around here gets me. Well, except for Gen for some reason.” Jared shrugged. “I was already thinking about looking into options to get out of D.C. Then when we were home and everything came out, my reasons for staying away disappeared. I don’t have to hide anything from my family anymore. And Jeff offered to start asking around in San Antonio and Austin to see what kind of jobs might be available.”

“Jared, what are you saying?” Jensen asked hopefully.

“Tuesday afternoon, I was heading out of work. My boss stopped me, said he wanted to talk to me. He told me that the company I work for is being bought out. By a local company. Which means that jobs will be made redundant. He pulled me in to tell me that my position will most likely be one of the ones up for reduction. He went on to say that he wanted me to have the chance to make my own decisions instead of leaving my life up for someone else to decide. Jen, he offered to write me a recommendation to go job hunting.”

“Wow!” Jensen said as the reality of the situation began to sink in for him. “You mean?”

“Yeah,” Jared said. “I’ve decided to let that job go. I want to have control over my own life. I want to make my own decisions about my destiny. I’m tired of not following my dreams. Of not asking for what I want. Of not living for myself.”

“Jay.” Jensen said softly. “Where are you going to go?”

“I’d like to be as close to you as I can be and still have a job that uses my education and skills. I’m hoping that I can be in Dallas, but I’ll take Austin if I have to. I don’t think I’ll look as far away as San Antonio unless that’s all there is. Jensen, I want to be with you. Will you let me?”

Jensen felt a wave of joy wash through him. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jared’s. Jared responded by parting his lips the slightest bit and allowing Jensen access if he wanted it. Jensen ran his tongue along Jared’s top lip causing Jared to open his mouth even more. When Jensen pushed in, Jared hummed with pleasure. As their tongues danced together, Jensen grabbed the front of Jared’s shirt and pulled, wanting to get as close together as possible.Jared went with it. He leaned into Jensen wrapping his arms around the other man, pulling him into his own body. Jensen slid his hips forward and ended up partially sitting in Jared’s lap.

Jared tilted his head up and to the side to accommodate the shift in position as Jensen’s hands came up into his hair. He began to run his thumb along Jared’s throat. Jared moaned as he felt Jensen’s thumb stroke over his Adam’s apple, and he pushed forward even more to get deeper into Jensen’s mouth. He realized what he was doing and eased back only to have Jensen chase him. Jensen’s mouth opened and his tongue teased to get Jared to come back to him. Jared was only too happy to oblige. Jared ran his hand up Jensen’s back to hold his neck. Jensen moaned into his mouth.

They mutually broke apart when breathing became important. Jensen laid his forehead against Jared’s and closed his eyes, continuing to run his thumb along Jared’s throat and his collarbone. Jared kept contact with Jensen’s forehead as he tilted his head to the side to allow Jensen more room.

“Jen?” he breathed, huffing to gather enough oxygen.

“Yeah?” Jensen panted as he nuzzled noses with Jared.

“I dreamed about you the other night.” Jared whispered. “But I can’t remember all of it.”

“What do you remember?”

“I only remember you telling me to jump and that you would be there to catch me. I felt brave and safe. When I woke up, I reached out for you.” Jensen whimpered when he heard Jared admit to that. “I wanted you there beside me.”

“Jay!” Jensen whispered. “Stay here tonight. Don’t go home. Just stay with me. Please.”

Jared swallowed audibly. He kissed the hollow at the base of Jensen’s throat and whispered, “I’d really like to. I have to go to work tomorrow though. I was planning to talk to my boss about turning in my resignation.”

“So stay with me tonight and go home in the morning before you go to work. I’ll get up with you. I promise.”

“Jen!” Jared pleaded.

“Please. I just want to have you in my bed. I want to wake up with you next to me again.” Jensen answered. He ran his thumb over Jared’s Adam’s apple again. Then he leaned forward and ran his mouth along Jared’s jawline. “I’ve missed you so much. I just want you near me.”

“Okay, yeah.” Jared sighed. “I’ll stay.”

“Awesome!” Jensen answered as he slid both hands through Jared’s hair. “I have been wanting to get my hands in your hair for days now.” Jared snickered. “It’s true! It was one of the first things I noticed that morning in the diner. Your height, your hair and those amazing eyes of yours.”

Jared hummed with pleasure as Jensen continued to run his fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes again and tilted his head back. When Jensen placed a quick kiss on Jared’s nose, Jared giggled.

“I feel light.” Jared said.

“Hmm?” Jensen hummed.

“I feel weightless, light. Like nothing is weighing me down.” Jared said, allowing his neck muscles to fully relax. Jensen cupped the back of Jared’s head with one of his hands. “I feel protected, but free.”

“I like the sound of that.” Jensen responded. Jensen grew serious and said, “Jay, promise me something.”

“Sure. If I can.” Jared said opening his eyes to look at Jensen. As he noticed Jensen’s serious expression, he sat more upright. “What’s up?”

“Promise me that you will continue to be honest with me about everything. If you have a problem with something, you’ll tell me, right?”

“I’ll certainly try. You need to do the same thing for me.” Jared answered.

Jensen nodded and let his hands drift down Jared’s back. He put his head down on Jared’s shoulder and whispered, “I will.”

After a few more minutes, Jensen released Jared and slid back onto the couch. They sat chatting about the last couple of days and what they had done. Jared talked about the contracts he was working on and how he was trying to finish his part before leaving. Jensen started telling Jared about all of the stuff he was getting rid of and had Jared laughing about the weird things he had collected in the time he had spent in the area. They continuously held hands, played with each other’s fingers, or touched each other’s arms while they chatted. When Jared started yawning, Jensen looked at the clock.

“Dude! If you’re going to be worth anything at work tomorrow, we need to get you to sleep.” Jensen laughed as Jared snuggled more into the couch. “C’mon. Let’s go, sleepyhead!”

“I need to text Gen and let her know what’s going on.” Jared yawned. “She’ll worry if I don’t.”

“Okay.” Jensen said getting up from the couch. “I’ll go find you a pair of shorts to sleep in. I think I have a toothbrush I haven’t opened yet. Be right back.”

As Jensen wandered off, Jared watched him walk away. His heart began to thump loudly as he processed everything that had happened. He grabbed his phone and sent his text. He got an almost immediate response.

_Jared: Staying here tonight. Be home in the morning before work._

_Gen: OMG!_

_Jared: Calm down! Nothing has happened. He just asked me to stay. Said he wanted me close to him._

_Gen: Awwwwwwww! Jare, I’m happy for you!_

_Jared: Yeah. Me too!_

_Gen: See you in the morning! I want details!_

Jared laughed as he closed his phone. He put his phone on the coffee table and stood up. Jensen poked his head through the doorway to the hall.

“I found some stuff if you want to follow me.”

“Yep.” Jared smiled and headed in his direction. Jensen quickly pointed out the bathroom and the bedroom, mentioning that he had left the shorts and a t-shirt in the bathroom along with the toothbrush. When Jared walked in he saw a tidy pile of items sitting on the side of the sink.

As Jared changed into the shorts, he caught the scent of Jensen coming from the room around him. Jensen’s shampoo. Jensen’s soap. Jensen’s cologne. Jared closed his eyes and breathed it all in. Once again he was struck by a sense of something he couldn’t quite place. Like this was where he needed to be but like he had been here before. He was surrounded by Jensen, and he couldn’t be any more comfortable.

He finished changing and brushed his teeth with the brand-new toothbrush Jensen had found for him. He laughed when he discovered that Jensen used the same toothpaste he did. At the hotel, they had kept their bathroom items in their travel bags, so he hadn’t noticed before. There was a toothbrush holder sitting by the sink, so when he was finished he put his blue toothbrush next to Jensen’s green one. He smiled at the picture of domesticity that presented, and then walked out to the bedroom.

Jensen was sitting on the side of his queen-sized bed waiting for Jared to return. When Jared walked in, Jensen smiled up at him and said, “Make yourself at home. I’ll be right back.”

After Jensen left to get himself ready for bed, Jared climbed into the sheets. As he snuggled down, he sniffed the pillow and smiled to himself. More Jensen. As he wiggled to try and get more comfortable, he started trying to figure out exactly why this scent made him feel so at ease. He shook his head and tried to settle in. He tucked his arm back under the sheets and kept his eyes on the door, waiting for Jensen.

When Jensen reappeared, Jared smiled up at him. He felt a bit shy suddenly and laughed at himself.

“What?” Jensen asked moving across the room to take “his” side of the bed.

“It’s silly.” Jared answered, looking up at Jensen. Jensen made a gesture to encourage him to continue, so he did. “I feel shy all of a sudden. And there is no reason for it. We’ve done this before.”

“Yeah, we have. But I get it.” Jensen answered, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“You do?” Jared asked.

“Yeah, it means something different now, doesn’t it?” Jensen asked solemnly. “I mean, before it was for convenience and comfort, right?” When Jared nodded, Jensen continued. “Now, it’s…”

When Jensen paused, seemingly at a loss for how to describe it, Jared said, “More.”

“Yeah, more.” Jensen said. “Listen. Just to be clear. All I want tonight is to be here with you. To have you close to me. I don’t expect anything else. Okay?”

“I know.” Jared answered. “I’m just…”

“Yeah.” Jensen said. He waved a hand at the bed. “May I?”

“Dude!” Jared laughed. “It’s your bed!”

Jensen laughed as well. Then he crawled under the covers. He got comfortable on his side facing Jared. He reached out with his hand and ran a fingertip over Jared’s cheekbones. “You have the most amazing eyes!”

“No, you do!” Jared answered looking deeply into them. “Remember? Green is my favorite color!”

Jensen chuckled. “Okay, let’s sleep.”

“Lights?” Jared asked.

“Oh yeah!” Jensen laughed and then reached over to turn off his lamp. As he snuggled back under the covers, Jared turned away from him to face the other direction.

“Would you hold me again?” Jared asked softly.

“It would be my pleasure.” Jensen returned. They both moved toward the center of the bed and Jensen draped his hand over Jared. As he snuggled down against Jared’s back, Jensen felt a tremor run through him. Jared felt like a miracle lying there in his bed. As he situated his arm, Jared wiggled a bit causing more of his upper body to connect with Jensen’s. They both felt the connection and warmth. Jared’s breath caught in his chest, and he eased it back out again.

“Jen?” Jared asked.

“Yeah.”

“Good night.”

“Go to sleep. You have to work in the morning.” Jensen smiled. He kissed Jared’s shoulder and then snuggled down. They both drifted and fell into the best sleep they had had since San Antonio.

 

 

 

A little bit more

 

As the young man slept, he dreamed. And as he dreamed, he found himself wrapped in warmth, comfort, and love. He knew that he was where he was supposed to be. He looked around himself and could see sunlight all around him. He could hear a deep rumbling voice and warm laughter. He turned toward the voice and saw Jensen smiling at him. He moved closer and wrapped his arms around him. Jensen’s smile grew bigger and his eyes twinkled.

“Thank you, Jay.” Jensen said.

 

When Jared opened his eyes, he felt comfortable and warm. He was surrounded by a soft, warm woodsy scent mixed with hints of vanilla, amber and a subtle spicy undertone. He felt safe and protected. As he began to count the freckles sprinkled across the nose and cheeks of the man sharing the bed, the man’s eyes fluttered open. Jared saw the twinkle in the most beautiful, apple-green eyes he had ever seen, and he knew he had found his own happy circumstance and that he was finally home.

 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap! I hope to revisit these characters with a Part Two. I hope that you enjoyed reading it. I've certainly enjoyed writing it!
> 
> Special thanks to Impala8873 for reading this over before I posted it. And for giving me the courage to post this one. I wasn't sure about it.


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